Chit I Learnt on the Facebook

I am all for learnin’ as much as possible. I figgure it all works for better job placement in heaven. I aim for something big like Minister of Silly Walks. Or maybe Heavenly Math. I am purdy sure it’s a damn sight easier than Earthly Math.

Anyways, I’ve taken to the Facebook for extrE-curricular learnin’ and boy I ain’t a been let down a smidGeon.

I am gonna share some with ye all, so you ain’t quite so dis- un- (one of those) informed.

Firsty, go to the “Wall” of the people you are seekin’ in enlightenment from. The Wall is where they post personals about theyselves, like height, weight, eye color (no that’s the drivin’ card shit).  Anyways, they share stuff.

Like, relationships: some say “none yer bizniss”. This means it ain’t but that just makes ya try all the harder to find out if they are gay. If’n that matters to ye, well, they got “pages” where you can be against that sorta thing or for it as the case may be,  and argue with people who just like to argue about everything.

Beware of relationships that say: complicated.  They ain’t actually no complicated about it. They wife kicked them to the curb and says they are dirty dogs, but they are hoping to stop drinkin’ long enough to win ‘er back, sumday in the near future, if the price of beer goes up too high and TVLand stops showin’ reruns of Andy Griffin.

Then look at they EduKashun: Some just tell ya flat out, “hell I gave it all up after the state stop makin’ me go.” Others write a laundry list of letters and high-falootin’ universe-ities. You can look ’em up I guess, but most don’t bother I don’t think.

If it says, “studied at” then ya know they took a couple courses at the local community college that they needed for their job. Like “hey Fred, can you try to do the books too? I hear that the col-lage here has a bookkeepin’ class.”

I mentioned “pages”. There be thousands of those I think. They are usually about specific things, like stamp collecting (always a good subject to know when you can’t find a stamp. Collect ’em and you’ll never have to be late on that ‘lectric bill agin. (I like to give ya tips along the way folks. Just an added pleasure of mine and a bonus for readin’.)

Anyway, you can find pages on most anything. Like how to cook better brats and how to make a better mouse trap (sit real quiet by a piece of cheese with a hammer works darned good) TIP #2.

I been to some that invites Godly people with UnGodly people. Those are a hoot. The Ungodly people call the Godly people names like “insane believer in pretend imaginary friend” and the Godly people pray for ’em and warn ’em they is headin’ for HELL. These folks never tire of the back and forth.

I had one on one of them pages tell me that according to his Atheist Starter Kit, it was dang impossible for a believer in the Sky God to also believe in evo-looo-shun and the old universe. He said that was insane. If that there Bible ain’t true in one little part, it ain’t true in any part. So says Atheist fil-loss-ofe. That must have come as a shock to that there Monsenior Georges LeMaître, a Catholic priest who sorta discovered the big bang theory. The Atheist,  he dint believe me, cuz that fundamentalist mind wouldn’t let him.  Can’t be shatterin’ illusions no way.

Oh, I forgets. Back at that Wall thing. Peoples sometimes write a little short ditty about themselves, like “mom to two frolicky kiddos and  wife to a super handsome husband, and maker of ceramic angels, for sale on my Etsy shop.” Stuff like that. If you see the word “conservative” or “liberal” don’t get into no conversation with them. They is gonna talk you ear off.

But beware of the conservative more than the other one. The liberal loves them some of that ed-U-Ka-shun and will just load you up with sites you never knew existed! They loves them some FACTS. So you cans act-tuly learn ya somethin’ from them if you can get ’em to shut up long enough to go look. The conservative likes to conserve they brain cells (being mighty short of them in the first place), so they just tell ya shit and hope ya will buy it. They make it sound purdy, which is a tip-off they is lyin. (Tip #3)

Most Conservatives tell ya stuff they remember hearin’ on Fox. Even though everybody smart knows that Fox just lies, Conservatives don’t know that or don’t care and it’s not important which, cuz it all leads to the same end. They hates them people and things that don’t fit their world. See, long ago, each and every one of them Conservers looked about at the big old world and got scart as hell. And they created a safe place with people who looked like them, talked like them, acted like them, and thought pretty much like them. That made them feel safe, even though it didn’t make them that way.

So anyway, if anything is different it scares the bejesus out of ’em and they start shootin’ at anything they see. Natcha-ly they are sure to make guns easy to git! You can unnerstan that now can’t ya? Why one of them Conservers told me, he’d a damn sight rather have common sense then a “librul arts edgy-kashun”.

Now you may wonder what this common sense is. Well common sense is to us folks, that which as I like to say, keeps a body from peeing on the potted plant in the front parlor as ‘pposed to the rightful place, the privy. But to a Conserver of the past and the way things never were but coulda been without all them others, common sense is the  magical ability to run most anything without knowing hardly anything about anything.

See, to us, common sense is given to most everyone, cept the really really stupid that would pee in the potted plant, but the Conservers it’s sumpin God gives to thems that don’t have no edgy-ka-shun in place of actual smarts that makes ’em “feel” better about their lack of knowin’ about stuff. They gets them some in-2-ishun about how to do stuff and figures it works just fine. So they can spend their extrE time fishin’ and bowlin’ and making ceramic angels rather than readin’ them a book about say, astro-fizics.

They do ‘ppreciate them some smarts in a few things like doctors and such though. And they are might happy for ‘lectricity and planes that fly them fast from one place to ‘nother and so on. Practical science they calls it. Cuz their God said that was okay, practically speakin’.

I guess we could do okay even with these funny Conservers, if’n they didn’t vote. That’s the kicker. They vote and some of theirs run which is way worse than votin’ I tell ya. This years crop is full of the usual stuff that makes them happy conservin’ away. It’s just hard, cuz the smart people just wanna help fix ’em and they won’t allow nobody to, cuz it’s safe where they are and they ain’t a gonna let nobody upset that shinin’ lamp they got stuck on they imaginary hill.

Oh beware most of all anybody who posts a lot of “if you love God” post this stuff. They are always thankin’ God for everything. I mean not that God shouldn’t be thanked of course, but I thinks that Jesus suggested  one do that in the privy of one’s own “closet” though why I gotta go in my closet I never been quite clear on.

I noticed that a whole bunch of those people who are all Godly now, well, I never heard ’em once when we were kids ever talk about that stuff. Never mentioned, “oh gosh we had such a good sermon yesterday”. Never saw the hint of a prayer before lunch neither. But they got some Godly now. Which means God mostly must be talkin’ to old people cuz the older ya get on Facebook, the more Godly ya get it seems. God is prolly dying for some good hip-hop conversin’.

Anyway, I say beware of ’em because I think they post that stuff as a way of trickin’ God. Cuz they sure are against things that would seem to be God’s ways, like feedin’ the hungry, and tendin’ to the sick. They don’t like the gov-mint to do it that’s for sure. And since the church ain’t be able to do it for better’n 2,000 years, well there’s a lot of hungry and homeless and sick folks that aren’t bein’ tended to.

That’s all I’m sayin. They talk real God-like, but they sure don’t act very much like God. Least as how I figure a good God would act if He wasn’t ‘spectin’ us to act for him. that is.

Anyway, that’s some of what I been learnin’ on the Facebook. What have you been learnin’?

Anti-Vaxxers and Their Troubled Logic

Tags

anti-vaxxers

I’m not one to shrink from controversy and when I weighed in on this issue, I did it knowing full well that it would probably go exactly where it did.

Anti-vaxxers as they have become known introduce yet another instance of retrograde civilization at work. The group it hails from is a shocking one in some respects–the upper middle, and supposedly well-educated.

While those on the liberal left have a healthy dose of scepticism when it comes to big Pharma, the anti-vaxxers have as Keegan Michael Key would say, have “taken it to a whole ‘nuther level”.

I don’t intend to debate here. As the Chicago Tribune said yesterday “There is no other side to the vaccine debate.” It is like evolution and climate change. There is only one side, the plain truth.

Let me set the stage:

A person on Facebook posted something about her conclusion that vaccinations ought to be a matter of choice. I’d reproduce that statement accurately, but she’s taken down the entire thing as best I can tell, so I cannot. She expounded in at least one or two additional comments.

I suggested that if she had a right to choose then of course schools had the right to choose not to allow her kids in the building which would force her to homeschool. Additionally this could also lead to groups (I would suggest organized sports and artistic groups) to banning children who could not provide vaccination records as well. Other parents might well determine that their children were unsafe in her children’s company.

All told, I argued, that such restrictions as might reasonably be placed upon her children might so segregate her children from the rest of society that some people might suggest that that amounted to child abuse.

She responded by private message, telling me this:

I deleted your comment. Child abuse? My kids have had some vaccinations, but I’m done with the bs of infecting others and fear. It DOES need to remain a choice. If vaccines become forced, what’s next? I’ve worked with too many vaccine injured children/people to know otherwise. No human life is above another. I’m all for a good debate/conversation, but have no more patience for inflammatory responses.

I was not permitted to answer the message. I tried to go to her page and was advised “no such person can be found” the telltale sign of being “unfriended.”

I wrote this on my Facebook wall:

hahaha, unfriended by a woman who took offense that I indicated that her “choice” not to vaccinate her children impinged on the choice of other children who came in contact with hers. She sent me a message saying she deleted my comment as “inflammatory” and then of course unfriended me in revenge. As I expected she would…..How can some people be so incredibly selfish…She seemed offended that anyone might suggest that she would have to homeschool her kids and keep them from others to protect other children and that some people might call that child abuse…Beware of (name omitted)

I received the following messages from her during the evening:

Really?

Your post about me was both inaccurate and untrue. Sorry you feel that way.

Why would you post that? Most of it is not even true.

Expected no answer. . Meaningful discussion is too scary? You’d rather slam me on Facebook? Maturity? I considered responding, but why? I’m not angry.? I’m not against vaccines. I’m for choice. I’m not the one who is offended. What you choose is fine.

The last is rich indeed. Is it I too scared to confront? I did not delete your comment lady, nor block you from replying any way you wished.

But let’s get to the meat of your argument.

“I’m not against vaccines” Apparently you are, since you said “my kids have had some [emphasis added] vaccinations.

“I’m for choice.”

Have you even spent once single moment examining that? I mean, yes, choice just sounds right doesn’t it? Choice is always a better word than “required, compelled, ordered. So I do get it. A lazy mind would always prefer choice to any of those.

What does it mean in actuality?

It means you can make a meaningful decision that is rational and based on objective facts. You can evaluate all the information and come to a logic-based conclusion.

What does that mean here?

1. There is an actual debate as to whether vaccines are safe and whether they should be given to all but a few situations which involve compromised health that are known. THERE IS NO SUCH DEBATE. Go to the CDC vaccine page and read all you want. The Mayo Clinic has a full discussion as well. Or go to Parents. The fact is that the Internet provides the ability of every crackpot in the world to set up a bunch of “sciency-sounded arguments” and claim that vaccines are both dangerous and unnecessary. The autism connection has been well proved to be a complete lie, and the doctor in question has been stripped of his license.
2. You as the average parent have no expertise in this area and cannot begin to “evaluate” the evidence and the websites that try to tell you there is a debate out there. You must trust, as we all do, those who have expertise. Those are scientists around the world who are telling you that there is no responsible study that justifies your avoiding protecting your child from all these nearly eradicated diseases. Vaccines are the reason why we don’t have polio any more and children don’t live in iron lungs.
3. There is no test that I am aware of to determine whether your child is that one in 50,000 or 1,000,000 who will have a seriously adverse effect from immunization. All states allow exemptions for children with known allergies or known medical conditions that would put them at risk. There is no “general” test to take. Therefore, there is no “choice” to make here.
4. You do not therefore have the right to unilaterally decide that you are not going to take this small risk on behalf of your child. That is not the bargain you made.

Bargain?

What am I talking about?

Sister, you are not living in isolation, you live in community. Our country was founded in part upon the concept of social compact. We deliberately then, and by inference now, agree that in return for certain agreed upon protections, we give up certain individual rights.

One of them, it seems to me is this: we do not have the right to make a choice of personal freedom that involves not being immunized when to do so threatens the herd. Whether you accept it or not, your “choice” to selfishly go your own way does exactly that.

Society has an absolute right to deny you that right or to explain that you will have to segregate yourself from the benefits of society if you insist. You may be “done with the bs about infecting others” but that is neither an answer or true. It merely suggests that you no longer care since it impinges on some right to do as you please regardless of how it affects other.

The record of immunization is very long and very successful worldwide.

Frankly, I do not think that simply by being a biological component of another life you have the right to make decisions that can so deeply affect their health and well-being. That’s the subject of another post entirely.

Your “choice” is no choice at all. It is simple an  appearance of “taking charge” over an issue you are utterly ill-equipped to decide upon. It makes you feel like a “good” parent when in fact you are arguably the very opposite.

Is that confrontational enough for you?

 

 

 

Thou Shall Never Walk Alone Again!

Tags

Humor, infomercials, Madison Avenue, marketing, stupid things

There are many around the globe that suggest that the end of “civilization as we know it” is upon us. They point to varied and sundry reasons why this is so. No less a sage that our dear Louis Gohmert (R-Idiot from TX) is sure that the Supreme Court rulings on DOMA and Prop 8 signal the demise of the US, because as “everyone” knows, all great civilizations went in for this sort of debauchery right before they fell.

There are Armageddon prophesies everywhere you look, for a certain type of person positively gets orgasmic at the very idea of Jesus riding on a white horse, sword extended Hessian style, in front of hordes of angelic angels all bent on eradicating evil on earth. They imagine themselves sitting next to Jesus munching popcorn as all those they so hate will fall in flames. Take that Al Gore! Oh Bill Maher’s head just exploded into a million worms! Michael Moore gutted! Oh the fun of it all, as we walk among the carnage of Earth, with nothing but a few thousand Christians munching apples and discussing how to clean up the mess.

Well, I am here to tell ya that I am no less sure that we are about to collapse as a civilization but my reasons are quite different, and I trust you will find them much more persuasive. Unlike the crazy right, I rather fashion that after the Apocalypse, mankind will find itself supplanted by a humanoid creature more akin to Neanderthals as we sweep out our caves and prepare Sunday brunch of bizarre-looking lizard soup. Perhaps this time around our privatie parts might be mounted in the middle of our foreheads and we all wear the burqa out of embarrassment.

In any event, the how this comes to be is the issue at hand here.

And I’m fairly certain I know.

It started many a year gone by. I never saw this, but I trust he veracity of the Contrarian who swears it is true.

Once a denizen of the night, said Contrarian got to like watching infomercials, those stalwart installations of the late night. We all know about our Clappers, and Ov-Gloves, those are standard fare. But the EXERSTICK was something great!

The Exerstick was a stick, made of aluminum. It was for exercising. A handy booklet accompanied your stick to give you some ideas of how to use it to bring your body into youthful tone and abs to die for. It cost the usual $14.99. But wait, there’s more! You also got the “travel Exerstick” for that low price. This beauty was collapsible (think blind walking stick), and had its own carrying case emblazoned with the words, “yes I’m the idiot who bought this”, sure to induce all baggage thieves to look elsewhere than your luggage, for something of value to steal.

Who could ever forget the wonderful pet rock? You too could own one of these–the perfect pet who needed neither food nor water. It never got lost. It never made noise. It was simple, and it was direct.

And people bought them.

Some guy actually walked out into the street, picked up some stones, and put them on EBay and sold them as “rocks”.

Need I say more?

Seriously?

And then along came Big Mouth Billy Bass.

To the delight of men everywhere, Billy Bass sang to guys in their man caves.

Women laughed, and knew that the joke was on men.

For women didn’t allow Billy Bass in the house. So Billy was confined to garages and basements and men went there to be with him.

And women were pleased at that.

Very pleased indeed.

All manner of other crap such as neon Budweiser signs, deer heads with shiny marble eyes, old lazy boys with torn cushions could all be confined together in the smelly, smokey confines of the man’s room.

We all know that Christmas is near when the infamous chias arrive on our television screens.

Aunt Thelma who loved to knit got the ram chia. Boy wasn’t she surprised? Uncle Alfred, who hadn’t had a head of hair since 1974, got his head chia where he could enjoy seeing hair grow luxuriously for days on end.

Chia’s became the perfect gift for people not worth thinking hard enough about in the first place, or conversely people you secretly couldn’t stand anyway.

We love our chias and every Christmas some unfortunate people tear off all that pretty paper only to learn that they too have been Chia-d.

It’s so nice to know you are so little thought of.

My heart swells with such pride.

Now, all of this would be proof of little more than that there are  a lot of very very dull  and gullible people out there.

That is hardly news.

But we must dig deeper.

Most all of these folks who dreamed up these things are just ordinary dull  people. In fact they are duller than most, for who in their right mind would decide one day to collect and sell rocks–AS something other than what they are–PETS?

But that’s not the point. The point is, that dull folks like this work in factories sweeping floors. They pick up garbage off the curb. If they can demonstrate an ability to read, they deliver mail.

In other words, they ain’t rich. They have no capital to get their enterprises off the ground. They must induce rich people to back them. And they have. And that worries me.

But the KING of all crazy is what I saw yesterday. I have included the video so you know I’m not joshing you. Perfect Polly is a pet parrot. She has her own perch. Her head swivels and her tail moves. She chirps when you enter a room and move around. She’s the “perfect pet”. She doesn’t dirty a cage, doesn’t cost money in food, doesn’t require watering. She is always there. As the commercial says, “you’ll never be alone again.” There were plenty of old people in the commercial. Apparently old people have a difficulty determining living and dead things. They treated Polly as if she were alive for sure.

Somebody put up the money to market this. That should scare you to death. It surely means that the end is near.

Well, it gave me an idea. I mean. If a parrot, why not dogs and cats? Why not every exotic pet you’ve always wanted? I envision Ken the Koala Bear. All I have to do is get my exerstick, smear it with some chia seeds, and place Ken on the “eucalyptus branch”. When I enter the room, Ken will turn his head, blink his eyes, and “chew” his eucalyptus “leaves”, all for my pet-loving pleasure.

I’m calling Mark Cuban right now. I’m sure he’ll be happy to invest a half mill to get me started.

Place your orders today. Supplies are limited!

Addendum:

I went to YouTube and found this. You have got to see the one for golfers who need to pee out on the course. I thought I would die laughing.

The Stupid Chronicles: May 25, 2013

Tags

E. W. Jackson, GOP, Humor, satire, Stupid Chronicles, tea party, teabaggers

The catch of the week is E. W. Jackson, nominated by the great state of Virginy GOP’ers to be the next Lieutenant Governor along with already pretty darn crazy Ken Cucchinelli. Terry McCauliffe’s chances of taking the governorship just went up exponentially.

Some say that during the nominating convention, when Jackson started to get too much support, rational Republicans moved to support Jackson as about the only feasible way to show the insane Teatottlers that they were a doomed bunch who had to be purged of the Grand OLD Party. Did not Bobby Jindal say the same when he urged the party to stop being the party of stupid. Stupid we all know means teabibber gibberish.

They truly don’t get much nuttier than the dear Reverend who once referred to the original constitution’s 3/5 clause was an “anti-slavery clause”, which is, as anybody in their freakin’ right mind knows, a serious distortion of history to say the least.

In Jackson, the Republicans have, what they always wish for, another good House Negro: a black man (they don’t use the term African-American in conservative circles) who will turn his back on his own race and accept the grateful crumbs of the extreme right, who will parade him around as their “proof” that they aren’t racist. The usual suspects are touting him as their new savior–because he has “American” values and doesn’t “play the race card”–all now euphemisms for “we got us a darkie who will dance to our tune”. The Manassa Tea Party joyfully reported that the biggest applause line for Jackson at the nomination convention was his proud assertion that “I’m not an African-American, I’m an American.”

Here are some of the delightful things that Mr. Jackson has had to say about, well lots of things.

1. He once compared Planned Parenthood to the KKK, apparently buying into the right-wing extremist claim that PPH is designed and devoted to black genocide, one baby at a time. Such of course is sheer nonsense, and given that these same reactionaries are opposed to every and all efforts to feed, educate and maintain with health care these same black babies once born, one can dismiss the argument as sheer hyperbole.
2. He of course is also on the band wagon chiming in with the usual House Negro complaint that African-Americans who vote Democratic are nothing but plantation negroes.
3. He has claimed that the President has a Muslim view of the world. He gets this weird notion from a speech in which Obama used the term “Muslim world”–a term Jackson claims is “only” used by the Muslim Brotherhood and other radical groups. I mean who can argue with day-care logic of that level?
4. He has made claims that gays are “perverted” and “very sick people psychologically, mentally, and emotionally.” He has tweeted that gays are “ikky“.  He has said that same-sex marriage will lead to bestiality, claiming Adam and Steve will become Adam and the bull.  
5. He has asserted that the “Democratic agenda is worthy of the anti-Christ.”
6. Jackson maintains that President Obama doesn’t believe in the constitution and is intent upon setting up a lawless dictatorship.

Cucchinelli, who has already been trying to tone down his own TeaFoolish connections to appeal to, you know, normal people, is already apparently claiming that he doesn’t have to defend his new BFF, Jackson. I shouldn’t wonder why.

Normal, rational mainstream Republicans are utterly taken aback. Michael Steele is alleged to have said, “Is the Virginia GOP trying to engage in a ‘How to lose an election 101?'” But not so the crazies. No, they are alive and well. I’ll give you a sample of what the great uninformed and basically stupid are saying:

• E. W. Jackson is an awesome, and highly qualified person. (No relation to Jesse obviously) ( WND)  If you didn’t know, Jesse Jackson is the poster child for unacceptable Negro in he Teadrippers pantheon of bad Negroes. JJ plays the “race card” meaning he stands up for African-American rights in a racist world, something that the average Teasniffer disavows as uncomfortably directed at them.
• Love that Ewwwwww Jackson. Just love him. We should just give him all of our white daughters. You know. Cuz whites are all a bunch of immasculated panty-waists thanks to threats of being charged with racism and hate crimes if you ever call a spade a spade or demand equal protection from the most criminal elements in our society. Go ahead. Give him your vote. You won’t be getting your country back by voting anyway. (WND) Have no clue what this person even means. But nobody much suggests that TeaSniffers can write sentences that are understandable.
• Republican principles, however, are centred on individual initiative, freedom, and responsibility, something which ethnics don’t quite understand. (WND)  I can only assume that being a House Negro makes you somehow not “ethnic”. Neat trick.
  
• How long before he is labeled a “token” by the left or “not authentically black” by what qualifies as leadership within the liberal African-American Community? (Breitbart)  Ummm, they already did dude. That was back before you ever heard his name and jumped on to make him your new black boy.
• The Tea Party is completely open to having successful and talented Republican black men and women in the party but the Demonrat/Media racist hate machine usually destroys them before we stand a chance. Wait for the flood gates to open on this guy too. It’s probably already started. Hope America wakes up to the evil that is the modern “retroprogressive”. (Breitbart) Oh what is a retroprogressive? I think I might want to be one of those.
• Granted, there were not that many minorities attending, but I’m hoping E.W. will be a bridge to that community.(Breitbart) Yes, it’s a well-known fact that Negroes vote by skin color. No doubt all the fine negroes in Virginia will line up for all the fine things he offers to bring them in terms of policy. Dang, will somebody stop making pigs fly? Or at least not feed them before sending them airborne?

We give to Mr. E. W. Jackson congratulations on his fine winning of the nomination. We hope that all of Virginia will give a warm pot of piss to the TeaBooglers and their racist, homophobic, bible-chewing rhetoric come election day.

Related articles

• Democratic leaders take aim at GOP pick Jackson’s ‘extreme agenda’ (wjla.com)
• E.W. Jackson for Lieutenant Governor (rightwingliberal.wordpress.com)
• Meet GOP’s fringy new star, E. W. Jackson (salon.com)
• GOP Candidate Compared Planned Parenthood To KKK (huffingtonpost.com)
• African-American Richmond Pastor Rev. Joseph Ellison Says Black Churches Will Stand with E. W. Jackson All the Way Despite Criticism (blackchristiannews.com)
• Black GOP Virginia Lt. gov. nominee stirs controversy with anti-gay views (thegrio.com)
• Getting to know E.W. Jackson (maddowblog.msnbc.com)
• E.W. Jackson explains why it’s not fair to use his own words against him (dailykos.com)
• Have the Republicans Found Their House Negro? (bothwell.typepad.com)

 

The Stupid Chronicles April 27, 2013

Tags

conspiracies, crap I learned, gay rights, homophobia, Humor, racism, terrorism

Look closely at the picture attached here. This is the face of lunacy. You now know exactly what to look for when you casually saunter down the street. When you see lunacy, run!

This man’s name is James Tracy. No not Dick Tracy. He bears not brain-sharing with the great detective of comics. No James is one of those rare nuts who actually somehow made it through grad school and got a degree, and purports to teach our youth.

If you have a child enrolled in Florida Atlantic, I’d suggest you shut off the funds now, and get your kid immediately.

James is certifiable. James “teaches” (I use the term loosely of course) communications and, get this, conspiracy theory. James is a conspiracy. A conspiracy to appear like a normal human being.

James believes the Boston Marathon bombing was “staged”. For all the world, to him, it looks like a pre-organized drill.

In short, the event closely resembles a mass-casualty drill, which for training purposes are designed to be as lifelike as possible. Since it is mediated, however, and primarily experienced from afar through the careful assemblage of words, images, and the official pronouncements and commentary of celebrity journalists, it has the semblance of being for all practical purposes “real.”
….

With the above in mind, photographic evidence of the event suggests the possibility of play actors getting into position after the detonation of what may in fact have been a smoke bomb or similarly benign explosive.

And goody of all goodies there is a video!

And you can read more of Tracy’s insanity at his own blog.

New Hampshire makes another appearance in the crazy parade with an entry from their state legislature. Stella Trembley, oh STELLLLLLA, what have you done now?

Stella no doubt in communication with Mr. Tracy, has her own theories about the Boston Marathon bombing.

Stella pays attention to that great witless Beck, so she posted this on Beck’s site:

Just as you said would happen. Top Down, Bottom UP. The Boston Marathon was a Black Ops “terrorist” attack. One suspect killed, the other one will be too before they even have a chance to speak. Drones and now “terrorist” attacks by our own Government. Sad day, but a “wake up” to all of us. First there was a “suspect” then there wasnt. Infowars broke the story and they knew they had been “found out”.
http://youtu.be/axQtAFtmtVA

Yes, I’m sure that Stella believes that George Bush ordered the 9/11 tragedy as well.

Note as well that the YouTube link she gave on her comment is from none other than career nut Alex Jones.

We did mention that Ms. Stella is a Republican didn’t we? No? Well you knew that anyway didn’t you?

One thing you can be sure of, the stupids are well, really really stupid. That’s why they are so endearing, when they are not annoying gnats in need of swatting.

Such is the case of Representative Tom Shaw, who resides at the Iowa State House, where he plays tiddlywinks most of the day long until it’s time for his chocolate milk and nap break.

Tommy is still mighty angry at the justices of the Iowa Supreme Court, who several years ago had the temerity to actually follow the constitution and declare Iowa’s refusal to allow gays to marry, well, unconstitutional.

Tommy figured out a neat plan to punish the four remaining justices (three were defeated for re-election after a tissue of lies campaign forged by one VanderPlatts and his homophobic friends).

Tommy has offered up a bill directed just at these four justices, cutting their salaries from $163, 200, to just $25,000.

Tommy thinks it’s constitutional.

Tommy is of course an idiot.

Tommy can usually be spotted at the capital building in Des Moines, being led around by his thinking-brain dog Charles.

Tommy also wears Depends and poops in them regularly, so people learn to take a wide berth when seeing him.

From Iowa, we move a bit north and east to my original neck of the woods–Michigan.

Here we find Gloria Platko, a Democrat up in Buena Vista County. She doesn’t seem particularly fond of township supervisor Dwayne Parker, whom she referred to with the “N” word.

She also adjectived that word with “arrogant”.

Gloria, poor dear, was unaware that she was being taped when she made the remarks.

She regrets them of course. NOW.

She assures us she is no racist, because in that time-honored defense, “she’s eaten Thanksgiving dinner at the homes of blacks before.”

She said she probably should have used the word ignoramus.

Sorry, Gloria, that word is taken. You have that dubious distinction of owning the word.

Give back your salary.

It’s always a good bet that Donald Trump can make a stupid list.

The first question or observation one makes about The Donald, is how could stupid make that much money?

Donald doesn’t like Jon Stewart much.

That would be obvious, since Stewart, like all good thinking people tends to point out Donald’s numerous stupid moments.

Donald has another major flaw other than being stupid. He’s very thin-skinned and fights back, hate to use the phrase, but it fits, “like a girl.”

You know what I mean, all snotty and so forth.

So to “get back” at Stewart for being, well, really brilliant at what he does, Trump said,

I am smarter than Jon Stewart will ever be because he is so stupid and because his real name is not even Jon Stewart. It’s something much more Jewish-y. So, ha! Also: he is overrated.

He tweeted it too.

So there, Jon Stewart: It’s all out now. You’re a JEW!, or Jewish-y at least. Take that!

Trumpet head remains, as always,  an idiot.

Oh Gosh, that was a joke Donald, don’t sue me!

Related articles

• N.H. State Rep. Stella Tremblay – “What am I going to apologize for? Asking questions?” (willyloman.wordpress.com)
• Boston Marathon Bombing Conspiracy: Attack Was U.S. False Flag, Says Florida Professor (latinospost.com)

The Stupid Chronicles for April 20, 2013

Tags

2nd Amendment, Arkansas, crap I learned, gay rights, green energy, Humor, immigration, Iowa, Louis Gohmert, Maine, racism, Stupid Chronicles, Texas

Oh don’t mind me, I’m just acting like a Hispanic. Yes dear Louis the Lunatic tops our list today. But it was a close call I tell ya. Louis never fails to deliver the one two punch of stupid all wrapped up in crazy nearly every week. We sometimes wonder if Louis has a bank of writers who dream up his lines, but on reflection that would surely tip the balance and throw civilization into a retrograde orbit.

Louis dear Louis has a gem for us today. Let me put it thusly. Louis viewed Rodin’s the Thinker, and opined, “why is that dude taking a shit in public?”

Louis doesn’t have a pet rock, he’s the pet rock’s pet.

Louis knows his terrorists and he is here to tell you what he has learned. Islamic terrorist organizations are busy helping their Arab folks “act Hispanic” so they can cross the border from Mexico into America. (added joy: there is a video!)

Yes you heard it here.

Although Louis had no opinion of who caused the Boston Marathon bombings at the time he said this, he was pretty darn sure that a fence is the way to go. After all, Israel’s suicide bombings stopped when they built their fence, he offered, unaware that that is not at all true. A good guess is always good enough for Louis.

Compatriot idiot Steve King (R-IA) nodded in agreement and said that the immigration reform bill should be held up, because surely this bombing was caused (he thinks) by some student on a visa.

Louis offered no ideas about how one “acts” Hispanic. Several racist theories comes to mind, but Louis stopped short of asking people to be on the watch for the “typical” Hispanic behaviors. He did whisper that a dead giveaway that you were dealing with a “pretend” Hispanic was to offer him a jalapeño pepper and see if he cries out in anguish and calls for water after taking a bite.

Texas takes our number two spot as well, which isn’t a big surprise–it’s a big state with big idiots in it.

This is Ms. Ester Irene Stokes. She’s a school teacher in Texas. Or was, or confound it, she probably got herself a medal now.

Anyway, she was accused of fondling one of her female students. Now Ms. Stokes is 61 and the child in question was seven. So that is very bad stuff.

So Ms. Stokes tells police and anyone else who will listen that she is not guilty.

You probably assumed that didn’t ya?

Yes, well she has a rather unique defense.

She says that she is such a racist that she can barely stand to touch those little black girls in her class. The mere touch of their hands gives her the heebie jeebies and sends her off to wash off that black skin feel. I mean she actually cringes when the little nappy heads try to hug here, which must happen once every ice age at least.

There have been no responses by the school in question as to whether Ms. Stokes was still employed. What ya wanna make a bet she won’t have any trouble finding another job in some parts of the country at least.

No doubt that face will be forever seared in your brain.

Third on our hit parade for the week is Maine’s governor Paul LaPage.

Now Paulie has come to our attention before as you can note from some of his best work at the right.

But he kinda ran out of material for a little while. After the last couple of days though, I think he’s back in fighting form.

The Bangor News seems to have a particularly low opinion in the Guv, suggesting that he “makes things up” a lot.

Well, Paul is at it again. Paul doesn’t like wind power. He thinks it’s somehow un-American, being all cheap and non-polluting and such. Oil and Gas don’t like air power and that’s enough for big Paul.

So Paul said, “Now, to add insult to injury, The University of Maine, Presque Isle – anybody here been up there to see that damn windmill in the back yard? Guess what, if it’s not blowing wind outside and they have somebody visiting the campus, they have a little electric motor that turns the blades. I’m serious. They have an electric motor so that they can show people wind power works. Unbelievable. And that’s the government that you have here in the state of Maine.”

Of course, no such thing is true. The University says there is no “little motor”.

All this would be funny, and it is, but the answer to Paulie’s nonsense is that he’s touched in the head. Read crazy as a loon. Read, coming up on Louis’s shoulder and threatening to pass.

Paulie intends to run for re-election. He predicts that the teacher’s unions better watch out, cuz he’s coming for them. And his new idol? Well that ever-favorite of Wisconsin, Scott Walker.

“I will guarantee you that you will see the most vicious education campaign ads that you’ve ever seen in your life next year, because I am going to be the next Scott Walker in this country, because I am challenging the status quo.”

No, Paulie is challenging the all-time low IQ in the USA. I am putting my bets he will win.

Fourth is a new face for us, GOP House Representative from Iowa, Dennis Guth.

Guth is one of those self-styled experts on the issue of homosexuality.

Guth first focused on the media and accused them of making that homosexual lifestyle seem good and nice, when we all know it’s really yucky.

See, Guth says, homosexuals are like “second-hand” smoke, they cause harm to those around them who are normal. They cause health risks to his family he says, by their increased invitation to transmittable sexual diseases. He opines that there are “more medical tests required” before you can give blood or birth. He thinks they are connected but forgot to say how.

Other than that, Guth was unable to explain why their diseases would “harm” his family, unless of course one posits that either he or members of his family regularly engage the services of willing homosexuals for ummm, sex.

Guth is an idiot, and his Democratic colleague told him so.

Our fifth and last entry for the week comes from good old Arkansas, a state that often shows us the butt end of humanity.

Nate Bell, is (you guessed it) a REPUBLICAN state rep from good old Ar-KANSAS, who is a protector of the 2nd Amendment, which he neither understands, nor defends with anything other than yippie-ki-yo-ki-yay blather.

Well, inside that fun face is a very human and very empathetic individual. So as soon as he heard about the manhunt going on in Boston and its environs, wondered via Twitter:

I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15 with a high-capacity magazine?

I mean how sympathetic can a guy be?

I mean really?

Nate withdrew the Tweet once it was pointed out to him that he was being a total douche. Of course it was up long enough for a long list of people to tell him that.

Good luck Nate on re-election.

And if you have not run into these videos (YouTube has several by the same guy), then sit back and for a couple of minutes, just chortle your little heart out. Dry up your tears at the above and replace with belly laughs.

Related articles

• LePage Spins Windmill Conspiracy Theory (thetippingpoint.bangordailynews.com)
• Outrage as Rep. Gohmert says radical islamists being trained to act Hispanic (nbclatino.com)