Beware the Ides of March–Caesar Scoffed Too!

Tags

Bill Kristol, crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Joe the Plumber, lifestyle, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Paul Ryan

 

 

Now that the Duke of Bain has bowed to the wishes of the crasser and more ignorant (read mostly all of it) portions of his party by nominating ideologue boy Paulie, all the goobers in the box seem to be rattling to be heard.

It is the high ascendency of stupid season, and those vying for head stupid are clawing at the cage door.

First up, one Samuel Wurzelbacher, otherwise known as “Joe the Plumber” is biddin’ to represent the fair people of Ohio’s district #9. He recently said this:

“For years, I’ve said put a damned fence on the border going to Mexico and start shooting.

First of all Joe, there is no border “going to Mexico”. The border stretches along a line from Texas to California and encompasses some 1,969 miles.

If you see Joe, take a picture. I surely don’t believe he can stand and breath at the same time. He still eats paste.

Σ

Sometimes you get more than you asked for. Gotta love this answer to Sean Hannity’s FB query: What do you think of Romney’s VP pick?

Gosh, sure glad he didn’t tell us what he really felt.

(H/T to Angry Black Lady Chronicles)

Σ

Lemme get this straight. Willard says that we have had entirely too many Washington Insiders hanging around the White House, and it’s time to bring in the business world. Sooo, he chooses as his running mate a guy who has basically spent his entire professional career working in . . . . Washington!

Working may be a stretch. It turns out that Paulie Boy has done precious little during his more than a decade in DC. For the lowdown on that read the Atlantic report from Garance Franke-Ruta:

As such, Ryan is both a product of and poster boy for the political city. And it is symptom of the corruption and divisiveness of contemporary Washington that a man who has not passed a single piece of substantive legislation, ever, can be hailed as a substantive and deep thinker and the voice of budgetary sanity while racking up an actual record consisting overwhelmingly of renaming post offices, honoring Ronald Reagan and Wisconsin, providing for the issuance of commemorative coins, and increasing the deficit through massive tax cuts. . . .

Σ

It’s oh so fun when the kids begin to squabble isn’t it? “I picked him! No I did!, No, I saw him first! No, you were pickin’ your nose and I waved him in!”

So goes the new dust-up between the Romney clan and the folks over at the Weekly Standard.

It seems that way too much of the far right and the media is giving kudos to Billy Kristol who has been harping at Willard and demanding Ryan be the choice.

And Willard and his kin are adamant that Kristol’s desires played no part in their decision.

I have to give some votes here to Willard. I mean Kristol’s last choice (old Sarah, the has-been), didn’t turn out so well did it?

Σ

Oh somersaults are in order folks. Pray once, pray twice, twirl, touch you tush, wink three times and spit on the floor!

The Newty family is hoping to snag them one of those talkin’ shows, like Regis and Kelly, ya know?

I mean (does crazy eyes run in Republican families or what), jeesh, what’s a grifter like Newtykins to do without no real job?

Can you just die for it? Oh let it be true. As true as green steak with apple pie relish is good!

Σ

I think it would be a good idea if more people thought about marbles. I haven’t thought about marbles in a very long time. I used to play marbles when I was a kid. Not so very often, because marbles was more a boys game than a girls. Jacks were more for girls.

I didn’t have a very big marble collection as a consequence. I wish it had been larger. I would like to collect marbles as a hobby. But I don’t think very many people play marbles any more. I never see marbles anywhere for sale.

Don’t you think it would make a fine Olympic sport? As good as skeet shooting I think.

If people thought more about marbles and losing them, they might think less about hating people and buying more guns. At least it’s a working theory.

If you think I’m nuts. Well, I’m not and I can prove it, because I’m not the only one who thinks about marbles. You can read more musing at 3quarksdaily here.

Related articles

• Shattering Bill Kristol’s ball (politico.com)
• The Power of Bill Kristol (politicalwire.com)
• Congressional Candidate Joe The Plumber: “Put A Damn Fence On That Border…And Start Shooting” (alan.com)

 

Don’t Taz Me Bro. . .Or, Did Someone Call a Plumber?

Tags

Election 2012, evolution, GOP, Humor, Joe the Plumber, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Neanderthals, Newt Gingrich, Oreo cookies, Rick Santorum, Rush Limbaugh

Well there is an upside of sorts. Dennis Kucinich may have lost his primary bid in Ohio’s Ninth district, but at least he doesn’t have to run against the GOP’s latest laughingstock, Joe the Plumber who did win the Republican primary in the Ninth.

I know.

Everytime you think, “hey they can’t top this. No way they can sink any lower into the slime of stupid and jackassery” duh, well they do.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the threesome Willard, Ragin, and DoughBoy, continue to circle each other, tasers in hand, locked in a dance of death. Each is determined to wrest the self-destruct button as their very own.

At some point do they wish they had never started, as they realize that they are selling their soul, and good cash all to win a nomination not worth a plug nickle? Each is now so damaged that it’s hard to figure out how any of them can ever gloss over the cracks, rot, and peeled paint apparent to everyone.

¶

Newt needs a new hearing aid. Does Tiffany’s sell those things?

He said that the President in his press conference yesterday said:

He said, you know, I’m really worried about higher gas prices because it will make it harder for me to get re-elected.

The President actually said this:

Ed, just from a political perspective, do you think the President of the United States, going into reelection, wants gas prices to go up even higher? … Is there anybody here who thinks that makes a lot of sense?

So, send Newt a tweet, and at least ask him to turn the thing on, or up, or replace the battery.

¶

3CHICKSPOLITICO submitted this as their take on Super Tuesday:

I guess the insanity of all this now is Newt.

Newt has no path to victory.

Ragin’ Rick is the only one with a chance of overcoming The Willard.  

Newt hampers Ragin’ Rick from overtaking The Willard.

Newt hates The Willard.

New hates the Willard more than he hates the Ragin’.

Newt won’t get out.

This is why I know that Republicans ain’t good at logic problems.

¶

There is growing evidence that Neanderthals and some modern humans were doin’ the nasty. We’ll know for sure when the Neaderthal genome is complete.

Michele Flintstone: “Fred, marriage is between a human and a human. That’s what God intended. This human-“iffy” human stuff is an abomination!”

Fred: “Yeah, but those N-Girls are such hairy! It’s sexy!”

¶

Why can’t anyone in The Willard’s campaign write a victory speech? All he does is repeat his campaign stump one-liners.

And that wide-eyed, wait for applause? Tired of that too dude.

¶

On the humor front, Field Negro, in honor of the 100th Anniversary of the Oreo Cookie, gives out some awards. They are rather good choices I think.

¶

The Willard “wouldn’t have used those words” and “doesn’t want to comment on that controversy.”

We speak of the Rushgate.

But there may be more reason than simple weenie-ness than we thought.

It turns out that Clear Channel, who employs the great Ro-turd-itude, has a number of it’s directors who are major contributors to The Willard’s desperate need to be POTUS.

¶

I admit it. I’ve never read the Book of Mormon. I tried to once. Just to be “informed” but after about 50 pages, I gave up. Too boring for moi. Maybe I never got to the good parts.

But I hazard a guess, that it doesn’t anywhere in it say: Thou may lie when it suits your purposes.”

I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say that, imply it, or condone it.

And by all accounts, Willard acts like a pretty darn pious Mormon.

So why does he out right lie so much?

As Paul Waldman suggests, either Willard knows what Obama has said, and purposefully lies, or he has no clue what Obama has said, and purposefully lies about that AND then makes up lies about what he said. There are few other options.

And it’s just not about the President that Willard lies. He lies about himself frequently, claiming he did or didn’t say things that are obviously false. He lies about things he did that he didn’t or vice versa.

In any event, he does it, and for the most part gets away with it. Why?

Media? Are you there?

¶

We haven’t heard much from the Michele *it’s the eyes–I mesmerize with the eyes* Bachmann. But that steel trap of a mind of hers is always working overtime. And she has got some stuff figured out. And you should know Michele’s logic is not like yours and mine, but actually, its Republican logic, which ain’t no logic at all.

Here goes.

You know that Obama compromise that requires insurance companies to cover the cost the contraceptive health materials? THAT one, that has caused all the stir?  Well, you see, as Michele says, there is a “plausible and disturbing scenario.”

Stay with me.

1. The government should cover contraception because it’s cheaper than the costs of pregnancies.
2. We need to lower health care costs.
3. Therefore: Health care will only pay for one baby per family–maybe two. Michele isn’t quite sure.

It could happen. It could. It’s not too far-fetched she says.

She said “I’m not saying he’s going to do it, but that he has the power to.”

Yeah, I have powers too Michele. The power to make you disappear. POOF***

What’s on the Stove? Oh, I’m being creative. Tell you if it was any good tomorrow. Should we survive.

It’s TinFoil Time Again!

Tags

Barack Obama, bible, church, conservatives, CPAC, economy, faith, filthy rich, gay rights, God, GOP, greed, homophobia, Jesus, Joe the Plumber, John Bolton, Michael Steele, religion, right wing, Wall Street

Okay, so, it’s Friday, and the end of another week. I’m in the process of making Arroz con Pollo for dinner. It’s a bit detailed and fussy, but we are looking forward to it. I’ll tell you how it turned out and give you a recipe if it’s really good.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, here’s the fabulous finds I made today. Hope you find something of interest:

Drop by The Wild Reed, and read his take on homophobia in the hip-hop industry.  While I’m a bit too old for the scene myself, Michael shows how bashing gays seems to be quite prevalent in the genre, and guess what? lots of them folks is secretly gay. But of course you knew that.

It’s a fascinating look at the world of machismo turned upside down. I think you will like it. And we all need to keep informed don’t we?

~~~

Tim at Straight-Friendly has a lovely reflection on getting closer to God. That is the point of Lent in some sense isn’t it? His analogy that he learned form his mother ( a most wise woman for sure) makes the point directly and clearly. Tim’s work is always worth reading, but some are little  masterpieces. Don’t miss this one!

~~~

Ya gotta laugh. They don’t get it. They just don’t get it. Like I said yesterday, the filthy rich DON’T GET IT. Watergate Summer reports that Bank of America head honcho, Ken Lewis, arrived in Washington to answer for the bonuses paid with our money, in you guessed it—HIS PERSONAL JET. Yep, uhuh. I say make ’em walk the plank, get in the stocks, and hoist their hinny to the seat in the dunk tank.

~~~

The gift that keeps on giving, is, well giving again. Appearing at the CPAC meeting, Joe Wurzelbacher, AKA “The Plumber” is telling us that he would slap and probably shoot a few congress folks if he were there. And glory be, reporters have no business in war zones, uh reporting. What Joe was doing in Israel a few weeks ago, well, I guess we can probably all agree, that was NOT reporting.

I can only bet that McCain and Palin are so very proud of their offspring. He’s turning out to be a wonderful spokesperson for the Rethugs. Yes, keep it coming Joe. We have those mid-terms to look forward to in 2012.

~~~

Speaking of CPAC, I swear you cannot make this stuff up. We have all been watching the strange duck Michael Steele has been turning into with all his hip hop references and the party being “off the hook.” Well, it’s spreading. CPAC moderator Michelle Bachmann got to introduce the new GOP head, and the Minnesota Rep, did so in fine style: “You be da man! You be da man!” I means really, this is getting embarrassing. Do the wingnuts now in control of the Rethugs actually think they will get black and young votes this way? I mean seriously? I mean, oh, hell, it’s too funny. I hope they keep this up. This is like watching episodes of  “world’s worst wrecks.” Popcorn anyone?

~~~

All roads seem to lead to the CPAC meeting today folks. I can’t help it, they are just generating the fun these days. John Bolton, in the top ten running for world’s biggest idiot, gave his speech to the wonk heads of the GOP. In it, he talked about a nuclear explosion via terrorism coming to of all places Chicago. He got wild applause.

These are some sick puppies. All one can do is shake one’s head and remember that this is the price of freedom. We gotta let sludge like this have microphones.

~~~

Tip of the day: The louder the GOP squeals, the better job Obama is doing. The decibel level has reached the painful point, and I can only conclude that things are going well.

Long term prediction: If there is recovery in the economy that is in any way tangible by the end of the year, Obama can do about anything he wants. Voters will put pressure on Congress to vote through his legislative agenda.

~~~

The weekend friends will be thin. I’m off to a six hour Lenten retreat at Church tomorrow, and of course the usual stuff on Sunday with an extra meeting on the church library added. I’ll post a little something if I have time. Enjoy, and welcome that Spring!

Exploding Brains

Tags

bailout, Barack Obama, Condi Rice, Dick Cheney, diets, economy, GOP, HHS, Howard Dean, Humor, Iraq, Joe the Plumber, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Wynnona Judd

It makes no sense to me:

• Republicans continue to call a lot of the bail out bill “typical Democratic spending” instead of money to help the economy. Do they have some special way of “helping the economy” sans spending money?
• Republicans claim that Obama wants a spending bill that will put us in a financial hole forever, with no guarantee it will work. Do they have a plan that is guaranteed to work? If so, let’s here it!

***

Joy Behar, from the View had a point to make worth repeating:

Cudo’s to Obama for using the words “I screwed up” in reference to the tax problems of some of his appointees. We never heard that from Bush in eight screwd up years!

And a big 😛 supposed to be a tongue stuck out!–to those appointees who lied to the Prez, and sabotaged his economic drive because they didn’t come clean with their tax problems to him privately before all this!

***

If you need a few chuckles today please step over to Desert’s  Child, and read Katie’s post, What is Butt Dust? It’s that great little kid humor that just can’t help but curl your lips into a smile at the very least!

Or for more adult fare, don’t miss DistributorCapNY and his wacky sense of political humor here. You may never watch Imitation of Life the  same way again. The cast consists in part of Sarah Rice and Condi Palin!

***

Wynnona Judd was hawking her new album–about pain and joy. First song was about how she was going to keep trying at love. So I guess another marriage down the tubes. She’s also a “paid” spokesperson for Alli that new diet product that’s hot right now. The problem is, Wynnona was all sobbing and such on Oprah a good year or so ago, and was on the way to slimmery. If what I saw today is any indication, the Alli is not working much either. When will these people shut the Freakin’ up about their failed weight loss? The truth is, weight loss like most personal problems, are a combination of things personal to the individual. We are damned lucky if we can sort it out and find what works for US. It most likely won’t work for anyone else anyway.

***

There is something out there called Blog Roll Amnesty day. I don’t understand what it is. I love the blogs on my roll, most of them are current, I visit them regularly, thought I admit I don’t comment as often as I’d like.

***

Stop by Agitprop and read about how congressional aides invited Joe the Plumber to their meeting to discuss the economic package. The Contrarian brought this to my attention I think yesterday, and I kept saying “why?” I am still asking “why?” Perhaps the entire lot of them should be fired?  I am still asking “why?” Oh and before you lose you mind completely, it was the GOP staffers who sent out the invite. Making more sense now? Yes of course. Idiots do that kind of thing, idiot things.

***

Iowans do come up with ideas, and some of them aren’t half bad. How bout nominating Howard Dean as Secretary of Health and Human Services? So asks Century of the Common Iowan. Not a half bad idea in my estimation. Dean had a lot to do with Obama’s win I think and I also think he hasn’t received the cudos he deserves. He’s a doctor too. CCI laid out his further qualifications at Huff Po.

***

If you didn’t just hate Rush Limbaugh enough, here’s another gem:

Limbaugh: Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.

Thanks to Crooks and Liars for the heads up!

***

And finally, I recall a chill going down my spine when I learned on Inauguration day that Darth Cheney was not going home to Wyoming. I’m sure that thrilled Wyomians, seeing they could keep out that pollutant, but still. It seems my undefined fears were not baseless. I think our sick piece of sludge is still trying to run a shadow government. Emptywheel gives the details that suggest he is behind efforts to unhinge the Obama plan to remove our military presence from Iraq. Read it and get scared!

You Gotta Be Kidding

Tags

Dick Cheney, Joe the Plumber, Media, Sarah Palin

Republicans are the humans that keep on giving, even though the Christmas season is waning. That is rather nice when you think about it, keeping the spirit of generosity alive and well.

I mean, golly gee wiz, it now seems that there is a significant proportion of them (Republicans that is) who no longer follow the usual lines of logic common to the rest of us Terran creatures. They seem determined to terraform the earth in a new fashion, in which logic takes a backseat to, well, the limited mental capacity of gnats. Sorry gnats, I had to pick somebody to compare them to.

Dick Cheney, ever living in his own universe as Darth the man in charge, has been compelled once again to state his view of the world, so very different from the rest of us. And of course, Dick makes it most clear that his views are of course the correct ones. The rest of us are “just wrong” prompting him regularly to utter, “so what?” This last phrase has been taken up by the boss-in-name-only-about-to-be-demoted-in-eleven-days-Bush.

TPM reports that said brain claims that there is no need for any nefarious pre-pardons to protect all those nasty folks who did the actual illegal torturing thingies we have all gotten so upset about. We may preemptively invade countries, but no need to extend that to criminals in our own country. The reason you ask? Why because, because, because, because, because, because of all. . . . oops sorry I started down that yellow brick road with Dorothy.

Seriously folks, and we must be serious lest we run screaming down the block, Mr. robot man says that such actions are unnecessary because no one can fairly be claimed to have engaged in any illegal activity. After all, they were relying on real lawyers who gave opinions that said activities were most lawful. Not to worry that they were ummm, told to arrive at that conclusion. No, not to worry.

I love this kind of rhetoric, really I do. Since we all feel so comfortable with the value of Mr. Cheney’s opinions, we can safely rely on his WORD that HE had the utmost faith that the perpetrators of said techniques were the BEST around and “knew what they were doing.” Yes indeed, we are to be assured that the information received from the victims is reliable or was. Cheney says so, and of course, that is surely enough for me.

You can dust off your hands and go onto the next question. Cheney has spoken. Blech.  H/T to The Daily Dish.

Of course, there is more. Only yesterday we related that strange case of fact not fiction that sends Joe the Plumber to Israel to be a war correspondent. It seems there is even more insanity than we thought.

Instapundit, Glenn Reynolds, asks, ” If a community organizer can be president, and a Saturday Night Live comedian, can be a U.S. senator, why can’t a plumber be a reporter?” This from that wingbatshittery nut Michele Malkin and if she says it’s okay, well, it must be.

It seems the media elites (you know, the Liberals, who run everything in the media, wink wink, nod, nod, have been making fun of PJTV, and they have no right to do such a thing. No of course not.  Mr. Wurzelbacher is perfectly ready to take on “Israeli soldiers and get their opinion on what’s happening there.” Meanwhile Mr. W. is busy reading and watching all the media to learn a bit about what he is getting into. Moreover, he was busy learning to “pronouciate” (sic)the words for all those places and people. I kid you not kiddo!

Good luck on that getting Israeli soldiers to give you the “real scoop” on the matter. You ever been around the military much Mr. DrainO?  But as the pipe sweating hunk added, “If given the opportunity to do some good however minute it may be, or could be something really good, you gotta take that chance. You have to do it,” he added, heroically.
In any event, go read the Malkin rant, it’s so purely right win pouting as we haven’t seen in a long time. Being the loser certainly juices ya up there Michele.

What really torqued my sensibilities and caused me to rev up the old rant engine, was this precious gem from our pipe-snaking genius:

Asked if he was concerned for his safety, the flush agent retorted with the sly smile of a cat, ” Why I am a Christian, so I’m sure God will protect me.” Yessireeeeebob, that’s what the super reporter reported! That should come as strange comfort to all the Jews and Muslims in town. Ya see, Mr. Pipe Wrench apparently suggests that the Middle East, and specifically the land under dispute should be Christian land in the first place. All you Jews and Muslims, well, get outta town, now. Joe the Plumber has solved this mess, even before boarding a plane, just convert the damn heathens! Snap!

Oh and what day would not be complete without our very own Sarah story. Poor Sarah has been grousing that gee golly gee, all the attention of the media is directed at Blago and that darn winner Obama, and everyone has forgotten about her, so an interview was set up with everyone’s favorite conservative nut case, John Ziegler, who has a book about to come out about how the Liberal Media won the election for one Barack Obama.

In it, she trashes Caroline Kennedy, slyly implying that her social class makes her immune from the same trashing that occurred to poor Sarah. Worse, she blames “society” for rewarding the likes of Tina Fey and Katie Couric for their unfair taking advantage of both her and her family.

Not to be left out, she of course bashes her campaign handlers for not canceling the Couric follow up interview after the first was admittedly such a dud. But of course, they made her do the second day. Darn those campaign experts.

In perhaps the funniest retort, Ms. Palin allegedly “shrieked” upon seeing a photograph of Keith Olbermann and charged, “THAT guy is EVIL.” Seems she got that bit of info from her long lost campaign pal, McCain, who also took a jab or two at Mr. Olbermann at a Washington Journalist’s dinner some weeks before the election.

All I can say, is that with this trio, and of course so many more, we can feel safe in knowing that there will be plenty of laughs to go around during the next four years. It certainly has kept up my spirits during this long dark winter of our discontent.

Calling All Israeli Plumbers!

Tags

Joe the Plumber, Media, Middle East

There is nothing sadder than an idiot who is unaware that he is one. Said deluded persons often get in everyone’s way, sure that they are as brilliant as they think they are.

Such is the case with our old friend, Joe the Plumber, otherwise known as Samuel J. Wurzelbacher. Now, poor Sam, aka “Joe” might be helped if those around him would honestly tell the plunger guy that he is basically an uneducated and unthinking dolt, but alas, they do not.

Nay, rather, they encourage said brain dead individual, and apparently have convinced him that he actually has a future in the public arena. His latest foray you ask?

Why it seems that some right wingnuttery website is actually sending our toilet fixer to Israel of all places to “report on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict occurring in Gaza.  He’s gonna give us the “average Joe” perspective you see. Yes, and in a few short days, he will have figured out all this killing and stuff and will give us the definitive conclusions that his drain unplugging brain has figured out.

It was just the other night that the Contrarian and I were watching Bill Moyers Journal. Bill was talking about The Onion, the famous online newspaper which satirizes so much of the current news. And from there, he eventually went to a story that was one he defined as a story that one would assume was straight out of satire. Alas, it was fact.

And that is where we find ourselves this day with Joe and his correspondent’s job. The dude is supposed to be writing a book, supposed to be thinking of running for Congress, and who knows what else. Perhaps Hollywood has called and offered him a starring role in something as well. Gone seem all those hopes he allegedly had of running a successful quarter million dollar plumbing business.

I mean, really. If aliens are monitoring our broadcasts, they must be laughing their fool heads off, however many they have, as well as planning a cleansing operation on planet earth. “We gotta rid that pretty planet of those vermin humans and then it will be fit for habitation.”

How can people foster that moron’s growing dreams of grandeur? How can anyone HIRE him for anything? Do people still have money to throw away or something? Lord, next Fox will be knocking on his penthouse door offering him a job with a one-hour slot of time to give his opinion on the state of the world. I mean, that wouldn’t be a reach for Fox after all.

I shake my head, and just wonder. Here I am, with a brain that actually has been noted to be of average or above abilities. I am more than willing to speak out on any subject anybody wants to give me. I won’t bother with a lot of research, but I will do some at least. Just send me money, and I’ll be happy to pontificate, and I can damn well tell you, I can make it  a lot more interesting and coherent than anything Joe can produce in his lifetime.

Just get my visa in order, and send me on my way. I’m ready to interview, say middle aged married women in Israel, to get their opinion on the necessity of the Gaza war. I am ready, just send me the check!

And a H/T to Break the Terror.