As the “photo” above illustrates, crucial to all such undertakings–the pretence that THE DONALD does not really count. Nothing to see here folks, the great “HAIR” will soon depart. Well he was supposed to by now, but has tenaciously clung to the tattered remnants of Ronnie Reagan’s spurs, winking and nodding at the great masses of dumb-ass racist mother-fuckers who keep thanking God for blessin’ them with a giant of a candidate in THE DONALD.
Donald need say nothing. He need only flash the pearls in a sea of Mar a Lago suntan to get the juices of the gun rack lovin’ beer guzzlers who are more familiar with a baseball cap than THE DONALD will ever be.
The fireworks started immediately with The Trumpet: “Hey you, Randy Paul, whatcha doin’ here boy? You got 1% support, you aren’t supposed to get a stand.”
Randy, looks taken aback, and moans, “Why you pickin’ at me, squirrel head–thanks Bobby (I love the Brady Bunch) Jindal for the hair metaphor. I’m an opthamologist and I fight for your right to form boards and certify YOURSELF in My America!”
But the one to watch was Carly. She stalked THE DONALD, waiting for her moment to pounce. That was after she pinched Scotty, manager of the Koch subsidiary, also known as–Wishconsin. That’s because everybody wishes they weren’t in Wisconsin, especially Scotty. Wish on Scotty, you’re headin’ north my son, and you aint’ comin’ back.
Carly is a formidable debater. She can rush off a three-minute soliloquy without missing a beat, taking a breath, or breakin’ a sweat. She is GIFTED in that. She made Hamlet weep for shame. What comes out of that precise tight little mouth is worthy of a cesspool, but she CAN deliver it.
Donald retreated with a “you are beautiful Carly” which was surely sufficient to insure she is eligible for a runway walk at the next Ms. World or Ms. Universe, or Ms. Multiplex, whichever comes first.
Ben shows why Ben won’t be president any time in the normal course of human evolution. What started out as a joke, has become, I am more and more convinced, empirically proven: Benjie Carson is an idiot savant. He can wield a scalpel like no other, but the dude is flatly the dumbest thing on earth on any other subject.
Richly, he leads the pack in the chutzpah finals. A man who was raised in poverty, given the advantage of every single government program then in existence that assisted his growth from cradle through college, now suggests that the US is rotten at the core because it keeps the “spigot of goodies” flowing. Only when it stops, will people have the ability to fend for themselves as nature meant, and as he was taught even though he never had to test that theory out in his own life.
Well, Benjie who owes somebody called Abe a debt of gratitude, as well as numerous of his brothers and sisters in color who bled, fought, and died for his freedom, this same BLACK MAN now urges that the solution to the “illegals” is to turn them into a permanent underclass of American workers–the slave laborer, whom we will permit to live in America and work for next to nothing in Merika, but never vote or have any of the accoutrements of civilized citizenship. They will be guest workers. ( see Qatar. UAE, Saudi Arabia if you want to see how such systems work in reality.)
I guess Benjie didn’t spend much time reading about the FUCKING HISTORY OF SLAVERY IN THIS COUNTRY. Which is probably clear from the fact that he thinks that Obamacare is akin to the same “free goodies” and is as bad as slavery itself.
Can I get an amen that this jerk is an idiot savant?
Did anyone believe CC’s dramatic “I care about the little guy” routine?
How ’bout Mikey’s attempts to be relevant?
Or Scotty’s blinking as the ideas were moving too fast for him to keep up?
Or Rubio’s ever-present hankie wiping his frightened brow?
By far some of the best stuff came from the under card, led by the perennial favorite in hilarity, Ms. Lindsey Graham. Lindsey is perhaps my favorite, because while awful shit is projectile vomited from his mouth every 3.2 seconds, Lindsey otherwise is funnier than just about anyone I know.
He dressed down boy king, Bobby Jindal, much as a parent might gaze forgivingly at their child. “Still growing, he is, but he looks to make a fine cut of a fellow by the time he has.” (said while nailing down the cowlick with spit).
Ms. Lindsey, who (squirrel) likes to talk about how dangerous everything is, did just that, (squirrel) reminding us that the Middle East is a scary place and he will keep us safe, cuz he’s been hanging with the “guys” all these years, and they assure him, that we gotta go kick butt and they’re the ones to do it. (Squirrel). Lindsey will of course act all commander in chiefy, while he yearns to get his hands on some hot barrels of his own.
Meanwhile Theodore The Canadian Cruz raised the subject they just all loved to talk on–Iran. No more scary country exists. They are seconds away from the launch codes. They shout “death to Merika” and mean it. War!
War excites them all. We may have to folks they shudder in supposed sympathy. We won’t want to, but “fear, fear, blah blah, fear, fear, blah, fear” they go. We just may have to for our own good doncha know and the good of the world (which they will fitfully not believe for like a millennia, but someday they will thank us.)
Ahh, the smell of napalm in the morning. Brings back such memories don’t it?
And everybody, just everybody was shoutin’ their “not a politician but an outsider” bona fides. Nobody is a Washington “insider”. No, Captain Marvel, otherwise known as JEB! or Jebbie, is gonna be THE DISRUPTOR”. I mean, that sent a shiver down even my spine.
There were moments of anticipated high drama which fizzled: Donald is cornered on his alleged claim that autism and vaccines might be related. Of course the medical community will tell you that there is no such relationship. Trump is on to the gotcha moment brewing, and slyly mis-directs: “I wasn’t talkin’ about the vaccines themselves but the AMOUNT. I believe the doses are too high. They should be spread out over more years.”
Ben is given his chance to eviscerate THE DONALD with some real and actual medical knowledge and . . . .he agrees, that the dosages may be too high. To make it worse, Randy chimes in that he agrees. Trump walks away unscathed, and grinning.
They tried to gang up on him, they tried to ignore him. They tried to make his petty disagreements with Carly self-centered as puff boy, Chrissie said, “this ain’t about you and your jobs, it’s out THEIR jobs”, pointing to the well-dressed audience. It probably wasn’t about theirs either but it was a cute aside.
My predictions: Oh they are no better than the next gals.
I see Walker departing soon. He did little to help himself and he needed to take off his clothes and wiggle his wiener in order to get attention. He was too shy apparently.
Huck and Randy are dead in the water but will probably hang for a while. Same for most of the rest. As long as the last dollar is left to be spent, they will drag their wrinkled asses around the country talking to anyone who will listen. I mean, their spouses aren’t gonna listen to that shit any more, somebody’s gotta be found who will.
Oh there is so much more to come. But this was a great one, much better than the Foxy beginning.
Weirdest thing that happened: Hugh Hewitt, pummelled by THE DONALD for an earlier interview, completely caved in and admitted on air in public, that he didn’t pronounce the Arab words correctly, which was why Donald failed to know the difference between Kurds and Quds. Hewitt even admitted that Trump was the “best interview” ever.
So the 4th estate sinks to unimaginably new levels of useless propaganda mongering.
And the beat goes on.