Husbands are good for many things, but they are particularly good at being barometers of when you are going over the edge into utter craziness. One look of “you are getting loony now, dear” is enough to make me pause and re-evaluate.
Let me explain. I always do. Those of you who have hung around my nuttery for many long months, know that I got into a groove last year wherein most of my posting was on the upcoming election. I got more and more intense as the weeks and months dragged on. I moved from euphoria to utter dismay and back several times. I was reduced to looking under every rock to find a new reason why no sane person would vote for Mr. McCain and Ms. Palin.
I begged, pleaded, cajoled, joked, and teased people to return to sanity and get this country back on track to some semblance of normality and rational behavior. I had no personal illusions about either my “power” (almost none) nor the paradise that would ensue should we be successful (mostly the garbage gets cleared a bit more often).
I was drained at the end, and pretty much left the political zone but for occasional forays into “what’s in the news” type giggle fests. I moved on to more spiritual things a lot, and found a lot of joy in that, though I felt a responsibility to some of my readers to not leave off completely with the “old” stick it up yours me, whom some enjoyed.
Oh, I’m not about to bid adieu if that is where you think this is leading. I’m sad to see that Jaliya and Fran have taken sabbaticals of sorts and will miss them both, but no, I’m not abandoning this trade.
I’ve been busy with FaceBook as of late, and have been finding it fun and informative with its own brand of compulsion to comment and keep up with other people’s lives and thoughts. I’m been busy foruming, and that has become wearing, as a particular ex-Episcopalian has been single handedly casting mud upon my church non-stop. Never under estimate the degree of venom that can come from one who left one church and found no joy in a new one and hates the former for “changing” on him. The forum chiefs find it amusing apparently to seem him trash like this proving that fairness is relative to whose ox is being gored.
Anyway, this leads to the fateful remark, see I’m getting there. You always wonder if I ever will, but I do.
Last week was busy. I had some church things to attend to that made the days long, and there were household duties, and a VA appointment. Shopping on Thursday, and finally in exasperation I lamented. “All week, I have been directed by events. tomorrow at last I can set my own schedule!”
“What have you got to do?” inquired my better half? “Oh I have housework and taking my walk and then getting dinner organized, and a load of wash, and I still NEED to get up a blog post, get to FB and deal with a lot of stuff there, and do my part for BE in Mafia Wars, and. . . .” that’s when the LOOK came.
“Well, we can fix that in no time. We’ll just put a lock on that computer, young lady until you can prioritize better.”
“Are you going to send me to my room too, Dad?” I grinned.
“Quite possibly.” he laughed.
I set down to think after that, realizing that indeed my priorities were getting out of whack. I was starting to feel driven again, mostly by this health care issue, which is bring back all the anger and passion and the “is half of this freakin’ country demented or what?” kinda feeling. I start feeling anxious.
I start, in a word to feel compelled to “do my part” and that somehow it will matter. I must write Grassley, and I must blog on this report and I must make sure people see this post over here and read this analysis. I must convince even one person to DO THE FREAKIN’ RIGHT THING AND MAKE SURE PEOPLE CAN GET HEALTH CARE!
Along with nut-case at the forum and trying to clean, cook, and do what is now a passion–be involved in ministry–I was stressing. And stressing is not healthy and I was beginning to crab about all my burdens and “poor me” was emerging.
The Contrarian has always said, do what you love. If you start to complain about it, then you don’t love it, and I will have something to say. He’s right. Church and all the things I’m getting involved in are labors of love, and I truly don’t begrudge the time or effort expended. I feel connected and I feel that I can contribute.
The blog is another passion, but again, I must remember its here for me to enjoy as a writer, as a voice. It is always my choice what I write. Your choice is to decide to read it or not. Honoring my choice means not trying to manipulate your choice.
I’m backing off on some forum stuff a lot, and not worrying at all about FB. I’m going back to more time with God in meditation and reflection on scripture. That’s returning to one’s roots as I see it, and in that endeavor we find our center once again. Nothing good comes from hectic rushing around, slapping hands as we pass to the next “should” on the list.
That turtle always had the right idea. Which reminds me, there is a ceramic turtle on the shelf by the bathtub. I think I should have a little spa treatment and look at my turtle. Rabbits may be cute, but they are exhausting.
Existential Ennui 