It’s a Crying Shame I Tell Ya

Tags

ethics, GOP, greed, McDonnell, Politics

While I never have enjoyed pulling wings off of flies, I must admit that I chortled with delight at the news that Bob McDonnell and his wifey were convicted on a bazillion counts of bribery the other day.

Yes, my halo must sadly await placement upon my sacred head for a while longer, for I did indeed revel in the anguish of my fellow man and woman. I am but a flawed human still, though I continue to trudge through the sludge of humanity ever confident that I too shall emerge at the end of this life with a robe of white.

Bob said something similar as he stumbled from the courtroom, no doubt shocked that anyone would think him guilty of wrongdoing, spouting that his “faith remained in the Lord” or words to that effect.

Everyone talks about how “sad they feel” for the kids and grandkids who must suffer the public humiliation of their parents and such, but heck, all of us sooner or later discover that our parents are in fact mere mortals with feet of clay don’t we? People who choose public life necessarily put their good character out front to be sullied and blasted rightly or wrongly by a notoriously hungry and uncaring press and public who hunger most of all for juicy tidbits of naughtiness to make themselves feel superior in all their stellar tract homes of existence.

Take no prisoners is my call.

Good old Bob decided in some desperation to play the “Adam card”. I say in desperation since it appears that given Virginia’s rather lax laws regarding ethics in public office, Bob and Maureen thought that they could trade influence for pretty shiny things with impunity. When indicted, there was precious little “defense” available to them.

Thus, Bob and his ever trusty sidekick Maureen decided, either jointly or severally, that Maureen would serve herself up as the Eve of all Eves–evil temptress seducing the unsuspecting and beloved by God, Adam to bite and then bite again (and again too numerous to count) of the apple of bribery. Adam  (Bob) would claim “the woman made me eat!” So awful was the spector of Bob talking to Maureen, that there could never be a collusion of purpose. The two plainly lived in one house but in separate wings however quickly put together. In fact, to bring himself closer to the Lord, Bob took up living with a Roman Catholic priest, and was (it is reported) once seen touching with real humility the brown robe of a monk for that picture perfect  photo op. (Okay, so I sorta embellished there.)

Alas for Bob and Maureen, the jury was not exactly impressed.

Perhaps it was because, for all this, the McDonnells had been so darn good at putting on the face of marital bliss as recently as 2012 when they were both courting the Mittens team in an attempt to soothe the savage beast of greed for that Christmas present of all time–POWER.

This sort of suggests that the McDonnells are well versed in the art of sleight of hand and/or pulling the wool over the eyes of their subjects or betters as the case may be. It may well be that the average jury has the collected IQ of something less than the actual IQ of any single member, but that stupid they are not.

Which all leads to the conclusion that one cannot pretend to have a normal marriage and then “admit the awful truth” just coincidentally when it appears necessary to save your sorry skin. Fakery screams loudly in the night, and in the daylight as well it seems.

I suppose that as scandals go, this one is somewhat tame. Nobody was secretly dressing up in tutus and screwing obese diaper-clad bearded old men, but it was still fun to behold. While the “better class” talks about how sad it was to watch this downfall of such a promising politician, I remind them that, like the usual “low class” gawker, they too were not able to avert their eyes at the bloody accident, but indeed did GAWK. And in reality these “better” people will, with appropriate shaking heads and tsk-tsk, discuss the scene of execution for weeks to come at all their soirees of note.

In a world in which Russian has invaded a neighboring state in the hopes of resurrecting Tsarist Russia’s might, where young men with great firepower dream of world conquest by laying waste all those who oppose them (ISIS or Duck Dynasty [convert ’em or kill ’em] Phil Robinson, your choice), where a virus threatens to decimate portions of Africa and spread worldwide, where droughts threaten to become decades long in the Southwest of the USA, and on and on, it’s a small thing to find a bit of relief watching the crash and burn of two very stupid people.

I for one am not sympathetic to their situation nor apologetic for my enjoyment of their self-absorbed/induced misery.

 

Missing the Point

Tags

Arizona, Broken Rainbow, editorial, greed, History, Hopi Indians, human psychology, Native Americans, Navajo Tribe, sociology, treaties, Westward expansion

Last night we watched a documentary made in 1986, in fact it won an academy award in that year for best documentary. The film is called Broken Rainbow, and it deals with the Hopi and Navajo peoples of Arizona and what was done to them by the government of the United States.

It is but an old story of abuse, one that is well known throughout the mainland of the United States. Our treatment of native peoples from start to finish has been one of utterly mind numbing abuse and horror.

What was shocking in this documentary was that the final insults occurred well within my lifetime, in fact I was in my thirties when it happened, and honestly, and with great shame, I confess I had no idea.

It’s the old story quite frankly of greed. We are reminded but again that as we rail against the confounding greed for greed’s sake that exists in Merika today on the part of mega corporations and insanely wealthy individuals, that such has always been the case. “Let them eat cake!” Marie Antoinette intoned, ( of course she didn’t really say it, but nobody knows who did) if you have any doubt about how long humanity has ignored the poor in favor of their favorite pet entertainments. And of course the courts of Herod the Great, of Ptolemy and so on provide all the evidence required.

The Hopi and Navajo were moved around as needed throughout the 1880’s, treaties written and broken at a whim. Mostly they were left to a goodly section of Arizona, felt fit for nothing, and they continued living as they always had, as herders and farmers. They took care of themselves.

Then of course things changed. Why? Because oil, natural gas, minerals and coal were found. And then they had to go. By creating “tribal councils” that rubber stamped “contracts,” they gave away all the rights to their land, receiving of the four, in no case more than 3.5 cents on the TON of the resources carried away to fuel Merika’s greed. This all happened folks in the 1970’s! And Morris Udall sits in his chair, and says, “hey, what’s the big deal? People have always had to give up homes for a new highway! This just makes them Americans like everyone else!” Yeah right.

As I said, the destruction of sacred lands, the forced removal of native peoples, and the subsequent internment of them, always on land deemed worthless, started at the beginning of this country and has continued unabated. The last changes of the reservation boundaries in Arizona,  occurred in 1996.

But I have to ask myself. Didn’t the Puritans suffer persecution in England which caused their flight to the Netherlands and then to Plymouth? Didn’t the Anglicans who settled in Virginia suffer at the hands historically of Bloody Mary? Didn’t the Irish suffer at the hands of the English? Hadn’t most of the French suffered at the hands of Inquisitors, English, and others? Is not all of European history one huge conflict of one side mistreating and taking from the other? The sides change, the winners change, but all remained the same.

We learned apparently the lesson that might makes right. We learned that to the winner goes the spoils. But having been the victim of all this at an earlier or later date, did no one question whether taking what belongs not to you is not a good thing?

All of America is made up of those who came to these shores because they were mistreated by somebody. Whether they were victims of feudal systems, or victims of conquerors, or simply of land that would not sustain a vigorous life, people came here for relief.

Yet, upon arriving, they took to enslaving, and removing anyone who stood in their way to grab the brass ring. They did it, all of them alike, with apparently no second thought, no shame, no question that they were taking things that belonged to others.

Nobody it seemed, except perhaps when they were first arrived and were extremely vulnerable, said, “may we live among you and will you share with us enough so that we can live?” As soon as we felt powerful enough, we ordered them off “our land”. Sometimes it was done in the name of God.

I just wonder where comes this mental ability to not feel guilty? We are taught today surely that stealing is a crime. People suffered for stealing it seems as far back in history as we have written record. Yet, when done in systematically, whether singularly or as a group, it is somehow okay. Land theft is somehow different when done on a massive scale.

We argued with Canada over land, perhaps neither of us having any “rights” since native people were there first, we stole land right and left from every tribe we came across, perhaps because they had no word for land ownership being that it was sacred and owned by God. Perhaps we thought they didn’t care then. We stole it from Mexico and the Spanish, who if anything were at least there first. The Mexicans surely, and the Spanish before these new things called “Americans.”

Why do we not respect the rights of others? Why have we, victimized historically with being taken advantage of, having our homes taken, our land, stand so ready and willing to do the same to those we encountered on this continent. (And of course we continued that policy in Alaska and in Hawaii as well.)

I’m just askin’ the question. I don’t know the answer.

Just sayin’.

**

You can read a review of Broken Rainbow here.

You can watch a DVD video here. The film is nearly 2 hours long.

It’s TinFoil Time Again!

Tags

Barack Obama, bible, church, conservatives, CPAC, economy, faith, filthy rich, gay rights, God, GOP, greed, homophobia, Jesus, Joe the Plumber, John Bolton, Michael Steele, religion, right wing, Wall Street

Okay, so, it’s Friday, and the end of another week. I’m in the process of making Arroz con Pollo for dinner. It’s a bit detailed and fussy, but we are looking forward to it. I’ll tell you how it turned out and give you a recipe if it’s really good.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, here’s the fabulous finds I made today. Hope you find something of interest:

Drop by The Wild Reed, and read his take on homophobia in the hip-hop industry.  While I’m a bit too old for the scene myself, Michael shows how bashing gays seems to be quite prevalent in the genre, and guess what? lots of them folks is secretly gay. But of course you knew that.

It’s a fascinating look at the world of machismo turned upside down. I think you will like it. And we all need to keep informed don’t we?

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Tim at Straight-Friendly has a lovely reflection on getting closer to God. That is the point of Lent in some sense isn’t it? His analogy that he learned form his mother ( a most wise woman for sure) makes the point directly and clearly. Tim’s work is always worth reading, but some are little  masterpieces. Don’t miss this one!

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Ya gotta laugh. They don’t get it. They just don’t get it. Like I said yesterday, the filthy rich DON’T GET IT. Watergate Summer reports that Bank of America head honcho, Ken Lewis, arrived in Washington to answer for the bonuses paid with our money, in you guessed it—HIS PERSONAL JET. Yep, uhuh. I say make ’em walk the plank, get in the stocks, and hoist their hinny to the seat in the dunk tank.

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The gift that keeps on giving, is, well giving again. Appearing at the CPAC meeting, Joe Wurzelbacher, AKA “The Plumber” is telling us that he would slap and probably shoot a few congress folks if he were there. And glory be, reporters have no business in war zones, uh reporting. What Joe was doing in Israel a few weeks ago, well, I guess we can probably all agree, that was NOT reporting.

I can only bet that McCain and Palin are so very proud of their offspring. He’s turning out to be a wonderful spokesperson for the Rethugs. Yes, keep it coming Joe. We have those mid-terms to look forward to in 2012.

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Speaking of CPAC, I swear you cannot make this stuff up. We have all been watching the strange duck Michael Steele has been turning into with all his hip hop references and the party being “off the hook.” Well, it’s spreading. CPAC moderator Michelle Bachmann got to introduce the new GOP head, and the Minnesota Rep, did so in fine style: “You be da man! You be da man!” I means really, this is getting embarrassing. Do the wingnuts now in control of the Rethugs actually think they will get black and young votes this way? I mean seriously? I mean, oh, hell, it’s too funny. I hope they keep this up. This is like watching episodes of  “world’s worst wrecks.” Popcorn anyone?

~~~

All roads seem to lead to the CPAC meeting today folks. I can’t help it, they are just generating the fun these days. John Bolton, in the top ten running for world’s biggest idiot, gave his speech to the wonk heads of the GOP. In it, he talked about a nuclear explosion via terrorism coming to of all places Chicago. He got wild applause.

These are some sick puppies. All one can do is shake one’s head and remember that this is the price of freedom. We gotta let sludge like this have microphones.

~~~

Tip of the day: The louder the GOP squeals, the better job Obama is doing. The decibel level has reached the painful point, and I can only conclude that things are going well.

Long term prediction: If there is recovery in the economy that is in any way tangible by the end of the year, Obama can do about anything he wants. Voters will put pressure on Congress to vote through his legislative agenda.

~~~

The weekend friends will be thin. I’m off to a six hour Lenten retreat at Church tomorrow, and of course the usual stuff on Sunday with an extra meeting on the church library added. I’ll post a little something if I have time. Enjoy, and welcome that Spring!

Are YOU Listening?

Tags

Asteroids, baseball, Breads, Breakfast rolls, Bush, chicken, chocolate, church/state, Civil War, Condiments, Constitution, Coolidge, Crafts, Desserts, eclipses, economy, Election 2008, environment, Father's Day, foreign policy, fruit, fundamentalism, Gardening, gay rights, greed, Iowa, lobbyists, Media, medicine, morality, pie, potpourri, quilting, SCOTUS, sin, witchcraft, Women's history, world history

After having done the laundry room yesterday, I can sure say I’m glad that I don’t have to do my washing outdoors like these women. This is listed as women washing from North Dakota 1900-1910 from the Fred Hultstrand Photo collection, located at the Library of Congress.

Did I tell you I’m totally blessed with a wonderful husband? The Contrarian has graciously taken on the task of some housework and cooking today as my digestive issues returned with a fury last night. It’s the most confounding disease, and you can never peg how long it will last and how severe it will be. The last time, hardly a week ago, was a cake-walk. This morning I awoke feeling beaten to a pulp and I’m still belching up a storm. Sorry for being so graphic. I’m just tired mostly and so this is the perfect place for me; a long session traveling the internet in search of the stories you can’t live without. So let’s get to it.

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101 Cookbooks has a most interesting dessert recipe made with cream cheese and tofu and chocolate. It sounds a bit weird but Heidi promises that it’s a real taste sensation. It’s called Heavenly Pie. Drop by and take a look and see what you think. She changed up some of the ingredients and I suspect you can do the same.

I think sweets are on my mind today. Abby Sweets has a delicious sounding recipe for  Pecan Honey Sticky Buns that I think might peak your interest. It sure did mine. This is the perfect brunch item for those lazy Sunday mornings, lolling on the terrace with coffee and the paper. Okay, sitting in a lawn chair, reading a good novel and swatting flies and trying to keep them off your buns!

First off let me say that I very much admire Tiger Woods. Even though I basically despise golf, we cheer him on in every contest that I am forced to watch. I find him a terrific roll model for kids and frankly a roll model for us all by and large. That said, I found this article disturbing. Does Mr. Woods owe us some kind of moral response to wrongs in society? Read about his partnership with Chevron and see what you think?

The sickening cesspool of Iraq seems to be sucking our money faster than water drains from a tub these days. In another stunner, a Pentagon audit finds 15 BILLION dollars unaccounted for. That’s your money and mine folks, and it’s intolerable as I see it. When oh when is somebody(s) going to be held accountable? It seems the only people doing well are Halliburton and Blackwater.

First Lady of Baseball? Oh I bet you wonder who that might be. It will be a surprise I can tell you, most unlikely. Travel to the American Presidents Blog and get the answer and a nice little vignette about the president’s wife who had a passion for the game.

I talk long and hard about the misuse of history to further personal agendas. No one is more guilty of that than David Barton, alleged historian and distorter of all that is history. Mr. Barton, head of “Wallbuilders” is on a crusade to prove that America is a Christian nation and he lets no facts get in the way of that mission. Read a scathing but accurate report from American Revolution Blogand Lindsay Shuman. We first heard of Mr. Barton on a skimming of the religious cable channels. He was doing a series based on his book before two evangelical preachers, who nodded and oohed and ahhed at his every “revelation.” Pure utter nonsense, but to the unlearned sounds mighty fine no doubt.

No one who reads this blog regularly has any real question about where I stand on most issues. I am pretty vocal. I am appalled a the idea that McCain could have the opportunity to continue the reorganization of SCOTUS to reflect an ultra conservative agenda which tramples on individual rights, protects business excess and promotes majority rule over protection of minority rights. But sometimes, I figure you are entitled to both sides, and I especially enjoy giving you that when I can send you to a place that gives you intelligent, fair coverage of both sides. Bill Moyers Journaldoes just that. Read the discussion of “How strictly should the Constitution be followed?” featuring Jeffrey Toobin and Thomas Sowell. Yes, Sowell writes for NRO, and mostly I think he is a wingnut, but read on and see what you think.

Say what you will, the Bushites continue to at least provide plenty of hysterical fodder for water cooler giggling. The latest is storming the airways and blogosphere today. Scott McClellan, former WH press secretary has a book out and boy is it causing a stir. The WH is exclaiming, “this ain’t the Scott we knew.” It’s a hoot I tell you, and everyone is talking. Read Blue Girl Red State‘s humorous biting take on the media frenzy that is just starting up. As I ran though a dozen or more stories about this, it seems apparent that the WH has joined ranks and officially are pretty much proclaiming that poor Scott has obviously lost his mind. To a person they say, “This can’t be Scott, something has happened to him.”

Still looking for more and better excuses to imbibe? Wine I mean. Well Britannica Blog has more for you. It actually may help prevent certain types of liver disease, and don’t we all want to do that? So sip away, and know that you are doing your heart and your liver good.

For some this is definitely too much effort period. But think again. Making hamburger buns homemade will surely set you apart, create lots of talk in the neighborhood and make lots of women hate you for being so, well, super! I suspect you will find that they, like most things, taste ever so much better than the gluey tasteless things we get from Wonder Bread. Coconut & Lime has the recipe.

Of course with the summer grilling season just underway, we are all looking for new recipes to wow friends and neighbors. Nothing gets more tiresome that the usual, ribs, barbecue chicken and brats, so take a look at Citrus Chicken under a Brick and do something new and exotic to boot. Thanks to Epicurious for this one. I love to butterfly chicken and weight it down like this. It just works wonderfully.

Lucy Rebecca Buck was a diarist, and if you are interested on her take on the Civil War as she lived through it, be sure to make it to Civil War Women and read her mini-biography of this woman. Different from her usual nurses, this lady wrote daily of what life was like for her during this period. I find these accounts simply fascinating. A snapshot of another world in another time and place. You come away with an entirely different feel for history and you undoubtedly realize how little we have changed over time.

Gardening Tips and Ideas has a great post on creating your own potpourri from your own garden. She gives you all the information you need to create your own jars of aroma. Just a few things will be purchased, the rest comes from your own lovely roses and herbs. Enjoy this crafting delight.

Garrison Keillor has a post on soldiering. A bit late, but certainly with so many of our young men and women still in harm’s way, it’s still topical. Mr. Keillor has a wonderful way of putting things in perspective and giving us a good ponder. Somehow I don’t think Harley Davidson will be offering Garrison a contract to promote hogs any time soon.

Monday in my Editorial, I alluded to the politics of yesterday promoted by Bush/McCain–one shall not speak to those we are opposed to. I find it more dangerous that the rational approach suggested by Mr. Obama. A couple of history profs tend to agree with me it seems and find that other US presidents also did as well. Read “Must We Ever Fear to Negotiate” at History News Network.

History of American Women features a lady accused of witchcraft back in our colonial time. Elizabeth Jackson Howe was born in England and immigrated to the colonies as a very young child. Things went bad in Ipswitch and poor Mrs. Howe was accused of causing illness through witchcraft. She was tried in Salem in 1692. Convicted, she was hung on July 19. A sad blot on our history indeed.

Are you sick of the media frenzy that we encounter daily on so-called gaffes of the candidates? I sure am. Inside-Out the Beltway has a fine post on being fed up with non-news and the increasing case that the media at large has lost its ability to report NEWS.

If you have a moment, drop over to inspired by antique quilts and get a look at the lovely butterfly motif quilt she has done. It’s simply lovely and perfect for a girl’s bed, or your own certainly. A wall hanging would be fine also. It certainly looks homey and comfy and just makes me feel warm all over on this still chilly day.

Sister Joan Chittister has a great post about how we are again losing our way in this election cycle. Much like Inside-Out the Beltway, she decries the non-news that the media remains focused on and finds again, that women take the brunt of the slams. Read her always interesting takes on the world, and politics today.

We talk about terrorism as a given,  and a growing crisis in the world. Certainly a number of folks, mainly McCain and the warmongering Bushites play on our fears almost constantly, mostly to hide their own ineptitude and personal agendas. However, what is the real state of terrorism today? Fareed Zakaria points out that the idea that terrorism is on the rise is flawed, and suggests that the culprit is, you guessed it, the American government. See how the Simon Fraser Study, done in Canada, sets the record straight.

The subject is greed, remember the movie with Michael Douglas? Greed he said was “good.” Well, we have been greedy haven’t we, we in the US that is, and we collectively in the West. How’s that doing for for ya now? On Faith takes on the subject with the posts from a the panel and plenty of comments. Weigh in on this fascinating moral, economic topic of the day.

George Will on Sunday’s George Stephanopolous show said in regards McCain’s cleaning house of his lobbyist bloated campaign, “he honestly believes it doesn’t matter since he is honest.” Well bully for him. I don’t buy it. I can swim with the slime but not get slimed is a poor way of convincing me for sure. It just makes me crazy to think that he proposed legislation some years ago to ban what he got caught doing to such an extreme that he instituted a “new” policy to do what he tried to legislate years before. Uh, what? Okay, let me start again. He introduced legislation I’m told to disallow candidates from hiring lobbyists for their campaigns. That didn’t pass so he then fills his campaign with lobbyists? And when the press called him on it time and again for their sleazy associations, he then institutes a “new” policy banning all lobbyists from his campaign. Is he nuts? Anyhoo, go to Political Animaland read Kevin Drum’s latest scoop from MSNBC. Seems McCain’s national campaign co-chair was working for a Swiss bank lobbying Congress about the mortgage crisis at the same time that he was advising McCain on economic strategy. McCain is obviously suffering from dementia.

I guess eclipses still cause a minor flurry of excitement around the world today. Solar more so than lunar certainly. Did you know that they have stopped battles and induced truces on the spot historically? Rogueclassicism has a nice piece on eclipses over history and how they effected the lives of those who witnessed them.

I believe that for the first time, polls in California suggest that the electorate there by a slim margin now favor gay marriage. This will come as a shocking thing to the reactionary right who claims they are the arbiters of all things moral. I can hardly wait to check out the forums where there will be much gnashing of teeth no doubt.

Oh and in case you missed it, McCain and Bush were scheduled to hold an open fundraiser a few days ago, which is why McCain couldn’t make the vote for the Iraq funding or the new GI Bill (convenient of course). Trouble is and was, that there were so few tickets sold, they turned it into a house party, and closed it, afraid that more protesters would show up than supporters. It’s too too funny. Seems the Mac is between a rock and hard place these days.

Glenn Greenwald has another of his killer posts on journalists and their desire to find themselves innocent of lazy work during the run-up to the war. Only Katie Couric it seems even suggested that the media could have done a better job. Most defended themselves saying they asked a lot of questions. LOL. It’s an excellent post, and one I suggest you should read. This is why blogging has taken on greater importance. Anyone who knows history knows that a free often belligerent press is what helps keep us free. These people cave in at the first threat of loss of access and its despicable.

Well ya can’t say that Iowa isn’t in the forefront of important stuff. Researchers at the University of Iowa are setting up the Asteroid Deflection Research Center to bring scientists from around the world together in the development of new technologies to protect the planet should we face an impeding killer asteroid strike. I feel a good deal safer knowing that, and I’m sure you do as well.

A strawberry rhubarb terrine? Oh that sounds mighty fine to me. I adore rhubarb as I might have mentioned once or twenty times. Simply Recipes has a great summery treat to make.

Are you addicted to Taco Bell’s hot sauce? Well probably not, but then again, maybe you are. Anyway, Secret Recipe Bloghas the copycat recipe for you. And hey, making your own taco sauce is not a bad thing, and it’s probably way cheaper than buying the bottled stuff. I may well give it a try when the jalapenos are ready to harvest.

This posting caught my eye, because, well frankly I think the dude is right. I’m outraged about torture being done in my name by my government. And if you peruse the blogosphere, plenty of other people are as well. But I don’t frankly see a lot of media attention being given to the subject. Believe me, if the media smelled in the lightest whiffs of a breeze that the public cared about this subject, they would be covering it daily. The Nation asks, “Where is the Outrage?” and I have to say, yeah, exactly where is it America?

To the seven deluded people in America who don’t think that McCain is just another Bush in disguise,the proof would tend to be in the voting record would it not? Obama will surely have a field day in arguing that McCain voted for Bush policies 100% of the time in 2008 and 95% of the time in 2007. So much for distancing! Think Progress gave us the news.

Tip Junkie has a number of links to sites with ideas for crafters who want to make something special for that man in your life for Father’s Day. There is quite a long list with plenty of variety, so get busy and make something special for Dad this year.

We linked you to a bio today of a woman hanged in Salem after being convicted of witchcraft. We look upon these things as horribly misguided actions by people who were backward in thinking. Amazing as it may seem, 15 women have been executed in Africa for just that offense recently. Kenyan mobs have done this, sad to say, rounding up “offenders” in villages and burning them to death.  Our thanks to Women of History for the story.

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“Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.” Edward Gibbon

“Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.”  Scott Adams

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Anais Nin

“My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” Rita Rudner

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More crazy product warnings:

Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Fix-a-Flat
WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe

Road Sign
Caution water on road during rain.

Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End

Children’s Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.

Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.~~~&&&~~~&&&~~~

 

The cruise liner Norwegian Spirit crashed into a Manhattan pier. The entertainment director tried to spin it positive. “Today our ship photographer will take your photo in front of some ruins. – Alan Ray, Stockton, Calif.

According to a new study, teenage girls whose boyfriends are gang members are nearly twice as likely to become pregnant as girls not dating boys in gangs. This study was conducted by Dilmore University of Hoboken (DUH).

A 77-year-old man has become the oldest person to reach the summit of Nepal’s Mount Everest. He made it by repeating over and over to himself, “I haven’t fallen so I CAN get up.” –– Paul Seaburn, Spring, Texas

Hillary thanked NASA profusely for the encouragement and vowed to fight on now more than ever after Phoenix’s photographs of Mars revealed there is as much life there as in her campaign. – Eugene Cappuccio

Both George Bushes have been accused of being in bed with the Saudis for years. But when they ask for a favor — more oil — they get a resounding no. I guess they just aren’t very good in bed. – Charles Almon