And the winner is. . . . Senator Stephen Sweeney, president of the New Jersey state Senate!
The winner of what? Why the first ever STUPIDO AWARD! After an avalanche of votes, ummm one, and up against a tough field of gloriously stupid Rethuglians, we give our very first award to a Democrat!
Sweeney, a union man (so he claims), saw fit to strike a deal with the devil (Governor Chris Christie) and got burned (who could have guessed?).
After screwing over union folks and good working people on Christie’s budget balancing behalf, Mr. Sweeney waited patiently as every good dog does for his bone after performing his tricks. Alas, Mr. Christie, being the perfect bully two-timer that we all know him to be, line-item vetoed every Democratic bauble in the new budget. So Mr. Sweeney gave away the house, and paid all the moving costs for the new owners.
This is a copy of the letter sent to Mr. Sweeney’s Senate office:
Dear Senator Sweeney:
We are pleased to announce that you have received an award! The good news is that you have won the award. The bad news is that you have won the award.
We, here in the rest of the good old US of A have heard of your troubles with the great rotund one, Mr. Christie, how you cooked a deal with him that screwed around with pensions and health care benefits for fine working folks in order to balance the budget. No doubt all those fine rich folks and corporate giants there in New Jersey were most pleased to understand that THEY shouldn’t suffer during this budget crisis.
We also hear that Mr. Christie returned the favor by line-item vetoing all Democratic-offered provisions to help their now poorer constituents. So, as they say, first you screwed your constituents, and then Christie screwed them again.
All this led the field in stupidity. You were up against some real screw balls in this competition, such as the ever-crazy Michele Bachmann, the even crazier Rep. Joe Barton from TEXAS, and even Orin Hatch. But you sir, you beat them all, causing this very leftist blog to give its first ever award to a DEMOCRAT. I guess that gives me some credibility on the right at least.
So, Mr. Sweeney, please be advised that you are the now-proud recipient of the first ever STUPIDO AWARD.
For the one-time low price of only $19.95, you can receive a facsimile copy of your award. I can assure it is printed on the very best cheap copier paper, and embossed with the best printer ink. It was lovingly made by three little elves who put their best literary efforts into it.
If you order your copy within the next 24-hours, you will receive a Second copy, free of charge. (I’m sure you want one for both your office and your home.)
In the long nights that you must now suffer through asking again and again, “what was I thinking?” this award is sure to bring your comfort, that your fellow citizens across the country have recognized your talent for screwing up in a special way.
So don’t delay, return e-mail your order.
And may I again offer, as primary writer for A Feather Adrift, my congratulations.
*No checks please (we figure you might not be smart enough to balance your checking account!)
**Shipping and handling apply ($6.95) per order (consider multiple orders for your friends and relatives!)
***Suitable for framing (frame not included).
Sincerely,
That folks is the actual letter that I sent. I’ll let you know when we get a reply 🙂
To be fair (and balanced)…I did create a facsimile award in Word:
Update on the storm: The Contrarian found a small hole in the roof about the size of a soft ball. He’s completed a repair job and we are all snugged in again.
Existential Ennui 