Contrarianisms

I figured that my Contrarian says so many hysterical things, it was a good thing to keep track of them. I got the idea from a Twitter page entitled, ShitMyDadSays, now a book.

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It’s hard to keep Russians straight, what with all those Russian names. For instance, Tolstoy would have been much more enjoyable had he used proper English names.

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Why is a first degree burn better than a third degree burn, but first degree murder worse than second? And how does giving someone the third degree fit in?

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You know, you can’t sneeze with your eyes open. It’s impossible. It’s a good thing too, since your eyes would be blown out by the pressure. It’s only a theory of course, can’t be tested, because nobody can keep their eyes open. Kinda like that string theory stuff you spout, just a theory too.

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What’s in a name?

  1. Tall Story = Leon Tolstoy
  2. The Flytrap Sisters  = Vanessa and Serena Williams
  3. Woman who pulls ear = Carol Burnett
  4. Naphia Radell = Raphael Nadal
  5. Siley Myrus = Miley Cyrus
  6. The Other Idiot who is not Steve Doocy = Brian Kilmeade

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“I don’t understand tennis coaching. It can’t be any simpler–hit the ball away from your opponent! That’s what I would tell them.”

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4 thoughts on “Contrarianisms”

  1. Cynthianne sent me to check out your site, and I’ve gone home and added it to my own “signs of intelligent life” blogroll. C’mon over if you have time, and feel free to tote off any guano you find for your own~!

    Squatlo

  2. And we drive on parkways and park on driveways.

    Some days it doesn’t pay to take your brain out of the bubble wrap/

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