I am getting scatterbrained, and am engaged in various stop gap measures to fix it. I’ve been buying three-ring binders by the gross and a new hole punch. I’ve been punching and binding papers at lightning speed rates, and trying to feel more in control. I’m not sure if it’s working.
I’m not complaining, no not that. I am invigorated and actually feel about as happy as most anyone can expect to be at nearly 60. I’m busy, and having to turn down things lest I get just too stretched both for time and my pocketbook.
I recall once upon a time, in another land, in another time, in an age of innocence, and when life seem stretched out before me like one unending horizon that could never be reached. I remember a class I took in college. A philosophy class. One I was gifted to be taking at all. I had been at MSU a scant few weeks, when I received a letter from a group called Phi Kappa Phi. No, not a sorority, but a scholarly group based solely on grade point or something to that effect. I was invited to join.
Now, I probably wouldn’t had it not been for the fact that the perks were exceptional. I could avoid all those “must take before graduation” classes, such as a language, and so forth. I could drop a minor, and I had only to complete 45 hours in my major. Moreover, I got preference for classes immediately after graduate students. All good reasons to join, which I did, and immediately gave my regrets to the nice French professor.
Anyway, I had extra time to take classes I purely was interested in, so philosophy was one. I will never forget, (funny how weird stuff like this sticks with one forever), a question on a test. I’m not sure, but it may have been the only question. “If it were offered to allow X to read for the rest of his/her life, and be supported financially (paid) for doing so, with no contractual obligation to do anything with what might be learned, would you support paying the person just to learn?”
Quite a question. Do we support learning for its own sake, with no expectation of recompense? Does society have an interest in furthering personal enlightenment? I’m not sure whether there was a right or wrong answer. There was a philosophical one to be sure, based assuredly on analysis and logical deductions. I don’t recall what I wrote, nor the grade I got, though it was surely not bad.
I have often since dreamed of such an opportunity. I would have been grand at it.Just call me “professional student.” I purely love books and want to know what they contain. My EFM (education for ministry) program is kind of like that. It is a personal exercise in learning about God and faith, a compilation by my greater Episcopal church, of some of the best religious and theological minds of our time and past. It is directed but still a very personal endeavor.
It is exactly how much you want it to be. There are tons of resources to extend your learning, though they are not required. I am drawn to read as many and as much as I can. I want to know. It has driven me from the start of my “knowing” spiritual journey. That as opposed to my unknowing one, the one we are all on, like it or not, know it or not.
It’s taking up vastly more time than I had figured. And I just keep finding more time, because I love the process. I love how the bible and God become larger, and more special, and more beautiful and fill me with wonder and awe and puzzlement all at the same time. It grows, it changes, it matures. How sad the fundamentalist truly is with their written in stone beliefs. My God is alive, growing, interacting, funny, quizzical, grieved, joyful, patient, comforting, sometimes all at once. She changes and shocks me again and again with new revelations beyond my wildest dreams.
To make matters more complicated, I’m receiving other books now, from publishers I’ve never dealt with. “Read this and let us know your thoughts.” Flattering, but cutting into the resource of time. How can I say no? This is what I have worked for. And I truly love it.
No matter that my own pile of books I “must read” gets higher. My blog list gets longer and I find less time to read them. This is painful. Facebook has been a nice way to connect with blogging friends and catch some posts. I can comment quickly. I can be supportive and yet not lose my focus.
In the meantime, I clean house, and fix meals, and try to be a good wife. I try to be careful not to shirk any of those. Mostly the last, since it is my foundation. I do have the best husband in the world. No doubt a few women will disagree, for obvious reasons. We are a sisterhood of those who have indeed found soul mates and have the freedom to explore and grow and change, all with the blessings of husbands who are secure in themselves.
So, all that being said, if you would like to contribute to the “let Sherry learn and read” fund, just send me a note via e-mail and I’ll get your my land address. LOL..Okay that was a joke, but just barely!