No Foolin’

Tags

ants, brain, colonies, Da Vinci, earthquakes, evolution, lactose intolerant, Scandinavia, science, the Last Supper, time geography, toads

To know me is to love me, and to love me is to know NEVER to pull any asinine April Foolish on me, EVER. I am singularly NOT amused.

Don’t ask me why, but I’ve pretty much always been that way. Either somebody comes with a tale of horror, and I’m all upset, only to hear some jerk giggle maniacally and spout, “April Fools DAY!!!”

My relief that the asteroid is not in fact on a collision course with the earth is only tempered by my desire to wring a neck until the eyeballs pop.

Or the other side is to tell me a what a great and wonderful prize I’ve just won for being the 42 thousandth customer, only to again, hear that growing crescendo of guffaws, as the squeaky words, “April Fools!” again issues forth from the mouth of someone who might be minus a few teeth should I get to them quick enough.

Just so we are straight then. Everything that follows is the God’s honest truth, no matter how fantastically crazy it might sound.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found this out. And frankly I’m not sure what to do with this patently valuable information, but here goes.

For those Scandinavians who like to think they have long lineage lines to boast about, think again. It seems that Stone Age babes and dudes, were lactose intolerant, which apparently is not the case today for the bevy at right. So it seems they are descended from later arrivals in the land of snow and ice.

This lactose thing is no mean feat, and seems connected to making the transition from hunter-gatherer societies into agricultural ones. So I guess the reindeer were not being milked by Yabba Dabba Do Fred and Wilma.

So when you see someone in the market reaching for the lactose free milk, be sure to remind them that they are part of a evolutionary dead end. That is sure to pep them up and assuming you aren’t–well you can look all smug and chit.

When the wars between the rurals and the urbans starts, the lists come out of all the reasons its best to live in one versus the other. You all know them by now. Space, glorious space, seems the prime point for rural lovers, while easy access to everything is the bingo for urban life.

Well, here’s another reason why rurals have it over urbans. Ants. Ants are normal, rational beings in the farm and forest lands. They play nice with neighbors, and are hard working. They like the elbow room. Move them to the city? Why they lose their minds and grow into super colonies.

Scientists who actually have studied this phenomenon, say that as ants move from the deep forest, farmlands to say parks grow from 50/1 (fifty workers with a queen) to 500/1 in the park. And put them crazies in a city and their blossom to 6million/50,000. Now that is like a mind boggling jump. Creepy even. How do you all sleep at night knowing all that is crawling around your house and in your walls, and well, just imagine!

You probably thought that you had learned everything you could about The Last Supper, by Da Vinci, via Brown and the Code, but, think again.

Scientists still continue to pour over, and speculate about lots in the the great painting. For instance, why is the salt shaker turned over? What is the significance of the fish? Why is Judas’ plate empty? Why kind of fish it is and what is the significance?

Oh, there is tons of speculation, not much in the way of actual facts, and well, the game goes on. Scientists of course dismiss Brown’s theories, but they seem to have more questions than answers. Was Da Vinci trying to  tell us things in his painting, or are we just determined to find mysteries where there never were any? I dunno, but it makes for interesting speculation. 

This next one is from California. Enough said. It seems that 2% of the population are Time Lords. Yes, you are right, time lords. This means something to the effect that their senses are somewhat scrambled, and so they experience things like a day or a month as a color, or shape.

It’s called Synaesthesia in case you were wondering. It all sounds vaguely weird, and so far I’ve seen nothing that suggests that it enables one to cash in on future events–such as knowing the winner of the Super Bowl before it’s played. Now that would be helpful, but no such luck.

The dude pictured above was included with the text, so I figure that this is the kind of person you might look for should you be desirous of hunting down one of these Synaes just to stare.

And who would have thunk? Live in earthquake land? Well, buy a toad and watch it! It seems that the amphibiously cute little ribbits flee when an earthquake is coming. They try to get to safety.

Having watched a toad or two in my time, it would seem that they would have to travel quite a distance, and that would take time. Scientists claim that they start panicking about five days before the event.

As usual, we wonder just what in the world triggered the idea that they were predictors in the first place,  which then led to an actual study, funded by somebody, to study this. Pet shops are doing a burgeoning business in LA we are advised, so order your personal toad soon, while supplies last.

And it’s all true! I swear it.