Bearing My Inner Me

Tags

fear, life in the foothills, teeth, writing

Okay, I get it that writers are always working out their own issues. Most of the time at least.

Our subjects are based upon our own peculiar fears, demons, and anxieties. Nowhere is this more true than in the field of fiction where nearly everyone’s first novel is at least partially autobiographical.

I have long ago given up the idea that I could write fiction, other than the very short story.

And blogging has been a diary of sorts on more than one occasion. It is again today when I divulge a secret I’ve had for many a year, and a shame I have sought to keep hidden.

Oh I bet you are sooo very paying attention now aren’t ya? The old gal is gonna tell us she was a street walker to work her way through undergrad, or she once participated in a home robbery driving the get-away-car, or she sold stolen puppies at a truck stop.

Nah, but those would be whopping good one’s for sure. Maybe there is a fiction book in me after all.

Actually it’s mundane, and I rather suspect I share this shameful secret with many a Brit.

Here it is:

I have genetically lousy teeth and I never took care of them worth a damn most of my life.

There I said it.

And you guessed it, “the chickens have come home to roost.”

After a few extractions of back molars which didn’t matter that much aesthetically speaking, the “shit has hit the fan”–quick are there more metaphors?

Now a frontally leaning incisor has broken and well I’m tired of trying to smile with my mouth closed. I’m tired of trying to chew mostly on one side of my mouth, forcing inevitably my jaw out of alignment. I’m tired of MOUTH PAIN. I’m tired of going in search of a sledge-hammer to remove the incessant pounding that makes childbirth a gloriously fun adventure in comparison.

When I took a sip of coffee his morning and my mouth exploded in waves of “Jesus H. Christ, almighty, and Mary Mother of God, this HURTS, I knew I had reached the point of no return.

Don’t ask me what I have been waiting for. I have no clue. I was stupidly under the impression that Medicare (2 1/2 years away) would magically pay it for me? Memories of long sessions in the chair while smoke emanated from my mouth and the whirr of the drill echoed through my moaning with a mouthwash wreaking torturer dentist, sucked air through his teeth as he breathed through his mouth, all the time, issuing a mantra of “just a little bit more, just a little bit more” for a fucking HOUR? No, no that couldn’t be it.

Or try the assessment of a real dentist some fifteen years later who asked me, “what hack did this? These cavities were never properly cleaned or filled in the first place.” So I wasted untold hours of torture and pain all for a big fat nothing? You jest surely. You better be jesting if you want to retain those pearls in your mouth buddy.

So I stayed as far away from dentists as I could.

Yes that makes no logical sense, but it made perfect emotional sense.

When you are young, you tell yourself that you will pay a price when you get older, but you DON’T TOTALLY BELIEVE THAT BILGE.

So off I went for another “emergency” appointment.

And I got the expected outcome. Two need to come out, but are too badly infected to deal with today. So I’m on antibiotics and pain meds until next Tuesday, when we will start at the opposite end of the “issues”, namely cavities and fillings and molds for a partial plate and well, I’m not up on all the lingo of the teeth trade. It’s going to cost a house and then some (well more than I want to spend which is exactly O).

I’m told that I still have good jaw bones so no, dentures are not the answer, I still have pretty good teeth except for the ones that are gone or going. I still have enough to wire fake one’s to them. I can smile once again with my mouth open. I do not have to say, “no, I’m actually not from West Virginia sir and never lived “on” a mountain in my life.”

I have no idea what you will think of me. I mean, I can afford this, I’d just rather spend the money on a Prius.

I’ve fairly convinced the Contrarian to follow my lead and get his teeth done too. He has his issues. And besides, why should I have all the fun?

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• What You Need to Know about Cavities (topdentists.com)
• Care for your teeth (kelund.wordpress.com)

 

Just Think: Ponder THAT!

Tags

Calvin & Hobbes, fear, loneliness, other, philosophy, psychology, Recipes, sociology, turkey, voters, worry

It’s been a dark and gloomy time since yesterday. I think I saw the glint of the sun for about 32.7 seconds at 9:07 am. That was it. Intermittent rain, never very hard, dashed in and out throughout the day and night.

There’s been no more rain yet today, but gloomy it tis. You know the kind I mean. Everything is leafless, grey-brown, boring. A chill wind, wet-damp everywhere. The beasties are all tucked into their lairs awaiting a call to pee or better weather.

I’m snuggled in too, none to excited about making pork chops, mashed taters and gravy and some kind of veggie. But I will. It’s a day for watching football and pondering things.

What kind of things? Dunno, haven’t pondered them yet. But I’ll link up as I find stuff worthy of the word. Trust me. I know you do.

First up I was led to this lovely post by Roger Ebert. Seems he blogs. Thomas from Living Next Door to Alice gets the H/T for this. Ebert’s post is about being an outsider, no matter how defined, and loneliness. It’s a powerful post. He wrote in response to hundreds of comments on an earlier post found here.  I think I’ll pop Mr. Ebert’s blog in my reader. You may want to as well.

***

America, she is a fickle woman. I just read a poll that suggests that voters are already having “buyers remorse” about electing Republicans and giving them the House. We have, as I’ve said, rather short attention spans.

Keeping on a theme of thoughtful ponderful ideas, we offer Big Think (catchy huh and on point!) and an analysis of a worried electorate and how Obama understands it, but has yet to give up on rationality as the key to tapping into the psyche of the average joe.

Actually this piece is a perfect companion to my post Fundamentally Futile, and says it way better than I did.

The real arrogance comes in clinging stubbornly to the belief in the supreme powers of reason. Smart people need to be smart enough to realize that our smarts can only get us so far.

This is well worth your reading.

***

I ran into a blog on cooking. Big deal, tens of thousands of them. I went, I saw, I was convinced. I’ve brined the last two turkeys, and have been thrilled with the results. I now understand that using one of those roasting bags works just the same, and saves all the mess of brining. So, I’m going to try it. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

PS: I searched another blog with the same raves. This person compared a deep-fried turkey to the oven bagged one, and found them equally moist and tasty and the bagged one was hugely easier.

***

I long to be a writer of note. I long to write searingly honest raw gut-wrenching words of who I am inside, deep inside. I offer a glimmer now and then, but then retreat out of fear and perhaps some loathing. Don’t we all loath ourselves just a little? Don’t we all delight in believing that our hidden ugly places are not so bad. That yours are as bad if not worse than mine? That we could share our pain and our arrogance at one and the same time, if only we were courageous enough? I ponder being searingly honest like I imagine Hemingway was or Plath, or Williams, and then I chuckle and figure I’ll be about as honest as Bill Watterson, hiding behind Hobbes. Go figure.

***

“Isn’t it sad how some people’s grip on their lives is so precarious that they’ll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?” (Calvin)
“It’s not denial. I’m just very selective about the reality I accept.” (Calvin)

“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.” (Calvin)

“It’s not the pace of life I mind. It’s the sudden stop at the end.” (Hobbes)

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind that I will never die…(Calvin)

***

Time to ponder. Time to think about starting to work up the menu for Thanksgiving and the list of stuff to shop for. I haven’t decided upon a dessert. I want something easy. I want something insanely good. Any ideas–please let me know. What are your go-to recipes for Thanksgiving? A plus is that I already have enough cornbread in the freezer for the dressing. It’s a weird recipe, with mozzarella cheese and pine nuts. But delicious.

I want to do something with shredded brussel sprouts and then saute them? Any ideas about what herbs or additions? Lemon juice and djohn mustard with parsley? Help me out! Or jalapeno and brown sugar glaze? oooh, I like that idea!

I always carmelize pearl onions. I always make some fancy cranberry sauce with orange segments and pecans or something. I always do green onions and radishes and olives and sweet pickles. I have the rolls already in the freezer from a week ago–bonus!

I have a squash on top of the fridge. I roast that. Mashed taters and gravy. Hmmmm, am I missing anything?

The dessert–come on and tell me what to make!

***

Happy Saturday. Go Iowa! Take a nap. Eat gravy. Have a brownie.

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