Tag Archives: Mississippi

We Shoulda Lost The Civil War

13 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by in Budget, Economy, Election 2012, Energy, Environment, GOP, Health care, Humor, Media, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Satire, The Wackos, What's Up?

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Take Alabama and Mississippi.

No seriously, take them.

Okay, that was a cheap shot. Henny Youngman of me.

But seriously, really seriously.

In Alabama, 45% of polled citizens says that the President is a Muslim. An additional 41% are “unsure. In Mississippi, it’s 52% and 36%. In other words nearly 90% of these folks are either unsure or are sure he ain’t no Christian.

In both states, something like only 25% or less believe in evolution as a true theory of how they came to be standing where they are.

Is it the water? Or does dullness naturally sink to the bottom of the continent? I mean, you could find a smarter bunch of people in the Amazon rain forest making poisonous arrows to kill monkeys for stew. Seriously.

They are the national poster states for dumb and dumber. This is down right embarrassing. A Parisian could do a better job of taking a civics test than the average Alabama/Mississippi resident.

THEY ARE VOTING TODAY TO PICK A GOP CANDIDATE.

Does that make a chill run down your back? They are allowed to vote! Talk about your voter fraud. They are walking cases for people pretending to be citizens. My dog could make a more salient choice.

I do believe that both states require mandatory chip identification just so when they get lost, as they often must, they can be sent back to the right home. “Where do you live son?” “I dunno sir, but I think it has a lot of a’s or i’s in it.”

I mean seriously.

It appears that Mikey the Huck is gonna go up against the Rushmore on the radio waves. Good news? Only marginally so. The Huckster has long ago given up any claim to be a nice Christian pastor with soothing sweet uplifting warbles of pleasantry. The Huckster, if you been a watching is urging everyone to sign on the “kill Obamacare” an ad fraught with lies and evil innuendo. In addition, he not all that long ago called the President a Kenyan, returned us to “death panels”, used the  now de rigueur Nazi allusions to all things Obama, and claims Ted Kennedy would have “committed suicide” had he lived to see the Health Care Law. Greed, greed, greed, what it does to people.

The stupid brigade (i.e., GOP House) is gearing up with a new budget. More of the same according to Politico. More money for rich folks and more gutting of medicare. Meanwhile, Willard continues to lie about the President’s record, and then turn around and lie about his own. He’s the one who would destroy Medicare as we know it, and we know he knows it. Trouble is nobody is calling him on it. Except that he doesn’t make himself available to the press, ala Ms Palin. Too many gaffes ya know.

Like this one. Willard need to button up the lip, zip the old zipper when the issue of sports comes along. Unless they are talking about “sport” that is, you know, horses and polo. Then pontificate o’ wealthy one. Otherwise, as I said, mum’s the word.

But Willard, it seems is a stubborn, and apparently rather arrogant asshat who figures, if I made all that money, I must know what I’m doing. So Mr. Bumbles calls a sports radio show in Al-err-bammy yesterday and engages in what he figures is safe territory–spoits!

Now iff’n you recalls, Mr. Bumbles talked about NASCAR just a few days ago, in which he got all perky about knowin’ the NASCAR stuff seein’ as he knew a bunch of NASCAR “team owners”. Those folks can of course be found  tailgating in the infield at the race, guzzlin’ the BUD. Right?  

And surely he was advised that such richy rich stuff was bad, and don’t do it again.

So. . . .

He’s asked about Peyton Manning, newly released Colts QB. And he says:

“I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine,” he added. “But let’s keep him away from New England.”

Yup. He said that. Yup he did.

What is it with the GOP and their hatred of public lands? The party of Teddy Roosevelt, conservationist extraordinaire, is being infested with all sorts who want to give our parks to private interests. The wealthy apparently are not wealthy enough. Willard inexplicably says that he doesn’t “know the purpose of public lands.” You don’t? I guess that is because you don’t understand things that don’t render a profit margin for your friends, Willard?

Gas prices are pissin’ off everyone. And the GOP is out to make as much of it as it can. They blame it on the President. We knew they would. Except that economists and oil experts tell you the President can’t do diddly squat about gas prices for the most part. Read Ezra Klein’s report and get the low down, when your Republican friends (should you have any) start spouting about how Obama’s policies are driving up my pain at the pump. Ain’t so. Remember, Foxy Noise said that Bush couldn’t be blamed for high pump prices a few years ago. Course, they forgot that.  

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The Mississippi Ain’t Got Nothin’

14 Saturday May 2011

Posted by in Editorials, Environment, Humor, LifeStyle, Satire

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It’s raining in Iowa and the temperatures have dropped significantly. I’m not supposed to mention that of course, because by comparison, things are much worse along the Mississippi.

This seems to happen periodically, and in the spring.

I imagine it was known to Lewis and Clark, and the Frenchies when they were in control of the river traffic.

If you remember, before aeroplanes and trains, river travel was the fastest thing going, it being determined that most horses could not swim for long pulling a wagon full of goods.

I know that the problems along the FLOOD PLAIN are getting worse because the mainstream media “reporters” have worn higher and higher boots and stood in higher and higher water to demonstrate their solidarity with those folks who are losing EVERYTHING THEY EVER OWNED.

In mulling over this issue, I came to a few pertinent conclusions. So don’t get you knickers in a knot, and yo–back off, while I make a point or two.

As I said, HISTORICALLY man and woman have learned? that rivers, swollen with melted snow, tend to flood a thing called the FLOOD PLAIN. I said that twice for emphasis.

A FLOOD PLAIN is a flat area of land adjacent to a river, composed of river sediment.

See the point is, we can find flood plains easily. When we walk on level ground to the water’s edge, we are on a FLOOD PLAIN. And if it is sandy and has ridges that look like waves lapping against the shore, we can be really quite sure we have found one.

Forgive me if I repeat, but we learned this many moons ago, actually so many that we were still living in caves pretty much.

In our travels around the globe, even when we had yet to know it was a globe, we found this phenomenon pretty much everywhere we found rivers.

So one has to further ruminate and conclude? that it is not really a good idea to build important shit like houses, businesses and so forth in flood plains. Wouldn’t this seem obvious?

Yet we have ignored the obvious. When it comes to a place like poor New Orleans, we ignored even more obvious truths–hurricanes push water from the ocean back against the land, and low-lying flood plains are inundated. You might remember this. I hint: Katrina.

Now all of this stubbornness costs horrific sums of money. And it makes people awfully angry. And the costs are on the front and back end of the naturally occurring flooding. First we spend oodles of money to build dikes and bladders and walls and other crap that works some of the time but will never work when the MOTHER OF ALL FLOODS occur, which they will, given enough time.

Then we pay oodles of money to clean up the mess.

To a sane person, it all makes little or no sense.

I mean, if you want to play the odds that these once per century events won’t occur while you have a vested interest in the flood plain, by all means, do so. But why on the public dime? There are always idiotic insurance companies willing, for a price, to insure your gamble. I mean they did insure Betty Grable’s legs after all didn’t they?

And what of the poor folks who have paid through their local taxes for protective measures only to be told that somebody upstream is gonna open their gates and flood you to save themselves? “We” (nobody asked me) have decided that New Orleans is to be saved, but in order to do that, other communities are being sacrificed.

As far as I can determine, the sacrificial lambs have not consented.

Quite frankly, I don’t know who makes these decisions or claims to have the right to decide with kingly or queenly authority that “you shall die, and you shall live” figuratively speaking that is.

It all leaves me scratching my head in those moments when I’m not exercising the politically correct stance of “oh those poor, poor folks. I am just heartbroken at their loss.” Trust me, most of the time I am being appropriately saddened and sympathetic.

But, people, REALLY! At some point in time, don’t we have to face the facts? FLOOD PLAINS ARE NOT GOOD PLACES TO LIVE AND DO BUSINESS! And if you insist that you want to because it is just so darn purty there, then bring a boat load of money to pay for whatever system will protect you from the onslaught of nature being nature.

Then the media can report “Crazy Ed and Margie Witherspoon, who spent $14 million dollars to protect their mega McMansion, report that they are high and dry and expect to remain that way as the Mighty Miss disgorges mountains of water down to the Gulf. When we return, Jack shows us the results of the latest efforts to give every child a free college education. The world looks to the US for inspiration!”

Have I made my point?

Good.

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