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Welcome to Repumpkinland!
It’s a land of fantasy, and fluid facts.
It’s a place where you never have to remember anything, know anything, or most importantly, Ever, Ever have the same story twice.
It is, in other words, simply a Tinkerbell land of whatever you want.
Come and take a walk with me down memory lane, which as you already know, never has to be remembered!
Remember when we tried to move Lexington and Concord to another state, because we were trying to impress that state with our knowledge? Or when we tried to turn John Wayne Gacy into John Wayne? Oh make John Wayne’s birthplace Waterloo, Iowa? Or when we claimed that Iran had already told us they would hit us with nukes, even though they don’t have any and claim they are only developing peaceful nuclear power? Remember? Well, remember this now too. We will not have any embassy in Tehran if Michelle is President, except that we don’t now, and haven’t had one for 30 years.
And if you live in New Hampshire, remember to vote only if you are at least 21, not the voting age of 18. And New Hampshire has caucuses and not a primary now. And the revolutionary war was waged in the nineteenth century and not the eighteenth. And Woodrow Wilson was president a decade ago, and not in 1913.
In Repumpkinland, you need know nothing at all about immigration laws as regards Cubans and the “dry foot, wet foot” argument. In fact in this wonderful world, Cuban is a language! In this land, if you don’t have a clue what personal health care accounts are, then pass on the question. And you can be all for trading prisoners for one of our guys, and at the same time declare that you “don’t negotiate with terrorists”. You can be against abortion of any kind, yet leave it up to the woman. Most delicious of all, you can not recall a single thing about what the President did in some dumb place called Libya, but be very sure that whatever it was, you would have done it differently.
Most wonderfully, is the fact that principles are ephemeral as pixie dust. With a swoosh, it is gone, and can be replaced with whatever the hell you need to believe NOW, or *snicker* what you would have those voters believe you believe!
So, you can be for a comprehensive immigration policy that offers a pathway to citizenship until it becomes prudent to be against it. You can be for health care reform that incorporates many of the elements now found in the AHCA, and now condemn it as an “evil socialism.” You can rant about anyone associated with Freddie and Fannie ought to be in jail, and at the same time receive 1.6 million dollars as a “paid historical consultant”. You can be for Tarp and then against it. You can be for Libyan intervention and then against it. You can be for a woman’s right to choose, and then against it. You can be cheating on a wife, all the while condemning a President for cheating on his. You can cheat on another wife, all the while claiming your for “family values” (They have their own meaning in Repumpkinland if you hadn’t guessed).
You can be anything you want to be in Repumpkinland.
And that is as it should be.
Because it is a land of fantasy and make-believe, and only children are allowed.
Hope you enjoyed the walk!
And don’t forget! This is World Aids Day. Support the cure, support the fight for life!
Existential Ennui 