The Decline and Fall of Humanity

Tags

evolution, Internet, life, satire, Social Networking

I don’t mean to scare ya or nothin’. That is not my intent. And I’m not complaining actually either. Hardly. Just a little.

Mostly, I’m just wondering.

I been kicking this around the old brain pan for a few days. You know what I mean. A thought raises an interesting idea, but it doesn’t really seem to connect or go anywhere. So it just lays there, floating around in the hungry sub-conscious, peeking out every so often to inquire if any new facts have come along that it can connect to. You know what I mean.

Actually this blogging is symptomatic of it. It’s that idea that really valuable ideas are generated on the fly, just letting the old fingers fly over the keys, caressing them in synchronicity such that they produce words in an order that makes intelligible sentences if not intelligible thoughts. Blogging is defined by talking out of your ass about any subject that comes to mind with no filter and no grade at the end. It eschews the very notion of editing. What you write today is not even what you believe tomorrow.

But isn’t life becoming that. If you want proof go to The Tale of My Heart, and her post, Proof of the Doomed Society.  We now go nowhere without our smart phones. To have a dead battery stops the world until you are recharged and redownloaded. Google announces it is shutting down its reader and panic ensues. HOW WILL I GET MY NEWS? Newspapers are for wrapping gifts to be avant-garde.

It’s all about the sound bite. It’s all about the photo snapped. A picture is worth a thousand words you know. And we are all photographers now. News agencies depend on us. They depend on us to snap the “I was there at the critical moment when death arrived!” My opinion, written in the semi-formal but oh so official looking template from a free blogging platform is sought by journalists who sit in Starbucks with laptops aglow while sipping the latest de rigueur in designer coffee blends.

We are all so with it with our “clouds” and our insta-messages. No one is disconnected. No one is alone because there is a vast matrix of interconnected “friends” instantly at hand. You aren’t lonely any more are you?

So connected am I that I have to “manage” my social media, and set up filters, because you know, you have your business socials and your college socials, god forbid your high school socials, your hometown socials, your family socials, your kids friends parents socials. Filter!

I live in a city where I as an Anglo, am a minority. So I’m doing my best to learn Spanish, even more urgent since my new housekeeper (meeting her Monday) doesn’t speak any form of the King’s English. So I have a program for that.

A nice virtual “coach” tells me “way to go Sherry” and “now you’re really moving!” at the end of each lesson, although I can call on her at any time for words of encouragement. And boy, do I feel encouraged!

I bought a piece of software to organize all my recipes and connect my pantry to my grocery list, to my ingredient list, to my blog, to my brain. I will have the most interactive and clean little piece of recipe joy in a few months after I have painstakingly “captured” all the nearly 300 recipes I’ve published on my web site. And then interfaced them with the pantry inventory that I will spend days painstakingly adding. I will be able, so they tell me, to put in ingredients from my inventory and it will “find” recipes that I can make with nary a foot in the food store.

No more stuffed little 3 x 5 boxes crammed with newspaper recipes and handwritten ones that one day you will sit down and copy to a card. No more of that. And while you’re at it, no more sisters sitting around with kleenex with “mom’s recipe box” going through each and every one, laughing and crying at the memories induced by “Aunt Tilda’s Wild Jello Swirl” and the fun that was at the family reunion back in ’93. No, Mom’s recipe box is online, and prints out professional looking copies, instead of the one that used to be in the box–you know the one–with the chocolate frosting stain on the corner where it fell in the bowl when Alicia grabbed it out of Becky’s hand that time?

No more of that. Let’s hear it for the INTERNETS!

Let’s hear it for technology and connectedness and never having to look someone in the eye who you are calling a jackass.

But hey, I can play games and I can “beat” other people, real or otherwise, and do I really care? I win!

And after all, I did learn how to fold a fitted sheet. That’s something to be proud of.

And I did learn 7,329 more ways to cook chicken.  That’s something too.

And if I want to, I can publish a book, and not have to wait on some snotty editor to tell me I write like shit. I can ignore that. After all, what do they know about this rockin’ civilization at this point?

Gibbons was wrong. Rome didn’t fall. It just re-invented itself.

Don’t we all?

Every week?

It’s all just evolution, can’t you see that?

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• Grab Your Pitch Forks and Melt Your Butter: When Humans Fall, Lobsters Will Inherit The Earth (averagenobodies.wordpress.com)
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These were all generated as “related” so I’m relatin’ ’em.

Raunchy Reactions of Republican Rectitude

Tags

border security, GOP, Humor, immigration reform, satire, teabaggers

You must have a strong constitution and a note from your psychiatrist that you have a iron-clad brain case before you can read further here.

We are entering the wacky world of the GOP, where the general laws of the universe don’t apply. The tail wags the dog here, and nobody means anything close to what they say.

We are about to reach the high point of hilarity on this immigration bill that is working its way through the erected fences and high deserts of the Senate, all to land finally and with a resounding guacamole splat in the laps of the House of Representatives.

Everyone is getting ready to put on their best two-faced persona.

Let us set the scene.

The Senate led by the gawd-awful gauchos times eight, is about to vote on the bill. Just a few days ago it was in dire trouble because as Senate Republicans lamented, it didn’t do enough to “protect our border.” Note I said BORDER, NOT BORDERS, since nary a Senator has mentioned the northern one. (HINT TO TERRORISTS). This fun phrase has been used ad infinitum to justify a refusal to do anything on immigration reform, something that EVERYONE agrees needs to be fixed, but opinions  as to how, are as plentiful as crabgrass.

The GOP made it clear that there would be no movement on what to do with the 11 million already here, until the “border” issue was resolved. In pops Senator Cornyn, with his amendment which was defeated last week. That amendment would have required a “certified” statement of something like 95% security at the border before any step could be taken regarding the 11 million. It was widely considered a “poison pill” given that such a figure is unlikely to ever be met unless border patrol agents stand shoulder to shoulder along the 1,954 miles we share with Mexico.

Along comes the Hoevan-Corker amendment, provided by Senators from North Dakota and Tennessee, who obviously know more about the southern border than anyone else. These fine GOPers have a solution. Their plan is to double the number of border patrol agents, and build some 700 miles of new fence, and turn all the policy decisions on compliance over to the Congress and away from Homeland Security, where as we all know, must faster and efficient decisions are sure to be made.

And the price tag? Oh, somewhere along the lines of 38 BILLION. And no Republican OFFSET cuts in spending either.

Now this would all be fine, since apparently the amendment doesn’t tie some “proof” of success to the start of the “pathway to citizenship”, and all the new security measures could get bogged down in the usual unhappiness of bickering in the Congress that seems its reason d’ etre at this point, but hey, we have been down this road before.

Back in 2006, Bush pushed through a jump of 6000 more border agents and over 600 miles of new fence. That was thought to “solve the problem”.  And guess what? It was done. But of course, our GOP is never one to remember the past when it conflicts with the agenda of today. So, the gold posts are moved, and we have new goals of something like 20,000 new agents and another 700 miles of fence.

Which is really all to hide the fact that it ain’t and never was about this border security thing at all.

If you are confounded by all this, well, it has to do with being an omnivore.

Yes, you heard me right. According to Jonathan Haidt, my BFF, (he has no idea), when we evolved to being such, we had all kinds of choices. The downside was that not all of those shiny brightly colored things were good. Some were poisonous. So we are conflicted.

Some of us more conflicted than others.

Liberals tend to embrace new stuff which Conservatives tend to stay with the tried and true. Well that works for food, but it also seeps over into all kinds of other stuff.

Like how we feel about a “new” demographic.

See Liberals are fine with the changing demographics of the USA. But Conservatives? Not so much. It’s a matter of degree, but they like things they way they are were, least how they envision how things were. And their idea is that white people = right government is, well gooder than brown/black people = right government.

In other words, to a lesser or greater degree ( we all vary somewhat on the new/traditional scale), they’d rather stay in charge.

And that in a nut shell is what this bill faces when it crosses the border into the territory of the Tea Party brigades in the House. Border security may be used as the flag round which to rally but when that problem is essentially eradicated by the Senate version, well, we gotta face the music.

The House while under GOP leadership was very successful in gerrymandering itself so that a huge number of its seats are now owned by solid Republican majorities. However, that doesn’t mean that any individual GOPer is safe. Iffin’ he or she ain’t drunk enough tea, well, they will be primaried by someone who has.

And the one voice of the Tea Party goes something like this: SHIP THEM BACK. ALL OF THEM, WITH THEIR ANCHOR BABIES WHO AREN’T REAL CITIZENS. As Phyllis Schlafly points out, these Hispanics are different. Unlike the second generation of all the other ethnic groups, these South of the border types don’t embrace American values in the next generation but are prone to drugs, violence and gangs. (Why do we have that St. Paddy’s day parade?)

Soooo, the upshot of all that is that enough House Republicans ain’t voting for any immigration bill no matter what it says, unless it says the above. And Boehner has been warned that should he bring a bill to the floor that does not have majority support of the GOP caucus, he can bend over and attempt to kiss his own ass, since it will be flying out of the speaker’s chair faster than dust lands on my deck from the desert.

So Boehner is F**KED and so are all the Republican Senators who KNOW that they can’t win a dang national election and probably not a state one with that kind of “we aren’t partial to brown” attitude.

And that means we continue our shitty, unfair, unequal, immoral immigration rules for God knows how much longer.

But, at least we have the satisfaction of watching the Tea Party throw a major hissy fit in front of the whole world to see. I mean they are more fun that a barrel of KKK taking a wrong turn and ending up at the South end of Woodward Avenue at noon during the Freedom Festival in Detroit.

Can I get a witness?

Related articles

• ‘Border Surge’ – Amendment Would Not Hire Border Security Agents For Years (patdollard.com)
• ‘Border Surge’ Amendment: No New Border Agents for Four Years (redflagnews.com)
• With amendment killed, Rand Paul won’t support immigration bill (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com)
• Breaking – Senators unveil breakthrough border plan to give Republicans cover to vote for amnesty (legalinsurrection.com)
• ‘Gang’ warfare over Senate immigration bill (politico.com)
• New border security deal is ‘a bitter pill to swallow’ (voxxi.com)

Some Uncomfortable Truths

Well, take it from me.

People can really suck.

If you are looking to prove that, it’s fairly easy.

It’s just about as easy to prove that they don’t.

But this post is not about the latter. It’s about the former, because this ain’t no pie-in-the-sky utopian blog, it’s a rant haven where the ills of society are regularly pointed out to the tone-deaf idiots who don’t read this blog anyway, but should.

That said.

People really can suck.

I was over reading Squato Rant’s post today about how Tennessee continues to screw over poor people,  because they can. And it pointed out a very serious truth to me. People continue to believe what they want because it serves some purpose–mainly their moral worldview. Now their moral worldview may be world’s away from mine, and thus, from my perspective damned offensive, but they actually (hate to admit this but it’s very true) believe it just every bit as sincerely as I do mine. The fact that to do so is jackassery in the extreme is also part of my worldview.

But I have to admit that they are sincere.

You see we not only search for that which supports our being right in the world, we also vary the amount of proof required accordingly. According to Professor Haidt, it’s called, can/must thinking.

See, when we want to believe something, we look for any evidence that says we can. It doesn’t matter if most of the evidence says we can’t, as long as some speck of evidence says it’s “rational”. So you want to believe in creationism? Sure. While the vast array of evidence suggests that the earth, the universe and all it contains,  was not created in six days, there is that pesky bible, if believed literally, which says it was. And if there is one shred of question about ANY tiny aspect of evolutionary theory (and there always will be), then I’m “allowed” to believe in creationism, no matter how utterly crazy that is. I can believe in it.

But conversely, when you don’t want to believe something, you look for any shred of evidence that suggests that you are not required to believe in it–must I? No, it might be incredibly prudent in order to not look like the wrong end of an elephant, but if you are willing to do that, by all means, there is that little hole in the evidence over there. Go stand by it and proclaim that evolution isn’t true because they haven’t solved this mystery of how life originated from inert matter.

So that’s where we find ourselves, each clinging to all sorts of things we want to, while denying all sorts of other things we don’t want to believe are true.

The fact is, the truth is what it is no matter what.

Now there is some answer here. We gotta assume that most people are interested enough in reality to mostly cling to stuff that is actually true, and mostly discard that which is not. We gotta assume that most people are psychologically sane in other words. And since we have cars, computers, skyscrapers (do they still use that term?), and electric can openers, we can pretty much assume that that assumption is correct.

So here is just a list of stuff that ain’t true no matter how many times you say it. Just in case you are confused.

1. People who have a lot of money are not “job creators”. They are experts in making money. They try to make as much as they can, and that means selling whatever they sell for the most money, and at the cheapest cost to themselves. Cheapest cost, includes labor. Nobody hires one more person that they think they can get away with and still make the highest profit. (Proviso: there are some rich folks who aren’t in it for the money, and actually believe in everyone making a fair wage. These are called exceptions to the rule).
2. Climate change is real. No matter how much you wish it weren’t and no matter how much you don’t want to pay for it, it’s still real. I just read that Senator Inhofe from the great? state of Oklahoma, used to believe in climate change. That was before he found out how much it would cost to repair the damage. Well he decided to look for “evidence” to the contrary, and shockingly, he found it. Truth is sorta not interested in costs Senator.
3. America was not designed to be a “Christian” nation. It was created by men who were more deist than anything. Moreover they were men of the Enlightenment–the idea that reason was supplanting religious explanation for physical phenomenon. The came from theocratic countries and wanted no part of that sort of government–hence the 1st Amendment and its proscription against government intruding on religious freedom. Even St. Paul recognized that God was known through creation by the use of mind: “since God has made it plain to them: ever since the creation of the world, the invisible existence of God and his everlasting power have been clearly seen by the mind’s understanding of created things.” (Rom. 1: 19-20) See, it’s not a trick, we can trust our minds and our senses.
4. The North won the civil war. Get over it. Same with Obama.
5. Women will still have abortions as a last resort no matter what you legislate Republicans. You can force them to go to back-alley charlatans or you can get out of the way so they can obtain them safely. They always have gotten them throughout history. That’s the truth.
6. The world is increasingly NOT-white. Deal with that. Or at least get over it. It’s true, and it’s going to remain true. It is also true of this country which will be more non-white than white shortly. Trust me, I live in New Mexico. I live in a city where the population of Latino people is larger than that of the white population. I can’t imagine why anyone would care. And you get to learn a whole new cuisine and culture. What is bad about that?
7. In any universe known or unknown, the truth is that Louis Gohmert (not giving people food stamps to buy King crab legs!), Steve King, Michele Bachmann, Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, James Inhofe, and a whole list as long as my arm x 20, are still going to be insufferably stupid, evil, and owned by big business interests. They represent loons. Is that a good use of your tax money.

That’s just a few. No doubt you have others.

 

Scrambled Brains

Tags

life in the foothills, lifestyle, New Mexico, psychology

Sooooo, whatcha reading?

I have a good reason for asking.

Reading could be dangerous.

It could scramble your brains.

I know.

I happened to me.

Yes, yes, you always want me to explain.

So, I used to be a one-book person. One at a time that is. I picked up a book, I read it, I moved on.

Sometime a decade or so ago, I became a multiple reader. I read several books at one time. It’s a thing I share with my love, Johnny Depp.

Sometimes I read three books, sometimes only two. At the moment I’m reading two seriously–Autobiography of a Yogi and The Righteous Mind. Now, you may ask, so what? And I would too, but for the fact that suddenly it occurred to me that my subconscious was at work here.

A subconscious is a terrible thing to waste, as plenty of people have learned to their eternal damnation, so I began to think about what my subconscious was trying to impart to me, conscious me, consciously thinking of me.

Hence, the scrambling of brains, which is almost sure to ensue during such an examination. So I can but caution you to make sure you are drinking a cup of coffee and have your ankles crossed when you proceed to such an undertaking.

If you are now thoroughly confused, well you should be, since my subconscious is a place only those with the strongest constitutions should venture into without fireproof clothing at a minimum.

So the Autobiography of a Yogi is what is known as a “spiritual classic” detailing the life and journey of Paramahansa Yogananda and his adventures in God-realization. Without going into any detail, one can know that Eastern religious traditions are very big on the idea of discarding the emotional ties to the here and now in favor of joining with the Oneness of God, however that is defined. In other words, one avoids emotional elements such as hatred, sadness, fear, worry, and so forth, and recognizes that “good” emotions are also to be kept in context, i.e., temporary and arbitrary.

These ideas are not unknown in the Western world either of course. Plenty of Christian saints did in fact testify to the “emptying of self” as the means of joining with God. Meditation, often called centering prayer, attempts to do this in much the same way that Eastern meditation does, most often by concentration on the breath and a cessation of “thinking” in the normal sense.

I finally broke down and ordered Jonathan Haidt’s latest book, The Righteous Mind. A social psychologist, Professor Haidt got interested in why we remain such a divided people and discovered some rather amazing things along the way. Basically he determined that the human mind is not a logic center, nor is it dedicated to the pursuit of ultimate truth. This holds true, by the way, whether one is above average in IQ or highly educated. We are essentially creatures of intuition. We make “gut” decisions constantly, and use our brains to justify those decisions to others, and of course ourselves. We all like to think we are smart.

To a fairly equal degree, liberals and conservatives, deciding on little information, decide what we want to be true, and then assimilate to a greater or lesser degree, the evidence to support that conclusion. This is not to say that the rational brain can’t change our mind, or that others can’t either, but it is damn hard to accomplish and works only under similarly arbitrary circumstances; liking the bearer of different news encourages us to accept it for instance.

We all know this to a degree. It is the basis of Madison Avenue. Humans are malleable creatures given to emotional whim. The Republican Party became expert at this sort of thing. Here’s an example:

1. The Democrats’ solution to the problem is more taxes.
2. The Democratic solution to the problem is more taxes.
3. The Democrat solution to the problem is more taxes.

Which of these sounds “better” to you. More fair? More pejorative? Which one makes you uneasy, or uncharitable?

The word Democrat, used as a singular word for a group, sounds harsh, and emphasizes the harsh T sound and also emphasizes “rat”.  The Democrats’ solution, sounds normal, and proper plural for a group position. Democratic, sounds, of course “fair”. The GOP has schooled itself into using number three as its normal course of speech, because they know how it affects the subliminal mind. Pure marketing trick.

The book about Paramahansa Yogananda is soothing and joyful. It is amazing to look at a culture who take “miracles” for granted, and boldly claim that Yogis commonly read minds, can see the future, cure illness, and can affect the material world as easily as breathing. They defy gravity, make things appear and disappear, and all manner of things that the Western mind does not see as possible certainly today.

It’s hard not to conclude that such a life, devoid of pesky human emotions, especially those that inhibit us is bad. It’s so good. Material desires vanish, as do worries and concerns about our lives. We live in bliss, aware that this life is a vehicle to use, not a destination.

The other, informs me, much to my dismay, that I am not a rational creature, motivated by a desire for truth, but rather, just a step above the average animal to which I am related–making a snap judgment–go toward it, back away–and only having the added ability to “justify” my choice to others. How depressing is that?

I’m not sure where all this leads. I’m just relating the strangeness of these two ways of looking at the human mind. It’s all quite scrambled to me at the moment. It suggests however, that if you are a multiple reader, you might from time to time, ask yourself–what is my subconscious mind asking me to address?

Mine has something in mind about my wandering in the desert–I’m searching for some meaning no doubt, some oasis of security. Or maybe I’m just weird.

Weigh in. If you dare. If you can make heads or tails of all this.

Related articles

• How to Develop Inner Certainty (meboucherblog.wordpress.com)
• Your Mind Utilizes the Placebo Effect (meboucherblog.wordpress.com)
• Scientists identify emotions based on brain activity (scooprocket.com)
• Overcoming Your Negativity Bias (dealbook.nytimes.com)
• The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion ~ Jonathan Haidt [updated May 28, 2013] (planetizen1network.wordpress.com)

Don’t Steel This Idea! Or Steal it Either

Tags

Humor, tea party, teabagger

Okay, so I was thinking yesterday. This is not unusual with me, I usually do. Remember that episode of Star Trek where the machine sucked out your thoughts? And with nothing to think about the poor soul in the machine did not reach the state of Nirvana in perfect communion with God, but rather died from lack of anything to do?  You remember right?

See, this really produced a conflict with me. I understand that perfect meditation requires an “emptying of the mind” yet, Star Trek in Daggers of the Mind informs me that it can cause death. So, I have always decided to err on the side of keeping my mind active rather than tempt God to just say, “nothing going on in there” and pull the plug.

Which then raises the second quandary for me. I know a ton of people with “nothing going on in there” and they seem to still VOTE and worse yet, LEGISLATE.

So I have no idea which is true.

So I was thinking, as I said.

And I got this perfect idea. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t exactly my idea, but I don’t know who Theor27 is so it might as well be my idea, since anybody who goes by the screen name Theor27 probably doesn’t have the connections I have to promote this idea properly, and anyway Theor27 just sorta mentioned it, and didn’t flesh it out like I have, and that has to count for something, right? I mean I respect  work product and all that, but I’m pretty sure if you sort through my massive subconscious, you would find this idea there, and that’s pretty close to be an original idea” don’t you think? Do you have any idea how many recipes I see that are exact, I mean down to every word that don’t mention that they got the idea from somebody else, but rather pass it off as their own. Doesn’t everybody start off their brownie recipe with “best darn brownies this side of Saturn”?

So given that good old Theor27 probably will never know, I’m claiming this idea in full as my own. Since I fleshed it out, as I said.

So, I’m thinking along the lines of a Sim city interface, or perhaps a board game. Or perhaps something more along the “miniature” railroad thing. You know what I mean surely. The old guy down the block whose entire basement is a little town with a railroad that runs all around, with miniature trees and overpasses and, even a lake? THAT guy? Or the lady who every Christmas turns her spare bedroom into a village with cotton ball “snow” and a post office, and carolers and little painted houses with little tiny lights inside? You know, THAT lady?

So this will be called: Tea Party Town. And you can make it up as you like. You see?

I’m just letting my mind flow here guys.

You could have like a “lake of fire” and a big old hand that you could automate to let go of little liberal action figures and drop them into it. It would be God (the hand that is) dropping the bad bad liberals into the lake of eternal damnation for all the things they want to do, like be communists or fascists (since tea baggers generally don’t know the difference) or being for “choice” or for Obamacare, or for wanting to “redistribute the wealth”. You know, whatever dumb thing teabaggers dream up for killin’ and condemning for all time anybody not like them.

There could be a big museum and out front Jesus could be sitting atop a big old Brontosaurus teaching the flock.

How cool would that be? All the people could be wearing little tri-corner hats with little teabags hanging from them.

Everybody would be white of course.

Except for the grounds keepers, and the maids, and the bus drivers.

 

 

 

 

So, that takes care of some of the bigger plans for our Tea Party village.

But no such place would be really “home” if it didn’t have some actual Tea Party homes.

So you could, you know, fashion the decor as it suits your version of Tea Party heaven.

Of course you should have Sarah greeting all the visitors to the neighborhood.

I mean she fits in here so well doncha think?

I big ol’ happy smile on her perky face.

Welcoming all you nice tea party friends, and makin’ sure as you drive by that you are the right complexion.

Pick up a bible as you enter, so you’ll be sure to know how to act now!

As you enter, don’t forget to notice how nice everything is, all the same. Nobody here likes to be “different” because God doesn’t like different. It says so, somewhere in the Good Book.  Or is certainly implied if you get my drift.

But for sure, in your village of Tea Baggerdom, don’t forget the most important place of all.

Or not.

It really depends.

Some tea baggers don’t cotton to no formalized church you know. They found that it in the bible too. Anybody can just read “God’s word”. Long as it’s the King James Version that is. The rest are just Satanic verse, to pun.

Don’t listen to no word of men, they say. God said it, ‘nuf said.

Or not.

If you are one of them churched teabaggers, then you probably should have one of these:

The Mega Church solves all your problems, and meets all your needs. From indoctrinating the lit’lins into proper creationist, flatlander, young earthiness, to making sure that your will suitably leaves all your money to the church, it’s one for all and all for one.

Common phrases you will hear are:

• Love the sinner, hate the sin.
• God hates sinners.
• God helps those who help themselves.
• If they don’t work, they don’t eat.
• Are you born again?
• Have you confessed Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
• Handups not handouts!
• Fornication is a sin, but God forgives!
• Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!

Don’t forget this important place.

You will be spending a lot of time here, looking, touching, nay caressing the fine barrels of these beautiful killers.

There is no more important Amendment to the constitution (how it wasn’t listed as the first ARTICLE of the constitution beats me, than the 2nd?

SECOND?

You see, this constitution is all F**ked up isn’t it?

I mean I’m sure the Founding Fathers meant:

ARTICLE I: We are a Christian nation!

ARTICLE II: God wants us to use guns to enforce that!

All the rest is mere filler.

 

A little humor in your Tea Party village is always good.

For she is NOT A WITCH.

She said so.

Witches cannot lie. That is a lie.

That’s a whole ‘nother Star Trek show.

I don’t want to go there.

Christine O’Donnell made my head hurt.

Does this mean that somebody has beat me to the punch?

All this work?

And somebody has already got a Sim’s Tea Park?

I am crestfallen.

Nay I am deeply chagrined.

Nay, I am pissed.

This was MY IDEA.

I was gonna make a billion bucks off this. Hasbro on speed dial. Gates wanted it as a Microsoft Windows standard game. I just know it.

Sigh………..

I suppose you expect me to do something productive now?

And I had the decor all picked out in my Hawaiian beach house. I did. Really. No I did.

 

And the Nominee for STUPID is. . . .The GOP

Oh my head hurts. I mean seriously people, the list of nominees for MOST STUPID is the most widely contested race of all.

Shall we poll the Internet denizens?

Here are some of the nominees. Feel free to add any you can think of. The winner will receive a dead fish wrapped in the NYTimes, delivered by a pony express rider wearing a Dior gown of sparkling crystals.

1. Proving that he can’t read, Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin says he will sign a new bill requiring an ultrasound of any pregnant woman seeking an abortion. Having learned nothing from what happened in Virginia when Governor McDonnell also planned to sign the same sort of thing, Walker announces that “I don’t have any problem with ultrasound”. No I guess HE doesn’t. But perhaps if it were required that all men who decide to treat women like children and tell them what to do with their own bodies, should undergo a lobotomy, he might, just might, change his tune. But then again, maybe not.

2. Arizona House Representative, Trent Franks resurrected the old “rape victims block the pregnancy” argument of Todd Akin, stating the “incidence of pregnancy following rape is very low.”  This was in support of a bill introduced by Franks making abortion illegal after 20 weeks. Democrats had introduced an amendment making an exception for rape and incest. It appears that Republican man are raised to believe that they are doctors by osmosis. It’s a male thing.

3. So utterly against any immigration bill are some Republicans that they don’t even want to debate the issue. The reasons are obvious. The final bill may well pass the Senate, and then it’s on the House where Boehner will wring his hands and insist that he’s only there to help the House speak it’s will. The likes of Steve King and Louis Gohmert and Steve Stockton, will provide the show there. For now this group joins in a team effort to win the golden smelly carp award: Sens. John Barrasso (Wyo.), John Boozman (Ark.), Mike Crapo (Idaho), Ted Cruz (Tex.), Mike Enzi (Wyo.), Charles E. Grassley (Iowa), James Inhofe (Okla.), Mark Kirk (Ill.), Mike Lee (Utah), James Risch (Idaho), Pat Roberts (Kan.), Tim Scott (S.C.), Jeff Sessions (Ala.), Richard Shelby (Ala.) and David Vitter (La.). A finer band of brothers in stupid cannot be found.

4. Virginia Lieutenant Governor nominee, E. W. Jackson wrote a book, and published it. It is called The Ten Commandments to an Extraordinary Life. Trouble is, he misspelled Commandments to Comandments in the title. Then he said that yoga would lead to satanic possession.

5. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) is somebody you probably never heard of. I suspect you can continue to not hear of him. He took to the floor last week in the House and ranted on about how the President was “a vengeful liar who lacks the moral compass” to lead the nation. He likened himself to Patrick Henry. He thinks he did a good job. Trouble is, I guess he forgets that the polls suggests he may be the one without a moral compass. It’s improper to cast such vitriol on the House floor. But alas it’s nothing new for the crazy crew. And by the by, all his reasoning was based on factual untruths. ALL of them. So I guess he’s intellectually impaired on top of being a flagrant abuser of the mouth.

6. Darrell Issa claimed through selected editing of testimony, that the order to select “conservative” applications for tax-exempt status came “from Washington”. He promised that the full transcripts would be released shortly. Of course the full transcripts said just about the opposite. The person who has owned up to the screening methodology, describes himself as a Conservative Republican and says he doesn’t believe there was any political motivation in the process, but merely a method to extract those applications that would undoubtedly necessitate deeper analysis. Issa now claims that release of the full transcripts would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” He now claims it is Cummings who is the problem.

7. Now I admit, this is not a Republican. But well, we have loved Carl Levin for many years. But we are pretty darn happy he’s decided to retire. He voted to keep the decision-making on rape charges in the hands of command. It was wrong. He sided with the military men. It was wrong. This kind of thing makes no sense on any level. It doesn’t promote cohesion in the ranks. It promotes distrust. Shame on him. And on Clare McCaskill who also voted this way.

So that’s my line up for today.

As I said, please add your favorites.

It’s hard to miss a week without Gohmert being on the list I know.

But he’ll be back in the top ten. He won’t let us down.

So.

Vote.

Vote often.

 

Related articles

• The GOP’s cleansing of its ‘stupid’ wing will never work (deathandtaxesmag.com)
• Ted Cruz and Mike Lee outshine Rand Paul on immigration (powerlineblog.com)
• Sen. Ellis shouts down Dems during ultrasound bill vote, breaks gavel base (host.madison.com)
• At hearing for ATF nominee, more Republican obstruction (afjjusticewatch.blogspot.com)
• GOP wunderkind drives Wisconsin into the ground (dailykos.com)
• MEMO: New GOP Assault on Women’s Health Care is Akin-Like (democrats.org)
• Non-Todd Akin GOP congressman: ‘The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low’ (dailykos.com)
• GOP Sen. Candidate Bashes ‘Moron’ Trent Franks For Rape Remarks: ‘Stupid Has No Specific Affiliation’ (mediaite.com)

 

The Cutlery Wars

Tags

Humor, life in the foothills, New Mexico, The Contrarian

I really need your help.

Seriously.

I trust you.

I am married to the Contrarian, and that places a special burden upon me as a woman, nay, as a human. I am stressed daily, nay, minute by minute with entanglement in a world that is simply not normal.

This is a world where up can sometimes be sideways, and out is almost always inside out. I have adapted over the years, and can carry off this feat quite well now, few strangers would ever guess that my mind is so twisted with incongruity.

So, why I need you?

Well how do you deal with the cutlery wars in your house? I’m utterly stymied by this family dilemma and look as I may, have been unable to find a good self-help book on the subject. I can but assume that there is some childhood training that I totally missed. I’m the only one on the planet who seems unable to fathom how to deal with this obvious problem.

You have no idea what I’m talking about?

Surely you jest.

You seriously don’t?

Ahhh, well it’s not me then?

Let me explain then.

Our happy home is utterly disturbed on a regular basis by the digging about in the drawer reserved for all things called “eating utensils.” I mean digging. As in pushing aside, throwing spoons into the knives, pawing to the bottom, cursing, growling, and pointed periodical statements such as “where are all the decent spoons in this house?”

Let me back up a bit.

I did not learn of this issue during the early time of our courtship. All those e-mails, phone conversations, leading up to our meeting in February of 1999, gave no clue that forks would come to divide us. Even during the whirlwind weeks of co-habiting, nary a clue could be garnered by the romantic food interludes we enjoyed.

As with all secret nut cases, my husband kept all these things hidden until the ring was squarely implanted on the third finger left hand.

And then it began.

The complaints.

The whining.

“Why don’t we have any decent forks?” he mewed.

“These spoons are the wrong shape!” he exclaimed.

I looked at them each time. Fork = longish rod with four tines. Spoon = longish rod with ovalate shape at the end depressed in the middle for holding liquids.

They seemed fine to me.

But they were not.

No, not by a long shot.

They were “bad” forks and spoons.

Knives, well we don’t even bother with knives. Knives are either sharp or to be tossed. They are either large, or useless. This man takes my biggest chefs knife of some twelve inches to cut a piece of pie. Moreover he doesn’t like knives much. He used to bone hams in a past life, yet he is terrified of them.

“You’re walking!” he screams.

“Yes, I am, I learned that around age one.” I intone.

“You have a knife in your hand–the blade is up. TURN IT DOWN!”, his face turning shades of red I’ve only dreamed of seeing on paint chips.

“Parker, I’m 63 years old. So far I’ve never stabbed myself.”

“THERE’S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME”, he snorts.

But at the table where we consume victuals, he doesn’t have much to say about knives, other than the obvious, “I think we need the steak knives babe, since WE ARE EATING STEAK.” He usually grins broadly following such an exclamation and you can see how proud his mother was when he smiled like that. Time to take the kid off the pot. He’d done his poop.

No, at the table, we reflect on the limitations of our forks and spoons.

And there is no good reason for this.

When we moved from the meadow and I was engaged in the endless task of sorting and packing, I omitted some of the worst offenders from the “stuff going south.” The near round spoon? Out it went. “Ridiculous shape” it was called. “Who can get their mouth around that?” it was taunted.

When we arrived in Las Cruces I planned on a new set of regular stainless steel. We shopped. He picked.

Did you hear me?

HE PICKED.

Has the complaining stopped?

Hell no.

Case in point.

Salad fork.

An innocent piece of cutlery. It sits first in line for forks. To be used for salads, and desserts. Perhaps for appetizers if necessary.

We have some. They come with the “set”.

But the Contrarian cannot use a salad fork.

Why you ask?

Because the handle is too short.

Did you hear that?

THE HANDLE IS TOO SHORT.

That IS what defines it as a salad fork Mr. Contrarian. If the handle were longer it would be a FORK as in DINNER FORK.

“But it makes the food too close to my hand. I don’t like that.” he moans.

How exactly does one answer such a statement?

The soup spoon.

It has a lovely place in the line of cutlery, for using for soup. It allows the slurping of liquids not drunk with enough speed that the entrée doesn’t get cold/burn up awaiting the finishing of the soup course. It is larger than a regular spoon but smaller than a serving spoon.

What’s the matter?

“It’s too large for my mouth!” he laments.

This delicate mouth that I love to kiss is frightened that the one-quarter of an inch increase in width will harm the corners of his delicate lips.

Short of giving this man his food through a feeding tube just what am I to do here?

Signed: desperately seeking food moving tools.

PS: Diego still disdains the use of stainless steel, preferring silver plate or his tongue. I live with a couple of heathens I tell ya!