We’re Still Here?

Tags

"the hat", Beatrice, environment, global warming, GOP, Humor, Israel, Middle East, Mitch Daniels, Palestine, rapture, religion, Tim Pawlenty, tornadoes, weather

Photo credit: Adam Baron

Well, thankfully, we took lawn chairs. I mean Saturday for the Rapture. We were up on the hill, standing, and then sitting. Checking the watch. We clasped hands at :30 seconds and counting. And then. . . N O T H I N G.

At first, utter terror grabbed my heart. Oh no, was there some bureaucratic snafu? Had our names been left off by some angelic error? I commenced to clacking my ruby-red shoes again and again. To no avail.

We wondered, should we run back to the house and get in the basement? But all was eerily quiet and well, you might even say serene. No shaking, no erupting cacophony of earth-splitting horrors.

Finally, dejectedly, we wandered back to the house, flipped on the TV and found everything pretty much the same.

“Damn it!” the Contrarian exclaimed.

“What?”

“We missed the Preakness. Wonder who won?” he muttered.

“I can top that,” I intoned.

“How’s that?”

“On Monday, I’m back to what is increasingly as boring as paint drying–the GOP field of candidates!” I sighed.

♦

No doubt the poor people of Joplin, MO thought the Rapture might have been just delayed as they saw their town torn apart by a killer tornado yesterday. These monster storms are taking a toll across the country, and one has to go back to pre-1950 times to find these kind of death tolls. That means the storms are more ferocious, since warning systems and structures are certainly much better today. But there ain’t no global warming of course. No that is not possible.

♦

Does anyone care that Mitch Daniels is out and Tim Pawlenty is in? It’s really hard to. Theories abound as to why the “better?” candidates are opting out and the idiots are taking center stage. The most likely scenario is that they figure that Obama is nearly a sure bet. Re-focus on 2016. Maybe. If so, it promises to be a yawner except for the humor factor if Bachmann and Palin, join the other loonies Cain, Santorum, and Gingrich. Even then, it’s hard to get enthused. Or maybe I’m just off my game today. **shrug**

♦

 

Proof that I am sane and the world is crazy? One need go no further than a few weeks ago when I named the hat worn by Princess Beatrice at the William and Kate wedding as the “Bullwinkle Hat.”

Said “hat” sold on Ebay for $130,000 big ones. Need I say more?  

Truly, the more I look, the easier it is to find evidence that I am one of the few remaining sane humans on this planet.

Newt Gingrich. Need I say more?

I can go on like this all day. I deserve some kind of recognition for my ability to retain my mind in good working order when faced with this kind of insanity provoking nuttery. I do.

♦ 

I confess to not understanding all the intricacies of the Middle East peace process. But over the years, my sympathies have shifted more to the Palestinian side of things. I certainly don’t like Hamas’s tactics, but I think the Palestinians have a better claim on the land than do the Israelis. Fair reading of the Bible must leave a person with a certain amount of “well that’s a convenient way to tell the story and justify war and genocide isn’t it” feeling in the end.

Looking back, it was probably a very bad idea to create the state of Israel. And given history, Jerusalem, seems to me, to be fairly an “international” city of three religions. Saying all that, realities are what they are.

I suspect that those who really are in the know, know that Obama’s  speech on the peace process were carefully crafted and struck just the right note. They are entirely in line with European allies conclusions on the matter.

How do you feel about the situation?

♦

What’s on the stove? Liver and Onions, carrots, salad

 

 

Checking My Watch Every Two Minutes

Tags

fiction, Harold Camping, Humor, Johnny Depp, Literature, rapture, short stories

I don’t know about you, but here in the Peyton household, we could barely sleep last night. I mean, we are soooo excited.

First thing we did was take a shower–in the morning no less.

It was hard to decide what to wear. We couldn’t figure out if we should wear our “Sunday best” or just regular clothes. Heck we don’t know if our clothes will be coming with us.

We settled on dressing neatly and cleanly, but without too much fuss. I have been told that glorified bodies are not fat or thin so, heck my clothes might fall off. I clipped in a few safety pins just in case.

We bathed the dogs yesterday. Boy did they NOT like that. And Brandy is none too happy about the collar either, but we figured they should be leashed. I mean it’s likely to be pretty crowded at first, and we don’t want to be separated. The cats  have already been put in carriers. You know how they can tend to “disappear” at the last minute, and we don’t want to lose track of them either.

Pastor Harold Camping was none to informative frankly about the “little things”. I mean, I have no idea what the weather will be like. I assume there will be seasons, but I don’t know for sure. It seems God would not be unkind to all those snowboarders and NEVER let them have snow again. I’m taking a sweater, and hope that will be enough.

I can’t decide whether we should take a bible or not, and really don’t know which translation! I am torn between the New Revised Standard Version or The New Jerusalem. But the Contrarian (I guess I probably won’t be calling him THAT much longer) thinks we should take the good old KJV.

The whole idea of books is quite a problem. I just hate leaving mine behind. I suppose God has quite the library though, and so maybe it won’t be so bad. But I am fussy, and well, I can only borrow.

Which brings up the whole NFL thing. I mean the Contrarian is adamant that we request a mansion with NFL cable, so he can watch the Packer’s games. I keep reminding him of course that there won’t be anymore football to watch on TV. For heaven sakes, it stands to reason that MOST of the NFL players won’t be qualifyin’ and coming up with us. And I figure trying to play football in white robes is gonna be messy. Imagine all those grass stains?

Then of course, he reminded me that the same could be said of most of my favorite actors and such. No more Desperate Housewives! And of course, given what we read in the tabloids, most of them will be “left behind” as they say. (I been praying all day that God spares Johnny Depp for me!)

As I said, we didn’t sleep much last night. Had to umm, errr, well, there isn’t gonna be any more of THAT in heaven, or so I’ve been led to believe. That is a bit of a bummer. But the alternative as they also say, is, well, let’s not go there.

So far, we haven’t heard any news of earthquakes. They are supposed to start worldwide at 6 p.m. I thought that was local time, so I figured by now there would be reports of them from the east and of course seeing people flying up into the clouds. Maybe the unfortunates are too sad to relate that they’ve been left, or too busy dodging brimstone. No doubt we’ll find out everything as soon as we land.

I assume we’ll be loaded on busses and transported to our apartments. Truthfully, I’d rather have a yard. People who bring pets might get yards. That would be nice. Do animals poop in heaven? Now that’s a question isn’t it? I don’t rightly know. Do you?

I just want to make sure I get a really nice kitchen. I so love to cook, and can’t wait to make a nice paella. I sure hope we don’t have to eat a lot of ambrosia. I mean some is okay, but frankly I prefer chocolate chip cookies.

I’m also wondering when we meet all the “loved” ones who have passed ahead of us. I guess maybe our new “mansions” will have phone books and we can just look them up. Of course, it’s gonna be a bit messy, blending these two families. I wonder how the Contrarian’s dad will like mine? And His mom? How do they do that two husbandy thing I wonder? I plan on making a big old bowl of my prize-winning (well if I ever entered it, it would have won) potato salad. I wonder if they have charcoal? Maybe everyone uses gas grills?

Oh, whew, just about forgot to get my very favorite earrings! I This is so stressful! I mean, should we take a carry-on? Or would that now be a carry-up?

I really don’t know what kind of work we will be expected to do there. I mean I guess we’ll all just automatically “know” the bible, so I can hardly do my studies any more. Nurses and doctors and folks like that are no longer needed. What will they do? I guess I could work part-time at Burger King. I prefer Burger King to McDonald’s, in case someone is keeping track.

Do we get wings? Will we have replicators? I mean on the Enterprise, they really couldn’t do without them. I don’t think we should have to either.

Well, it’s getting on to the afternoon. We are watching some movies, just in case we can’t get our favorites at the heavenly Blockbuster.

Hey, after you get settled, (assuming you are saved of course), look us up. That’s Peyton with an E. And if we don’t hear from ya, well, ya know, we will feel bad. Ya probably won’t feel a thing, at first at least. There is that eternity thing unfortunately. Trust that we will feel bad for ya on the anniversary date March 21, 2011!

Take that Mayan wannabes!

Related articles

• I didn’t make the cut 😦 (prphtprstkng.wordpress.com)
• Before there was Harold Camping, there were the Millerites…. (shortformblog.tumblr.com)
• Harold Camping: Third time’s the charm (lunkiandsika.wordpress.com)
• Harold Camping Round-up (scotteriology.wordpress.com)
• Harold has provided himself with an out – an extended Rapture (iflizwerequeen.com)
• The End Of the World (tirelessthoughts.wordpress.com)

The Seduction of Intellectual Acuity

Tags

Cornell West, fundamentalism, GOP, Humor, intellect, Newt Gingrich, Obama, power, psychology, rapture, religion, Strauss-Kahn

I’ve been following the story about the IMF head, Dominique Strauss-Kahn and his troubles with the law. I have, quite naturally, no opinion about his guilt or innocence.

Yet, the media in exploring the issue, of “why do men of power do such things” always come down with the same basic conclusion: Because they can.

And why do women, at least those who are willing participants in these clandestine affairs engage with these sometimes old, rather homely men?

The answer to that seems to be the seduction of power. It seems that Strauss-Kahn has been a “ladies man” for many a year. His current wife stands by him, and by all reports they are a “team”. She may well be willing to overlook his sexual asides for what she perceives is a greater advantage: the perks of marriage to a wealthy and very powerful man. Nice homes, clothes, jewels, travelling first class, best hotels, hobnobbing with the rich and famous, these seem powerful aphrodisiacs to many a woman. Perhaps to men as well. You’d have to ask them.

This syndrome, if indeed it is one, can travel far down the line, to fairly remote little fiefdoms. It can, and has included men from local courts, mayors, state representatives, and minor junior vice presidents. Anything that enhances one’s lifestyle is at least better than nothing as they say.

I’ve never quite seen the advantage myself. Or should I say, I’m not seduced by power.

No, I am seduced by intellect. Not being much of one myself, I worship at the altar of brain power. Einstein is sexy. And frankly, I find it not at all odd that Stephen Hawkings has been married more than once. It is why I often disagree with their political philosophies, but still set mesmerized when listening to the lyrical prose spewing forth from people like Christopher Hitchens, Gore Vidal, and before that William F. Buckley.

Smart men, especially those with razor wit and acerbic hauntiness ring my bells. I adored Truman Capote with his utter disdain for the common.

These men may be utter bastards in their private lives, but I swoon to the melodic notes of their rhetoric.

Such is me. Diversity is what makes life interesting after all.

♦

Speaking of which, Cornel West is a man I  admire. He’s probably a difficult man in every respect but I love to listen to his talk. He’s got a lot to say about our President, most of it not kind. The Reaction‘s newest contributor, Zandar, has a very thoughtful piece that is worth your time to read. When does criticism devolve into a vehicle to promote oneself?

♦

Speaking of which, the best joke I’ve heard about Strauss-Kahn is:

“Dominique Strauss-Kahn has decided not to run for the French Presidency now, given the charges that have been leveled against him. He has however, filed to run against Italian President Berlusconi”. from Andy Burkowitz

♦

You no doubt have heard that Newt has already screwed the pooch as they say. Went and just cut the legs out from under Ryan’s play to kill Medicare. This just after assuring us on Meet the Press Sunday that he was going to a “disciplined” candidate, no more going off half-cocked as in the past. Seems the Salamander has really really screwed up, with the GOP establishment taking pot shots at him like he’s one of those ducks in a carnival game. Couldn’t happen to a slimier newt as they say.

Which is all ado about nothing, since Newt never had a chance. He’s using other people’s money to run, and when all is said and done, will go back to his numerous “groups” he’s formed that pay all his bills otherwise. They dude is nothing but a parasite, always has been.

And the slithery one also has yet to explain why he owes Tiffany something between $250-500,000 in unpaid bills. Guess his various organizations don’t want to foot that bill.

♦

No doubt you worry about the Rapture about as much as I do.  And yes, I meant all  the time. I mean, I would hate to be caught in the shower. How embarrassing is that! Or with dirty underwear! Or, well, doing that!

Anyway, if you are a student, a professor decided to hand this out to his students. I think similar analogies might be made to one’s boss, parent, etc. Thanks to Exploring Our Matrix for this one.

This is of some importance folks, cuz another one of those “prophets” has declared that I think it’s gonna be before the end of this month. Don’t make plans for June!

♦

What’s on the stove? Arroz Con Pollo.

I Never Lie. I’m Lying.

Tags

beliefs, bible, critical thinking, dispensationalism, facts, fundamentalism, GOP, Politics, psychology, rapture, the big lie, truth

I don’t know what your experience with lying is, but I recall a few things that I’ve learned.

1. Parents tend to look with disfavor at lying and punish accordingly. It is seldom a rewarding experience to be caught in deliberate falsehood.

2. It is exceedingly difficult to never get caught lying. There are simply too many factors to be controlled, and some of them aren’t within your sphere. Again, consequences can be most distasteful.

3. Nowhere is it worse to lie and get caught than as a lawyer. Deliberately ignoring the case that destroys yours in the hopes that neither the opposing counsel nor the judge will come across it is risky. If they do, you have lost all credibility for mostly forever. You may face disciplinary action as well if your actions are deemed egregious.

4. Friends tend to disappear when you are caught lying to them. Honesty is a hallmark of friendship, along  with loyalty, and dependability.

5. Jesus and God seemed mostly opposed to the idea. Enough said.

Therefore, I have continually scratched my head in wonder as I have watched for the past several years as the GOP and its members have lied in the most bold manner imaginable. And have gotten caught at it, and basically haven’t paid a penalty.

A few days ago, I linked you to an article on facts and how they are seemingly unimportant to some folks.  If you didn’t get a chance to read it, or to refresh your memory, studies (many in fact) prove that even when people are presented with incontrovertible facts, they tend to believe what they did before. They in essence, ignore truth.

Sadly the more passionate one is, the more one is inclined to do this. This explains of course quite well such people as teabaggers and the whole Foxy Faux News thing. Conservatives oddly or not so oddly, ignore the facts when presented and apparently truth doesn’t even register. Liberals recognize the facts as such, but apparently argue around them to maintain their original belief.

The GOP, perhaps by hiring some “message” guys and gals learned that they could lie with impunity and still get their point adopted by those who were predisposed to believe their message. I recall a guy, whose name eludes me (he’s been interviewed and participated in public opinion discussions many times), talking about how he helped craft the GOP message. Word choice was critical. Certain words were deliberately chosen to evoke knee jerk responses and favorable images to the listener. This was coupled by having the party in general repeat the key words every chance they could. So there was a blitzkrieg of the phrase. It was eventually picked up by the faithful as truth regardless of the actual facts. (See death panels.)

Now, we have discussed many times what it is about some people that make them susceptible to messages that are illogical and ultimately harm their own economic position and even more so, cut across their supposed “Christianity.” The GOP has been able to delve into that deep place of anxiety, worry, and uncertainty, and present a message, much like biblical fundamentalism, that is simple, complete and “patriotic.”

Marrying fundamentalist notions of biblical literalcy, with patriotism, and with Founding Fathers revisionist history, has proved fruitful for some years now. Positions that seem racist, class oriented, misogynist, and otherwise unjust to the rest of us, are somehow transformed into Constitutionally mandated recipes for being a true Christian and a real citizen.

This is heady stuff, and as the study shows, most hard to combat. No mere presentation of truth will suffice here to dissuade such fervent belief. In fact, the “truth” is really just seen as falsehood and expected from the powers of evil sent by secular devils.

I think that from my reading and experience such types cannot be changed. I recently read a short paper on dispensationalism and the Left Behind series. The author showed, easily of course, the insane and silly biblical analysis that results in this kind of thinking. The very idea of being raptured into the clouds is a simple exegetical misunderstanding of the word apantesis, found in Thess. 4:17.

The author of the Boston Globe article finds that there may be only one effective solution. When the lies are stated, they must be immediately called out. This of course is what Media Matters and various fact checker sites attempt to do, but of course, you wouldn’t know that unless you follow those websites.

Joe Keohane, writing the “facts backfire” article, points to the moderators and interviewers as the place to start. Journalists used to, as a matter of course, know their subject, ask piercing questions, and point out weak arguments. They don’t any more. They appear to think their purpose is to give the interviewee time to make his case without comment.

The author argues that their feet must be put to the fire. There need to be consequences to what one says. Embarrassment on national television is a fine way to start. At least, it will impact the vast middle, who are not either rabidly left or right. They will register the correction, and be wary of such purveyors of untruth in the future.

One thing that was not stated in the article by Mr. Keohane, is that we can insist that our primary educational institutions do a much better job of teaching critical thinking and listening. That cuts neither for or against liberalism or conservatism. It makes everyone better at understanding truth. It helps to mold belief that is based on objective facts rather than “gut” reactions, and perhaps unknown personal bigotries that help support a comfortable worldview.

As to parents perhaps they need spend a bit more time trying to help their children develop such abilities while we await our schools to do their jobs. We need to start somewhere. We must start now. Unless you enjoy living in a nation that gets more and more schizophrenic with each passing year. Your choice.

I Want to Ask

Tags

advertising, celebrities, courts, creationists, evolution, Gitmo, journalism, Madison Avenue, Media, Muslims, pets, rapture, terrorism, Young earthers

It seems an opportune time to rid my brain case of a few puzzling thoughts. Ain’t you glad you stopped by?

I want to ask all those who oppose trying the Gitmo detainees in American civilian courts if they have ever read the Declaration of Independence? I mean, given the fine patriots you all claim to be, I would think it would be something you read regularly at your patriotic meetings. Am I wrong?

There are lots of reasons why the right wingers don’t want the prisoners tried in open American courts. Mostly to keep the dirty laundry in the hamper I believe. Don’t want to let those Muslims use courtrooms as soap boxes to spout their rhetoric and at the same time, report all the sordid things done to them do we?

The one that is utterly ironic to me is the argument, that “they aren’t American and thus not entitled to our rights.” This is where the Declaration comes it. I believe somewhere in that document is says or words to the effect,

All men are created equal and are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, . . . .

Does this mean what I think it means? All as in A L L? Didn’t one Georgie Dubya Bush talk about how it was our Christian duty to export democracy around the world and so that everyone had the wonderful rights we have? Hows come, the flip folks? No what goes around comes around? Enlighten me please.

I want to ask creationists what research they have done that proves their thesis that the earth was created by God around 6,500 (+/-) years ago? I mean scientists do science and offer their results to the world for examination and retesting. For reformulation, rehypothesizing, and new testing. What creationist has done any research at all?

It seems, as has been said by others, that they simply mine the data field, picking and choosing here and there, and then making up arguments without proofs of any kind. You’re beliefs are not testable propositions. Show us the research that proves your claims. Dare ya.

And don’t give me that bull that you aren’t required to be both a creationist and a young earth proponent. Course you are. If you believe in Genesis, creation story one, they you believe the earth is flat. That’s what the text alludes to. Are ya not smart enough to see that?

But of course, you probably aren’t smart enough, cuz if you were, you wouldn’t be a creationist in the first place. It’s why you believe that Stephen Colbert is a conservative too. You don’t have much grasp on the concept of irony do ya? Enlighten me.

I want to ask those ad men and women, just where in the H2O you came from? Why do you continue to run ads that are offensive and counter productive to your presumed cause?

Case in point. There is a ad for a toilet. Yeah, I know, who needs a commercial for THAT in the first place. But watch. The married dude sees a sexy “plumber” and then tries to sabotage his toilet by throwing all manner of crap down it, just so as how he can call the plumber and ogle her I guess. In walks the wifey as he is pouring dog food down the john. This is supposed to entice me to purchase your product?

Or this one: Levi Johnson talking about being protected or something. And then a wise guy banging another’s head onto a table to crack a nut. This to sell pistachios. This is neither humorous nor tells me anything I want to know about nuts. Except that you are one. And the idiot who decided to pay you for this is even more of one. Enlighten me.

I want to ask the media just how long ago it was that they started offering a course in “how to phone it in” at all our major schools of journalism? What you claim as journalism is sophomoric to say the least. Bloggers are making you look silly dudes.

We don’t mean Foxy of course. They are not lazy, they lie on purpose. They have an agenda, and lucky them, a following composed of atrophied brains so useless that said watchers cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction in the first, second and third place.

No, I’m talking about the insipid drivel that passes for journalism virtually everywhere. Every news cycle is dominated by more non-news that news. Tiger had an accident. It may be all innocent, or it may have a lot to do with a marriage gone sour. I don’t know, I don’t care, I don’t have any business knowing. Some celeb wannabe’s crashed the White House gig. Who they are? I don’t care, I don’t CARE!

Same for Letterman, and Oprah, and that Mackenzie had sex with daddy, and that Mike Tyson has grown up, and that Whitney has seen the light. I don’t care. I don’t care. When will you people get that I don’t care? Sigh.

I do care that 1 in 6 people today is applying for food stamps. I do care that our health care system is an immoral morass that caters to those with sufficient income. I do care that the climate is going to hell in a hand basket and nobody is doing much about it. I care you see about what real people are suffering through. I don’t give a rat’s bottom what rich people are “suffering” through mostly through their own stupidity and arrogance.

Can you all get that? I want to ask somebody, anybody. And while your at it, when you have nothing better to do, then at least promote things that are worthy of real consideration. Like this fine piece:

A site called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, makes the following claims:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. 

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

It seems right up the alley of those aforementioned brain leakers. They have so far had 100 takers and operate in 22 states. I guess, I should have something I want to ask them too, but I’ll have to think a while on this one.