stupid3 Okay, I know this is hard. Life is hard. I’m trying to keep this humorous because a lot of smart people read this, and frankly, you stupid people bore them, hence the levity. But I am serious. You gotta stop being so stupid.

First let us define terms. For you stupid people, it’s what we smart people do when we want to discuss a subject. It keeps us all on the same page if you can catch that drift.

Stupid: having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things.

Here’s some synonyms (words that mean stupid)

airheaded birdbrained bonehead boneheaded brain-dead brainless bubbleheaded chuckleheaded dense dim dim-witted doltish dopey dopy dorky dull dumb dunderhead empty-headed fatuous gormless half-witted knuckleheaded lamebrain lamebrained oafish obtuse opaque pinheaded senseless simple slow slow-witted soft softheaded thick thickheaded thick-witted unintelligent unsmart vacuous weak-minded.

Stupid may be inherent (big word meaning you’re born with it) or simply the result of being either unexposed to information or pure laziness. If it’s the former, we commiserate and have one sentence for you to memorize: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND STAY OUT OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS. If you are unexposed to information, tell us how to help you. If you are the latter–GET OFF YOUR ASS BEFORE WE GET REALLY MAD.

We smart people are well aware that progress in civilizing the world occurs if there are only 10% of us, since we find you stupid people everywhere. Since God would not make things this way (we surely trust), your very existence proves Darwin was right. I know, it’s too hard for you to understand, but trust me, it’s true.

We are prepared to shoulder our burden of running the world, but you guys, fueled by jealousy it seems, continue to meddle in things you can’t or won’t understand. It’s time to stop, since you are on the brink of catapulting us all over the precipice of no return.

Worse yet, there are a whole brand of mostly not so dumb people out there that prey upon your determination to not know as much as a rock. They are called all sorts of names, but politicians is one of them. Advertisers is another, shyster  is another.  There are many. They exist to get you to do stupid things by tickling your brain just enough make you think you are acting smart. You are not. You are either giving them your money or your precious “freedoms”.

For instance, they have convinced you that you don’t need to do any study, because common sense is good enough to decide most things. It is not. Common sense, is well, common. It’s what makes you pee in an appropriate facility rather than the potted plant in the living room. It can be used only for really basic things. It will not explain to you anything much about economics on the national scale or  the age of the earth.

They have told you that science is “suspicious”. It is not. It’s why a ton of you are alive today. Advances in medicine, metallurgy, chemistry, and so forth means that many of you are not dead from things that killed your caveman brothers a long time ago. They tell you that scientists don’t believe in God, which is not actually true, (many do), but also has no correlation to doing research accurately. (Correlation means that there is a relationship between two things, as in causation).

Tip: you cannot shortcut the discovery of truth by reading any ONE book. It requires the reading of many. Yes, bible readers, this means you. While the bible contains a good deal of useful information, it is not God’s manual. It was written by PEOPLE for more reasons that Carter has liver pills.

It is not our fault that you decided that college was “not fun” or “too hard” or “not the social party” you expected, and so quit for that little no-thought job you exist in today, or your small business making furnace filters. There is nothing wrong in doing the jobs you do, nothing at all, and if we are all going to be happy and comfortable somebody has to make coasters after all. But this doesn’t entitle you to sit at the big people’s table and tell us your views on the situation in Yemen. That requires that you actually know something.

You see, you are entitled to an opinion, and you can have it on just about anything you desire. But you see, having an opinion means little. My dog has an opinion on what he should eat and how much of it he should eat. I don’t often agree. And I am right and he is wrong, because he’s a dog. You are the dog here. Opinions have to be based on things called verifiable facts, logic and scary stuff like that. Otherwise they are a waste of everyone’s time.

The fact that some people encourage you and tell you you are right changes nothing. Refer back to the explanation of politicians and shysters.

stupid4 Part of your problem is that you are afraid that because you don’t understand something, people will take advantage of you. That’s why you express a distrust for smart people and call them “elite intellectuals”. While we sympathize with your fear, the answer to this problem is not turning to people who talk to you in simple words and tell you you are right. Again, refer to shyster.

The answer is two-fold. Either stay the fuck out of stuff you don’t understand, or actually learn something.

You may have missed it, but there are places called libraries in most every town and they are filled with books about all kinds of subjects. Try using one some time. It may surprise you.

The Internet is a fine place to learn, but when you are taking baby steps, it’s best to be careful. Not everything you read there is accurate, in fact most of it probably isn’t. Until you have developed a modicum of “critical reading and thinking skills” be wary of the Internet.

Some rules of the road:

  1. If it sounds like it’s something you would like, treat it with caution, look for the shyster!
  2. If it tells you that you are the real strength of America, look for the shyster.
  3. If it gives you simplistic answers that are painless to implement, look for the shyster.
  4. If it mentions the word “trickle down” run like hell.


  1. The earth is round.
  2. The universe is really really old, like in billions.
  3. God did not make everything in six days.
  4. Darwin was essentially right, you were once pond scum.
  5. Vaccines do not cause autism and they are safe for the vast majority of people.
  6. Climate change is real and man-made and we have to fix it.
  7. There is a limit to fossil fuels. God won’t make any more for you.
  8. Whether God exists or not is a personal conclusion and it’s none of your business what others conclude.
  9. Nobody “chooses” their sexual orientation. It just is.
  10. When people live in communities, it means that not everybody gets to do what they want no matter how much they want to do it.
  11. EVERYONE is entitled to be fed, clothed, housed, educated, and maintained as a basic human right.

If you disagree with any of the above, you need to shut the fuck up, because YOU ARE STUPID.

In return for being good, we will make sure that you get the full benefits of #11.

Come join us! We want to welcome you to the ranks of the intelligent.