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Thank the Lord and pass the peas for Fox News.

Yes you heard me righty-tighty there listening audience.

I mean I coulda spent seconds if not eons trying to figure out what in the hell was wrong with little ol’ me, when all I had to do was ask one of the “expert” ladies on that fair and balanced bastion of true journalism.

Of what was I wronged up about? Why my whole persona as a female person. You see, I am irritating and unappealing to men. Now if your first thought is, whoa, even unpretty ladies snag a man pretty easily since there are plenty (look around) of butt-ugly males traipsing around the parking lots of most any shopping area, some of them nearly dragging their knuckles if you look closely enough.

You see, as I, representing the female persuasion have had the gall to get an education and seek employment at *gasp* equal wages, I have become threatening to poor males who define themselves by the cut of their professional skills vis-a-vis all the other peacocks in the building. Job titles and how many zeros are on the check count as male self-esteem you see, and when WOMEN compete against them, the poor dears just fall apart and have no basis to judge their value as human beings.

So they use us wimmen for sex and say NO WAY when it comes to marriage. Cuz who needs to buy the cow when you get the moo juice for free as they say. Yep, you see it makes men all gooey and caring inside when they have a sweet lil’ thing to take care of (read boss around and dominate), bless their testosterone laden hearts.

In a nutshell, we ain’t women any more, just penis-less men, eunuchs if you will. Ah, now I can finally sleep at night knowing it’s all my fault when men act badly. It’s because I drive them too it. Heck, ask any woman beater, and he will surely agree–she drove him to it. If she would just be quiet, keep the house clean, his shirts ironed in that special way he likes, await him with red lingerie every evening, keep her figure after three kids, agree with everything he wants to buy, everywhere he wants to go, and well just everything, he wouldn’t get so mad he had to hit something. It was just her jaw got in the way of his fist when he was “needing to unwind” from all that ass kissing at work he has to do in order to get points with the boss and therefore get that promotion, which of course he does for the “little woman” in the first place, and there she goes having an actual opinion about something that is different from his, and, well you can see why it’s ALL HER FAULT.

Some smart lady by the name of Suzanne Venker explained it all here. I mean she’s written three books on subjects sorta like this after all, and everyone knows if you write books you must be smart, like David Barton is a freakin’ genius about American history since he has written a whole LOT of books on the subject, and all those televangelicals are always writing books about what God wants me to do about everything, and they are hardly ever wrong, except when your hearing is impaired like Pat Robertson who said God told him that Romney would win, but he was wrong, because he’s getting old and his misunderstood what God said cause his hearing aid wasn’t turned up high enough, and well you can’t fault him for THAT.

See Suzanna said I’m angry and defensive and I think men are the enemy cause that bitch Gloria Steinem taught me that crap, and I have kicked men off their pedestals which everyone knows is a very bad thing to do, since it’s really helpful to a healthy relationship to adore and objectify humans as super human and not  human at all, but more like gods. And worst of all, men are to blame no matter what the issue and so men just feel sad and aren’t going to marry women any more.

I mean what man cares about making something of himself for HIMSELF for goodness sake. They only do it for women, and when women piss them off instead of appreciating how hard they work to be cocksure about everything, well, they say, enough is enough. Ya see, this is all genetic. It’s in the genes baby. A man’s DNA demands that he be the breadwinner and the woman be the “little woman” in her June Cleaver dress and pearls with those two-inch pumps clicking along that vinyl kitchen floor as she smiles her way through the oven cleaning and scrubbing those toilets.

Civilization is at stake here people–I mean women. Listen up girls, life as we know it demands we give up our brains and pick up those dusters! Evolution is at stake which is funny as hell when you think about it because the women that listen most carefully to Suzanne’s blatherings are those who are very damn sure that there is no such thing as evolutionary theory worth a good god damn anyway. Genesis says it all.

So, well, I’m re-evaluating my life I can sure tell ya.

Thanks Suzanne, you are my new BFF and I am going out to get all your books, that is if my hubby approves.