Did the Internet Meet Your Expectations?

internet-friendsSomething Larry said in a response to something I said, well it got me to thinking. I sometimes scare myself when I think, so tread carefully.

It’s almost impossible to look back and answer the question I posed. That is mostly because the Internet developed over time from something I am told was just “message boards” into live chat (IRC for those unfamiliar) to a burgeoning fount of information much of it worthless and untrue. Some of it is downright sick.

The hopes and dreams of many was that the Internet would be this wonderful free education venue. A lot of them are disappointed. However, I suspect that for many it does and can function in that capacity quite well. Among the intelligentsia, there is much publishing of papers which no doubt reach a much broader audience than might be imagined.

No doubt there is a down side to even this, as university types must be assaulted on a daily basis with “ideas” from those who have neither the background nor talent to offer a salient opinion or idea. Still, I’m sure it does function as was hoped in that ideas build on ideas upon ideas, coming from the most unlikely of sources. There is probably a lot more to be said for extra-disciplinarianism than meets the casual eye. I understand some think tanks specialize in bringing together an extraordinarily diverse group of people to “work” a problem. The Internet can function in that capacity without the formality of organization.

Among those who wish to simply learn, the major difficulty is developing an ability to weed out the chaff from the wheat. The Internet is filled with garbage, and only through care and critical reading can one be sure that what is being read is worth reading. There are no hard and fast rules for this, it’s instinct to a degree. But of utmost importance is discerning what the “bent” of the writer is.

For instance, I have a definite point of view in my writing, and anyone who reads much of any post will realize that. It is incumbent upon the reader then to determine whether what I say is backed up by legitimate sources (however that might be defined), and the number of sources. The more you find in agreement with me, the more likely it is that I am reporting fairly.

Religious sources can sometimes be awful sources, since they not only have a point of view, but one that they are often willing to have at all costs, truth be damned. The more stringent, the more care one should proceed with. And of course there are plenty of folks out there that use religion as their hook and then spew forth garbage. These people are looking to make a buck and know that the extremely religious types, if plied with the right language, will follow them to the gates of hell. Are you listening World Net Daily?

Stick with mainstream news sources, and be wary of individual websites. Don’t  not read them (stay here for goodness sakes) but don’t be citing them to others until you have hung around long enough to know whether they are just fun reads or they can be trusted factually.

The saddest and probably to me the most unexpected of the unexpected consequences of the Internet is the degree to which it feeds the fringe elements of our society. Nothing greater could have come along to the child pornographer I suspect. And nothing is more re-assuring to the truly insane than the ability to find others who share your illness.

Left to their own devices the stupid person generally realizes as some point that they are stupid and reacts accordingly. They tend to be followers. They do their job, don’t ask questions, and try mightily to get along in a world that they can perceive is a step up the ladder from them. They are generally harmless and nice people for the most part. You can trust them to get your mail when you are on vacation.

But turn these suckers loose on the Internet, and a monster is born.

A strange thing happens when a stupid person gets the hang of the Inter-tubes.

They meander around until they find other stupid people like themselves.

Instead of bemoaning their lot in life, or working on strategies to overcome their limitations, they rejoice!

In stupid land, more stupid means they ain’t really stupid at all!

They determine though their comparison of notes that THEY actually know what is wrong with the world and it is the stupid smart people who are really unable to see the true nature of the problems and their solutions.

They become Tea People. They become Preppers. They become conspiracy theorists. They become monotonic boomboxes for “a cause”. They are Chicken Little, cloned ten thousand times over. They are patriotic! They are Red, White and Blue. They are willing to sever the ties that bind us, in defense of “our liberties and freedoms”.

They are in a word stupid.

Their favorite game is to collect the talking points given to them by the grifters of the world, and shout them day and night. Their second favorite game is to repeat everything negative said about them to the “others”. If stupid people project their own personal fears and insecurities upon the world, then they reply, libs just are  afraid to get off the government teat and fend for themselves like “real people” do. They don’t know what any of this all means, it’s just memorized claptrap to them.

These are the same people who said “government hands off my Medicare”, yet now thanks to Rush (Obama is Santa Claus), Romney, (the 47%), and Ryan (the takers), we hear nothing else but how they are the ones who make all the money and then the government takes and hands it out to “us”.  Except the vast majority of  them live in states that get more in federal funding than they ever pay out in taxes.

Go figure. You will have to figure it out see, cuz they just scratch and look puzzled, and then look in their mantra handbook and start a new chant.

So thanks Internet.

We have a love-hate relationship.

 

I’m Arabically Dsylexic He Cried

timeWe start with the faux reality that time is and ever was and not a function of space. After all, it is called the SPACE-TIME continuum is it not? This is the reality that the Contrarian lives within, where time has always existed. This somehow makes him comfortable rather than the TRUTH which is that time has no meaning unless it has something to relate to like MATTER and SPACE!

Okay, calm yourself. That is hardly the story here.

You see, it is the Contrarian’s JOB to get up in the morning, turn on my coffee and wake me gently at 5:45 a.m. so that I can have a few sips of coffee with Morning Joe before I am hauled into the desert for romping with Diego. Simple enough, right?

So, this morning, I turn over in my usual, half-dream state and just start to settle into my favorite left-leg over right leg and head snuggled into the pillow supported by my right arm which is at a 85° angle to my shoulder. Too much information? Oh, well okay.

So, just as I am settling, as I said, I hear, “babe, it’s 5:45!”

After cursing my birth, the universe, and time itself I start to roll to a sitting position, whereupon I am assaulted with the slobbery kisses of aforementioned dog, who whines quite clearly, “let’s not be late, I have bushes to pee on!”

I thereafter engage in all the processes of which you are no doubt not interested, until I have reached the point of making the bed, whereupon said Contrarian shuffles into the bedroom and whispers, “I was a little off,  about an hour,” and scurries away ducking and dodging to avoid being hit in the head with whatever might be at hand.

I curse. I fume. I cry.

I look at the clock for the first time, having until now been confident that a 62-year-old-man can be entrusted to so simple a task. Yes, it is now, 4:50 a.m.

So I endured an hour of the dog, “is it time yet?”

I got more than a few sips of coffee.

I got to see more of Morning Joe than I’ve seen in months.

As I prepared to take the walk, I wandered into his office.

“You owe me big time you know,” I assured him.

“But it’s not my fault. I’m Arabically dyslexic! I had all the numbers right, just in the wrong order.”

“The numbers are 5:45, and you woke me at 4:40 to be exact, how is that the same numbers?” I queried.

“Well, dyslexia is like that you know, it’s a most mysterious syndrome. I can’t be held responsible for such a troublesome malady.” He actually smiled at this, figuring that once again, he’d managed to come up with an air-tight excuse for his mistake.

“Find me flash cards online! I’m starting Diego’s number recognition training as soon as possible,” I sighed.

The halo GOD, if you please!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

Or, at least meanwhile.

Las Cruces, while incredibly sane and rational as cities go, has its supply of idiots, managing to exist within its environs. Take this little ditty from the local Sun-News. A man called police to report a crime. The crime? The prostitute he had hired stiffed (oh please) him out of ten minutes. Police calmly sympathized and got his location. They sent a car. Imagine his surprise when the cuffs went on him.

Meanwhile, government forces sprayed the crowd that had accumulated at the capital. Cairo? Damascus? Um, no. Try Lansing, Michigan.

It seems the GOP, unable as usual to read the tea leaves, handwriting on the wall, or any other metaphor for JUST PLAIN FRACKING STUPID, are trying to pass right to work legislation in a state that is pretty much noted for its unions. So when people came out to protest this action, the Governor ordered, first the capital closed, and then when that didn’t disperse the crowds of protestors, he had them sprayed. Yeah, the GOP has nothing left in the tank but stupid.

Meanwhile, somebody did a study and decided where the best place to be born is. Hint: it ain’t the US of A. In fact, the US is not even in the top 10. It used to be. But no more. I’m sure the far-right will blame that on the black guy in the White House. But of course we know better.

By the by, if you think all search engines are the same? No they are not. I did a search on the above story because I heard it on the news. Ask.com provided me with NO good links. Google gave me three immediately. I have no clue about Bing? Do you have a favorite search engine? Why? Grades will be given so show your work.

If you ask me, the best place to be born right this minute is Washington state. The legalization of pot went into effect at midnight or something, and well, the whole state looked pretty darn happy to me. Just sayin’.

See, I’m a big mouth. I gotta waste your time with my chatter. I think you NEED my opinion. Squatlo Rant just gives you the cartoons and lets your think for yourself. Go and enjoy yourself. I’ll stay here and keep talking.

Jim DeMint is leaving the Senate. Hurrah, Goodbye, Don’t let the door hit you in the rear. Another Tea NUT gone. Slight uptick in the IQ of the Senate. I didn’t know it was possible for the Heritage Foundation to sink to a lower low, but it has.

Speaking of people who can’t count–Mitch “The Turtle” McConnell pops to the fore. Seems the dope called for an up or down vote on the president having the authority to raise the debt ceiling on his own. Except that when he finished counting, he didn’t have the votes to win. So when Harry Reid called for the vote, Mitchy Mucho Muttonhead filibustered his own motion. And they say animals are stupid. I bet a few species could give old Mitch a run for his money.

Okay, I’ll shut up.

Until tomorrow.

When my mouth runneth over once more.

We Shoulda Lost The Civil War

Take Alabama and Mississippi.

No seriously, take them.

Okay, that was a cheap shot. Henny Youngman of me.

But seriously, really seriously.

In Alabama, 45% of polled citizens says that the President is a Muslim. An additional 41% are “unsure. In Mississippi, it’s 52% and 36%. In other words nearly 90% of these folks are either unsure or are sure he ain’t no Christian.

In both states, something like only 25% or less believe in evolution as a true theory of how they came to be standing where they are.

Is it the water? Or does dullness naturally sink to the bottom of the continent? I mean, you could find a smarter bunch of people in the Amazon rain forest making poisonous arrows to kill monkeys for stew. Seriously.

They are the national poster states for dumb and dumber. This is down right embarrassing. A Parisian could do a better job of taking a civics test than the average Alabama/Mississippi resident.

THEY ARE VOTING TODAY TO PICK A GOP CANDIDATE.

Does that make a chill run down your back? They are allowed to vote! Talk about your voter fraud. They are walking cases for people pretending to be citizens. My dog could make a more salient choice.

I do believe that both states require mandatory chip identification just so when they get lost, as they often must, they can be sent back to the right home. “Where do you live son?” “I dunno sir, but I think it has a lot of a’s or i’s in it.”

I mean seriously.

It appears that Mikey the Huck is gonna go up against the Rushmore on the radio waves. Good news? Only marginally so. The Huckster has long ago given up any claim to be a nice Christian pastor with soothing sweet uplifting warbles of pleasantry. The Huckster, if you been a watching is urging everyone to sign on the “kill Obamacare” an ad fraught with lies and evil innuendo. In addition, he not all that long ago called the President a Kenyan, returned us to “death panels”, used the  now de rigueur Nazi allusions to all things Obama, and claims Ted Kennedy would have “committed suicide” had he lived to see the Health Care Law. Greed, greed, greed, what it does to people.

The stupid brigade (i.e., GOP House) is gearing up with a new budget. More of the same according to Politico. More money for rich folks and more gutting of medicare. Meanwhile, Willard continues to lie about the President’s record, and then turn around and lie about his own. He’s the one who would destroy Medicare as we know it, and we know he knows it. Trouble is nobody is calling him on it. Except that he doesn’t make himself available to the press, ala Ms Palin. Too many gaffes ya know.

Like this one. Willard need to button up the lip, zip the old zipper when the issue of sports comes along. Unless they are talking about “sport” that is, you know, horses and polo. Then pontificate o’ wealthy one. Otherwise, as I said, mum’s the word.

But Willard, it seems is a stubborn, and apparently rather arrogant asshat who figures, if I made all that money, I must know what I’m doing. So Mr. Bumbles calls a sports radio show in Al-err-bammy yesterday and engages in what he figures is safe territory–spoits!

Now iff’n you recalls, Mr. Bumbles talked about NASCAR just a few days ago, in which he got all perky about knowin’ the NASCAR stuff seein’ as he knew a bunch of NASCAR “team owners”. Those folks can of course be found  tailgating in the infield at the race, guzzlin’ the BUD. Right?  

And surely he was advised that such richy rich stuff was bad, and don’t do it again.

So. . . .

He’s asked about Peyton Manning, newly released Colts QB. And he says:

“I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine,” he added. “But let’s keep him away from New England.”

Yup. He said that. Yup he did.

What is it with the GOP and their hatred of public lands? The party of Teddy Roosevelt, conservationist extraordinaire, is being infested with all sorts who want to give our parks to private interests. The wealthy apparently are not wealthy enough. Willard inexplicably says that he doesn’t “know the purpose of public lands.” You don’t? I guess that is because you don’t understand things that don’t render a profit margin for your friends, Willard?

Gas prices are pissin’ off everyone. And the GOP is out to make as much of it as it can. They blame it on the President. We knew they would. Except that economists and oil experts tell you the President can’t do diddly squat about gas prices for the most part. Read Ezra Klein’s report and get the low down, when your Republican friends (should you have any) start spouting about how Obama’s policies are driving up my pain at the pump. Ain’t so. Remember, Foxy Noise said that Bush couldn’t be blamed for high pump prices a few years ago. Course, they forgot that.  

I’m Pulling for the One Percent!

Yes I am.

I’m a proud supporter of the 1%’ers.

Without them, we would be in caves. Or worse, nothing but food for T-rex and his gang of all mouth and no brains.

I can sleep at night, knowing they stand guard–staving off the constant slide toward extinction that is the end of most of creation.

The ONE PERCENTERS!!!

Meaning of course, those who have IQ’s above 110 or so.

They insure that the species goes forward and actually EVOLVES.

While, the 99%? Well,  let me see. About one half of those are people who when dressing for work, put on a shirt with their name on it, or worse, a description of their job (lest they forget and find themselves in accounting).  Another quarter are those allowed to dress themselves and refer to themselves as “middle management” even if that means being assistant manager at  the local Piggly Wiggly.

The other 25%? Well 24% are Republican and politicians. To be fair, the remaining 1% of the 99% are Democrats who got in the wrong line when they went in the “chose your political party” room.

Which simply all re-enforces what I have said for years, MOST PEOPLE ARE STUPID.

And Darwin was right. The fittest survive. But what he didn’t know, was just how few fit were needed to drag along the species as a whole.

Only 1%.

It’s nearing the end of the year, and so, we get to lists. Lists of the “best movies of 2011″, the “most important people of 2011″, the best-selling books of 2011″, and well, you get the idea.

So I suppose it’s only fair that we compose a list of the “10 most stupid people of 2011.”

I know, I know, how can we be limited to only ten? Why, in seconds, we can triple, quadruple or more that list.

If you think that I’m going to do all the work, well heck, no way. I ain’t stupid ya know.

I will point out a few themes that might get you started.

I just read where Michele Bachmann once said this:

[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s just trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet — we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.

Does that help? Make your eyes dance with glee?

Remember this one: infomercials are designed  to sell products that can’t be sold to the rationally intelligent. They prey on the knuckledraggers. Witness: the “exer-stick”, a broom handle, yours for only $19.95 to “exercise” with, and a traveling model that “telescopes” for easy carrying in your luggage.

Must I go on?

The richest 1% gets most of its support from the barely literate in the 99%, all the time telling them to “pull up their bootstraps” and when they can’t find any, announcing that they were stolen by Blacks, Mexicans, Muslim fanatics, gays, atheists, liberals, or educated college professors. And this is accepted as true.

The stupid hoard gold anticipating the coming apocalypse, but where will they spend it when Jesus comes to set up the Kingdom?

Sure sign of a gay, or cheating Republican: running on a platform of “family values” which is anti-gay, anti-Muslim, and claims that the Founding Fathers never dreamed that everyone wasn’t a Christian.

Saying out loud that global warming is a hoax because it’s cold outside.

Sure sign that there must be a God: the world doesn’t implode when it contains both a Paris Hilton and a Kim Khardasian at the same time. Or substitute Jersey Shore kids, and any Housewives from anywhere.

When scientists are puzzled that Darth Cheney has not rotted from the inside out.

You can still buy wite-out, pickled pig’s feet, slinkys and candy korn.

Most people can’t find any foreign country on a map unless we invade it.

People who believe the earth is flat can’t recall ever reading about anybody falling off the edge.

Extreme sports are lauded as “inspiring”, and the predictable deaths that occur, as “shocking.”

We spend billions on “wars on things” that are never won, and we just spend more.

People pay money to listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter, and, well the list is inexhaustible.

Grifters can always make a living.

The folks who are the busiest at screeching about “the sanctity of life” are the ones most likely to call for war.

So get busy and offer up your lists of the 10 most stupid people of 2011, and a quote or two as “proof” would be appreciated. Not needed, of course, but amusing none-the-less.

And get out there and shop your socks off. Only 7 or so more days until all hell breaks loose.

 

 

 

 

America in the Midst of a Temper Tantrum

I keep trying to make sense out of what doesn’t make sense. That can drive you a little nutty all by itself.

Still, those of us who consider ourselves reasonably sane and mature are having a nearly impossible time with the wacko Right. We are just so tired of stoopid people. And it makes us cranky.

Imagine how the rest of the world feels. We act for all the world like the 75 IQer in a 6’5″ frame weighing  320lbs. Scary huh?

I sit in the wee hours of the night, sipping on a Merlot and ponder. And, well I think I got this figured out. A little bit anyway.

Ya see, we are by all accounts just pre-adolescents, here in the New World. I mean, sure the continent is as old as the others, but humans have not walked it until the last few tens of thousands of years, whereas in Europe at least man has skipped along the hillsides to the sound of music for hundreds of thousands of years.

Stay with me here.

Europeans, have had a loooooonggggg history to contemplate; one filled with wars, numerous transfers of power, and plagues. Death, for centuries was a near constant companion. Life was not usually all that good for most people, most of the time. As the psalmist said:

The span of our life is seventy years–eighty for those who are strong–but their whole extent is anxiety and trouble, they are over in a moment and we are gone. (Ps 90: 9-10)

Change for the better for most of the world came slowly and with great effort.

In the Americas, humans arrived by tortuous means, first across Alaska when a land bridge existed, and by some accounts parts of the western coastlands of South America were visited by great seafaring Polynesians. Whether by geography or pure bounty, there wasn’t nearly the issue of land scarcity. There was room to evade  conquerors.

When Europeans arrived upon the North American continent, they found it relatively uninhabited, and even where it was, there was enough for everyone. As the white hordes increased, Native peoples were nudged, often not gently, out the of the way.

As we started to offend each other, there was always space to move onward and Westward. And, every immigrant who arrived learned that they could remake themselves with little effort. One chose one’s field of interest and apprenticed oneself, and in a few years, one was himself a blacksmith, a printer, a lawyer. It was easy, it only took determination, time, and effort.

In other words, one could improve one’s lot in life in one’s own lifetime, whereas in Europe, even a whole lifetime might not secure much better for one’s offspring. One was limited by class, something that for a good period of American history did not exist.

In our adolescence, we succeeded at most everything. We have all the resources that were now becoming scarce in Europe, we had the will. We could create our destiny. We expected and expect to succeed, and we somehow feel most entitled to do so. We are pretty much willing to do what we need to, to gain what we wish.

In a word, we are still prepubescent. We are the kid with a decoder ring in one hand and the nuclear codes in the other. That is how the world sees us. They have right to fear us. We are indeed like a shaken bottle of champagne, ready to explode when the cork is pulled. No one knows who will get doused.

At home, it explains so much.

Virtually everyone from Washington on down through Dubya has had reason to warn the American people that this or that would take patience and TIME. We don’t hear that. Ever. We are used to instant gratification, or we still desire it, much as the babe in crib screams to be fed or changed. No explanations about “heating milk” or “going for diapers” will quell the howling. There is no logic to the babe, and there is none to us.

The GOP has learned to exploit our desire for everything NOW. When it doesn’t come, they are quick to point the finger at the “failed” policies of the Democrats. Fear that we will never get what we want if we don’t turn to them, is a powerful seduction. It works.

Europe can look at problems and see solutions that will take years to accomplish. Individual countries can unite under a banner of being oil free or having  free education through college, and work steadily for that goal, often taking a generation to attain. But they get some where.

We give our politicians about two years to give us what we claim we want. We are brats, bullies, touting our “exceptionalism” all the while being mostly unlettered and intellectual duds.We are slipping badly on almost all indices.  But we are as dangerous as any bull in a china shop always is.

We only know what we want, and that we want it now. We have no clue about the intricacies of global economics, global political realities, and global pandemic. We sit on our little cushions of superiority and glare at a world that increasingly won’t do our bidding, and we shake our fist in both defiance and warning.

And we hate, and we fear, and we are, it seems, about to do some very stupid things in about three weeks. And the world waits. . . .and too many of us it seems are too busy smoking behind the barn, to notice or care. 

Exploring Stupid: STOOOPID

stupid_peopleStupid is not a word that should be bandied about lightly, as a certain President recently learned.

I promise not to bandy. God apparently did bandy, for it’s thanks to him that there are stupid people, right? I mean, geesh, perhaps there aren’t any good jokes around up-out there, but come on, give the rest of us a break huh?

Actually, I’m not going to talk about stupid in general, but stupid in  pretty darn specific way. Contrary to the above, I think most stupid people kinda know they are so. I mean don’t we all get some kind of idea where we are on the scale from too stupid to remember to breathe to so freakin’ brilliant that the space-time continuum is but child’s play?

I mean it only took me seeing what kind of dim bulbs could actually graduate from law school, to realize that I better start taking proper care in selecting my physician and dentist, accountant, and so on and so forth. Passing tests is some what of an art form, and is no indicator of “smarts.” Some folks have the “gift for gab” and that makes then electable, no?

I assume most of them know this. I knew it. I’m not stupid, but I’m not as smart as the Contrarian for instance. I’m smarter than better than half the House of Representatives, but not as smart as the other half. I can study hardier and compensate a lot. Most people learn ways to compensate for their weakness. They find people who are smarter and listen carefully to their opinions, they take cues from signs saying walk and don’t walk. You know what I mean.

But then, there is a class unto themselves, and I am rather angry that God thought fit to sic them on humanity. They are: People who are stupid, and not only don’t know it, but think they are above average and are arrogant about that. Yes, a rare bird indeed, but when you have come upon such a one as this, you will be bald in a short time from pulling out every freakin hair on your head in frustration.

SarahPOne could argue, go ahead, argue, or conclude, that Sarah,”The Quitter,” Palin is such a creature. I hate to think she is, for that means that God has passed from being humorous to down right mean spirited, and that’s something I don’t like to think about God.

Now for Sarah, stupidity takes on a rather unique characteristic. It isn’t that she is knuckle dragging stupid, but that she has this bizarre idea that because she can somehow manage to titillate a certain small, below average, population, that she is fit to govern something larger than a PTA meeting.

Rest assured, she has hired people who sit with binoculars to watch should Putin raise his head from Russia and snoop. She’s got that covered.

What kind of mental midget thinks that it’s okay not to learn anything about issues, because one’s “gut” is all one needs. What kind of incurious bird can’t think of a single publication when asked to state what papers and magazines she reads? I mean is this rocket science?

I will give you an example of a true idiot I once worked “around.” Said person was a judge, elected by the fine folks of Detroit, Michigan, or Daytwa, if you like the French pronunciation. Since said “attorney,” and I use that term as they say loosely, was fairly poor at his craft, and was regularly embarrassed in courtrooms, it made perfect sense to him to run for judge. And given God’s penchant for this humorous subspecies of homo sapien, “C” won.

Now most people in criminal court are there for good reason. Even if not technically or otherwise guilty of the present crime, they are okay with paying their dues for a hundred they escaped notice with. But occasionally, a really really innocent person enters the arena, and it’s incumbent on all parties to recognize that. Especially is it important that judges sniff out these folks. Its fairly easy thereafter to see that justice prevails.

But arrogant and stupid confines itself to adoring itself. It can’t see beyond its own brilliance, and so, I would be frustrated in attempting to alert said “C” that he needed to LISTEN. There were of course myriads of stories about said ASS (Arrogant/stupid/sapien), and I won’t relate them here, but for one.

I was patiently (one must be patient) outlining, step by step, why any judge with a brain (perhaps only 1/2 of one) should do as I suggested, by proceeding point by point, all inexorably leading to an obvious conclusion. “Crrrrrshhshsh, crrrrsshhshs,” I hear, coming from the microphone at the bench. I look up. (Not that dramatic look up over the rims of reading glasses, since I was way too young for them, but with a definite look of exasperation. One could also turn one’s back for a moment and make a face at the attorneys sitting behind, which often brought muffled giggles and attempts to not give away that the freakin’ judge had gone bonkers. . . . but I digress).

Said ASS was banging a piece of paper about the side of 4 x 4 inches against some spike that you save messages on. Finally it concluded, he looked at me, and in full exasperation, waved his arm, “Go on, go on, or are you done?”

I refrained from saying the obvious, “I won’t be done until I’ve seen you die from having lost your last functioning brain cell.” Of course, he didn’t understand a word I had said, and he denied whatever it was I asked, and then called me and the oh so lucky, don’t have to work in this courtroom prosecutor, to the bench.

Once there, I hazarded a look down at what had been stuck on the spindle. Being a sneaky attorney, I am good at reading upside down. It said in part.

  • Be calm
  • Relax, take a deep breath
  • Speak Slowly
  • “Would the clerk please call the first case.”

Need I say more? And this from an I D I O T who had been on the bench for better than a year!

Well, I can smell a wounded animal with the best of them Alaska hunters. I was merciless to the end in making a jackass out of “C” from that day forward. Did I tell you I can’t stand arrogant and stupid together? The only drawback, was that most of the time, he was too STUPID to know what sport I made of  him.

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