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G.F. Harris, Daydreams and White Roses
I am having one of those days, just wandering around the blogging world, skimming articles and posts, looking for a subject that would interest me. I came upon Ruth’s blog, Ruth’s Visions and Revisions, and as I often say, it got me to thinking.
Her post is about her rediscovery of a passion she has had since childhood, sketching. She’s doing something about it. What interests me, is that many of us can relate to what she speaks of. We recall old passions, for music perhaps, or skiing, or baking. Life gets in the way, we lose touch with people and things that fostered our “hobby,” career, family needs, you name it, and we set aside our “hobby” and move on.
Years later, we, perhaps like Ruth, have the courage to try again, and discover that the passion is still there and we begin to soar with the possibilities. Many of us, sigh and try to set it aside permanently, thinking we are now too old, too otherwise directed to even think of doing it. Often it entails more education, and often financially we aren’t in a position to comply.
I begin to wonder, were we unfairly stymied in our youthful exuberance and thus did we miss a chance at the life we were meant to live? This can of course drive you rather nuts quickly. “What ifs” are like that. Dangerous, depressing, and ultimately pointless if all we end up doing is feeling sorry for ourselves.
Then, sometimes, I conclude that no, for any number of reasons, we were ill suited at that time to actually make a success of this thing back then. We were too immature, too poor, too whatever. We would have ruined it, or ourselves, and that might have led to a life ever so much sadder and unfulfilled than the one we are examining now.
Perhaps its some of both. I can grouse a lot thinking that I was meant for theology and biblical studies and didn’t even realize it until I was in my mid-40’s. I can even wonder if I would have made a good pastor, knowing that it is really too late in the game for that, both financially and in terms of my location and family life.
But then, I can also wonder if I would have been a decent pianist and what kind of life that might have brought me. I have wanted to play since I was a child, and can’t even play but the most basic chopsticks today. Again, finances make that one undo able.
I have spent a lifetime moving from one craft to another, never finding one that satisfied me for long. I, as I have mentioned before, have become a jack of all trades in that regard. I love cooking but wouldn’t enjoy cooking for hours on end under pressure at a restaurant.
I guess being a college professor would suit me best of all, looking back. But that’s looking back, and as I said, that can be just depressing. I found Ruth’s post interesting because on GMA this morning there was another bit on Etsy, and how some crafters there are making upwards of 2-4 grand a month.
Such a hobby/job would suit me well, and we could use the money, though we get along just fine as it is. I’m only pouting about a lot of “stuff” that would be nice to have. Yet, I can’t come up with a single craft idea that I could do over and over day in and day out. I would go nuts making the same sock puppet to fill ten orders let alone five hundred. Believe me, I’ve tried. I made plant markers from little tiny flower pots and coat hangers. I made miniature quilts, I’ve tried crocheted potholders and dish rags. I’ve thought of beading jewelry. It takes so long to make one, I’d need to sell it for $300 to make a profit!
I’m just no good at such things. The only thing I can do with ease it write. And I’ve yet to come up with an idea for a fictional account, or a subject that hasn’t been done to death in the non-fiction area. Who wants to hear my silly tips and meanderings on religion and faith and spirituality? For free? Sure, I get some of you wonderful folks who have a few moments and get a chuckle on my take on this and that and things political. But pay money for it? I think not!
I’m not complaining, and that perhaps sounded like it. It’s just that I seem different in not having a “marketable” talent that I can do at home and people would pay for. It’s just not me I guess. I guess that’s why they have more mundane jobs in stores and factories and office buildings. For folks like me.
Mostly I tell myself, that I get to enjoy more things, given that I don’t have a passion for anything that is all encompassing. I am not one-dimensional that’s for sure. I can chatter about a couple of hundred things well enough to fool the average person that I actually know what I’m talking about. Wish that was a marketable talent!
So, this is nothing but my pouty account of “I can’t find a way to make a few extra bucks staying home and being essentially lazy.” If you have an idea, share it, I’ll happily consider them, and maybe even try one or two. Welcome to my crazy, but generally quite happy life. I figure I’m far from alone in my confusion and indirection. If you are like me, no doubt you just sighed, “it’s not just me!” And that is a victory for us both!
Existential Ennui 