I have spent not inconsiderable time on this, just so you know.
So, you can take my ruminations with some degree of thoughtfulness. I mean, you should probably believe me. Or at least lean heavily in my direction.
There are only so many explanations.
The question?
How is it that we continue to find innumerable examples of foot-stompin’/mind-splittin’/no uterus could birth THAT/brain-atrophied/moronic/imbecilic/no word for it/pure INSANITY in the form of individuals who resemble human beings?
And the answer that I have come up with is: On earth there exists a space warp interface, and aliens are bleeding into our fair planet with amazing speed and number.
And the portal?
Somewhere in The Donald’s HairDOesn’t. You can obviously see how right I am now.
Some examples:
- The Contrarian has come up with two questions this week that I think bear testimony that he might not be “one of us.” The questions were: (1) How do police handcuff one-armed suspects? and (2) just how non-pigmented must one be to be classified as an albino? And you wonder why I sound slightly off now and then. I tell you, I’m in a constant state of panic most days.
- We both burst out in gales of laughter when we heard that a “stature-challenged” individual, (is it midget, little person, dwarf? political correctness demands to know) sued his statuesque (meaning tall) wife for divorce, claiming that in order to bedevil him, she “put his things up on shelves where he couldn’t reach them.” Since it would be most inappropriate to laugh at the plight of a person simply because of their physical limitations, we must be being possessed by aliens. No better proof could be provided, no?
- The TeaNutz®. I mean need I say more?
- I’m not sure, but I think that only Ron Paul is an actual homo sapien among the Regooflican candidates. There is a good case to be made that all the rest are from other worlds, and not the same ones I might add. Clearly no single planet birthed both Newt and Mitt. Surely this is obvious.
- There is a show called something like “Swamp Hunters”. That is more or less the title. The Contrarian catches it now and then. “For the laugh factor” he contends, but I suspect it’s more like “visiting with the relatives.” Anyway, this man and his “son” go around in the swamps catching/killing/ or photographing crocodiles ( probably not pitcher takin’). This involves some shooting of guns, for reasons I am unclear about. (I don’t watch it–just reportin’). Anyhoo, said “son” ends up getting shot, with some birdshot, during the festivities. The father is heard to exclaim, “I just hate it when I shoots my boy.” I guess it has happened before.
So those are a few examples. I am sure you have others. Many others.
One of my jobs, which I take most seriously, is to link you to those things that you need to live your life fully and knowledgably. I mean you need to know certain things if you are to make a good choice, in say, buying a new car. (Does anyone buy NEW cars anymore?) So in that spirit, I must urge you to set your TIVO to record this gem. Seriously.
D O O M S D A Y P R E P P E R S
Being brought to you by National Geographic, and you know that is a most legitimate network. We found it listed for Tuesdays at 8 p.m. This show is dedicated to those alien souls that “know what we don’t” namely that for anyone of 8,352 reasons (that is the actual number by the way), the world will be ending soon. And they are prepared!
The first episode is about those beings who know that the earth is gonna switch polarity from north to south any minute now. And they are preparing! Other episodes will include your super volcano eruption, Armageddon, mega meteor strike, alien invasion (wow that is rich ain’t it?), Revolutionaries of the 21st century. That leaves 8, 346 more! Can you not, not wait?
Remember 96 8/10ths % of all pediatricians agree: laughter makes the world go round, keeps bedbugs at bay, and wards off vampires.
¶
The Religious Christianists are so upset that Madonna is gonna perform at the Super Bowl, that they are urging their fellow cultists, to switch the channel that will carry a heart-felt plea by Tony Dungy to adopt a child.
I think Madonna must have watched it before, since she has adopted how many now? Just sayin’.
¶
Mittens keeps singing America the Beautiful. Even he can’t be that tone-deaf. Conclusion: he’s an alien.
¶
And then Ron Paul had to go and put on one of Ricky S.’s sweater vests:
He won best in show.
He thought it meant he was the nominee.
So did all the Doomsday Preppers. So if your neighbor doesn’t answer the door, it’s prolly cuz’ he’s in his bunker. Or he got Super Bowl tickets. One or the other.
Bye.
Existential Ennui 
Awwwwwww. That dog is so cute in his little dinosaur costume!
:: melts ::
lol…I rather object to subjecting animals to clothing. I think they are embarrassed to be so displayed.
” I have a theory…”…. I have one too….. but the thing needs new batteries… you know… those little AAA ones … and I know I have some here somewhere.
How is it that we continue to find innumerable examples of (**** stuff & etc*****) the form of individuals who resemble human beings?
those human beans are made in a factory just outside Decatur, IL As soon as it is located a NAVY SEAL team will be dispatched.
whew, I’m glad to know that somebody takes me seriously. Let me know when the seal team has finished and life can get back to normal.
” Since it would be most inappropriate to laugh at the plight of a person simply because of their physical limitations, we must be being possessed by aliens””
Yes, no only inappropriate but meeeeeeeean. None the less ………….. it show is funny.
I get ribbed at work by the teens and twenty-somethings I happily share space with and there is one there that likes to poke fun at my elderly ways. Like when I forget something, it’s alzheimer. He kids about the fact that I like to take a nap in the afternoon. He’s bemused and confused when I talk about my generational music, chiding me about how most of them are dead.
He’s a real likable guy and he doesn’t really mean it. He always comes up to me later and apologetically affirms, “You know I am just kidding you Larry, don’t you”? I take it in good stride. I am comfortable in my own skin and I also know something he doesn’t know. He’ll be here in due time and when that occurs he’ll finally realize that naps are good for us all the time. They restore badly needed energy.
He understands, (unless of course he really does develop alzheimer or there is a cure for it before he comes down with it) that memory loss is also a factor of sensory overload and that kids will also look at him bemused and confused when he talks about his generational music.
Moral: Don’t take yourself so seriously. The guy’s a midget and his wife was getting even with him more than likely for some dispute they had and this, she felt, was the best way to really agitate him.
My response to well-meaning humor about my age, is a well-placed “I hope you live so long” . 🙂 And well, I do have this “thing” about short folks. It is a awful sinful thing I bear. 🙂 But I endeavor to not get into it often, but that just struck us as rather funny. Like dressing a blind person up in really bad clothing? I’m demented. I truly am and I will be punished of that I am certain. Amen.
“The Religious Christianists are so upset that Madonna is gonna perform at the Super Bowl, that they are urging their fellow cultists, to switch the channel that will carry a heart-felt plea by Tony Dungy to adopt a child.”
This is encouraging. I wonder if Madonna is up for adoption?
She might be. You never know. My husband keeps waiting for one of the Victoria Secret angels to go up. He says he will spare no expense to adopt one of those.
This perhaps the best (and funniest) read I have had all day, Sherry. Thanks
Why thank you. I always intend to be funny, even when I’m being serious. It helps me stay away from razor blades and other sharp objects.
There would be no reality TV if it were not for the dumb and dumber. At least watching those shows keeps them off the streets and out of the stores for a while.
true enough, but good god I figure this doomsday folk have got to be a freakin’ hoot. I expect to laugh myself silly. But then, I love really bad disaster movies.
For the Contarian: Police “hook-up” a one armed suspect behind his back with cuff through his belt and attached back to his only hand. #2…You got to be %100 pigment free to be a true albino, other wise you’d be a AINO (albino in name only).
I shall pass along this stuff Hansi. Boy now I’m a messenger, and an unpaid one at that.
Yes, I think there might be something to that theory. I often wonder what planet some people are from.
I always try to figure out what basic starting place a person would have to be at to and then try to figure out how they got to where they are now. Sometimes it seems impossible unless I seriously ignore reality.