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I’m stuck! And I can’t get up! Oh sorry about that. My brain automatically fills in the blank.
I am stuck though. As I scrolled down the reader this morning, I just could not get enthused about any of the stories that typically get me to pounding the keys with vigor.
It is easy to simply put it down to a temporary dead space, common to most writers, common to most people frankly. It’s not to the level of being existential, and it’ not depression. It’s not the blues.
I’m stuck. I wake up feeling stuck. It seems to wear off as the day drifts by, but it’s always there just beneath the surface.
And I know what it is.
In fact, I’ve known for some time.
It’s the horror, and the “oh, boy I really don’t want to do that” feeling one gets when one contemplates a major shift in life.
You see, as most of you know, we are gearing up to move. We don’t know exactly when. It could be this fall, which came as a bit of a shock, but there is a strong possibility that that will be the case. If, not then surely in the spring about this time.
And if it is the fall, then shortly the process must begin. And I am soooo not interested in the process.
The Contrarian and I firmly believed when we moved to the meadow in the fall of 1999, that this would be where we would end our lives. At least our functional lives. We could not foretell my growing dislike for cold and snow or my growing distaste for having to travel so far for mundane tasks. We could not have known that the winters would be longer and the snow deeper, and the tractor not enough to keep the lane open. We could not have anticipated the rain lasting throughout the summer, making it just awful and destroying our garden two years in a row.
It is not that I have not become pretty seasoned in moving. I’ve done it more times that I want to stop and count. Whole houses sometimes, and other times just apartments, not that there is a lot of difference. I know the routine.
I know it starts for me with a notebook that I start to list every single thing that must be done. No matter how minor, it’s listed. Until its pages long. It grows, until it seems impossible.
And then, you start with what can be done tomorrow, and then the next, and you separate what must be done on the last week, the last day. You cross them off as you go. You develop a “place” for all the stuff of moving, the addresses, the phone numbers, the papers that one must not lose.
Believe me, I’m very good at this.
Remember? I’m the one who makes a list of “things to do” in making Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t miss a beat.
Then why am I stuck?
Because, I’m on the precipice. I’m looking down on a plain that I know stretches for miles. I know the dangers, the agonies, the roadblocks, the do-overs ahead. As long as I haven’t taken that first step, then I don’t have to face any of them.
Yet, the longer I delay, the more will have to be done each day to get it done. Even though there will be no “date” that must be met.
I just hate the idea of digging through years of accumulations and packing boxes. Heck, I hate the idea of acquiring the boxes! There is a temptation to just pack a bag and walk out the door, and start fresh. That would be nice. That would not be economical and thus it is not possible. And of course, I want a good many things that I love and that are useful.
We have talked through the major issues. The how to move our belongings, the how to move us. The what to do when we get there. How to search for a house, what to do about a car. The major things, as I said, we have discussed and made initial decisions about.
I just need a kick in the pants to get started.
More than 30 years ago, I complained to my boss about this and that. His response: “should I start to complain to you about my troubles?”
Oh.
I hope it’s the Fall, not the Spring, for you – looking forward to another winter ‘in the meadow’ will be motivating I imagine.
I once put all my ‘essential and treasured’ belonings into storage while I enjoyed a multi-year mid life crisis, so when i moved into my current house, I was opening boxes I’d packed four years earlier. Essential and treasured? Not exactly. I created three piles – Goodwill, garbage and keepers. The keeper pile was small.
Over time, our definitions of these things change. As do we.
You’ll move, you’ll do it the right way, and once you’re over the shock you’ll be delighted with all the new parts of your lives.
Thanks Moe. I surely know we will take nothing that we don’t need or that has sentimental meaning. I have pared down my “stuff” about 3 times at least in my life,and that doesn’t scare me. Lugging the damn stuff from house to truck to house is what I detest. That is a huge motivator.
just be careful of what you wish for….., it is always something, no matter where you are. My friend outside of Las Cruces complains greatly of the tumble weeds.
http://phoenix.about.com/od/desertplantsandflowers/a/tumbleweed.htm
… I had another friend who moved to florida… within two years he was complaining of the little lizards that would get in and clog the pool filter…. and he got to hate the humidity.
Well, at present here in my Floirda home there’s a delicious breeze blowing throughout, cutains blowing – pool awaits me later today. And those little lizards (geckos)? We love them, they eat bugs!
It’s hot today and humid, but not as bad as yesterday…it was really hot and humid…lol
Oh no! hahaha…tumbleweeds…hmmm…now i wonder how they would impact one’s happiness?
I went through what you’ll be going through shortly. After 17 years in Minnesota, I pulled up stakes and all and just left. It was surprisingly easy in the end. Things fell into place. It was simply, one foot in front of the other. The hardest part was saying goodbye to loved ones. That’s it. Everything else was simply preparation and lots of packing tape. It will be fine. It will. Start by doing something every day. You’ll get there, you’ll make a fine new home in NM and you’ll feel proud that you took this leap into newness!
Yep SDS, it seems overwhelming, but you just start, and as you say, just keep moving forward one step at a time, and one day at a time…Thanks for the support. SDS
I wish you’d move to Corpus Christi, tX! But I know how you feel about the looming clean-out–I’ve been dreading that for years and now feel more than stuck, because I’m in too much pain to do it.
We would love it but for the humidity which wouldnt be good for Parker and his lungs….I am so out of shape, I know I can’t lug boxes, my back is crummy…So there is that little twist of having to hire people to come in and lug to the Pod..which is what we are usuing I think…No doubt I’ll be keeping everyone posted as theings go by.
Sherry, what cracks me up are the Ads by Google that come between your posting and the comments. They are all about moving, though I must admit I mis-read the last one as “Discount Self-Loathing.”
Can’t wait til you’re in NM. Then I’ll have several reasons to visit!
Yeah, I understand from some that WordPress inserts those things without our knowledge….lol…kinda rotten not to let a person know…