NOTHING’S WRONG!!!!

Tags

depression, life in the meadow, lifestyle, marriage, Mental Health, Security, stress, The Contrarian

Okay, so life has been a little stressful lately. Well, a lot stressful. It may surprise you, but when two people live together 24/7, it can get a bit dicey sometimes. Love can only take you so far ya know.

At the center of our misery is the Bronco. A full week and nearly one-half later, and it still sits without real brakes.

You have to understand the country town mechanic to get this. They tend to be rather strange, loner individuals. They work on their own schedules, and they don’t much need the work.

So we keep getting pushed down the line. Plus he wants us to leave it there, and that means finding a ride. And our ride’s phone is out. (we can drive with what are called “mechanical brakes” which work but aren’t shall we say giving you the “stop on a dime” capability.

So, we, the Contrarian and I and having our stress issues.

And, shockingly, we don’t handle it the same way. I am (typically?) female. I wanna talk it out. I am also a bit of a pessimist, which is good, since I’m usually the one who is right, things always go bad most of the time. I have depressive tendencies, and so I pout, look morose, and snap at people and animals.

The Contrarian is male. He likes to ruminate. He doesn’t want to talk. He likes to handle his stress and depression with diversionary behavior.

To me, it looks like doesn’t care much about the issue of the bronco. He is constantly looking at me and asking “is something wrong?”

Something????? Yeah, how bout everything, I scream silently. I seethed, and wonder what planet is he on. I then punish him by saying, “No, not a thing.” And go back to cursing the day I met him.

I wait for him to tell me what he now plans. He never offers. I wait. I seethed, I curse.

He sits. And sits. But he is ruminating. And as he now tells me, he finds himself at times like this when his plan has gone awry, in a frozen state. He becomes inactive. Until finally he is able to work out another plan. Until then, he is silent.

I can understand that. Now that I know.

I explain. I never had much insecurity as a child. There were never any discussions about not having enough of anything. There were no discussions about putting off this purchase until some bills were paid.

When I left home as an adult, financial security was prime with me. I usually maintained it very well. I like options. I like agreed upon alternative plans. I like security.

I know, I know. Security is illusory, and if only fundamentalists got this, the world would be a better place. Security is not humanity’s lot in life. Never has been and never will be. Until we can defy death (believers of course excluded), we will always be insecure.

But I mean the normal kind of security. The common sense planning that we all do, or should, to ensure that we can survive. The tornado shelter, the savings account, that sort of thing.

Living in the meadow has made me feel very insecure. Weather has the power to dictate when I can leave it and when not. We have only one operative vehicle. Things like that make me insecure.

Apparently such things don’t much bother the Contrarian. Security is a certain amount of insulation from the world that I am finding increasingly hard to bear all the time. Solitude seems to make him comfortable, while I have started to find it more stifling.

Weird how two people can live together for eleven plus years, and still find so much they do not understand about each other.

We are in a better place today. We have talked it out. We understand each others ways of dealing with high drama stress better. I know he’s not just ignoring problems. He knows my bad moods reflect worry. We can be kinder and gentler to each other.

It makes me wonder if other married or long-term partnered people find new things about their other after years of being together. It was a bit of a shock to me, finding out a couple of things my Contrarian divulged. No doubt he got a surprise at some of my  interior mechanisms.

Are we weird? Or what?

Related Articles

• 15 Ways to Stop Obsessing (beliefnet.com)
• Does Your Personality Make You Stressed? (lifescript.com)
• How to Deal with Stress (socyberty.com)
• What is Rumination Syndrome? (brighthub.com)

Okay, Now What?

Tags

fiction, Humor, inspiration, lifestyle, mysticism, prayer, science, spirituality, stress, writing

As I was starting through my reader today, I visited a new blog that I am so sure is exceptional, that I gave it the appellation of “never miss.” It’s called 3quarksdaily, and I invite you to take a look at it. Let’s just say, very smart people write it and very smart people read it.

I opened it this morning, and low and behold, I see that they clearly have read my first foray into the short story (featured yesterday) and have sent me a message. That message is located here. It relates to “bad writing.”

Now, some weeks ago, I decided to define myself primarily as a writer rather than blogger. And since then I’ve been rather steeped in my own glory so to speak. As such, being a writer that is, I consider myself gifted in some sense–perhaps not a Hemingway or a Tolstoy, but  talented to be sure.

I failed of course to realize that most  writers see themselves that way, and as the article continued, most of course are quite wrong. The growth of self-publishing of course only makes the matter worse, allowing for more and more really bad crap being out there, and making it harder and harder for the average person to define the brilliant from the cow poo.

Of course, one can, to a degree I suppose, relate to it as art, “I know what I like” and leave it at that, yet, with writing there are no doubt definable standards. By the way, there are some terrific links at the end of the article to sites which list the top 40 worst books, identified by those who are presumably experts in the field.

Which is all to say, that my opening salvo into the field has been less than successful. I expected, (most surely I did) to open my mail this morning and find a long list of comments on my humorous piece. I found exactly two and not much in the way of reference to the piece itself. (And please, I’m not looking for all my dear blogging and reading friends to come to my aid with them now.) I only speak to say, that writing is  perhaps harder than I think.

My feet, are, replanted firmly on the ground (terra firma would have been trite don’t you think, and ohh so obvious!). I shall continue, but with a renewed realization that talent is not enough, some blood and guts are also required to be laid at the feet of the eater of words.

If you just want to take a gander at the worst 40 books, then just follow this. But beware, this is literary snootiness at it’s highest.

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Terry Newell, writing for HuffPo, has a great piece on the science revolution that is occurring at least in this country. No longer do we simply accept the words and explanations of the scientific community.

Science in a word has become a weapon to be wielded. A sword fight ensues between the right and left, each claiming it has the “truth.” The poor unknowledgeable public, ends up, by and large, simply following the dictates of their favorite side.

All this makes for some bad science, and worse yet, bad decisions. This also comes via 3quarksdaily. And if you think Americans are generally knowledgeable about science, read the twitter comments at the end. If I hear one more idiot saying “global warming my eye, it’s snowing outside” I’ll scream.

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Life is tough, and it’s busy. We are all faced with trials and well, just plain more to do than we have time for. We get stressed. We can turn to prayer, meditation, sports, hobbies, or booze. But we all look for ways to take a time out.

I am sorry I can’t remember through whose blog I came upon this link, but I took it, and haven’t been sorry since.  Balance in Me is one of those sites that becomes an oasis in a busy day. Filled with concrete ideas of how to cope with life, you will surely find ideas that you can implement.

Devotees of this lifestyle try to incorporate all the suggestions, but those who aren’t giving up beer and pizza any time soon, and find more affiliation with the remote than a yoga mat, can find a thing or two that might help them too.

Do yourself a favor and take a look. The link is to her latest article.

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I’ve recently been reminded on how precious life is, and how terribly we take it for granted. In fact, we take entirely too much for granted in our lives, and often it does come back to bite us in the most unfortunate ways.

My dear friend Jan, at Yearning for God seems always to post just the right inspiration for me, exactly when I need it. Following another of her excellent links, I came upon this site only yesterday.

Carl McColman is an author and new Catholic who has a knack for prayer and inspiration. I’ve already found his site enriching, in just a couple of visits.

If you are interested in spiritual development I would urge a look at Anamchara: The Website of Unknowing.  His latest book is on Christian Mysticism, and I’m contemplating a purchase myself.

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Please note that most of these sites are not yet on my blogroll, so do make sure you bookmark any that you seriously like. And do have a peaceful and glorious day. Make ‘er count!