Jan 27 2012

Freakin’ Friday Follies

“To the moon, Alice, to the Moon!”

I just love Newt.

He gets in front of a bunch of ex-NASA employees, in a very depressed part of the state of FLOOREDA, and he garrrunteees that in his SECOND term of office as POTUS, he will ensure that we have a colony on da moon.

Now, you can call that Newtspah. And you would be right to do so.

But, he’s not our big winner this week.

No, our boy Mittens wins this week.

Why you ask?

Well, because he called out the Newtster on this promise, accusing him. . . .wait for it. . .  OF PANDERING to the audience.

He chided Newty for trying to promise his way to the White House by, in each state, finding some pet project that the residents were interested in, and then promising he would give them “it” if they were so kind as to vote for him.

Yes, he did.

And well, go ahead, yell it: THAT’S KINDA LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK oh Mitten-man, you who are known for your chameleon-like ability to change position based on the change of wind of public opinion. So ya win this week!

Ahab or dear friend turned us on to this great little link that actually proves to be a rather well done study on the convergence of IQ, conservative thinking, and bigotry. Wanna guess what it tends to show? Dumb people tend to not have the capacity to see the ”big picture” and so tend to fall for the easy simplistic structured and ordered world that conservatism offers. Those who are least capable of abstract reasoning, are more likely to fall for racism and other bigoted ideas.

Was there ever any doubt?

Kevin Drum kinda proves the above study. Right now our boy Newt is the darling of the TeaNutz®, mostly because they have run through all the other possibilities and he’s what’s left. Well, tea bibbers are folks who believe in doing NOTHING about most things, and shrinking government. And at heart, Newt is a guy with grandiose ideas of being a world-wide mover and shaker. And that requires “DOING BIG THINGS”. But being light in the brain-case, said TeaNutz® have not yet puzzled that paradox out. And probably never will.

I wanna share a little secret with ya. When you retire, even years and years after you retire? You will still smile a bit bigger when it’s Friday. It’s true. I swear it is. And late Sunday afternoon will find you feeling a bit let down. You will sigh as you see the sun go down. It happens. It’s just the way it is. And you can’t know that until it happens to you.

Mittens has an ad in Florida wherein he goes after Newt for claiming that “Spanish is the language of the ghetto.” While not factually completely true, Mittens, when asked, inquired, “Is that one of my ads? I haven’t seen it. I doubt that’s my ad.” Of course the ad ends with the statement “I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this message.” Which means, I guess he doesn’t, or didn’t, or it’s all meaningless. But then, well I guess we knew all that anyway.

Newtie Patootie invoked the name of Saul Alinsky again last night. It is supposed to raise all kinds of dangerous visions of commie boogeymen comin’ around to take away our freedoms. At least Newt is hoping it will. He, in his snooty, lookin’ down my nose at all of you, way of viewing the world, is assuming you have no clue who Alinsky is, and are way too lazy to find out.

What is rich of course, is that Saul Alinsky did most of his community organizing in Chicago, among poor working stiffs. And he did it with the full help and approval of the Roman Catholic Church, who joined him in his efforts to improve the lives of working folks. Oh, and Alinsky’s heroes? They were Jefferson and Madison, you know, the FOUNDING FATHERS, who are nigh on to gods to the Crazy Right.

Alinsky received the Pacem en Terris Peace and Freedom Award from the Vatican in 1969. Past recipients have been  Martin Luther King, Jr., Desmond Tutu, Cesar Chavez, Daniel Berrigan, Jim Wallis, and Lech Walesa.

Oh Newt? That would be YOUR Catholic church no?

 Why we are right:

Caterpillar posted record profits this year. To the tune of 36% after taxes. Revenues increased by 2.65 BILLION.  Yet they have locked out workers at their Ontario plant in Canada, because the workers refused a cut in pay from $32/hr to $16.50/hr. Caterpillar CEO, John Oberhelman, made $10.5 million in 2010.

This is not class warfare. This is about fairness.

Okay, I’ll let you off easy today. It’s Friday, after all. No Football.

What’s on the Stove? Leftovers: Chick-Ling Spaghetti Parmesan or Wild and Wicked Taco Soup (your choice). The latter recipe will be posted today, the former already is.

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Jan 26 2012

*Yawn* Did I Miss Anything?

 Geesh, you guys should’a shut me up. You know I can talk on forever.

It doesn’t seem that I missed a lot. Same o’ same o’ as they say. The Mitt/Not Mitt heavyweight champeenship is still underway. It’s a slugfest.

Mitt has grown a pair of sorts by the last debate, but it’s still unclear whether he can sustain it. It’s a bit like a kid who finally lands a haymaker on the neighborhood bully, but then starts to shake himself silly when he gets into his bedroom and realizes, “whoa, now I’ve gone and done it.”

The Newt (I rewrite history EVERY day, let me do it for you) Gingrich is busy shorin’ up the breaches in the wall, pluggin’ the holes, and all-around changing the facts to suit his new best friends–old Floridians.

In the last debate it seems that Mittens landed a few. Newt, while not bloodied, was knocked back on his heels a bit. Of course, he’s blamed everything on the MSM. He moans to Fox Noise that he “probably should have complained when Bryan Williams asked the audience to withhold their applause during the debate so that more questions and responses could occur.” Such orders, Newt says, are “undemocratic” and suppress free speech.

Except that according to Chuck Todd of NBC, that statement has been made at EVERY debate by EVERY moderator. It just so happens that this crowd decided to actually listen rather than support “their candidate.” Newt undoubtedly does play off the audience well, and didn’t get that opportunity and so seeks to deflect blame somewhere else. (Part of the GOP mantra is always to blame somebody else, what’s new?)

One of the things that Republicans don’t like is protection of minorities (other than themselves of course). That’s why they don’t like programs that insure basic services to the poor. They would never agree that government’s basic duty is to ensure that every citizen has the basics of food, clothing, housing, education, health care, and a decent job. If you want people to be creative and bring forth their natural innovative spirit, why it seems to me, you have to get past struggling to eat each day. But the GOP thinks that the fit survive, and the rest, well, it would be most convenient if all of them could be housed in say North Dakota, where they could be put to some useful work, such as making license plates.

Why Chris Christie thinks voting is the way to get things changed. Majorities rule, and according to him, the civil rights movement was a waste of time; we should just have voted on it. No need to do all that messy marching and stuff.  Which is all to say, he intends to veto any legislative passed marriage equality bill passed in his state. That’s the way to be “non-committal Chris, when you wanna run for the big house.

You can’t make this stuff up. As we struggle to re-invigorate an economy, Newty has just the ticket–a permanent settlement on the moon.  Oh I forgot, Newt is campaigning in Florida. My bad. But I do have a suggestion for who might be its first permanent resident.

A blog you might check out is The Christian Left. I know, shocking to imagine such a thing, but we are out there! And they have a very good post on “the twenty most dangerous conservatives and their organizations”. I urge you to check it out.  (h/t to The Fifth Column)

Oh, and did I mention that the above mentioned Fifth Column is a worthy blog? Yes, I know, too many blogs, not enough time, but it’s just ONE more, really.

I rely on websites like Politfacts to help me sort through the various statements made by politicians. It seems that I must learn to be more careful. There is a short, but informative article by Paul Krugman as to why Politfacts has been suspect as of late. It’s just not reporting the fact’s ma’am. And that is unfortunate. This is not the first time I’ve come across disputes about their accuracy unfortunately.

Which brings me to the point. Is it just me or was there a time when a politician being caught in a bold-faced lie would herald the end of a campaign? Today, it doesn’t even stop them from repeating it. In fact, they assume it’s hurting so they continue with vigor. I lay it down to the utter contempt politicians, in the main, have for the average citizen. They assume we wouldn’t know any better anyway, and that most of us won’t even hear of the truth. Cynical? Yes, but I am guilty of just that: cynicism.

Move over George Soros and Van Jones, there is a new villain in town: Saul Alinsky. Newty can’t stop from talking about him. He’s one of those dangerous and possibly commie community organizers. So I guess it is helpful to learn a bit about him. Wikipedia is always a good start to get a general look. So do so, if you are interested.  By-the-by, those in the know, suggest that Newt is using the Alinsky playbook to the hilt, which is irony, which is lost on Newt, or would be explained away by Newt, but just saying everyone is wrong.

I’ll leave you with a his response as to whether he ever considered joining the Communist Party:

“Not at any time. I’ve never joined any organization—not even the ones I’ve organized myself. I prize my own independence too much. And philosophically, I could never accept any rigid dogma or ideology, whether it’s Christianity or Marxism. One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as ‘that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you’re right.’ If you don’t have that, if you think you’ve got an inside track to absolute truth, you become doctrinaire, humorless and intellectually constipated. The greatest crimes in history have been perpetrated by such religious and political and racial fanatics, from the persecutions of the Inquisition on down to Communist purges and Nazi genocide.”

What’s on the Stove? Wild and Wacky Taco Soup! That recipe will be up in a couple of days.

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Jan 25 2012

Creation of a Party Voting Bloc (Part III)

For those of you who are gluttons for punishment, you may read Part I here, and Part II here.

We have been discussing how a core GOP party goes about defining and then co-opting a voting bloc. Such of course is necessary if the small core of rich white men are able to control the political reins of government, and thus set up the economic landscape that will enable them to continue to prosper, and indeed to grow in wealth.

We learned what kind of group would be most useful to the core, and then the means by which that core can be trained to believe and voice the desires of the core. This is done by many means, using sometimes their natural proclivities and at other times, it is injecting new “theology” into their world.

It would seem inevitable however, that sooner or later some members of the “target” will question the wisdom of what they are being told. This is so, because, in the end, the mantra of “hard work leads to financial success” will not happen for the vast majority of the target group.

When this happens, steps must be taken to both again, play upon the natural leanings of the target, but also to produce new theologies for them to grasp onto to explain and allay their fears that they are being “taken to the cleaners”.

  • Embracing the anger and re-directing it

As we note, at some point some members in the target group will realize that they are not getting the dreamed of reward, no matter how much effort they expend. They will begin to ask why.

It is important to respond quickly to this and with vigor. It should be realized that there are no shortage of explanation; creativity is called for.

The main object is to of course deflect anger at the core, and to point it at somebody else.

All effort must be made to make the target feel part of “us” and all others “them.” The “them” can ebb and flow as needed. For some of the target, fully all of “them” will be embraced but for others, it may be only one or two. The more  of “them” you create, the better it will be.

It is not unwise to promote sectionalism, which has never been far from the hearts of some parts of the target’s heart. References are appropriate to recall  things like secessionism, and the Confederacy in a light that is more favorable. Efforts can be made to challenge school texts that don’t give enough positive emphasis to the South, slavery, and the “good” aspects of both state’s rights, and anti-federalism.

An extremely important component of this is to “rewrite” history. Republicans are now the party of Lincoln, who freed the slaves, and you should remind the target that Martin Luther King, Jr., was a “Republican” after all. They are on the right side. They are not racists. “That” is all behind us. You may then go forward to attack most African-Americans as “playing the race card” and your target can criticize freely without feeling guilt. In fact the term African-American can be played as “unAmerican”. “Real Americans” are Americans.

Since your target audience is almost universally white, it is fine to attack other groups, be their Latino or Arab as part of the “other” and “them” as well. To the degree that, by culture or religion, these groups continue to exhibit “otherness” this plays to your advantage.

The upshot of all of this, is that the failure of your target to accomplish their individual economic goals is  because of “them”. African-Americans deplete monies that could be used to create jobs by sucking on the government teat of welfare, food stamps, housing, health care and so forth. And of course, you must remind your target that their taxes (money from their pockets) goes towards support of this “assistance.”

The same can be said of Latinos who are “illegal” (criminal?) and “steal” jobs and use resources for “free.”

While it is true that Arabs, Muslim or Christian, have not historically carried this “baggage”, 9/11 changed all that. The core is most aware that the Arab world, does in fact interfere with their economic control of resources, and thus it is helpful that the target consider all Arabs as “suspect” and “jihadists” until proven otherwise.

At the same time, the Democrats should be portrayed as crazy “libtards” who are only interested in living off the government and pursuing “socialist” and “communist” agendas. Continually push that the target group is strong, independent, not afraid of hard work, and adult enough to care for themselves, and that it is “unAmerican” to be lazy and under the “nanny” state. To the degree that Democrats can be tied to secularism, all the better. Rail against the loss of our “moral compass” on issues of gay rights and women’s reproductive rights.

Above all, set a standard of “flag waving” and consider anyone who doesn’t adhere to obvious outward signs of “patriotism” as suspect. Like during the Vietnam war, “love it or leave it” is a useful motto.

  • Now beware what you have created

All might seem perfect now. And for a while it may continue in that vein. But beware:

You are leading a dog by a leash. That is fine as long as the dog is a chihuahua. But unfortunately, that is not always the case. Sometimes the dog is a Great Dane.

The dog is mad. Don’t ever forget that. Not just mad in terms of its view of the world, but mad as in “thoroughly fucking crazy,”  because you have made him so. And mad dogs, have teeth, and well, I think you get the idea. A dog doesn’t know its dumb. It thinks its smart. Its gotten you to feed him, and house him for free hasn’t it?

So don’t be surprised if the dog has a mind of its own, and growls when you try to jerk him to your direction. He may just have a direction of his own. And you might be very very unhappy where that leads.

You have been warned.

Jan 24 2012

Creation of a Party Voting Bloc 101 (Part II

Yesterday we discussed how a small core party goes about establishing a voting bloc sufficient to place it in power so it can accomplish its goals. Part I can be found here.

Essentially we argue the following: The GOP is a small core of rich white men who desire to rule in order to structure the political and economic world to enhance their ability to make money.

Since they are small in number, they need to enlist a voting bloc that will help get them elected. Yesterday we identified this selected bloc as people who are hard-working working class people with little or no interest in politics and who lack anything much beyond a basic high school education.

We recognized that the first goal was to establish that the rich were so by “natural” right and that all could be them if they would but put in the requisite effort.

To the degree that this group is religious, the Protestant Ethic is also useful in adding a “moral” component to this work hard philosophy. Remember, in the end, the wealthy require a work force to make their goods and execute their services, so it is imperative to support and heighten this “hard work” theology into the target group.

Concomitant with this, is a need to portray “free enterprise” as the key to everyone’s success. All manner of flag waving is useful here. America, that beacon to the world, is what it is, because of the unfettered freedom to bring new ideas to the market place and have them rise or fall on a strict supply-demand basis.

Innovators, no matter how poor, with  good ideas, become the millionaires of tomorrow.

Such concepts are to be used in the most simplistic terms. You audience neither wants nor can be bothered to plumb the depths of economic theory. It is sufficient to define the economy as “free” and “democratic” and not “communist” or “socialist.”

  • American Exceptionalism is what made America great

This concept has both a religious and secular angle. The religious one is that America has been specially chosen by God to lead the world to the Kingdom of God. To the degree that your audience is Christian (and it overwhelmingly is), this should be stressed. America (and it’s systems) are favored by God, they have His blessing.

The secular aspect is simply that American’s position in the world today (as arguably the greatest power) is evidence that it’s system (economic) is the best and must be preserved. Therefore it is patriotic to support free enterprise.

  • Useful sycophants

All manner of con artists and experts of one sort or another are available. Their work, although sometimes seemingly tangential, can serve the cause and should be encouraged.

Pseudo-historians are particularly useful in rewriting history to emphasize a “Judeo-Christian” theme in the formation of the country. This serves to bolster both the economic system which is now defended as the “best” but also to help your target see that God too wants this too. Trickle down economics and anti unionism can be defended by creative “interpretations” of the bible and of Founding documents.

Recognize that those in science fields who do not find peer-recognition of their outlier views, can be used to advantage. Grants thrown in their direction will inevitably produce the “evidence” you need to prove that global warming isn’t real, that fracking is not destructive to the mantle and ground water systems, that off-shore drilling is not endangering to the seas, that over-fishing is not true, and that evolution is a hoax.

Even when the true science doesn’t reasonably affect rich men’s areas of concern, don’t underestimate the value of pampering your target with “evidence” that supports their pet beliefs. Since your target is religious and you have already found it useful to pander to their natural desire to be seduced to your “interpretations”, this is a fine time to give them a bone by supporting “intelligent design” or other such pseudo-theories. This allows the limited reasoning that you support them when it doesn’t “effect you.”

Word smiths are essential. Those trained in discovering what words and phrases play best can do incalculable service in getting you message across. Remember, your target isn’t paying much attention to begin with. So use simple slogans, use them constantly, and continually poll on what is working and what isn’t. It is essential that you convince your target that black is white and white is black. After all, you are asking them in the end to vote against their best interests.

Stress words like “freedom” “free markets” “Communism” “socialism” “secularism” “liberalism” “not like us” “God-given” “entitlements” “nanny state” “elites” “job creators” . Avoid words like equality, fairness, social anything, human rights, upper class, the rich and so forth.

Tomorrow: What to do about weakness, and questions of why not me?

Jan 23 2012

Creation of a Party Voting Bloc 101 (part 1)

As the returns from South Carolina came in, and the result became oh so clear, a couple of points stuck out in my mind and caused me to redigest everything I have learned about the GOP. A party which seemingly is reeling with an internal schizophrenia, I am convinced, can be explained.

Today and tomorrow, I’ll lay out the formula I think is at work in the United States that explains how the Republican party has come to this point. Who are these people you ask? My answer is that they are divided into three distinct groups.

First let me say that what motivated my desire to set this down was this: polling determined that 73% of all South Carolinian GOP voters make under $100,000 per year. They are not the One percenters. Secondly, it was not Gingrich’s answer to the “did you ask your wife for an open marriage” that was the turning point in his rise in the polls.

Rather, Gingrich’s renewed surge in the polls was tied perfectly to what South Carolinian voters said again and again when asked (and might I add, the wording is most important):

“I knew Newt was the right guy when he put Juan Williams in his place.”

Now, to average Americans this statement could not be a more blatant expression of racism, yet it is said with a certain blasé righteousness that can only suggest that the speakers actually believe that it is both correct and not in the least bigoted.

These, then were my starting points.

  • At its core, the GOP is what it has been for more than a hundred years: the all-white, all male, club of big business, consisting of the wealthy elite of America

Certainly the GOP was one something quite different from this, as when Abraham Lincoln was its head. But it has been the champion of big business for more than a hundred years. If you search out old political cartoons of the 1890′s for instance, the same jokes would play as well today as then. Give us the money, and stop regulating us has been the continual mantra.

  • As with any established party, the vast majority of “members” are barely aware of what the party stands for

Most people are what they are by virtue of what their parents are or were, or  where they work or live. Most folks are apolitical. What is going on in Congress or their state legislatures barely registers unless some issue that will impact them directly arises. Most people, if they were honest, wouldn’t see much difference in their lives between different administrations, and they are most likely to agree with the proposition that “both parties are pretty much the same.” They can say this whether they are happy or unhappy with the country at large.

  • The core, is by its nature very small.

There is a reason they are called the 1% after all. The corporate elite depends on a vast array of people who will both be workers and consumers, so by their nature they are small in number. And this creates the problem, and the basis of today’s post: how to get a significant bloc of voters to vote for us when for all intents and purposes, they have no economic reason to.

HOW TO BUILD A VOTING BASE 101:

  • Identify the characteristics that are essential to your plan

Choose a group that is not well-educated. You are aiming for high-school and/or trade school graduates only. You subjects must be largely incurious about current events, and know little more than the basics as it relates to world or national history. They should be hard-working, mostly from the working class (lower, middle, and upper), and spend most of their time trying to give themselves and their families a “better life.” They should not be “interested” in things political, either domestic or foreign. Religion can be useful.

  • Target the key places to intercept and inject new “theology”

               Here you decide what traits to use to your advantage: education, religion, history, patriotism, engrained distrust of “federal” institutions. Once your demographics are determined you must decide how best to exploit them. A plan is devised to work on each separately, letting them mold together through the voting public into a coalesced “party bloc” (i.e “the moral majority, the Tea Party are examples)

  • Marrying your “new base” to the core

This is essential. Although your target is not you, they must relate to you, and think they can become you. There are two ways to do this: One is to press the Darwinian (don’t use that word though!) misappropriate of “survival of the fittest”. Ironically, this idea of social survival of the fittest was created in “elitist” eastern preppy colleges to explain the likes of Vanderbilt and the Rockefeller. This was considered the right and normal course of “evolution.”

Core Republicans now take this term and explain that being successful in business in “natural” and is the normal result of American superiority, and of course, unfettered capitalism (as they would define it). This is then married to the “Protestant Ethic” which calls upon all people to work hard as a Christian duty. The Core explains that hard work is what leads to survival of the fittest. Those who work hard succeed, those who don’t aren’t worthy of succeeding.

Tell lots of stories of how hard word has led various multimillionaires to their success. Press their “humble beginnings” and how they “pulled themselves up by the boot straps”. The point is, you’re trying to convince these working class people that they too, with hard work, can become you, the rich and elite.

Tomorrow: Part II (Grooming your new base to do your bidding)

Jan 21 2012

How Many Feet Can You Fit in One Mouth?

Everybody is talking about what a week it was in South Carolina. I guess they are right.

The drop-outs, the lead changes, tax returns, open marriage, the dirty old media. Pick your poison.

I gotta admire Ricky S. He just stamps his feet, and says “what the freaky-deaky is wrong with you folks? I’m the only one who has NEVER flipped. I’ve remained the same gay hatin’, health-care hatin’ fool I’ always been. VOTE FOR ME DAMN IT.”

And Mittens is rattled, and finding new feet to stick in his mouth every day. “Dear, don’t I just have two? I spit out four last night when flossing.”

Yes, he really did say that the 99% were just envious of rich folks like him. Yes he did.

Mittens has continued to ”relate to common folks”.  He’s told us:

  1. that he’s unemployed too
  2. that he’s worried about giving getting pink slips
  3. that he’s not worried about the rich, but the “rest of us” are hurting
  4. that releasing “multiple” tax returns would be a “gift” to the Democrats.

He does get it.

Can’t you see that?

Oh and he didn’t inherit a thing, he made all his money. Oh yeah, sure ya did Mittens, sure you did.

Meanwhile, the Newster has managed to turn philandering into an asset.

Millions of men relate.

Millions of women do too.

I suspect in rather different ways.

How dare the MSM report on his  adulterous goings on?

I mean have they no shame?

Late at night, Newt’s phone rings. It’s Mittens and Ricky S. They want to know in detail just exactly he pulled it off. They take notes.

It all adds up to  cheap cuts of meat.

Ricky and Dr. Paul can’t even get a cartoon unto themselves.

And polls today say that the GOP voter is more unhappy with the field of candidates than they were two month ago.

But in truth, this market never had a decent steak in it.

Ever.

It had a casserole, and a hot dog. You figure out who they were.

It had some really bad spam.

A good meatloaf would look good now.

Which all begs the question?

Does God really love Foreign usurpers of Socialist persuasion who praise Allah in secret?

Or is this dude just the luckiest dang fella you ever seen?

You gotta laugh.

You gotta giggle.

You gotta thank the Buddha, or Zeus, or your aunt Martha.

And hope that the circus keeps rolling along.

Rushy Limppaw and all the other GOP movers and shakers are grimacing and puffin’ wondering who has stolen their game?

They are tailing George Soros and all them other libtards.

No doubt they have been pullin’ some dirty tricks to make their gang of marionettes look so bad.

Muslim Brotherhood is no doubt to blame.

Or maybe it’s Putin and his commie buddies.

Or maybe it’s Michelle Obama and her sorority sisters.

Or maybe it’s those Frenchies or that woman Angela Merkle.

It could be those environmentalists and all their talk about CLEANLINESS.

And no doubt Hollywood figures prominently.

And then there are the gays and the Blacks, and the Browns, and the Jews, the Union members, the teachers, the firefighters and police. The college professors and all manner of elites.

All poised to screw over US: the rich white guys.

 And the Tea Party member just says:

WELL DON’T LOOK AT ME! 

And so it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut used to say.

So it goes.

Jan 20 2012

It’s a Bit Like Me and Fennel

You know what I mean. Say you’re like me.

You really don’t like fennel.

You know tons of people who do.

And it looks like a pretty and quite interesting veggie.

You try it.

You take a bite.

“Oh, no” your mouth says.

You take another to be fair.

“No, no this will never do,” you wince.

But you keep finding all kinds of recipes for fennel, and you see all kinds of others eating it and lauding its virtues.

So, you know, you try a new recipe. And you start to chew, and you tell yourself, “yeah, this is better,” and you chew, and you chew, and then you sigh, swallowing in one wrenching gulp. And you put down your fork. “I just don’t like it.”

Well folks this is  Mittens in a nutshell.

After New Hampshire, Mittens seems all but assured.

And so, the strange beast that is a Republican, tried again. To like him, that is. They tried to rally ’round the flag boys.

But in the end, they just wanna spit him out. “I just don’t like it,” they moan.

And we have the first of the season, *RESURGE*.

Meanwhile we continue to learn more about the “average Republican voter.”

Let’s recap:

So far we have learned that Redumblicans don’t like gays (knew that), don’t like immigrants of the undocumented variety (knew that), like the death penalty (knew that), are pretty much okay with people dying in the streets before they will spend a tax dollar on universal health care (knew that), are 100% pro-life unless it has to do with the death penalty, dirty Muslims, or anyone else in the world who won’t give us what we want when we want it. (yeah, pretty much knew that too)

What we learned last night is that they are really in favor of all those “family values” except when it interfere with their desire to go with a candidate that solves their “anybody but Mitt” problem.

After all, “every man wants an open marriage” *har har* and wasn’t he just being a gentleman by asking, after all?

And then there is Newt’s reply which blames the “elitist” media for dredging up his *past*, which wasn’t really true anyway, cuz his friends say it wasn’t true, because they were present when he didn’t ask Marianne about letting Calista climb into their bed for some three-way action.

All of this was just gloriously cheered and clapped upon. And Mittens just stood there and looked sad since three-ways are much forbidden, even in polygamy circles, and Ricky S just plain was sick at heart cuz he has forsworn all his fantasies of three-ways figuring such would never be sanctioned by the AmerOKAY he knew. All in all, it was most enlightening, and led to many many a late night bedside chat in bedrooms across Merika, or at least the south where such things are outwardly frowned upon though practiced with great glee.

I am forced to conclude that there is something Mr. Mittens really really doesn’t want us to know about when it comes to the tax thing. Of course the 2011 returns, (which are still being compiled we are told) will be dressed up as best as can be, to bring Mittens up to at least 15%.

The reason that he doesn’t want to produce others is, because of course, he was way way below 15% regularly.

More interesting, or at least as interesting, will be his explanation of why having his money in “off shore” accounts has zero to do with avoiding taxes and everything to do with letting his money breathe in the nice ocean breezes.

The reason that there is really really something to find there, is his statement this morning to Gretchen Carlson of Fox Noise. Mittens, put foot to mouth once again and said that multiple releases would not be forthcoming because he didn’t want to give the Democrats a “big present” . Which of course means that there are lots of surprises in that box. Good luck with the stonewall there Mittens.

You thought, in your generous mind, that well, to be fair, most Republicans were only slightly crazy. I mean, you couldn’t just tell one by lookin’ at them. They belonged to the PTA, and bought Coke instead of Pepsi, and watched football on Sunday. They just were a little bit shriveled up when it came to compassion. Not a lot, just a little. And their brains were otherwise intact.

But, this is the kind of silly stuff that makes the GOP e-mail circuit. So, you know, they ARE CRAZY AS BATSHIT:

Thanks to Juanita Jean’s for this one.

And if you really want to hear what Denise thinks at Pass the Doucheys, and you really DO want to here, then go here and read her analysis rant about the Newster and his “morals”.

Looking for something a bit tamer but still riotously funny? Helen and Margaret serve up views on the current political climate.

The NYTimes editorial points out the problems that come up when you make “morality” a part of your platform. It almost invariably comes back to bite ya.

Okay, so I make a lot of funnies, but if you really want to learn something, head to Woodgate’s Views. Today he is going to educate you on Clean Energy. So get your notebook ready to take notes. Quiz tomorrow.

What’s on the Stove? Ya have your choice between leftover favorites: Brandy’s Best Ribs and Brokeback Tacos Gringa Style. Leave a tip, the cook appreciates it.

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