We Shoulda Lost The Civil War

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Alabama, budget, Election 2012, gas prices, GOP, Media, Mike Huckabee, Mississippi, Mitt Romney, park lands, stupid people, teabaggers

Take Alabama and Mississippi.

No seriously, take them.

Okay, that was a cheap shot. Henny Youngman of me.

But seriously, really seriously.

In Alabama, 45% of polled citizens says that the President is a Muslim. An additional 41% are “unsure. In Mississippi, it’s 52% and 36%. In other words nearly 90% of these folks are either unsure or are sure he ain’t no Christian.

In both states, something like only 25% or less believe in evolution as a true theory of how they came to be standing where they are.

Is it the water? Or does dullness naturally sink to the bottom of the continent? I mean, you could find a smarter bunch of people in the Amazon rain forest making poisonous arrows to kill monkeys for stew. Seriously.

They are the national poster states for dumb and dumber. This is down right embarrassing. A Parisian could do a better job of taking a civics test than the average Alabama/Mississippi resident.

THEY ARE VOTING TODAY TO PICK A GOP CANDIDATE.

Does that make a chill run down your back? They are allowed to vote! Talk about your voter fraud. They are walking cases for people pretending to be citizens. My dog could make a more salient choice.

I do believe that both states require mandatory chip identification just so when they get lost, as they often must, they can be sent back to the right home. “Where do you live son?” “I dunno sir, but I think it has a lot of a’s or i’s in it.”

I mean seriously.

¶

It appears that Mikey the Huck is gonna go up against the Rushmore on the radio waves. Good news? Only marginally so. The Huckster has long ago given up any claim to be a nice Christian pastor with soothing sweet uplifting warbles of pleasantry. The Huckster, if you been a watching is urging everyone to sign on the “kill Obamacare” an ad fraught with lies and evil innuendo. In addition, he not all that long ago called the President a Kenyan, returned us to “death panels”, used the  now de rigueur Nazi allusions to all things Obama, and claims Ted Kennedy would have “committed suicide” had he lived to see the Health Care Law. Greed, greed, greed, what it does to people.

¶

The stupid brigade (i.e., GOP House) is gearing up with a new budget. More of the same according to Politico. More money for rich folks and more gutting of medicare. Meanwhile, Willard continues to lie about the President’s record, and then turn around and lie about his own. He’s the one who would destroy Medicare as we know it, and we know he knows it. Trouble is nobody is calling him on it. Except that he doesn’t make himself available to the press, ala Ms Palin. Too many gaffes ya know.

¶

Like this one. Willard need to button up the lip, zip the old zipper when the issue of sports comes along. Unless they are talking about “sport” that is, you know, horses and polo. Then pontificate o’ wealthy one. Otherwise, as I said, mum’s the word.

But Willard, it seems is a stubborn, and apparently rather arrogant asshat who figures, if I made all that money, I must know what I’m doing. So Mr. Bumbles calls a sports radio show in Al-err-bammy yesterday and engages in what he figures is safe territory–spoits!

Now iff’n you recalls, Mr. Bumbles talked about NASCAR just a few days ago, in which he got all perky about knowin’ the NASCAR stuff seein’ as he knew a bunch of NASCAR “team owners”. Those folks can of course be found  tailgating in the infield at the race, guzzlin’ the BUD. Right?  

And surely he was advised that such richy rich stuff was bad, and don’t do it again.

So. . . .

He’s asked about Peyton Manning, newly released Colts QB. And he says:

“I’ve got a lot of good friends, the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the New York Jets, both owners are friends of mine,” he added. “But let’s keep him away from New England.”

Yup. He said that. Yup he did.

¶

What is it with the GOP and their hatred of public lands? The party of Teddy Roosevelt, conservationist extraordinaire, is being infested with all sorts who want to give our parks to private interests. The wealthy apparently are not wealthy enough. Willard inexplicably says that he doesn’t “know the purpose of public lands.” You don’t? I guess that is because you don’t understand things that don’t render a profit margin for your friends, Willard?

¶

Gas prices are pissin’ off everyone. And the GOP is out to make as much of it as it can. They blame it on the President. We knew they would. Except that economists and oil experts tell you the President can’t do diddly squat about gas prices for the most part. Read Ezra Klein’s report and get the low down, when your Republican friends (should you have any) start spouting about how Obama’s policies are driving up my pain at the pump. Ain’t so. Remember, Foxy Noise said that Bush couldn’t be blamed for high pump prices a few years ago. Course, they forgot that.  

Related articles

• TRENDING: Romney calls billionaire football team owners friends (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
• Mississippi Republicans Are Human Caricatures (slog.thestranger.com)
• Is Mississippi Racist, Toothless and Idiotic? Bill Maher Video Shows State’s Beliefs [VIDEO] (ibtimes.com)
• Pitifully stupid (horsesass.org)

When It’s the Left, It’s a “Dangerous Revolution”

Tags

99%er's, Alabama, Herman Cain, immigration, Michelle Obama, Rick Perry, rightwing media, teabaggers, Wall Street, West Virginia

When it was the TeaNutz® it was all about “taking our country back.” It was all about exercising our constitutional rights of assembly and speech. It was all about the Boston Tea Party.

And lest anyone forget, a not insignificant number of the crazies on the right, came to said protests armed with weapons, or suggested that they were fully prepared to come “next time” with rifles to get their way.

How soon they forget.

Now that the left and frankly a whole lot of the middle are beginning to protect the unconscionable profits of Wall Street and the disparity between the 1% and the 99%, well the Right is singing quite a different tune.

Doing their best at first to ignore the whole thing, as the movement has gone on, and the numbers have increased, the Right focuses on the “violence”. Of course there is precious little of any of that, rather there are arrests based on “trespass” violations.

While first laughing at the small numbers, now that the numbers are growing, an increasingly fearful number of right-wing pundits now describe the protestors as “dangerous”. Ann (I’m still somewhat significant to five people) Coulter claims we are seeing the beginnings of a violent revolution. Allen West describes them as “dirty hippies who hate capitalism and freedom.”

In fact revolution seems to be the word of the day. (And it used to have such a good connotation in this country.) Mitt (Oh thank you Chris Christie) Romney calls it “dangerous class warfare.”

I am heartened by the fact that some of the rational folks who study these things, think it may be a thing that will keep growing until it does command the full attention of Washington. As Ezra Klein pointed out, these protestors aren’t college kids, they are college graduates with multiple degrees who can’t get work. They are home owners who worked hard only to have the economy and corporate greed deprive them of first a job and then a home. These folks aren’t going away, because their troubles aren’t going away. 

And it has also been pointed out, that the really major movements in this country have been slow-growing, for people wait, hoping that things will get better for a couple of years before they resort to forcing change upon reluctant politicians who are comfy in their graft-happy world.

We shall see. We shall see.

♦

In case you didn’t hear, Earl Ray Tomblin, (D-WV) won the governorship over his TeaNutz® candidate and attempts by the GOP to paint this as a referendum on President Obama. The GOP nearly doubled the money spent by the Democrats.

Either it wasn’t a referendum on the President, or it was and we see how much importance the TeaNutz® influence politics on the state-wide scale.

♦

Best line of the day:

 Rick Perry’s poll numbers drop lower than a snake’s navel in a wagon rut,

That is from Juanita Jean’s. You go girl.

♦

One thing that is really making me angry. (out of thousands these days) is the utter contemptible manner in which the far right wing-wackers speak of the First Lady.

I mean it gets down to physical descriptions of her anatomy as befits the usual 8-year-old. It is demeaning, simply awful and disgusting. It always comes from white men.

It does not matter what this woman does, be it care about the health of children, or try to maintain some sense of normality in the lives of her children, they vilify and mock her at every turn. (yes we know it’s all about THEIR lack of self-esteem).

And this is just not the common trailer-trash that hangs out at The Blaze. Rush (where are my drugs?) Limpuh, regularly refers to her as “MOOshel”, or “Michelle my BUTT.”

♦

Speaking of draconian laws. The Alabama laws that were passed and so far upheld targeting “illegals” continues to have unintended consequences. Remember when a bunch of fruit farmers left tons of fruit in their fields because Hispanics failed to show up to work out of fear, and “white people won’t do the jobs?”

Well, there’s more. It turns out that fully 7% of all Hispanics children have failed this year to show up for school, fearing arrest. And that turns into big bucks that the school districts lose in federal funds. Something like 130 million could potentially be lost to the districts.

♦

Ya gotta love a guy who doesn’t worry about facts. Facts as I often say just get in the way of a good opinion.  And Herman Cain seems to think that’s the best way to speak publicly. Speak from the gut, and well, it works for the base.

In the last couple of days, probably freakin’ freaked out by his unbelievable surge in the polls, Herm has taken to spouting crap that will not help him in the long run.

Such as:

• He doesn’t believe that homosexuality is not a choice. Show him the science that says it isn’t and he might change his mind. Um, Herm, it’s all around ya dude, but yeah, you gotta play to your peeps the whitey homophobes.
• Today Herm said that “although I have no evidence” he thinks the whole Wall Street protest thing is something orchestrated to prop up the President. And then he had the audacity to say this:

Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself! […] It is not someone’s fault if they succeeded, it is someone’s fault if they failed.

I guess that kind of stuff plays well somewhere, but me thinks its to a very tiny little place this side of Insanesville.

 

What is Going on With Alabama? #3

Tags

Alabama, essay, Humor, States on Parade

When a state needs four A’s in its name, you know you are dealing with an inferiority complex par excellence. I mean really.

Indeed, when your maps consistently place your state within a panoply of other states just so people will know where you are, that’s another sign of weak ego. Truly, could you find Alabama on a blank map? I surely couldn’t. Who would bother to learn?

I can testify that if you are on the Eastern Seaboard and have reason to head to Alabama that driving directions consist of “take I-95 south to Georgia, turn left and when you feel stupid, stop. You are there.”

What do I know about Alabama? Um, Joe Namath played college ball there?

The state flag consists of a big ol’ X. I’m advised that these are strategically placed throughout the state to assure its citizens that indeed “you are here.” Why they want to be here, is anybody’s guess of course.

Alabama was one of those Confederate states who, given the above, still figured they could govern themselves better than the US of A could. This of course raises the image of a state in utter delusion. It’s a good place for the military to have a lot of bases, and so they do.

This gulf state is nicknamed the Yellowhammer state after its bird. I have no clue what a Yellowhammer looks like, other than this:

Which is apparently what you are driven to locate after spending a whole day looking skyward for a yellow bird.

Anyway, like most every state in our union, Alabama is named after native Peoples (the one’s whom we stole the whole bleepin’ country from, remember?). The pronunciation was a bit more like Albaamo, from the Choctaw language. The interfering Spaniards first came across the name, and you know that the Spanish are notoriously bad at pronunciation. So another bastardized name emerged.

Just add another A, and drop an O and otherwise scramble. There were minor flirtations with U’s and I’s but the locals were adamant at likin’ only A’s.

Definitions range from “here we rest,” to “clean up those weeds.” And most Alabamians seem to do the former, but not the latter. If you’ve been there, you know that.

All manner of nations and other states at one time or another laid claim to various parts of what is today the unremarkable state lines of Alabama. No one is willing to admit why they ever wanted any of it today. There is a story there for sure, but I’m not interested enough to pursue it. Be my guest.

It’s first state constitution provided for universal suffrage–for white men–and when asked, most white men in the state think it would be better off if that were still the case.

Of course, cotton was the crop of choice. When you put on those cotton socks, you walk on Alabama. Remember that.

Alabamians are a rigid and stubborn people. They refused to redistrict their state preferring to have the rural areas dominate the state legislature into the 1960’s. There may have been other motives in mind other than purely love of the plow.

Most people figure that Alabama is just mad because it didn’t get much of a coastline. Florida stole most of it because it always knew it would be a tourist mecca. What did a cotton plantation need with ocean views after all?

The state boasts its own “great natural disaster” in a five-mile-round impact crater called the Wetumpka Crater. It is not thought that many died from the violent impact. But that’s not been verified yet. Records are pretty thin for 80 million years ago. Plans have been discussed of turning the entire crater into a giant skateboard track, but scientists object. (Don’t they always take all the fun out of things?) Anyway, you can’t see much of it, but there is a nice sign you can read.

Weather wise, it’s hot in the summer, and cool in the winter, with “copious” precipitation. This is probably not a good sign. Tropical storms, hurricanes and more thunderstorms than anywhere else in the US are definitely not drawing cards. Ducks are reported to even get sick of all the rain, and sneak into Georgia.

The state has a significantly high number of folks killed by lightning, which suggests that Alabamians don’t know when to come in out of the rain. Most tend to stay close to the “you are here” signs for reassurance, and of course they are made of metal. A bill has been introduced to have them made of wood, which would provide some jobs every few years when they need repainting. A pilot project noted that after three years most signs would end up with “yo r her” which is gender confusing to say the least.

It has two complete idiots for senators. Not an opinion. That’s a fact.

Alabama is in a race with Mississippi to see who can have the lowest high school graduation numbers. Some credit must be given to Mississippi, which has four i’s in its name, signalling a very egotistical population, and also one that likes a good joke.

I can’t think of anything else you need to know. All in all, I can’t think of any good reason to stop in on the state, unless you just plain want to see what it feels like to feel a bit stupid for a bit. People do smile there a lot, I’ll give ’em that. But then, they really don’t know they live in Alabama.