A Serious Case of the Ass

michele-bachmann-batshit-crazy-and-proud-of-itAnd you thought she would go quietly into the still dark night, returning to her lair, climbing into her sarcophagus, bidding adieu to Marcus, after relinquishing her role as beard to his hetero pretensions.

Nah.

Bat shit crazy don’t play that way.

She continues to play the game of stupid queen of the mountain better than such noteworthy rivals as Sarah, Phyllis, and Marsha, all rolled into one. Michele Crazy Eyes Bachmann once again wins the gold metal for craziest damn woman to ever have a vagina.

But then she doesn’t. See that’s the really fine thing about this new pronouncement by the bible in one hand, gun in the other, reparative theory is your friend, nut job, is that it truly is shocking. See, while Marcus has always been firmly wedged into his closet of gayness, his beard, was really a man all along.

Yes, Michele, nobodies, Belle, is a guy. It’s a fact.

Here’s how we came to know.

She spilled the beans…or shall we say she spilled the gonads for all to see.

She ‘splained it this way: See, your Barack…being all Black and all, now he was elected because there was all this guilt floatin’ around, and him being only “half” ya know, black, it was like getting rid of that black angst thing, without technically ya know, havin’ to actually elect one of them. (I had this explained to me by a couple of Christianist ladies, one of whom howled that Obama isn’t black, he’s only half-black, having a white mother. Another explained that  questioning his citizenship was not racist, because she had taken in a black girl to care for during her pregnancy’ and she was WAY darker than Obama, which proves I guess, in the mind of a racist, that well, only shades of color matter, but somehow that has nothing to do with RACE-ism)

But, Michele, intoned in her cutie little voice, tis not the same when it comes to women. Nah, America is not yet “ready for a woman President”, and for a coupla reasons. One, there ain’t no guilt in America over women, and two well, there is just no “pent-up desire” which is Michele’s way of saying there ain’t no stinkin’ hard-on for a woman.

And she oughta know, since she RAN FOR PRESIDENT. And since she did, and since she appears to believe her own slimy brain farts, well, it can only be that Michele is really Michael and no woman at all.

That’s the logic of it as far as I can see.

It all just was the “last straw” if you get my drift.

I’ve been reading an essay on a critical examination of the phrase “Sarah laughed” in Genesis. Done from a feminist point of view and gathering the linguistic evidence and the EARLIEST manuscripts, we learn that Sarah was actually laughing at the possibility that her old and dried up vagina might become that moist Eden once again and her old and flaccid husband might actually be able to get it up at his age. As such, it violated the shame/honor society of the Egyptian Jews who were translating the Septuagint into Koine Greek–the same version that would be used by the likes of Jesus and Paul as they read Torah in the synagogue of Jerusalem in the early years of the Common Era.

And if it were not for a long line of women starting with Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who just oddly enough thought that maybe God and the baby Jesus thought as highly of them as it did about all the men it focused on, well, we’d still be in the kitchen, barefoot no doubt and with a child at each elbow and one on the hip as we prepared a feast for the menfolk who were out and about “important” business.

And then, just then, before that I have to contend with a Neanderthal male who,without a single modicum of biblical training purports to bolster his ill-conceived notion that it was solely the “Jews what kilt our Lord,” by suggesting that I was not the least bit attractive from his arrogant pig-oinking position, well, I’m getting the feminist juices all fired up again.

So Michele, pseudo-woman, and Phyllis Schafley and her idiotic “be a good wife” while I make millions writing books and speaking for large fees, and Marsha Blackburn, with her “I’ll say whatever you tell me to if I can just be on camera” drivel, you can all go take a massive flying leap cause ladies, and I do use that term most advisedly, you are FUCKING NOT HELPING HERE as some of us are trying to make a world where girls can grow up to be anything they want and make as much as any man, and that child rearing is EVERY BODY’S business and responsibility, and that women’s ideas about compromise, caring, and compassion just might, JUST MIGHT add a segment to the conversation that MIGHT, JUST MIGHT result in fewer wars and less death, and more freakin’ happiness for all.

So THAT’S what I’m thinking about today.

How ’bout you?

peace_out_by_wirdoudesigns-d62lrko

Oh, Michele, Say It Ain’t So–Or the Crazy Meets the Wall

bachmannOh my goodness, my goodness, as Shirley Temple often said. Or perhaps a band of munchkins is more to your liking, “ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead.” Figuratively of course. Whatever you flavor of bygonedom, an era of crazy as in bat shit crazy is about to end. You won’t have Michele to kick around any more as Tricky Dick was wont to glower.

I could go on, but you no doubt know I have more pithy comments left to make. Soooo, I was grumbling, sitting on the side of the bed, dangling a pair of panties and searching valiantly for my toe to hook ‘em, when the Contrarian rushed in, “let me be the first to tell ya sweetie. Michele Bachmann isn’t going to run for re-election.”

Well, that almost made my day, although a 2 1/2 mile walk and a trip to the pool followed by three shopping stops still loomed large in my rear view mind. All sorts of stuff started racing through my head as I tried to figure out how a Bachmann-free world would look, feel, nay even smell like.

I scoured the Internet and managed to find all this information for your perusal.

Since she started out by assuring us that it had nothing to do with her Democratic opponent, you can assume it had EVERYTHING to do with her Democratic opponent. I mean she had already started running ads. The fact that that pesky investigation about how she mismanaged her campaign finances wouldn’t go away probably had something to do with it too.

I am told that Louis Gohmert and Steve King were heartbroken. No more weird teapotter sex in the cloak room with the ever vivacious and eye-spinning girl wonder for them. You do NOT want to know what teapotter sex consists of, trust me. People who have snuck in between the coats to spy on the threesome (de rigueur in teapotter circles), have been known to lose their eyesight. Nobody thought you could put THAT, THERE and live I tell ya.

Anyway, insiders suggest that there were some private reasons why Ms. Bachmann decided to hang up her Congressional spurs at this time.

  • She was heartbroken when Speaker Boehner told her that she had not won a seat on the Intelligence Committee because  of her, you know, intelligence. Actually it all started as a joke and well, it got out of hand.
  • Various members of the Armed Services called to testify at hearings, threatened to commit hara kiri if she asked them one more stupid question.
  • Marcus’ reparative therapy had been going really well until marriage equality passed in Minnesota. Thereafter he could be heard roaming their Minnesota home intoning, “free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last.”
  • Michele was told that the campaign finance money she spent on her “wandering eye” surgery was not deductible as an “expense”.
  • Her most lucrative engagement–speaking at Tea Party events was about to dry up as the last Teapotters get ready to close up shop. Sarah advised her to get in on the speaking tours while the getting was good. Grifters do as much for other grifters it seems.
  • It was explained to her that Obamacare was still the law of the land and no amount of clicking her heels together would change that.
  • A little-known House rule requires a Congressperson to step down after eight years of introducing absolutely no bills that weren’t laughed at by the House cleaning staff.
  • It was about to get out that she had copies of Chippendales on Display” in her desk drawer–AND the pages were very very worn.
  • She’s joining a new group headed up by Christine “I’m not a witch” O’Donnell, Sarah “I’m still relevant” Palin, and other failed TeaWomen, to offer their services as Public Relations experts.
  • She always wanted to be a end-times preacher in her heart of hearts.
  • Let’s face it, Phyllis Schlafley is getting really really old and somebody has to travel around the country, get paid tens of thousands all the while spreading the message that God wants women to stay home and support their flaccid husbands. After all, they didn’t get flaccid all by themselves, it takes a ball-buster of a woman to do that, except of course unless he’s a closeted gay.

Meanwhile,  the Contrarian has wired the entire house so that every television and Tivo box is tied together. I don’t understand the science behind all this, but I’m assured that I can turn on any TV just by pushing “puree” on my blender and I can change channels by pressing “steam” on my iron. No amount of glazed-over eyes prevents him from explaining the math of all this to me over and over again. I prefer to simply say. . . .”the Internet is like a series of tubes through which little busses carrying electrical bundles careening through intersections dump their loads at rail crossings, and yelling ‘bingo’ at regular intervals, all resulting in my getting the channel I want when I want it.”

Signing off from this tube relay platform until later.

 

Aw Shucks and BeJesus!

 

 

 

Doncha know that I am just bummed. I hear ex-pretence-of-a-president, George W. Bush, Dubya fun, dubya stupid to his friends, ain’t a goin’ to the big to-doin’s called the GOP convention.

Nope, he don’t wanna take the spot light off the dim bulb personality of Willard.

Given that Georgie was one of the more incurious types ever to sit his behind in the oval office, my guess is that it is just too boring for him to bother with.

But then again, no doubt the black sheep son is also somewhat concerned about his legacy. And associating with idiots probably would not help. Speaking of legacy, when I heard that the Texas stooge (not Gohmert or Perry), had written a book about EKO-NOM-IKS, I nearly lost my lunch in guffaws (Willard uses this term for laughing). I mean you gotta be kidding me!

Seriously. The man is a mental midget.

&

There is a really excellent post by Frank Bruni on the NYTimes editorial page about the super-noodle head, Michele Bachmann. Bruni examines her strange variety of “Christianity”, you know the one I mean. The one favored by the likes of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, and other hate-mongering types who use their sick interpretation of the bible to justify suppression of other people. Take a look. As always take a look at the comments.

&

Ya know,  the NRA may tell me that I can’t talk about gun control because it is “politicizing” a tragedy. Which is dumb of course, but the crazy right thinks it’s exactly the proper time to blame it all on liberals. Colorado is Gods vengeance for turning away from Him. Sick huh? Which makes our favorite hate monger, Bryan Fischer’s remarks all the more backward:

It’s been interesting to me in talking to liberals, and I’m sure you’ve had this same experience, the conclusion I’ve come to is that they cannot be reasoned with because logic means nothing to them, facts mean nothing to them, history means nothing to them, reason means nothing to them. They just have these very strong feelings and the strength of those feelings in their minds is all they need to validate the positions they take. So I’ve just come to the conclusion that liberals cannot be reasoned with they can only be defeated.

Now that will make your head spin won’t it?

&

Willard appears to be taking a page from the Gingrich (where the hell did he go?) playbook. Remember when ole Nootie Patootie was buying Twitter followers? Well it seems our boy Willard has done the same thing. His campaign of course denies it, but his numbers went up dramatically on one day, and they don’t match the retweets and tweets offered on that day. Estimates are that Willard’s twitter account contains only about 26% real people. For an unreal guy, hey that’s pretty good don’t ya think?

&

Well one thing you don’t wanna do. Louis Gohmert Republican idiot from Texas, don’t take no “chit” from nobody, and that includes one John S. McCain–a man not known to take criticism well. Senator McCain had the audacity to criticize Gohmert and Bachmann and others who decided based on no evidence to attack a Hillary Clinton aide. McCain came to her defense.

Well, Gohmert didn’t care for that, and while appearing on the Dennis Miller (he has a show?) show, called McCain “numb nuts” and that McCain was probably under the influence of the Muslim Brotherhood.

I do believe that we are drawing near to a time when it can fairly be said that there are no minds at all in the GOP only facsimiles.

I bid adieu, adios, and good day to you all.

GOHMERT: Well, it’s obvious that John McCain didn’t even read the letter because of what he said in accusing Michele and us of making these horrible accusations. There were five letters and there were many things that are stated that are facts in each letter. And I wish some of these numb nuts would go out and read the letter before they make these horrible allegations about the horrible accusations we’re making. But we also know that John McCain himself had said back in the early stages of stuff going on in Egypt that he was, in his words, “unalterably opposed to helping the Muslim Brotherhood.” Well, obviously the unalterable person has been altered, so he is okay with it now.

Yeah, well now Louis, you have about as much sense as Gomer Pyle on a bad day, so I’d button that lip before Johnny comes and lays you out on the House floor for impersonating a Representative. And don’t land on no cactus when you fall there bud.

 

 

Oh, the Sadness of It

It’s useless to ask how many must die before the NRA stops this charade that any limit on guns is some monstrous threat to our freedom.

They will continue always to argue that to even discuss the issue is “taking advantage of the tragedy”. Of course it is not. As  E. J. Dionne pointed out, no such thing was said when FEMA was attacked after Katrina.

Our gun policy is insane. The Democrats are scared silly to even mention it. The NRA continues to scream that Obama must be defeated because they are sure that once elected to a second term, he will let loose the dogs of gun control and in cahoots with the UN, eviscerate the Second Amendment. It’s all insane.

There is no shortage of insane people in this country. Pursuant to the religious policies of the Mormon and Catholic churches (now that’s some strange bedfellowing), the higher-ups in the boy scouting world have voted to continue preventing gay men and women to serve as scout masters.

Way to continue false stereotypes you miserable excuses for Jesus followers. (If you detected some personal opinion here, be assured it was not intended.) :P

And let’s not forget our girl, Michele “wild eyes” Bachmann. Much like the much forgotten Sarah, Michele misses the limelight and doesn’t really care who she harms in her quest to get some press.

Her attacks on Huma Abedin are outrageous, causing members of her own idiotic party to condemn her. With her on this McCarthyite-type attack is the ever crazy Louis Gohmert, that fine upstanding horse’s ass from Texas. He lost the fight with Rick Perry over the one brain cell they were supposed to share. Nothing but cobwebs in his upstairs. Shame on ‘em both.

And then there is Paterno, now dead and unable to face what he should have to face.

How can you work with young people virtually all of your life, yet turn your back and cover up a man who is molesting children?

How can you?

Rip down that statute, Penn State. He deserves nothing but our condemnation.

Meanwhile drought continues over vast areas of the US. What looked to be a bumper crop in the Midwest is being plowed under as a total loss or near it. The West is on fire. The East is sweltering.

But the righty-tightys continue to point out that their version of the bible suggests (if you choose to read it that way) that the earth will never be destroyed, and that’s enough for them. The Koch brothers and their ilk pat them on their stupid heads, and order more martinis.

And the GOP, though insane, are not stupid. They have devised a way to suppress the Democratic vote.

It’s the American way doncha know. I mean, better than 10,000 legitimate voters be turned away rather than one illegitimate one in the entire nation get through to cast a ballot.

No doubt that is what the Founding Fathers intended.

Gosh we got pretty darn far before a Romney insanity showed up. Seems Willard is spending all his time now, reminding us that “greed is good”.

Word is that what Willard is trying so hard to keep under wraps is that he basically paid no taxes before he dressed them all up for public display. He points out that Lindsay Graham says that not paying taxes IS the American way. But of course, Mitt expects me to pay mine. Lots more in fact, so that we can keep those taxes really low on the job creators. Does that include his horse who garnered a $77,000 deduction a few years ago? He was creating manure for sure. And I guess somebody got a job cleaning that up. Must be how it works.

Can’t we all just learn to get along?

 

Don’t Taz Me Bro. . .Or, Did Someone Call a Plumber?

Well there is an upside of sorts. Dennis Kucinich may have lost his primary bid in Ohio’s Ninth district, but at least he doesn’t have to run against the GOP’s latest laughingstock, Joe the Plumber who did win the Republican primary in the Ninth.

I know.

Everytime you think, “hey they can’t top this. No way they can sink any lower into the slime of stupid and jackassery” duh, well they do.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the threesome Willard, Ragin, and DoughBoy, continue to circle each other, tasers in hand, locked in a dance of death. Each is determined to wrest the self-destruct button as their very own.

At some point do they wish they had never started, as they realize that they are selling their soul, and good cash all to win a nomination not worth a plug nickle? Each is now so damaged that it’s hard to figure out how any of them can ever gloss over the cracks, rot, and peeled paint apparent to everyone.

Newt needs a new hearing aid. Does Tiffany’s sell those things?

He said that the President in his press conference yesterday said:

He said, you know, I’m really worried about higher gas prices because it will make it harder for me to get re-elected.

The President actually said this:

Ed, just from a political perspective, do you think the President of the United States, going into reelection, wants gas prices to go up even higher? … Is there anybody here who thinks that makes a lot of sense?

So, send Newt a tweet, and at least ask him to turn the thing on, or up, or replace the battery.

3CHICKSPOLITICO submitted this as their take on Super Tuesday:

I guess the insanity of all this now is Newt.

Newt has no path to victory.

Ragin’ Rick is the only one with a chance of overcoming The Willard.  

Newt hampers Ragin’ Rick from overtaking The Willard.

Newt hates The Willard.

New hates the Willard more than he hates the Ragin’.

Newt won’t get out.

This is why I know that Republicans ain’t good at logic problems.

There is growing evidence that Neanderthals and some modern humans were doin’ the nasty. We’ll know for sure when the Neaderthal genome is complete.

Michele Flintstone: “Fred, marriage is between a human and a human. That’s what God intended. This human-”iffy” human stuff is an abomination!”

Fred: “Yeah, but those N-Girls are such hairy! It’s sexy!”

Why can’t anyone in The Willard’s campaign write a victory speech? All he does is repeat his campaign stump one-liners.

And that wide-eyed, wait for applause? Tired of that too dude.

On the humor front, Field Negro, in honor of the 100th Anniversary of the Oreo Cookie, gives out some awards. They are rather good choices I think.

The Willard “wouldn’t have used those words” and “doesn’t want to comment on that controversy.”

We speak of the Rushgate.

But there may be more reason than simple weenie-ness than we thought.

It turns out that Clear Channel, who employs the great Ro-turd-itude, has a number of it’s directors who are major contributors to The Willard’s desperate need to be POTUS.

I admit it. I’ve never read the Book of Mormon. I tried to once. Just to be “informed” but after about 50 pages, I gave up. Too boring for moi. Maybe I never got to the good parts.

But I hazard a guess, that it doesn’t anywhere in it say: Thou may lie when it suits your purposes.”

I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say that, imply it, or condone it.

And by all accounts, Willard acts like a pretty darn pious Mormon.

So why does he out right lie so much?

As Paul Waldman suggests, either Willard knows what Obama has said, and purposefully lies, or he has no clue what Obama has said, and purposefully lies about that AND then makes up lies about what he said. There are few other options.

And it’s just not about the President that Willard lies. He lies about himself frequently, claiming he did or didn’t say things that are obviously false. He lies about things he did that he didn’t or vice versa.

In any event, he does it, and for the most part gets away with it. Why?

Media? Are you there?

We haven’t heard much from the Michele *it’s the eyes–I mesmerize with the eyes* Bachmann. But that steel trap of a mind of hers is always working overtime. And she has got some stuff figured out. And you should know Michele’s logic is not like yours and mine, but actually, its Republican logic, which ain’t no logic at all.

Here goes.

You know that Obama compromise that requires insurance companies to cover the cost the contraceptive health materials? THAT one, that has caused all the stir?  Well, you see, as Michele says, there is a “plausible and disturbing scenario.”

Stay with me.

  1. The government should cover contraception because it’s cheaper than the costs of pregnancies.
  2. We need to lower health care costs.
  3. Therefore: Health care will only pay for one baby per family–maybe two. Michele isn’t quite sure.

It could happen. It could. It’s not too far-fetched she says.

She said “I’m not saying he’s going to do it, but that he has the power to.”

Yeah, I have powers too Michele. The power to make you disappear. POOF***

What’s on the Stove? Oh, I’m being creative. Tell you if it was any good tomorrow. Should we survive.

Where’s the Love?

They say that you need a thick skin in order to run for office, but geesh, these two dudes are NOT feelin’ the love these days. It’s got to be hard on the soul.

Willard is seriously in danger of losing his birth state to the Ragin’ Rickman. Polling is unanimous that he is falling behind across the board, and it appears he is only winning in one county in the entire state of Michigan.

Meanwhile, the Newtsy-Tootsy is taking on the title of “most hated person in America” with unfavorables now reaching 63%. I mean WHERE is the love?

Such disdain would cause most of us to curl into a little ball of sad and close the closet door, but somehow these hardy soulless ones tramp on with smiles firmly pasted in place, Barbie wives in their obligatory suits, and various supportive offspring as can be coerced to clap firmly at the same stale stumpy speech day after day standing dutifully by.

What fun!

Oh how one loves the smell of napalm indifference, nay downright distaste, in the morning. I guess, being the leader of the free world must be worth it. But, boy, I can’t see why.

Boy, the gods are determined to ruin all my dreams I tell ya. I just heard that not only has Herm Cain declined, but also our fair Belle o’ da loon, Michele B, has declined to trip the light fantastic at the Dancing with the Stars third-rate-ganza. Ah shucky ducky and I’ll raise ya a “one term president.”

The GOP has caved on the payroll tax cuts. They don’t want to revisit that fiasco again. Course, Boehner got up and said, they were just “determined to stop the Democrats from playing politics” with working family’s lives. Uhuh, yep, that was what they were up to, yep, in that there UNIVERSE OF DENIAL you bozos live in.

I just love it when people step forward and offer to help. I find it so refreshing don’t you? I knew I could count on my girl to do the right thing. I bet you did too.

 “If one of the nominees, one of the GOPers, doesn’t get enough delegates, it could go to a brokered convention. If it does get to that, and someone said, ‘Governor, would you be interested,’ would you be interested? For one, I think that it could get to that… If it had to be closed up today, the whole nominating process, then we could be looking at a brokered convention… Nobody is quite there yet, so I think that months from now, if that is the case, all bets are off as to who it will be, willing to offer up themselves up in their name in service to their country.”

So said Sarah.

 My respect for the ennate goodness of my fellow human is restored. Listen? Can you hear the strains of . . . . “mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. . . .”

Now I am tearing up.

&&: This is Sissy’s new offering in the Wide World Word Salad Olympics.

As I’ve pointed out a number of times, the TeaNutz® brigade of know-nothings like to flip truth on its head. They see racism as largely non-existent in their Amerika, therefore they can demonize any black person with the title “racist” who doesn’t sing the correct tune.

Worse, they are encouraged and willingly adopt the new mantra that white folks are being put upon by people of color–the color being one Barack Obama specifically, but including any and all who don’t see that there is a war on white.

There is a good post over at We are respectable Negroes that speaks well to this subject. Go on over and take a look.

People like Santorum (Gingrich for instance) like to tell you all about so-called “cafeteria” Catholics, those Catholics who, they claim, pick and choose what Church pronouncements they agree with and follow. Of course people like Ricky are solid Catholics, “real” Catholics, if you will, and they follow all Church teachings. Sure they do. Juan Cole points out a few that Ricky (and Newt) tend to “miss.”  Of course, the “legalists” within the Church will undoubtedly quibble about what are ex cathedra teachings and what are personal opinions expressed by popes and bishops. That always happens, trust me. The comments are very good.

If you are not reading dampsquid, you are well, honey, just not being smart. He’s funny like I wish I could be funny. He’s insanely nuts, and I just love his stuff. Go read about “networking” today. I’m serious, you will be e-mailing his stuff to everyone you know.

The unemployment filings are down again for last month. If you believe the numbers. Did ya get that? This from Fox Noise. Let me explain how this is done. The Contrarian clued me in on this.

Fox starts off with reporting some fact, such as “unemployment filings are down” or “job creation is up”. Then they subtly question how reliable those numbers might be. They point out that the reporting agency is “a government agency” after all, and “might” be subject to Administrational (Obama) manipulation to suit the narrative.

No proof of this “possible” manipulation is ever offered. The viewer is just left with this little nugget of doubt, implanted in the brain.

Then, a few days or weeks go by, and another similar fact is reported. But now, we don’t question directly the possibility of the numbers being cooked. No, instead now you say, “some people suggest” that the numbers might not be reliable.

Of course the “some people” are themselves of the previous incident. Nifty how that works ain’t it?

Go out and face the day with a smile. Remember 63% of America doesn’t despise YOU, and that’s an uplifting thought!

 

Alien Ships Spotted Over Iowa

We didn’t want to start a panic, but in the early hours of this morning, I mean just after midnight, citizens of Iowa were alerted to a grave danger. Dozens of UFOs were spotted over various parts of the state.

Now, we know that corn and hogs are highly important to the national economy, but upon checking, this phenomenon appeared to be local to our state.

As fighter jets scrambled to intercept, a strange thing was noticed. There appeared to be a pattern being established. Soon, it was all too apparent–the ships were joining up and heading in a northeasterly direction. Within minutes they had cleared Iowa air space and were no longer a threat.

We note that similar reports are now coming in from the state of New Hampshire, where, at least  a few of the ships seem to be settling and preparing to land. We send our heart-felt condolences to New Hampshirites. Nothing good can come from this we opine.

Well, we went and did it didn’t we? I mean how crazy is that? Mittens wins by eight big votes, and old prudish frothy mix is second, though everyone considers that he really won. Meanwhile the crotchety old man who just wants to sit on his porch and shoot bb’s at kids came in third. Newt came in a distant fourth, and Perry is heading home to Texas to “reassess”. Michele? Oh gosh the poor Mrs. Thatcher in drag, her lipstick smeared, and her mascara running in puddles around her cheeks, is preparing to throw in her high heels and declare it a day.

And we the fair citizens of I O WAY, are breathing free once more. Gone are all the candidates with their lying rhetoric and their sycophantic nodders. Gone are the pundits who spent hours saying the same basic thought 432 times, in 237 different ways. Gone are the trucks of cable and equipment, the cameras and microphones. Alas, not gone is Steve King, who gutless wonder that he is, remains, still claiming relevance in the state somehow. King you may have noticed didn’t have the guts of his convictions enough to even endorse his long-time Tea-Pal Michele, nor his other family-value bud, Ricky S. King is after all, out for King, and one must not step on the toes of a potential employer, i.e. candidate who might hand me a bigger job.

A pox on all their houses.

Did you know that if there is a sexual misbehavior scandal, odds are that 2 out of 3 times, it will involve a Republican? I read that yesterday. Family values just leave a person with so much pent-up energy I guess.

Buddy Roemer was running in the caucuses too. He is a rather likeable kinda guy. He was tweeting  with a good sense of humor about his relative lack of “votes”. He was tweeted back something like this: “Hey Buddy, we are having a drinking party, and taking a shot with every vote you get. We are all still sober.” He got 31 votes. On the other hand, Jon Huntsman got 745, which proves that there are at least than many sane Republicans in Iowa. We’re most proud of that little factoid. Can you say as much?

Meanwhile, Newty is pulling off the gloves. No more Mr. Nice Guy for him. Was there ever a Mr. Nice Guy Newt? He’s hoping to partner up with Ricky S. and stand around saying nasty things about Mittens. Newty is fun, and he doesn’t even try to be. Old tired boring and all-around mean old fart, John S. McCain is all set to endorse Mittens. *Yawn* Yeah, I know, who cares?

These are the gems I live for. If you hadn’t heard, Mitt likes to quote from “America the Beautiful.He sees it as somehow reflecting his vision of America. Trouble is the writer of that lovely hymn was an ardent feminist and lesbian who was railing against the Gilded Age. And she changed the third verse to what you know from the original:

America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!

Bet Mittens has no clue that he’s parodying himself.

And because I really do love ya all bunches, please be advised that the wonderful humor of Margaret and Helen has returned with a post today. Don’t miss Helen’s take on the political landscape.

See, this Santorum thing is not a bad thing. I know some think it is, but heck, we’ve just been ignoring him since he was utterly irrelevant. But he’s full of fun surprises when you check around a bit. This is like my first best quote he has uttered:

 “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,” the former Pennsylvania senator explained. “It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

“Do things” I like that. Ricky can’t bring himself to name these things, which he must really have to steel himself to “do.” This dude is seriously repressed. If you would like a list of some of his most fun quotes, go here.

Dear Lord, I do thank you for Republicans. They never stop giving material. It’s almost too much God, almost.