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warLest you be whistling a happy tune as you prepare for the big present day followed by another binge food extravaganza, well stop that.

We are a country at war.

We like war.

If we don’t have real wars, we make some up.

It makes us feel securely tied to reality to know that we have amassed our troops and are marching to fight the enemy. Them, us,–we like that ying yangy thing. If there is peace popping out somewhere, well stomp it down with a war!

There is no better place to find your fair share of hate mongering animosity than at Fox, that station of the nation with room for one more war if you can’t find one that suits you.

We got your war on Christmas and we make that a very religiousy one. See, there really isn’t a war on Christmas at all. Everybody gets to buy their tree and their trimmings and spend more than they should on crap nobody much needs but likes to have for show and tell–“he went to Jareds!” which means he LOVES me. See how that goes? Nobody is stopping anybody from doing that.

But those who claim exclusive rights to being really really Christian, which kinda means they like the words but not the actions of being a real one, well they want God spread all over everything, so it doesn’t look so dang Pagan to them, which it was before the Christian followers usurped the day for themselves. Got that? so you can put a crèche in your yard or on your mantle, but it doesn’t count unless it’s at the County courthouse, so that PROVES the government is all Christian and not *gasp* something else, or non-committal, or even *shhh* atheistically inclined.

After the holidays, we pack that baby away and don’t bring it out again until next year.

We got your war on drugs. This war has been going on for decades now.

This war has stopped nobody from buying drugs or selling drugs.

It provides a job for a whole bunch of cops and attorneys and judges and court personnel, to say nothing of prisons. It gives most of them their reason for being.

Fox thought that it would be a good idea to announce a war on men. It seemed to fall right in line with the fact that the GOP (grey old POOPS) who are mostly white men, got a really bad kick in the prostate in November. So why not just make men across the board the victims? And non-other than Phyllis Schafley’s niece decided she could (on behalf of white dudes) carry the banner of wicked women and their jaunty breasts who had beaten down the delicate sensibilities of the male animal.

That was more of a laugh than a fact, but Fox don’t ever care no nothin’ about no facts. Never has and never will. It makes a good story and everybody knows that those radical women are really just lezzies anyway. The double-wide boys really like this kind of victim status and their big hair wives and girly friends do too. I’ll drink to that!

Now, if you want are ready for that, you are probably ready to buy that there is a war on Christianity itself. Not just old Christmas time Christianity, but the whole enchilada as we say here in New Mexico. Ya see, it is not nearly enough to be by far the majority in the country. The mean old minority (mostly atheists) keeps secularizing the country against its collective will.

Again, nobody is being stopped from going to church, or teaching your kids that God hates homosexuals and feminists. Nobody is stopping your from standing on the corner and shouting that hell and damnation are coming your way unless you repent. Nobody is bothering you at all if you are Christian, but because after all, part of being Christian is the right and god-given duty to shove your version of it down every throat you come across, you feel rejected when nobody wants to be like you want them to be. Got that?

So, you see HOLLYWOOD and LEFTISTS, and all that entails (which is socialism, fascism, or communism–your choice), is to blame because they don’t live as SOME Christians feel life should be lived.

There is then the war on terror. Which is a heck of a thing, since I have yet to see a rifle take out an idea at 200 yards. Terror being an IDEA rather than a person (unless you are the above stated Christian of a certain type, then Terror is anything Muslim).

We fight the war on terror mostly with drones, instead of with shovels and bulldozers. We don’t engage in IDEA sharing, we threaten annihilation to those who we perceive believe the wrong things.

The war on terror will continue for the foreseeable future. We will never win it, because that would mean we wouldn’t have any place to spend our money which is now devoted to military hardware, and of course the necessary spy business.

The is a war on poverty, but everybody gave up on that a long time ago. In fact the religious right smugly reminds us that Jesus said that a little bit of poverty is the norm, and we should let good Christians prove they are good Christians by allowing the poor to be “helped” now and again by these good Christians. But poverty should never be taken care of by the government because that is cheating, and unfair. And after all, survival goes to the fittest! but not the point that I came from no monkey. Now, that is tooo far.

There is a war of class, which is perpetrated by the leftist commies in this country who want to take everything I have so they can have it instead. They are just lazy. One side wants to end this war by making everyone have an equal chance at success and guaranteeing a minimum standard for every human. The other side wants to fight in this war to preserve their right to be declared “better than you at least.”

There is a war against women, which isn’t really a war at all according to Fox, but only the natural caring loving nurturing need of men to care for their women folk who are a bit too soft in the head to care for themselves. They are prone to sleepin’ around if not controlled, and a man needs to know that his kids are well, HIS. So we gotta control women when they aren’t in eye-shot.

There is a war on marriage, which everyone knows is soo damn successful that everyone is doing it multiple times. And everyone knows that if more people do it, in the wrong combinations of genders, then, well heck, it’s a worthless thing. You do understand THAT surely.

There are lots more wars, but I’m in need of some R & R about now, before I return to the front lines.

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