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I confess that there are times when it really gets to me. Being a defense attorney for twenty years, I was wont to say, I’d seen it all. Being a sardonic, sometimes witty commentator on the political scene, suggests that I”ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to the human ability to be stark raving MAD.
So, before losing the last shred of my own sanity, I wrote to God.
Dear God,
I hope that the day finds you in good spirits. I trust that the workload isn’t getting you down. I just have a question or two if you don’t mind.
I mean, I have no clue how chaotic the rest of the universe might be. Earth is probably not so special, so our problems might be small in comparison to some you’re dealing with. But, I’m just asking, could you turn your attention to us for just a bit? Things are really reaching a point where a lot of good people are going bald from pulling out their hair here. Sanity is becoming an elusive commodity for Chr. . . urrr, goodness sake.
Even if you are too busy, and maybe Buddha and Jesus and Gandhi are also tied up, but perhaps the Archangel Michael is free? We need someone!
If you’ve turned on the TV up there lately, you know we are in an election cycle. And all I can say is it’s CRAZY here. We have candidates and supporters who say things like this:
- I am not a witch! (now that starts you right off knowing that something has gone really wacky here. I don’t remember that phrase since those days of Salem, do you? )
- The President is channelling his Kenyan dead father! (this from a serial monogamist who claims to be a lawful member of one of your biggest churches, and is thinkin’ mightily of running for President!)
- All non-Christian immigrants should leave the country! (this from an ex congressman who is mounting a write-in campaign for governor, in a state called Colorado. Nice state, crazy people.
- Just build the dang fence! (this from a failed presidential candidate who sold his soul to satan (why you leave him around here beats the heck out of me!) and hates everybody who didn’t vote for him)
God, I could go on for hours, it’s purely insane as I said. People tell lies upon lies and nobody seems to care. Why people actually say they hate one party, but are voting for them anyway! It seems integrity and principle have no place in our world. Everybody wants more and they don’t care if everybody else has to suffer for.
You may have heard we had an awful environmental catastrophe here. Given the companies involved, we figured they were negligent. It’s proving to be far worse than that. They KNEW their stupid well was dangerous, and they just kept trying to fudge the numbers to make it look otherwise. You may have heard the names BP and Haliburton. A well-placed lightening bolt, Sir, would not be inappropriate, but of course, you be the judge. Literally Sir, you are the judge!
The whole dang planet is under attack from greed and jealousy it seems. All kinds of stuff is clothed with words that use YOU God, to justify what are really only personal goals of affluence and power. It’s a shame and the rest of us, that would be 97% of us, are beginning to suffer.
If you have a spare minute, could you maybe take a look and send us a little help?
Your mostly failing, but always trying, servant.
Sherry
Well, I got an answer! I truly did. I found this under my pillow this morning.
Dear Amanda, Charles, Lisa Sherry,
Sorry, but we are into some serious recycling up here! I have read your letter and am aware of your wishes, concerns, and/or demands. If I were to list all the planets we are presently watching over, the number would take another page just to write it out. But we I am aware!
You can be sure that I am always doing my best to answer your prayer/request/demand/ and or delight in your offer of thanks. (Whichever applies)
No seriously, I’m only joking!
I am a bit sheepish merely because your letter prompted a look-see and mini investigation. Jesus is busy in the Delta Quadrant at the moment, but this is clearly his fault. He’s usually in charge of Earth, but we had this issue of a bleed-over from Beta, and well suns were exploding and it was a mess! But still there is no excuse for what happened.
When I say Jesus has been busy, well, I mean, here, busy can take a few millions of years. In this case it didn’t but it did take a few thousand. And I guess we lost track, and well, to use a local idiom, shit happens.
And it did. A low-level (I mean really low-level) newbie angel was supposed to monitor the transports. And well, she is a bit dyslexic and we didn’t know, and, well, it happened.
Earth does have imps about, we have a devilish time ferreting them out and getting them to their home world. It seems they have been diverting a transport of new souls here and there from where they were intended–the planet Heart, to Earth. You can see the problem?
Well, Sylvia (that’s the girl with dyslexia), she misread the manifest. In fact, she did it many times.
Boy, this is embarrassing! Anyway, You were supposed to go to Heart, and instead ended up on Earth. You are not psychologically matrixed for that planet, so I can imagine your distress. It is not your fault. YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. At least I hope not.
Please sit tight, and we’ll be arranging a transport for you and as many of the others as we can find. Sad to say, those that were scheduled for Earth and ended up on Heart are no more. They were eaten as soon as their insanity was discovered. JUST KIDDING!!!
But I do apologize, as does Jesus. Heck all of us do! Hope you understand. You are definitely on our to-do list!
Best Wishes,
Your God and Creator
My bags are packed. I packed the Contrarian’s too. I hope he’s going with me, but well, I’m outta here!
Existential Ennui 