It’s the same old problem we all have to deal with. Too much in the brain, info leaking out all over the place, staining the carpet and being an utter embarrassment in a five-star restaurant. It’s time once again to empty the overload, sifting through the flotsam, using that awful “pile” system–this stays, that goes. I keep going to Containers R Us looking for a better filing storage system, but the fine folks there continue to look confused.
I only lay out my “garage sale” offerings in the hopes that you might find something you need, or at least can assure me that you too suffer from the same sort of waste in your own life. Just call it my way of assessing periodically my own sanity.
So here goes:
1. There is nothing quite so gratifying and well just down right “mission accomplished” feeling than handing the husband his “honey do” list every morning. They all look so wide-eyed surprised like deer caught in the headlights. You can see that flicker of defiance, followed almost immediately by utter resignation and defeat. Priceless feeling isn’t it ?
2. There is, I am convinced nothing quite so sweet as that moment when you wake up in the morning, realize there is still time, stretch, roll over, and feel you are the perfect temperature, the bed is perfectly comfortable, the weight of the blankets is perfectly in balance and the feel of the sheets is silky soft. This must be akin to the womb I can only conclude. It lasts only a few moments and that is as it should be. You either fall back asleep or make you way up, since the feeling only lasts as I said for a few moments. I have had great sex in my life, but I think this tops that for exquisiteness. But then, I’m 64 and perhaps I would have answered differently at say 27. (Putting this back in the save pile, since it may have value if re-incarnation is true. I can ponder it again when I’m 27.)
3. Is anyone interested in a whole lot of random “facts” about the Green Bay Packers? Try as I might, my brain absorbs far too much of this crap every week during the season. I can assure you it is against my will, but the neurons keep firing and cartwheeling these bits of nonsense to storage areas. The big question of the week: Is Aaron Rodgers a great quarterback or the greatest quarterback? Seriously, I care? Anyway, I’m pretty much offering a whole box of trivia like this for free to any taker.
4. The moment when you realize that your pet runs the household. I struggle between fear and amusement. Who does he think he is after all? He generates no money, and neither cooks nor cleans. On the other hand, having failed to be “worth anything” he gets his way in most everything, commanding us to come out and “sit with him” even when it’s too cold, hot, windy, or whatever. He then promptly lays down and goes to sleep. He has figured out that sighing a lot and whining hits a nerve that is so irritating that it must be squelched by acceding to his wishes. I am still not sure how this turn about occurred. He started out so meek and mild and so utterly slobbery grateful to be rescued we feared he would never stop groveling. The good ole days alas.
5. Are you like me? Yeah, I know, that’s a pretty broad spectrum I guess. Okay, as in how you drink coffee. That narrows it down. I do not believe that I have drunk an entire cup of coffee since 1979, in March. The 22, to be exact. Since then and before then, I sip. And then I forget, and then it’s cold. That used to be the end of it back before the microwave days. Pour it out, pour another, drink a bit, pour out, pour new. Today, we got us the microwave. And everyone knows that the main purpose of a microwave is to reheat your cup of coffee. Or make popcorn at work. Anybody done any study about how many times a single cup of coffee can be reheated before it’s carcinogenic? It keeps me up at night, and I gotta let it go.
6. American television, unencumbered by censorship such as all the Amazon originals and HBO stuff, and whatever else, reminds me of barely pubescent boys who have secured a Playboy and are busy giggling behind the garage. I mean such things are undeniably better than almost anything on “regular” TeeVee, but the common denominator of why this is so seems to be the penchant for these not TV shows to show a lot of frontal nudity and an even bigger desire to show simulated sex. Maybe it’s not simulated, has anybody asked? It’s hard to find “integral to the plot” in most of it. I don’t mind it much. I’m too old to feign embarrassment. It’s just something to mostly get past to the guts of the real stuff.
7. Speaking of which, it now seems de rigueur to have blood erupt in great spurts when shooting people in the land of make-belief. Now doubt it appears more “authentic”. Some suggest that making it look “icky” helps to convince children that this is a bad thing to do as opposed to in the 50’s when Matt winged his enemy who then crumpled to the ground only to arise clutching said arm through which no hint of red appeared. That apparently “encouraged” kids to pick up guns and shoot people for real thinking that nothing all that bad would happen. Seeing blood spraying everywhere, even in your face, cuts against doing such nasty things. Ya think?
8. I’m never sure just how strict I should be with myself. Some folks actually make lists of what they want to do and then happily check them off as being “done” such as “put stamps on envelopes”–DONE! The really loony ones include (5 min). I’m told a few of our more intelligent folks actually set out how much time they would devote to each subject of study each day–philosophy of man, 3 hours, mathematics 1 1/2 hours of thinking and 1/2 hour in actual calculation. I can see doing this I guess when you are 33, have 3 kids, a job and a spouse. There is a lot to be worked out so that nobody is left in front of the library and there is actually some food in the fridge. But I’m thinkin’ that the less complicated one’s life is, the less one need do this. And then there is the thing of R E T I R E M E N T, which should mean retiring from all that WORK, and just doin’ what feels good at least most of the time. I think I am still too strict with myself. The inner mother needs to be kicked down the stairs. Slam that basement door on the old bat and party!
9. I’ve come to believe that the news is really not about learning about the world at all but rather in watching the comedy of a bunch of self-inflated idiots make fools of themselves. I mean, a very few weeks ago, it was all about how hoards of terrorist children were coming to Merika to subvert our way of life. Then it was ISIS. Then it was EBOLA. In the midst of all this is the circus that is known as the “midterms”. Not tests of course, though then test my patience. I see the nurses of America are up in arms. They feel “blamed” for EBOLA now, cause they forgot to wash their hands. Do you often feel that most of the people you know are crazy?
10. The Contrarian informed me that in Saturday’s paper, above the fold, was a story about ISIS, one about EBOLA, and then the biggest news story in our parts–a coyote attacked and killed a chihuahua in it’s own back yard. I can attest to the concern, since there were signs on the community mailboxes warning everyone to “keep your chihuahuas indoors”. We have coyotes all over our neck of the woods. Diego and I have come upon more than a dozen in a year. They of course don’t consider Diego food, since he weighs more than they do. The trouble is, the dogs in our neighborhood bark a lot, and I can’t tell the difference between, “the meter reader is on my block” from “there’s a coyote! there’s a coyote!” I do know that a siren brings out the suprano in all the dogs, Diego having one of the best howls of all. It’s quite a group sing-a-long.
Well, I feel a bit more light and airy now.
Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day. Or is it the start of a new do over?