Collecting Dust Bunnies Among the Stars

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life in the foothills, opinions, ruling the world, stupid people

You have to remember that I’ve never done this before, so excuse the oopsies and missteps. You’re not gonna do any better I just want ya to know.

This agin’ shit is pretty much play it by ear ya know. I ain’t never been here before. So if I don’t always get it right, hey, I’m a work in progress.

See I take no responsibility for all this. The world I mean. It purely sucks if you look at it all, into every nook and cranny as they say. It purely sucks.

We don’t learn from our mistakes, we don’t see the trends from multiple strands of social interaction across the globe. We mostly are oblivious. We use trite phrases to avoid thinking.

We say stupid things like, “everybody is entitled to their opinion.” What the hell does that mean? Does it literally mean that one of the hallmarks of humanity is the right to spew any sort of fermenting slop as one’s “opinion” thereby classifying it along such noted remarks as “I came, I saw, I conquered”, “we have nothing to fear but fear itself” and “Mikey likes it.”

I’m supposed to accept that your “opinion” about Donald Trump being a breath of fresh air is equal to my assessment of the probability that the dark matter in the universe is sufficient to close the universe from permanent expansion? I don’t think so.

See, we have got this notion that everybody is entitled to an opinion. They are not. This is not a handout in which every newborn is checked at the door. “Yep, little Ralph has his “opinion rights” right here in his diaper. Let him go forth unto humanity to spake his piece.”

Spake his piece?

Okay, let’s get this straight.

You are entitled to inclusion in the human race on very limited standards. Basically you must have the general physical equipment of legs and arms and knees. Mostly, but hey if you are missing one or two, not a problem. If you resemble being human more than say being a salamander, you fit the bill.

This does not entitle you, however, to a soapbox and a microphone. Nor does it entitle you to open your yap whenever you wish to spout some personal preference for anything if it is swimming in a sea of “just my opinion”. Your opinion is worthless flotsam unless it is tied to this thing we call FACT.

Facebook is a collector of such human dramas masquerading as intelligent people. Don’t get me wrong, there are tons of really smart folks on Facebook, millions of them in fact. It’s just that they are jumbled up with all sorts of misbegotten refuse who have the appellation of “human” while having little in the way of grey matter.  And the latter sort continue to intervene in adult conversations with their “opinions” which contain nothing but the machinations of their six brain cells operating at half power for thirty seconds.

And of course, the rest of us who are not tied to personal preferences and the desire to hang on to every penny we’ve managed to accumulate at the expense of the continuing efficacy of the planet if that’s what it takes, have to “address” these cockamamie “theories” as if they actually made sense.

So here’s the low down bottom guppies. If you are a marginal human being, meaning that you shouted “whew” at the end of twelve long years of recesses, punctuated by football floats and sneakin’ a peek at Ms. Andrews boobs when she bent over to help you with long division, and called that “being educated” then, here’s what you must do.

Shut the FUCK up. Unless it has to do with what brand of weed killer works best on fescue, shut the FUCK up. You don’t contribute to the conversation, you embarrass it. You can’t put two coherent thoughts together. Hell, you don’t HAVE two coherent thoughts.

Stick to birthin’ babies, greasin’ axles, and giving McDonald’s a reason to exist. They created bowling alleys for you. They created comic books for you. They created Disneyland for you. MOMA? Don’t trouble your often pretty head about that. Keynesian economics versus Hayekian? Stick to those abs.

See how easy this is? You return to the stuff you do best and leave us along to puzzle out the state of the world and the solutions to all those problems you haven’t really got time to think about anyway, since you really have to decide–should Hulk be the VP nominee or Sarah for the Trump machine?

See, we want you to think about that, cuz it doesn’t matter what your answer is. It has as much chance of happening as hell oozing into your toilet and nippin’ your nuts while you count backwards from a hundred and count ammo.

I’m pretty sure that your “average Joe” is pretty content to ignore politics and religion as being boring if they really thought about it. The average Joe is pretty happy with being average. He averages through life. He works, he retires, he fishes. His wife raises kids, retires (though few recognize the difference) and knits. Their parents did the same, and probably their grandparents. They think this is swell.

The rest of us, we are never satisfied. We are terrified of getting “set in our ways”, and doing the dreary ordinary things of each age category. We yearn to know everything, the faster the better. Our routines are only set in order to get as much done each day before we tear it all apart and set up new ones so we don’t get “set in our ways.” We flit from one thing to another, gleaning a bit of knowledge each time so that as we age, we do in fact become “wise” and able to discourse on hundreds of topics with some basic understanding.

I figure it is the “rest of us” since I never have believed for one second that I was very unique. Oh unique in the obvious sense, so we all are, but unique beyond the obvious? Naw, I doubt it very much. The Internets are good for that sort of thing–lettin’ you know you are not so unique as you think.

The Internet humbles the savage beast, or takes down the arrogant a peg or two at least. And sadly it has the worst possible effect on the stupid. A computer is so simplistic in its operation that it allows the most lacking in brains to get on it and find to their amazement, that their dumb notions are shared by a segment of humanity. And that makes them feel, what they are not–SMART.

And that gums up the entire works.

Was a time when stupid people knew they were stupid.

I’m guessin’ about that, but I know one thing, nobody thinks that today.

Hell, seventeen of them are running for President.

Millennial Falcon Returning From Hyperbole

Well, hey there! Belly up to the double-wide, find somethin’ to plant your keister on, and I’ll hit the cooler and bring ya back a cold one. As soon as everyone gets here, we’ll commence to havin’ our monthly meetin’ of the Daisy Trailer Court All Tea Party Believers Group. Hey pass those pork rinds will ya? Clara ate the last bear claw this mornin’ and I am sure I can’t wait fer lunch.

It’s been a busy week doncha think?

That darned Trump is sure messin’ up some feathers ain’t he? Man has the gumption to tell it don’t he? He’s makin’ all those others look like the Cuckservatives they really are, cuckholded and Rino at the same time. Oh boy, don’t get me started.

Now, I was at the city pool the other day. I know, I know what you are gonna say. What’s a fellow doin’ at a pool? I mean a good creek or pond is what ya swim in, not some indoor cement thing. Remember ole Jeb and his “cement pond”? Haha, we got a different Jeb now don’t we. Our Jeb could make ya wish for the opportunity to watch paint dry couldn’t he? Boringest man I’ve ever heard. But them Bushes are all strange aren’t they? Daddy and his jumpin’ outta planes and Dubya, well, he avoided planes as far as I heard when he was in the Reserves.

Reserves, Preservers, seems that “branch” of the service is only for rich kids who need to look the part without being a real soldier. But that’s another whole thing ain’t it?

So, anyway, I was at the pool cuz my doc sent me on account of this torn muscle thing. Thinks I can heal faster if I walk in water. Well, I’m hear to tell ya, I learnt something a bit different there.

See, I was watchin’ as people walked into the pool water. Now given all the waters I’ve tucked my toe into, I’d say this looked mighty clean and well purdy warm too. But you’d not a known that ‘iff’n you had watched.

These folks would stick a toe in and screw up their faces so bad you’d a thought they was shocked that water was wet. It was a sight to see. One after another, all lookin’ so surprised when they stepped in. Either that, or they was shocked that they weren’t walkin’ on it. I’m not sure which.

Oh, looks like everybody is here. Let’s call this meetin’ to order. Donnie, lead the pledge and then Cindy Lou will lead the prayer.

Okay, let’s look at the news:

First of all, women are now in the Rangers. What ya all think of that one?

SFODx33 offered this: “I’m calling it right now. First female in combat that has an ingrown toe nail will receive the Medal of Honor. Some folks are way too eager to ram this through and force women to the front line. There is NO DOUBT, standard will be decreased to accommodate the next “GI Jane”. I can already see the discrimination claims against CO’s and senior NCO’s for expecting the chics to pull their weight.” And the only thing you ever served on was as float captain for your freshman highschool class. Are you just complaining because nobody cares about your ingrown toe nail? Suck it up dude, or this chic (sp) will force more prune juice down your gullet to move that shit along.

Andy M chimed in: “If you haven’t been paying attention over the last 20 years, equal opportunity and affirmative action are doing more harm than good these days.” I’m guessin’ it has more to do with you losin’ your job at McDonald’s because you couldn’t flip a burger and keep it on the grill, than it has to do with affirmative action and equal opportunity. I’m guessin’ you’re a “discriminated-against white dude?” 

So how you guys think of that “black lives matter” thing? Don’t ALL lives matter?

Demonrat Plantation utters with a smile: I prefer #black LIES matter as it is more truthful regarding their methods.” And I thought that Confederate flag in your front yard was only a joke. 

R Hugh Sirius blubbered: “Enduring the Black Lives Movement: When it’s brown, flush it down. When it’s black, send it back…” Now aren’t you clever. Oh you forgot one. “When it’s an ignorant white dude, just bury it.” 

Well Trump has talked about eliminating “birthright citizenship”. How’s that sittin’ with ya? Scotty Walker says he won’t take any position on it. You agree with that?

Anabasis sighed: “American workers should not be compelled by their government to pay for Mexicans to sit around and breed.” Ana do you have any basis for that? No? I thought not. Go back to your donuts. 

Chootum moans: “Well another bites the dust. I want to know why we can’t close the boarders, find all the criminal illegals , build a fence and change our laws on citizenship to protect our citizens ALL at the same time ? I guess our candidates can’t multi-task” I often wonder why I can’t have chocolate sprinkles on my popcorn when I ride my unicorn, but unicorns don’t multi-task well. Why don’t you practice guard duty in your backyard for a while, and we’ll see how that goes.

And then there’s that Iran deal. How do you all feel about that one?

Latern59 mutters: “Under the table deals, secret deals, this whole thing stinks to high heaven. Obama Kerry should be in prison for making deals with a terrorist nation. If the average citizen knows this is wrong, why are our, so-called, leaders violating their own rules and laws?” Ever hear of a guy named Ronnie Reagan? He can tell you a thing or two about makin’ deals with terrorists. Oh history is not your strong suit?Well, you could have fooled NO ONE.

CharleyM1 pouted: Why do any Republicans favor the deal? Democrats I get. They vote blindly on party lines all the time. Why any Republicans? Yes, you sure got that right. Fifty votes to kill the ACA in the House proves that Democrats will all stick together. Not like those silly GOP’ers who are always all over the map when the votes are taken. 

erv999 jumps up and down: Here is some interesting trivia for you. Do you know what Obama means in Persian? It means “he is with us”. Want more? The meaning of Obama in the Kenyan Luo language is “crooked or distorted”. In retrospect, the name was prophetic……Are you trying for extra credit or something? 

Our guy Troy will be loadin’ up his truck and I think Tommie too, to take ya all down to the mass protest of them baby killin’ Planned Parenthooder’s. How many are goin’ down for that?

Reason_Over_Ideology wondered: “Why protest when you could just pray?” I do know what ya mean. I mean while prayin’ you can easily drink a can of beer and eat lunch. Also it’s probably dangerous to get too close to such a place. Satan lurks ya know.

Virginiagentleman had this to add: “Don’t hold your breath waiting for the mainline Protestant denominations to side with these protests against PP’s ghoulish conduct. Somehow their willingness to speak for the “oppressed victims” of the world doesn’t include the unborn children who are slaughtered for their organs and other body parts.”Nope, everybody knows that those sorts of Christians aren’t the REAL kind. And once we get control of the government we are gonna make sure those sorts lose their tax exemptions since they don’t deserve them. Long live the Constitution!

When you add in that the House Rep from Alaska, Don Young, said that government handouts had more to do with Alaska’s high suicide rate than anything else,

Or that in Missouri, the state legislature (GOP controlled) having been plagued by a number of their members being forced to resign because they were sexually harassing interns, figured the solution to that was to demand that interns dress more conservatively,

Or that the Duggars are requesting a new show where they counsel sexual abuse victims (presumably not Josh’s),

Or that Donald Trump is still the outstanding front-runner,

and you have PROOF POSITIVE THIS IS NOT THE EARTH YOU WENT TO SLEEP ON.

YOU MY FRIEND HAVE BEEN TRANSPORTED TO ANOTHER PLANET, ANOTHER GALAXY, AND PERHAPS EVEN ANOTHER UNIVERSE (IF ONE BELIEVES IN THE MULTIVERSE CONCEPT).

Control of your computer is now returned to you.

All above remarks were made by real people in response to stories in The Daily Caller, The Blaze, and Breitbart News. I swear it.

Opening a Box of Spiders

I sit and wonder, neurons firing in rapid succession, blood coursing, pulse throbbing, muscles twitching, mind in chaos as my body goes on autopilot as I negotiate the political waters in my little boat. I am watching old reruns of America’s Funniest Home Videos the Foxy Noise’s answer to “ask a politician” otherwise known as a “debate” but more clearly seen as a 10-ring circus.

What is this phenom called “The Donald”? What does he want, need, or reflect? What is this barely one-third filled auditorium of robotic clappers who cheer when candidates say, “no abortion, not even to save the life of the mother,”? A very smart right-wing excuse for a human, points out that, hey if the woman is saved but not the baby, she’s no mother anyway. Burn the bitch at the stake!

Watching over the past weeks at the land laid bare by one Donald J. Trump, put-er of names upon objects, flashy promoter of silly “reality” shows, ex-promoter of barbie dolls in swimsuit and gown barely able to string one sentence together with proper grammar. All around douche.

It is impossible for a person of normal sensibilities to look at this trainwreck of a human being and do anything but shake your head in. . .in what? Sympathy? Understanding? What exactly do you feel when you look at such a creature of an evolutionary roll of the dice?

A surprising number of folks, some clearly knuckle-draggers, but quite a few seemingly normal, will respond to the question, what do you think of the Donald, with “well at least he tells it as it is” or “he says what he thinks regardless of whether it’s popular”. With similar phrases a man who has managed in his lifetime to accomplish nothing that anyone would admire much at all, has been catapulted to the top of the leadership board in the GOP clown car race to lose the presidency once again.

Yes, The Donald may “tell it like it is” or more pertinently, tell it like we’d like to if we had the chance” but what does  that mean? Surely we don’t (most of us at least) agree with much of anything that falls out of his prissy lips. So is it just the choice to throw caution to the wind and speak one’s own sense of truth no matter what that counts?

I doubt it. We can know this because while not apologizing for any of the shocking things he says out loud, he does go to some lengths to “explain” so that he won’t be judged so harshly by his base.

His base?

It seems the right winger tea-sippin’ loons are fairly fungible. They slither under the rock supports for such buffoons as Trump, but also the Jindal/Cruz/Santorum/Carson et. al. as well, and they will abandon any of ’em should they stray from the deep and bitter hatred speeches that this group demands.

Of course conspiracy theories abound as well. Which is nice, since the Trumpster has been author of a few himself. Note how the “proof” he had that President Obama was not a real citizen, has evaporated into interstellar space long ago. Along with the ever anonymous “border agents” trotted out by everyone to prove that one cannot cross the border these days for the heaps of bodies and crime victims littering the Chihuahuan Desert, along the red line that separates Merika and my little slice of heaven from Mexico which stands for all of the rest of the world. To the loons, all brown people are Mexican regardless of whether they hail from Ecuador or Peru. And let’s not forget all the Arab terrorists that have been living there just waiting to sneak across and blow up Deming and Ruidoso.

We are glad you informed us all down here of the danger we are in.

Yes, the Trump man likes his conspiracies. One aimed at him, is that he is nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing, entering the private hell, aka GOP, as a means to destroy it from within, no doubt at the behest and for a good hand/blow job by the ever versatile Hillary.

Now, while it is an appealing thought, I really don’t think that normal people like Hillary could have concluded that even The Donald could out-crazy a Ted  (machine-gun bacon) Cruz for instance. Who can outdo a Mikey Huckabee and his “Obama is leading the Jews to the doors of the ovens”? Who can outdo Bennie the scalpel Carson’s, “Obamacare is worse than slavery”? I mean can not crazy probe into crazy deep enough to out GOP the GOP? Does one risk losing one’s senses to even try?

Look, Donald is one very mean son-of-a-bitch, and we all know that. He unrelenting attacks against Rosie O’Donnell are proof positive that he is neither a gentleman nor a man in firm grasp of his own self-esteem. He cannot stand being criticized no matter how minor the issue, and he does what people of low self-esteem always do–they hit back hard and vicious, attacking people on peripheral matters that are suggestive of grammar school playgrounds.

He pretends to live in some world where he is the most attractive, smart, rich person and is admired by all. I doubt even he believes it, but he is driven by some absurd need to succeed, and his measure of success is, believe me, no standard you or I will ever know. I suspect it’s all tied up with daddy issues and probably a mommy one or two to boot.

If you read the right wing bullshit creator (otherwise known as Fox but also Breitbart, WND, Red State, Town Hall, and the Blaze), you realize that Donald has done nothing more than tap into the drooling stupidity of the far right that knows almost nothing, is educated about almost nothing, but can still identify a white stranger (friend) at sixty paces, and finger the safety on their semi-automatic while they purchase diapers at Walmarts.

These people are STUPID. They don’t want to pay taxes. They want a better job (with no clue how to get one or what to do with it if they had it). They have been Foxy educated to hate all people of color not because they are of color, but  because they are criminals, job thieves, and don’t pay taxes. If your life sucks, Fox will explain who is to blame, and it ain’t you and it ain’t them. Funny how all them just happen to be not white.

This is where Trump is stuck. He can claim that he doesn’t filter but says what he means, but really? Apparently  he has suggested that PPH should be funded to the parts that don’t deal with abortion. Reasonable? Some would say so. But the far right whack jobs are already threatening him with the appellation RINO as a result. He can drift almost not at all from the stringent rules of the road established by the gun rack lobby.

These folks are willing, for the right candidate, to burn the house down to make their point. Trump dare not come off rational in any respect or they will abandon him like two day old raw chicken left on the counter.

Trump has no hope of winning over the middle, for even the “I don’t vote for a party but for the candidate” folks won’t go that far. The independent voter (which is nothing more than those who don’t listen to any of the shit until a week before an election) is not his to win. They may be uninterested, but they are not fall-down drunk stupid.

It seems to me that Trump probably never does better than about 25 per cent. That means he wins nothing either as a GOP candidate or as an independent hair express man.

So what is his point?

Hell if I know.

As a comedian suggested on Larry Wilmore the other night, “if it appears I’m trying to get into Trump’s head, just kill me. I don’t want to ever go there.”

We figured the GOP for a good circus act this time around. But this? Oh we never expected this. This is too sweet. It’s like SNL playing new stuff ever minute of the day. Trump delivers the bull and the media cackles and tries to make sense of the crazy. Worse, they start predicting.

It’s going to be a long season. If the best is yet to come, lordy are we in for a bumpy ride.

My First Day as Replacement for Jon Stewart

They say that I have, in the modern terminology, a “case of the ass” when it comes to fundamentalists. That’s only partly true, though I admit, it probably ends up about the same place.

You see, I’m pretty much in the “live and let live” category, but the good folks who profess to believe in their decades old-idea that the bible should be selectively read quite literally, have a pesky habit of carrying their self-serving interpretation to the ballot box with them. This is where we part company, and I get out my pitch fork to do battle.

I personally don’t give the good side of a rat’s butt what you think about nearly anything actually. You may (and must if you are a true fundie) believe in a flat earth and I don’t care. Just don’t presume to make public policy decisions based upon your warped thinking and we’ll be fine.

But of course, you do, so we’re not, and it all gets ugly.

Most people agree with me.

You persist.

Why?

Because you claim that we will be lost if Christian morals aren’t a part of the mix in determining our national public policies. In that, as in most other things, you are wrong.

We don’t derive our moral positions only from some religion. That is a fallacy. Moral rectitude comes from lots of sources, and experience and historical recall are two great beginnings to a moral code independent of deity. It is convenient to deny this, but hardly honest.

Let me give an example.

Look at the Hebrew testament. What sticks out?

God, as portrayed seems a might vengeful  deity doesn’t he?

This God is upheld by the religious right evangelicals. God is vengeful right? After all, at the very start of the commandments, God appears to make it quite clear:

There shall be no other gods before me. 

Much of the “history” of Israel constitutes the wars and invasions necessary to make this clear. Israel claims the land of those who worship other gods. Israel ends this by sometimes destroying all the people associated with the cult of “other” gods.

The rightie-tighties view all this quite literally. God punishes and favors those who fight other gods and who cleave to Him alone. God is warrior. God is vengeance.

We understand this sort of god quite well don’t we? We are a warrior people, and a fair reading of human history suggests we have been warring almost from the start. We are like God.

It’s almost as if we forgot what came next in those commandments:

You shall not make a likeness or image of any sort to represent God. 

Does that possibly suggest to you that our human traits don’t really apply to God?

Where does that leave us?

With a better interpretation than a literal one.

Experts might suggest to you that the anonymous men and women (?) who wrote various pieces of the Hebrew testament might have something quite different in mind when they wrote than pure naked truth.

In fact, these may well have been teaching documents when “written”, designed for various purposes other than to provide a “manual written at God’s guidance” about what Christians must do. They may well have been nothing more than tools of persuasion for a “country” in formulation.

How best to justify our rather violent takeover of a region long inhabited by others? Blame it on the God you follow whom you would argue has proven himself more powerful than any other. Forget that your writing set out to deliberately establish that, using the jealous god theme as your basic defense to being called “invaders”.

Coalesce one’s followers around the theme of “being chosen” and “special” and only responding to a God who had proven to be powerful enough to destroy whole armies at will to those who were faithful.

Tell a common story to a people straggling along the roads and byways of roads that led from Babylon, the place of exile, to the “homeland” never seen for generations. This is how you build a “people” from refuges who have for generation lived with other gods and other cultural rights and wrongs.

A vengeful God becomes the one to point to. We didn’t kill all your village elders, God did. You see how easy that works?

You see how much sense it makes?

The bible becomes the reflection of how a society came to be, the methods used to coalesce its numbers and the code of conduct determined to work best in order to keep that common cause always foremost. It blames the nasty behaviors on God, and allows the rank and file peasant to “get along” with the indigenous population. This vengeful God thing becomes the perfect cover for violent overreach.

Those of us who see that, see everything else quite differently as a result. If we feel squeemish initially at other people’s choices in spouse we don’t look to give sanctuary to our lack of compassion in a few remarks made by a writer who had a far different agenda and describes practices unknown in our modern world. We deal with our own failings that lead to this feeling and correct it.

The truth is, we on the left side of religion understand one thing as paramount. God to us is love, and if love is served, nothing else much matters. If the relationships humans define as sacred to them are based on loving feelings, it is sanctioned by the God we believe in. All decisions, feelings, notions, actions, contemplations, are judged simply by this: does it favor love or cut against it?

This is a morality that while based on belief, serves as well without the god attached. It cuts in both directions. We can take as given that cross-culturally, all humans arrive at much the same place albeit through a myriad of paths. We all fairly collectively agree that ending a human life deliberately is not acceptable except in specific instances usually well-defined. Cultures world-wide develop some concept of the “golden rule”. A moral code which in general is much the same comes to be, over time, everywhere.

What does this mean?

To the atheist it means that we are evolutionarily programmed to arrive at a code of conduct independent of any god because it is evolutionarily useful in maintaining the species. Admonitions against killing make sense because they provide for the continuation of the species. It has zero to do with any god.

Believers of course see the whole thing differently. To the degree that all religions share major tenets of good behavior suggests that God places in each of us some germ that leads us to a moral code that is responsive to God’s offer of unconditional love.

One sees our shared ethics as proving there is no god and the other comes to the exact opposite conclusion.

Fundamentalists fall out of the mainstream for they don’t share either opinion. For them Christianity serves as a tool in their arsenal of self-esteem. God chose them. God sets out a strict list of rules to be followed to remain one of us, thus not them.  We are saved, they are not. There is always a scapegoat in the bible; someone to blame. I am always to proclaim my unworthiness, but no matter what I do in actuality, I am saved, and that’s all that matters. My bad acts are forgiven. They are still to blame.

It is not enough for a fundamentalist to live his or her life according to their interpretation. They insist that I must as well. But since I know them to be utterly wrong in their simple and self-serving interpretation, I can’t be happy about that. They don’t want to live peacefully, they want to force everyone to live as they dictate. And that we cannot allow.

That I will not allow. I will fight to the last to deny you that.

And somehow, I gotta believe, and I really do, that love is a much stronger emotion than hate. It will win simply because in the end it makes the most sense. And hate-based judgments will wither and die.

The Arts of Writing and Motorcycle Maintenance

Tags

Writers, writing

The written word has, for as long as I can remember, enthralled me and held me captive. Much as Justice Black said that he could not exactly define pornography, but he would know it when he saw it, I cannot exactly define good writing, but I surely know when I am in the presence of it.

But this is not about writing, for as I just admitted, I can no more set out the requirements of good writing than I can turn a cartwheel these days, but I do know something about writers. Being one, I can relate.

But what a ragged bunch we are. Actually writers make me laugh sometimes. After all, to declare one to be something which is not measured by a weekly salary or a list of duties associated with one’s daily grind, makes it hard indeed to stand with head held high. Starving artist comes to mind. Are you indeed an artist if nobody buys your work?

Well, so say some.

Dorothy Parker famously queried whether one can be a writer and have no book? In her time, there was no such thing as “self-publishing”. So she opined that unless one had taken to the lonely task of writing a book (fictional presumably), one was not fairly a writer. Those who wrote short pieces for magazines did not qualify.

There are other similar questions by some, mostly I’d suggest, from people with an axe to grind.

I mean self-publishing is now easy and fairly cheap. Anyone can publish their writing and disseminate it in book form. One can, as some do, buy up large quantities of one’s own work and count it as “copies sold” to impress others.

But for some (usually those who have been published), the appellation writer only applies to one who has been properly published by an established publishing company. But there are publishers and then there are publishers. These types however don’t tend to worry overmuch about that. Any publisher will do, but published one must be.

Others might draw the line at “been paid for”. If Boy’s Life paid you $25 for your little ditty about handkerchief folding, well baby, you been published and paid! Welcome to the ranks of Faulkner and Balzac.

Once upon a time, I was a lawyer. I’ve also been a student, and even a waitress for a couple of months (oh I was awful at that I gotta say!). When I started blogging a number of years ago, well, I eventually got the idea that I too was a writer, and I began to learn of the various definitions of what constitutes a person whose “job” it is to writ large.

Of course such writing doesn’t differentiate between fictional and other forms of writing. Technical writers are writers too even if their offerings are much less glamorous than the work of a Mitchener or Cervantes. But if publication is the standard, then all writers who get published by a publishing company can claim the banner.

I don’t know if any of this is unusual in other professions. I mean most of them require the same basic standardized list of accomplishments in order to matriculate through its school and to the degree. But heck, who knows, among physicists, there may be many factors that separate the fish from the chum.

I find it all amusing.

I really do.

For I define writer in a rather different way.

Perhaps it is all self-serving since I admit willingly that I’ve not been paid for writing, other than as a lawyer and no one can separate the brief writing from the argument. I’ve been published in school newspapers and here certainly. A few entries in the Courts of Appeal with excerpted arguments.  I have no other bona fides to claim than that.

Yet, still, I am a writer.

Because writing isn’t about any of the stuff others claim for it.

It is singular and something that only the person can claim for themselves or not.

It is not about publishing or being paid.

Writing is a form of communication, so first and foremost is one person placing into written form thoughts that they wish to convey to some “other”. And most important, do they care about how that thought is conveyed?

What I suggest is that writers love words, and love them to death, agonizing over the placement, the right word, the perfect modifier. Writing is not casual, but sweat and yes even tears on occasion.

However one engages in the craft, it becomes the thing itself, not the means to some other end. When it stands or falls on its own as readable, nay enjoyable, success has been achieved. We struggle with each word, each paragraph, and the order of the thing so that it “flows” and brings smiles of recognition and delight.

It is poetry but not. It is some in-between thing. Not an instruction manual and not Shakespeare, but something of its own. As you read, you marvel. What a wonderful turn of a phrase, how beautifully captured, how eloquent.

Each page is turned with fresh anticipation. One fingers the remaining pages with a certain despair and melancholy. Too soon it will be over.

Such writers, whether their offerings are fiction or not, cause people to search out everything they have ever written. We are insatiable in our desire to read more of this wonderful stuff.

If you don’t aim for this as a writer, I don’t think much of your efforts. If you are not continually searching for your own style, your own “voice,” your own distinct way of delivering your message, you are not a writer. You are at best nothing but a competent communicator. No artistry can be found.

Only the writer can honestly assess these things and declare themselves as wanting or as having passed the test. Of course this is entirely self-serving by definition. I control who  am.  But truly to be dishonest with oneself on this issue is to serve no purpose. One can claim the title but if one cannot produce the magic, well, everybody KNOWS you are only a sham.

Lover of words, extraordinary words, ordinary words catapulted to new realms of usefulness. Cantilevered into phrases, exploding into instantaneous meaning by new association, this is writing. This is art. This is sublime.

This is what I strive for. This is what I attain in singular moments of wordy ecstasy. And then it falls apart and I am left with the refuse of words not used, old favorites, and ones I fully wish to use but struggle with finding a context when they will sing their crystal clear illustration of some obscure thought.

Writers of my ilk love some words to death, hate others, are frightened of the implications of others, and judiciously dole out a few that are so powerful they risk being old hat if used often. Dusted off and polished, old thines and betwixts, hasts and methinks yearn for inclusion in a modern world. Find us a place, tuck us into that sentence, there, with an exclamation point!

Such makes us giddy with excitement. Palpable, throbbing, sexual energy.

I say too much?

I am ready, ready, ready, ready, to write.

Are you ready?

Participating from time to time and loosely with SoCS.