The Enemy Within Peeking Out, While In

Tags

Calvin and Hobbes, Election 2012, funny animals, GOP, Humor, Women's reproductive rights

Yesterday I got an e-mail by a Facebook friend, asking me to visit her new page. On it, I found what I believe was an alternate persona, some dame called Sugarpuss something or other.

I thought, wow, what a fine idea. Maybe I should do that, develop this alternate persona who could be the crazy bad me–you know, the one with all the weird and naughty ideas. Then I could be the intellectually pure, astoundingly brilliant political maven that you all really know that I am deep down.

So, I thought about it.

But then, I remembered the motto I live by, well one of several actually, but no matter.

And it is:

Everything in life can be answered by an episode of Star Trek.

It’s true. Really, and that’s the intellectually pure side of me speaking.

In the episode entitled The Enemy Within, a transporter malfunction, returns two separated Kirks. (Now now, don’t say the obvious) We soon learn that one carries all the evil and negative emotions of Kirk, the other all the nice ones. Of course the whole episode is about discovering that there are two, and then figuring out how to put them back together, but the point was more important.

We are dysfunctional without our two “sides”. The evil side is destructive and dictatorial and completely narcissistic. The nice side is weak, ineffectual an unable to make a decision about anything. Only together are we whole.

So, paying attention to my motto, I determined that I would not in fact split two for one after all.

Whew, I bet you are glad of that!

It is practical as well, this joining of good and bad. It allows me to maintain my sanity in the face of “life with the Contrarian”. I should tell you, that he is older than I, yet assumes that I am the one reaching for senility and not himself. So here are a couple of things he’s “helped” me out with in the last week.

Seeing a mass of eggs in a pan on the stove, I innocently asked, “I thought you were going to have soft-boiled eggs for breakfast?”

“I did,” he answered.

“So these are soft?” I queried.

“No, they are hard,” he responded.

I looked puzzled, and he informed me, “dear, if you leave the soft-boiled eggs in the hot water longer, they will become hard.”

He began to chuckle and I began to fume.

This was followed yesterday with this?

“I love these Geico ads with the pig,” I smiled (the pig rides a zip line and now rides a street luge).

“I just love how his little toes wiggle.”

“I wonder if it’s a real little pig?”

“No dear,” he said professorially, “real pigs can’t talk.”

He began to chuckle, and I began to fume.

Life is like this a lot with the Contrarian. It would not be a good thing if I was evil. Not a good thing at all.

So Newt has seen the polls that show that nobody much, likes him.

That’s pretty much been Newt’s story since he was five.

His mom pretty much didn’t like him.

I don’t know that for a fact, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

Newt goes to zoos to look for friends.

I’m not sure that is such a good idea either.

Animals don’t like to be reminded of their ancestors.

I’d advise he stay away from the sloth exhibit.

Don’t you think Newt looks a little slothish?

I like sloths, and I doubt they would like the comparison.

Since Adelson has dumped another 10 million on Newt’s bouncin’ belly, I’m pretty sure Newt has promised to convert to Judaism if he becomes the nominee.

Or declare that that Gefilte Fish is the national dish.

One or the other.

Some men are funny.

Some men are Republicans.

All Republicans are funny.

And most of them (Republicans) are dumber than ear wax.

Bill Maher said that Ricky and Willard are against contraception because sex is for procreation. Newtie is against it because it’s hard for fat men to get on a condom in the back seat of a car.

I was going off to buy me a bottle of aspirin, when the Contrarian reminded me that I’m post menopausal. I need to go ask a Republican what I should do next.

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”

“I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”

“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.”

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“I’ve been thinking Hobbes”
“On a weekend?”
“Well, it wasn’t on purpose”

“Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

“Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.”

One Witticism Goes a Long Way

Tags

Barack Obama, Calvin and Hobbes, Christopher Hitchens, Donald Trump, Entertainment, Extreme right-wing, GOP, Halley Barbour, Literature, racism, teabaggers, wacko right-wing media

“It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” [Calvin & Hobbes]

Believe me, there are days I think like that.

Most of the time, I’m a mild-mannered pleasant enough woman, the one you meet here everyday. But some people and some things get my dander up, and I seriously wonder if the planet would not be a better place should they depart it. It’s then that I secretly almost wish that Hell existed.

I figure most people have their list. You know, the list of those who most certainly deserve hell and damnation.

I also figure that no two lists are probably identical.

That signal fact convinces me that I best leave the whole thing up to God.

My revenge then lies in witticisms, snarks, and acid-dripping sarcasm.

I tend to bow to those who do this well, even when I sometimes, mostly, or even always dislike their point of view on just about everything. Christopher Hitchens is one of those types. William F. Buckley was one. Gore Vidal is one.

Vladimir Nabokov famously said that he thought as a genius, wrote as a distinguished author, and spoke as a child. He was awful as an interview in other words. Martin Amis, writing for the Guardian UK, suggests that Hitchens is just the opposite. And for me, that is exactly true. His ideas are simply awful and knee jerk, he writes wonderfully, and he oratory is captivating and brilliant.

“The measure of an education, is that you acquire some idea of the extent of your ignorance.”

“A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realisation that you can’t make old friends.”

Just a couple little gems.

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We groused here often about why so much of the working class in this country votes against its own economic interests in voting for the GOP. Up through 2010, the Rethuglicans have been successful in painting President Obama as “other” meaning other than a white man. They have called him a socialist, a communist, a dictator, they have challenged his birth, his patriotism, his religious affiliation–all this in an attempt appeal to the deep-seated and hotly denied latent racism present in America. PoliticusUSA has a fine piece on the topic.

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Oh by the by, we are 1-1 on our predictions so far. Halley Barbour has opted out of running for the Oval. I’m not sure more than three people took note.

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Oh, if you want a fun site with tons of Calvin and Hobbes quotes, I found this today. I am an unabashed lover of all things C & H, even named the ginger twins after ’em.

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It comes as no revelation to me that air traffic controllers are constantly falling asleep at the switch. Have you looked at those radar screens? What is there that would not  put you to sleep? Which reminds me of what I thought was probably the most boring job yet created. A man who comes to work each morning, weighs himself on the company scales next to the assembly line, and then steps on a platform. As each set of bathroom scales comes down the line, he steps down on to it, checks its accuracy, and steps, back. He does this all day. ALL DAY!

I once applied for a summer job in a large building in downtown Flint, Michigan. The lady gave me a set of about 25 3-x5 cards and ushered me into a very very very very very large room where there were aisles and aisles and aisles and aisles of tiny file cabinets just the right size for 3-x5 cards. She told me to file the 25 in alphabetical order, and return to her when I was finished. (This was my “test”). I stood there, I looked at the first series of cabinets that rain A’s the entire length of the room. I turned, walked out, placed the 25 cards on her desk, and walked out without saying a word.

Got a “most boring job”? Let us hear about it.

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Trumpy is upping the ante, now wondering how a relatively poor and relatively stooopid little black kid ever got into Columbia and Harvard. The Trumpster ignores all the evidence to the contrary, merrily making evidence-lacking assertions that sound good to the airheads on the extreme right. No, they don’t sound good, it’s the stuff they desperately want to hear to justify what they really want to do, which is hate Obama without being accused of that pesky racism they do deeply harbor in their cold shriveled hearts.

Like his baseless assertions that the President might not be a citizen, again here, he’s “heard” it from someone that Obama was a terrible student, and he knows “lots” of kids with great grades and boards who can’t get in, so, well, it smells, The Donald alleges. And well, you hair smells too Donald, shall we conclude it came from another country?

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You may have heard that the Prez went to Sunday services on Easter. Well, the wackos on the extreme right had something to say about that too. Of course it was a “racist” church, where there were only “black” people and well, you get the drift. Chauncey De Vega gives his take on the “conservative media’s”  assessment.

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What’s on the stove? Shrimp pasta with a lemon/wine Alfredo sauce, and coleslaw.

Sunday (Packer Day)

Tags

Calvin and Hobbes, Humor, Sarah Palin

It’s that day.

From the moment he got up, I’ve heard nothing but, “Big game today.”

Yes, I’ve heard that refrain for weeks now, with each game.

 “I just hope they leave it all on the field.”

Yes, I’ve heard that too.

“I feel sorry for players in the second game. I mean, they are just going to be the runner’s up in the Super Bowl. How depressing for them.”

The Pre-pre-pre-pre game has been on for like hours. I know the shape and quality of Aaron Rodgers toenails. I know the gloves of choice of Donald Driver, I know the favorite cleat to be used by A. J. Hawk. I know so screamin’ much about every minute facet of the upcoming game, that well, I could scream.

I didn’t want to know any of this. I’m a purist. I sit down, three minutes before game time. I get up to do whatever during half time (no need to see analysis, I saw the game!). I watch until the outcome is certain. Then I move on. That’s a purist.

The Contrarian is obsessed.

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Political Irony has your late night jokes. Don’t miss ’em.

My favorite:

“Good news tonight. The chief victim of that shooting in Tucson is sitting upright and talking. [On screen: Sarah Palin on Fox News]” – Jon Stewart

And this from Jan at Yearning for God:

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Don’t know about you, but I adored Calvin & Hobbes to death. I bought some of the books. I still love them, and wish Watterson hadn’t quit. There is a series of essays on the C & H theology written by Dr. Richard Beck, psychologist. It’s fun. And it’s the kind of thing to read on a Sunday.

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It’s a wrap today. Game time is approaching.