Common cold | Existential Ennui

Tags

Common cold, health, Humor, Influenza, life in the foothills

Call me crazy. No please don’t. Enough people are already saying that. They whisper. I can hear them. “She’s crazy you know,” they nod knowingly at each other.

But I do have a cold. And I’m relieved. Because I don’t have the flu! The flu is way worth, attacking the tummy, and making you not sure whether you should sit or hang your head in the toilet, and frankly, sticking my head where I place my butt is not a comforting thought. It makes the flu worse just thinking about it.

Flu saps you of every will to live, and makes you swear off pizza and jalapeños for life, a promise you are surely going to break and that leads to being a sinner, and that leads to confession, and well, it’s all downhill with the flu.

Colds are noble. Truly they are. They are straightforward. They start with a dry cough, a bunch of sneezing, and that feeling that something is dripping softly at the back of the throat. You have time to prepare. You still have hours before you will feel really bad–time to get that cold medicine, run to the grocery store to stock up on good stuff to comfort you. Time for kleenex purchases!

Flu? It sneaks up like a thief in the night. You are sitting there, just fine and enjoying your favorite TV show, and suddenly, your tummy doesn’t feel quite right. Then in mere seconds, it feels really really not quite right. Then there is that haunting moment when your mouth fills with spit, and you find yourself projectile racing for the bathroom, Which end is going to erupt first? And then you can do nothing but drag yourself to the bed and moan, awaiting the next attack.

Flu is a mean sucker.

Colds are comforting. You get all snuggly warm in your jammies and robe and drink some nice tea with honey. You take some cold meds and get all drowsy and get that luscious nap that you usually forgo because you feel guilty wasting the time. You feel entitled for at least a day to just do nothing.

So I’m happy. Given the choices, I’m doing okay. I’m writing this, which I definitely would not be doing if I had the flu.

Diego? Not so happy. He noticed the slippers instead of the sneakers. He is not getting a walk today, and he’s stoic but sad. He gives me lots of encouraging kisses.

We’ve gone around the bend where he is concerned. I can’t tell you how much we have spent on him so far, in attempts to make him happy. Some of it is the usual stuff, collars and leads, but then there is the kennel which he now loves and runs into at the first sign that we are heading out together. But then there was the dog door which he adores and uses a hundred and seventy-two times every day. Now we are talking about putting up a wrought iron fence around the front because he just adores laying out and watching the activities of the neighborhood.

He’s a show off. I have to tell you. He likes to chase his ball down the street and we go out a good six times a day or more to throw it. He scampers after it, and then stands there, waiting for the backyard dogs to start to howling. Then he is happy. He just loves to lord it over them that he is free and they are not. Except for Rosie. Rosie is a big honking dog from the end of the street, two doors down. She gets out of her backyard and visits around. Diego is in love with Rosie, and she seems to feel the same way. She tries to walk into the house.

Well, we have reached the crazy when it comes to the boy. You see, we have taught him to retrieve the morning paper. It is sometimes there before we go on his walk at about 6:20 a.m. Sometimes he has to wait until we are back, and I unleash him at the corner. He runs over the paper every time and then picks it up, and runs it into the Contrarian, who praises him lavishly and then fights to get the paper. (If you ever wish to send Diego a present know that a subscription to the WSJ would be perfect!)

So today, given that I’m staying in, I suggested in jest mind you, that the Contrarian after finishing his paper, wrap it back up and sneak it out. Diego thinks there is a paper fairy and he’s quite sure that there will be more during the day. And, well, the paper is out there again, waiting for Diego to find it.

We have gone around the bend I tell ya.

Well, happy day to you, and if you come down with something, let it be a cold!