When your name is Contrarian, that’s when.
A bit of history is in order.
The Contrarian, bless his heart, has this issue with names. I am not sure of the reason, but I rather think it’s lazy ear syndrome, as in “I don’t give much of a shit what your name is–I haven’t yet decided whether you’re worth remembering” syndrome.
He says otherwise of course.
You can decide for yourself.
Anyway, his bastardizations of names has become fairly comical on occasion as he comes up with new and unique ways to identify of whom he speaks.
For instance, the Williams sisters, of tennis fame are not Venus and Serena. No they are referred to as the flytrap sisters, since Venus is related to a plant called a Venus Fly trap. You get the logic I presume? Liam Neeson becomes something like Leland Nelson. Some of them are quite hilarious. Woman who pulls on ear is the illustrious Carol Burnett. I’ve become quite adept at figuring out who he is talking about. When it comes to Spanish names, well, it is unreal. He really can’t get his heard around the concept that LL in a word is pronounced like a y. So our historical Old Mesilla is to him Missilla instead of MaCeeya.
So anyway, last night we are watching the football game when there is a Bud commercial and I see this guy whose name I don’t know but he’s bald and wears sunglasses and is supposed to be “hip” if that world is still understood by anyone below the age of 60. I had seen a similar commercial with him in it some months ago and thought he was simply an actor, but saw him later singing on the American Music Awards, so I figure he is “somebody”.
So I said to the Contrarian. “I don’t know what his name is, but I find him intriguing. You know what I mean. He’s not classically good-looking but something about him is compelling. No doubt men find some women like that too–like Cleopatra who was thought to be quite plain-looking but was adored by men.”
Well the guy looks at me, and says, “yeah that Penelope woman would be like that.”
And I looked puzzled, which is a normal state of look for me around the Contrarian as you can imagine, and said, “Penelope? Who are you talking about?”
And he up and says, “You know, Penelope, the one who was married to Tom Cruise and had the baby Sookie Balooey.”
“Are you talking about Penelope Cruz?” I queried.
“Yes, Penelope and Tom Cruise,” he replied with satisfaction.
“They were never married dear.”
“But they had that baby, Serius or something like that.”
“No they didn’t, that was Katie Holmes.”
Cruise and Cruise, I think I’m right.” he pontificated from upon high.
“NO! Good grief, Charlie Brown, they are not the same. Do you think that Tom is Hispanic or something?”
“Tom Cruise is spelled C R U I S E. Penelope’s last name is spelled C R U Z.
“Huh, you don’t say? Well she still has a big nose.”
Whereupon the Packers scored again and the world arighted itself. Once more the hapless Lions whimpered their way off the field, and I dear readers was gifted with yet another blog post that writes itself. Everyone is happy at Casa Peyton.
PS. Every time Selma Hayek appears on anything thing, I get: “Hey I thought she was dead!” “Selma Hayek” Where did you get that notion?” “Ain’t she that Selana woman?” “You mean Selena? No she is not Selena.” Sigh. . . .
Apparently it’s part of therapy to announce your failures openly to anyone who will listen in an attempt to come to grips with the reality of your life.
Thus Mitt Romney, goes into the locker room to meet Manny Pacquiao by saying, “hi I’m Mitt Romney. I ran for president. I lost.”
Mr. Pacquiao went on to suffer a knock-out in the 6th round I hear.
I’m guessing that many a football team will politically request that Willard NOT come to their games, and certainly not enter the locker room.
He’s now the creeping angel of losing. I wonder if crucifixes and garlic would work?
Dead but they won’t stay dead: Glenn Beck and Newt Gingrich.
Can you tell me why anybody asks Newty to give his opinion on anything other than how to get a divorce? I mean really. Seriously.
And why is John McCain always on the Sunday circuit of talk shows? All he ever says is: “I love war, I lost in 2008, and did I tell you I love war?”
I’m not sure if this is the same story but I think it is.
A few days ago there was a report of a whale that had become entangled in fishing lines and was having trouble surfacing to breath. Divers went out and carefully cut all the lines off the whale.
She swam in circles happily for a bit following her liberation, and then, according to reports went to each diver in turn and nudged them, before swimming off.
We have much to learn I believe about the species we live among.
We would do well to think more carefully before we destroy them or ignore them as we busily go about the business of trashing the planet.
I continue to be dumbfounded at the price wildlife is asked to pay for our stupid ideas. Elephants are being slaughtered because somebody thinks it valuable to have a piece of sculpted ivory on a shelf to look at.
Turtles are killed for their livers, considered some sort of delicacy in some places.
The list is long and disgusting.
When will we learn?
Oh, did you see this one?