You Can’t Make It Up!

Tags

crazy media, Election 2012, Geraldo, GOP, Hank Williams, Jr., Mitt Romney, Music, Paul Ryan, teabaggers, Todd Akin

 

 

See that guy to the right? The one paying attention to Paulie? That’s an idiot.

Yep. If he pulls down his pants, you will see it tattooed on his butt: “I am STUPID.”  I swear. It’s there.

I’m sure you already heard. Toddikins fashions himself something of a gynecologist you see. It  seems to him, based on his vast experience, that no woman who is LEGITIMATELY raped, need fear pregnancy, since  her HORMONES create some kind of super killer fluid that kills the sperm of a rapist. Only ILLEGITIMATE rape victims get pregnant, which is how you tell the difference between a real victim and one of them sly girls who is just angling for an abortion.

You see, Redisgusticans think of women as sneaky sly creatures who are always trying to put something over on men. After all, it was a woman who ate from the apple and then with seductive wiles talked poor old Adam into taking a bite too.

That’s why their bills (Ryan agrees) use the term “forcible” rape–to catch the bad girls and make them be mothers against their will. Oh, I forgot, it’s for the baby. Except that they don’t like food stamps, day care, or aid to single mothers. The “care” stops at the delivery room.

∏

Speaking of Paulie boy, who is, as  I said, opposed to abortion in all cases except when three doctors, a priest, and a Republican have certified that the mother’s life is forfeit without it, (okay I stretch the truth a tiny bit), likes to rock and pump iron to the tunes of Rage Against the  Machine.

As happens all too often when it comes to GOOD music, the authors of same are none to pleased to be associated with the likes of Paulie and his ilk. This has led to innumerable numbers of cease and desist orders being filed against various GOP contenders over the ages.

Well, RAM can’t prevent Paulie from listening to their music of course, but they sure can tell him what they think of him and his policies. Paulie is apparently too obtuse to realize this on his own, so Tom Morello from the band took a moment to ‘splain to Paulie that they would just as soon he keep his 1% lips closed as it referred to them.

Read his remarks in Rolling Stone. Just a snippet to whet your whistle:

Don’t mistake me, I clearly see that Ryan has a whole lotta “rage” in him: A rage against women, a rage against immigrants, a rage against workers, a rage against gays, a rage against the poor, a rage against the environment. Basically the only thing he’s notraging against is the privileged elite he’s groveling in front of for campaign contributions.

∏

So I was thinkin’. I do that regularly in case you were wondering. It how I come by my sparkly personality and amazing wit. I am humble beyond belief too. Trust me on that.

Well, anyway, the GOP does have their go-to bands. There is always has-been Ted Nugent. He’s always ready to whip up some dirty cat-scratchin’ if called upon. And then there is good old space cadet, Hank Williams, Jr., whose Sr. is rolling in his grave in embarrassment no doubt.

Anyway, as I was sayin’, you remember Hank was taken off Monday Night Football for his nasty remarks about the President, which he said were “wildly taken out of context.” I’m not sure what his excuse is now.

At the Iowa State Fair, he said this:

“We’ve got a Muslim president who hates farming, hates the military, hates the U.S. and we hate him!”

According to the newspaper, this was met with applause. I don’t doubt it was, given that only toothless Muckersville rejects walkin’ barefoot with moonshine jugs in hand, were likely to be at the “concert.”

Just last month Hankie Donkey, told Rolling Stone that:

“We’ve got a President that does a call to the Koran or Mecca or whatever,. . . .”

indicating he cannot tell the difference between a book and a place. When Hank sleeps, the IQ of the planet goes up ten points.

∏

Some people ought to wear a sign that says: train wreck occurs when I open my mouth! One of those person’s is Geraldo Rivera, washed up has-been and never very good journalist who comes on Foxy now and then and says really stupid things.

So, GR was visiting Fox and Friends (who would want to be one of them?), and they were discussing a top person in Homeland Security who was on leave for sexual harassment charges and discrimination against men.

Following the completion of the “discussion” about this “scandal” (which nobody else heard about), GR interjects an entirely new subject which is really what he wanted to talk about.

“I have a question, is this subtext of the Department of Homeland Security scandal — that there is some kind of lesbian cabal, that it’s a same-sex takeover of the big agencies?”

“I don’t know, it seems like everyone is talking around it,” Geraldo said, as he picked up steam. “Is that really what people are saying? That men are disadvantaged because women and specifically lesbians are ruling the roost there?

You remember GR right? The guy who basically said that the Trayvon Martin was killed by George Montgomery because he wore a hoodie, which as everyone knows, makes everyone think you are a gangsta.

∏

And that is purely enough crazy for one day. You have now established that you are sane. Go about your day.

What’s on the Stove? sweet chile cilantro bbq chicken, corn salsa, and steamed broccoli.

Related articles

• Hank Williams Jr. at Iowa State Fair: We’ve Got a Muslim President Who Hates Farming, Hates the Military, Hates the U.S. and We Hate Him! (blacklistednews.com)
• ‘Rage’ guitarist rages against Paul Ryan’s love of ‘Rage’ (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
• Paul Ryan blasted by Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello (ctvnews.ca)
• Furor over Republican’s ‘legitimate rape’ comment (english.ruvr.ru)
• Missouri GOP senate candidate: “legitimate rape” victims rarely get pregnant (newblackwoman.com)
• Dumb ass of the week, vol. 1 (gnosticbent.wordpress.com)

 

Beware the Ides of March–Caesar Scoffed Too!

Tags

Bill Kristol, crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Joe the Plumber, lifestyle, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Paul Ryan

 

 

Now that the Duke of Bain has bowed to the wishes of the crasser and more ignorant (read mostly all of it) portions of his party by nominating ideologue boy Paulie, all the goobers in the box seem to be rattling to be heard.

It is the high ascendency of stupid season, and those vying for head stupid are clawing at the cage door.

First up, one Samuel Wurzelbacher, otherwise known as “Joe the Plumber” is biddin’ to represent the fair people of Ohio’s district #9. He recently said this:

“For years, I’ve said put a damned fence on the border going to Mexico and start shooting.

First of all Joe, there is no border “going to Mexico”. The border stretches along a line from Texas to California and encompasses some 1,969 miles.

If you see Joe, take a picture. I surely don’t believe he can stand and breath at the same time. He still eats paste.

Σ

Sometimes you get more than you asked for. Gotta love this answer to Sean Hannity’s FB query: What do you think of Romney’s VP pick?

Gosh, sure glad he didn’t tell us what he really felt.

(H/T to Angry Black Lady Chronicles)

Σ

Lemme get this straight. Willard says that we have had entirely too many Washington Insiders hanging around the White House, and it’s time to bring in the business world. Sooo, he chooses as his running mate a guy who has basically spent his entire professional career working in . . . . Washington!

Working may be a stretch. It turns out that Paulie Boy has done precious little during his more than a decade in DC. For the lowdown on that read the Atlantic report from Garance Franke-Ruta:

As such, Ryan is both a product of and poster boy for the political city. And it is symptom of the corruption and divisiveness of contemporary Washington that a man who has not passed a single piece of substantive legislation, ever, can be hailed as a substantive and deep thinker and the voice of budgetary sanity while racking up an actual record consisting overwhelmingly of renaming post offices, honoring Ronald Reagan and Wisconsin, providing for the issuance of commemorative coins, and increasing the deficit through massive tax cuts. . . .

Σ

It’s oh so fun when the kids begin to squabble isn’t it? “I picked him! No I did!, No, I saw him first! No, you were pickin’ your nose and I waved him in!”

So goes the new dust-up between the Romney clan and the folks over at the Weekly Standard.

It seems that way too much of the far right and the media is giving kudos to Billy Kristol who has been harping at Willard and demanding Ryan be the choice.

And Willard and his kin are adamant that Kristol’s desires played no part in their decision.

I have to give some votes here to Willard. I mean Kristol’s last choice (old Sarah, the has-been), didn’t turn out so well did it?

Σ

Oh somersaults are in order folks. Pray once, pray twice, twirl, touch you tush, wink three times and spit on the floor!

The Newty family is hoping to snag them one of those talkin’ shows, like Regis and Kelly, ya know?

I mean (does crazy eyes run in Republican families or what), jeesh, what’s a grifter like Newtykins to do without no real job?

Can you just die for it? Oh let it be true. As true as green steak with apple pie relish is good!

Σ

I think it would be a good idea if more people thought about marbles. I haven’t thought about marbles in a very long time. I used to play marbles when I was a kid. Not so very often, because marbles was more a boys game than a girls. Jacks were more for girls.

I didn’t have a very big marble collection as a consequence. I wish it had been larger. I would like to collect marbles as a hobby. But I don’t think very many people play marbles any more. I never see marbles anywhere for sale.

Don’t you think it would make a fine Olympic sport? As good as skeet shooting I think.

If people thought more about marbles and losing them, they might think less about hating people and buying more guns. At least it’s a working theory.

If you think I’m nuts. Well, I’m not and I can prove it, because I’m not the only one who thinks about marbles. You can read more musing at 3quarksdaily here.

Related articles

• Shattering Bill Kristol’s ball (politico.com)
• The Power of Bill Kristol (politicalwire.com)
• Congressional Candidate Joe The Plumber: “Put A Damn Fence On That Border…And Start Shooting” (alan.com)

 

Really? You Can’t Be Serious? Really?

Tags

crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Humor, Women's issues

They insist they want to protect our freedoms from being eroded.

They insist they are for small government.

The freedom they talk about seems to be the freedom to make me live as they wish.

The small government seems to be small enough to sneak up my girl parts and see what’s going on there.

I’m not likin’ their concepts of freedom or small government much.

Rush seems to think that birth control pills are taken before each and every sexual encounter.

Viagra is taken before each and every sexual encounter.

I think I understand how he got confused.

But I’m still confused why he thinks I should pay for his, but he not for mine.

That must be a 1% rule.

I know it’s not a 99% rule.

Rush also said that women are “overeducated”.

I must be one of those. So overeducated that I can’t understand why he is such a woman-hater.

He’s been married 4 times.He must want them for something.

He’s a Kenyan.

He’s a Marxist.

He didn’t really go to Harvard.

He did but he palled around with radicals.

He hates white people.

He is stupid/silver-tongued devil/creator-of-one-world-govt/in-over-his-head none of the above, all of the above, and possibly a Commie gay vegetarian with an alien entity living in his brain.

Or he’s a NEGRO and I can’t stand THAT.

One of the above.

PS: racism is over and done with. Can’t we all just get along? (as long as YOU stay over there).

In Michigan, the trees are “just right” and so are the roads.

In New Hampshire, why we are just neighbors, I practically live here.

In Florida, I have friends who are NASCAR team owners.

In Mississippi, I say y’all and like grits.

In California, its sushi.

In Idaho, it’s potatoes.

In New York, money! I love money, made a lot, spend a lot, buy cars, buy companies. . . error, error, can not compute, error, error, must destroy, must destroy. *POOF* (we can hope can’t we?)

He nearly threw up when he read President Kennedy’s speech about separation of church and state.

It was not at all what the boys from Focus on the Family had been telling him was right and good.

Nothing snobbish about wanting everyone to adhere to “Judeo-Christian” principles. If they were good enough for Jesus, they are good enough for you.

Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc., get over it.

A condom only encourages people to do that “stuff” you shouldn’t be doing, only thinkin’ about to get hot with the wife.

Newt is sure that if you will just be patient, just wait, just wait. . .

He knows you still love him.

I mean he stands in front of the mirror each morning, and he believes him.

He has all the answers.

Who doesn’t want $2.50/gallon gas?

He lives in a Twinkie dusted world where he balances budgets, and reforms welfare, and beats back health care.

And now he’s got his new stuff–all that new Catholicky stuff about NO ABORTION, NO CONTRACEPTIONS, NO GAYS, NO DIVORCE (hopefully, but there is still Methodism, the Presbyterians, the Episcopalians, and all those religions, which I can lean on if Callista turns out to be a dud like the other two)

Are you guys having a good time?

Have I made ya laugh?

Well shucks. I didn’t mean to make you sad.

See?

We can get along.

We all share the same planet.

We are all Homo sapiens.

We are all cut from the same DNA pattern.

If we try, we can.

Have a super weekend friends.

The Willard Does the Cain Thang!

Tags

contraception, crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Mitt Romney, Obama, racism, Rush Limbaugh, women's rights

Or, “It ain’t no flippin’ flop”, I mean,  “I flipped before I flopped, NOT”.

“I MISUNDERSTOOD THE QUESTION!!!”

So says the Willard. This flop only took one hour.

Being interviewed in Ohio, Mr. Wizard Mouth, said that he “was not going there” when it came to interfering in the contraceptive decisions between a husband and a wife. He was “not in favor of the Blunt amendment.”  No, no he was not.

But then, back in the Romney board room, this ensuing conversation was overheard:  

“YOU FREAKIN’ SCREWED THE POOCH.”

“Huh?, What’d I do?”

“The phone is ringing off my belt! The Righteous TeaMob® is on the way with pitchforks, yelling for your head!”

“I don’t understand. Ann, can you explain?”

“Dear, the Tea People are FOR the Blunt amendment! Remember? It’s not about contraception, it’s about the freedom of every person to live out their faith or any seriously and honestly held moral belief. Don’t you remember?”

“Oh, yes, I’m for FREEDOM and the AMERICAN WAY. I just thought we were supposed to avoid that Santorum  stuff . . .you know, next they’ll start talking about the YOU KNOW WHAT.”

“So we are for the Blunt amendment? It’s so hard to keep all this straight.”

“We’ll say you misunderstood the question. You go out and say you are FOR the Blunt Amendment. You thought they were talking about some state bill in Ohio which would make it illegal for women to be covered for contraception. And you would be against that sort of thing, naturally, but FOR the Blunt amendment.”

“Yeah, I’m FOR the Blunt amendment. I aways was, you know. Never wavered on that one second. It doesn’t include Viagra right? No, I’m sure it doesn’t. My flip-floppin’ days are behind me. Well, actually I never flipped, no, not ever, not once.”

“What’s for lunch? I was hoping for some good Crab Salad and let’s have that good French Chardonnay Ann sent for from the wine cellar.”

(Reported by the fly on the wall. Reading between the lines, but probably accurate because what’s good enough for the GOP is good enough for you!)

For the record: the amendment was defined by the interviewer thusly: “Blunt-Rubio is being debated, I believe, later this week. It deals with banning or allowing employers to ban providing female contraception. Have you taken a position on it? He [Santorum] said he was for that. We’ll talk about personhood in a second, but he’s for that. Have you taken a position?” It’s rather a stretch to suggest you misunderstood and thought the question was about Ohio legislation. DOES BLUNT-RUBIO mean anything to you?

¶

It may seem that I sometimes am a bit harsh to some of the citizenry of our fair country.

And it is true, I am sometimes a bit harsh.

But then, if they would just stop pissin’ me off, I’d be ever so much nicer.

Really I would.

Like The LimpDick Rushkin. He’s a dick with no where to go. I’m quite sure of that. I mean would you? Of course not.

So, given that he hasn’t seen any lady parts in so long they are but a distant Penthouse memory, he is given to saying really really ugly things to women.

Because he blames them, for you know, his homeless dick.

Georgetown student, Sandra Fluke was given the opportunity to speak of what lack of an ability to pay for contraceptives had meant to her life. The sick one, had this to say:

What does it say about the college coed Susan [sic] Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex.

“She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps.

“The johns, that’s right. We would be the johns — no! We’re not the johns. Well — yeah, that’s right. Pimp’s not the right word.

“OK, so, she’s not a slut. She’s round-heeled. I take it back.”

And then there is the judicial giant, US District Court Judge Richard Cebull, who likes to send racial garbage via e-mail from the courthouse. He apologies to “anyone who might have been offended,” of course. It is Montana after all. I WAS appointed by Dubya, so I guess it’s understandable that he sent this joke:

 “A MOM’S MEMORY.” 

Normally I  don’t send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine. 

“A little boy said to his mother; ‘Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white?'” the email joke reads. “His mother replied, ‘Don’t even go there Barack! From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!'”

So am I being too hard on the good folks whose political opinions I disagree with? Am I?

¶

Leavin’ ya with a laugh.

Today: Willard is asked about whether he is strong on gun rights: He says: “I like all the amendments”  

In the Past: Sarah Palin is asked what magazines and newspapers she reads: “Um, all of them, any of them. . .”

*shiver* 

Related articles

• Mitt: I misunderstood Blunt question (politico.com)
• Romney clarifies his position on Blunt amendment (sfgate.com)
• TRENDING: Romney stumbles over question about GOP contraception push (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)

Boatloads of Poo Comin’ Down the Pike

Tags

abstinence only, crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Mitt Romney, psychology, Reproductive Rights, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, The crazy right, Women's issues

Well, another week in the bag, and I feel quite literally buried in poo from the politicos among us. Thankfully, or not, we got about three inches of fluffy white that has covered everything in sight and made it all look rather clean. For the moment.

I note that Willard is giving a speech about economics today. His 59-point plan was pretty much a dud, so it’s time to do something a little more flashy. In order to do this Willard’s thinkers have secured the Ford Field, home of the Detroit Lions. Fearful that they might not be able to fill up that arena, they have toyed with a number of ways of setting it up, finally settling on placing The Willard on the 30-yard line and with some nifty camera angles, figuring it will look like all of humankind has come to listen to the wisdom that will pour forth. *Yawn*

We are told that The Willard has “reassembled” the Bush economic team. Now I feel secure. I remember that as working quite well, don’t you?

¶

The Willard decried that abstinence only wasn’t being taught in our schools enough. It’s something that has been proven to work. Except that it hasn’t. Except that it is provably not working. Except that where it is used, namely the deep South, is where the highest levels of teen pregnancy occur. And the Ragin’ Rick interjects that teen pregnancy is soaring, when it is in fact, declining. And the declining is in those states that teach a full-range sex-education, including contraceptive alternatives.

Just to set the record straight.

¶

Like just about everyone has noticed that Dr. Paul, the “principled” one in the race, is steering clear of ever criticizing The Willard. He has no just problem with criticizing Ragin’ Rick or Neutered Newt. In fact he crucifies them. And everybody is pretty darn sure that Dr. Paul and The Willard have struck some agreement. Does it have to do with the FED? Or is it more personal, like being kind to the weird-o Rand? Only time will tell. Of course both sides are shaking their heads vigorously in DENIAL. That’s convincing–no one.

¶

Said Karen Santorum: “I did always feel in my heart that God had big plans for Rick. Eventually it was there, tugging at my heart. When Obamacare passed, that was it. That put the fire in my belly.”

Awwww, ain’t that cute? And I thought the only thing her belly was good for was growing babies. God works in mysterious ways–I guess.

¶

As I mentioned the other day, you can read a copy of The Authoritarians, by Robert Altemeyber online. I thought I would share a bit here and there as I get along in it. Those who are authoritarian followers are more fearful in general that the rest of us. They were taught to be so by their parents. They see boogeymen around every corner, a crisis in the making at every turn. People are dangerous and out to get them. Now overlay this with the propensity of the GOP leadership and Fox Noise to interject FEAR as a main ingredient in all they say. Getting it now?

¶

Did you miss it? The polls poles flipped once again. I know this because the new mantra of the crazies is that Democrats are anti-science. None other than the tea-drunk Michelle Malkin has jumped on the Ragin’ Rick bandwagon. The White House has a anti-science theology that is destroying Amerika folks. Environmental-Nazis!

I think the real religious menaces are those in the White House, in the Department of Interior, at the National Park Service who pretend that they are on the side of rationality and objectivity while they are politicizing and corrupting Science for their own radical ends.

Yeah, and now can you explain to us what is their purpose in deliberately doing this Michelle with two L’s? Are they working for SATAN???????

¶

Meanwhile, the ever busy Beelzebub, dips his horns in education. Ragin’ Rick, his head usually a swim with sexual perversion, imagined and fantasized, took time to demonize the President’s attempts to help kids get to college. Why nothing but a utopian plot to groom more radical theologians of the Marxian flavor.

“I understand why Barack Obama wants to send every kid to college, because of their indoctrination mills, absolutely … The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.”

Except for Liberty U I bet, huh Ragin’? (H/T to Angry Black Lady Chronicles.)

¶

Are you out of sorts? Are you too pooped to poo? Need a pick-me-up? Well, no Vitametavegimin here folks but some mighty good commentary follows:

Paul Krugman sorts out all of  Willard’s economic lies  in a NYTimes Op Ed.

“If you just cut, if all you’re thinking about doing is cutting spending, as you cut spending you’ll slow down the economy.”

Think Obama said that? Well The Willard did. And they are walkin’ back that one, fast and furiously.

Steve Benen points out all those pesky “friends” who are kinda not sometimes so “helpful” to Willard. And the worst Surrogate Award goes to:

“Santorum connects with people. Unfortunately, my guy has a hard time doing that.” (AR state party chairman and Willard backer)

And the Detroit Free Press endorsed The Willard, while pretty much disagreeing with him on everything, finally admitting that what he stands for is, ummm, kind of hard to figure out? Well, he’s better than the others anyway.

… for the past 12 months, Romney has been refashioning himself as something other than what his record suggests. He has made gestures toward economic and social radicalism, and eschewed the common sense of cooperative governing that made him a success in Massachusetts. Romney was also dead wrong when he opposed government bailouts for the auto industry (Michigan’s most vital economic engine) in late 2008. And he has since adopted a recalcitrant and, at times, revisionist defense of his position in the face of overwhelming evidence that the bailouts he opposed were necessary…. But Romney, unlike the zealous Rick Santorum, the impulsive Newt Gingrich and the backward-thinking Ron Paul, is preferable to the rest of the field. [h/t to the Commentariat for this section of links]

And with that, another day sets on the Feather. Let’s look for some laughs tomorrow shall we?