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Seriously.

It’s a design flaw.

I intend to take it up with God the very moment I arrive.

The male pleasure stick needs to be out there visible to all.

It’s the only way we can be sure.

Sure of what?

That should be obvious.

Sure that they are not living up to their name sake when making any decision.

Think how simple it would be to avoid all this costly and embarrassing crap.

You see a guy with an erection, and you automatically remove all sharp objects from his vicinity. You refuse to allow him to make even the most basic of decisions without assistance from at least a thirteen-year-old. You take away his keys, his credit cards, his phone and his computer. You can let him watch old re-runs of the Beverly Hillbillies if you wish, that might even calm him down, although a man in the throes of a stiffy would probably get overly excited by Grannie.

When his dick is hanging down tickling his nose, well you know it’s safe to place him in control of such things as he is otherwise suited to by education and experience.  Such an easy system don’t you think?

WHAT THE HELL WAS DAVID PETRAEUS THINKING??????

I mean this is a 4-star general. Does that mean he is even modestly intelligent?

He has retired from service and taken the job that he says he craved to hold.

He has been married for eons.

He is getting up there in age when men start to appreciate steady, uneventful, calm, normal marriage, without bar-clearing fights and temper tantrums that result in credit card max-outs.

A little fluff of a nobody, with some seriously apparent psychological flaws, bats her eyes, and the General came to attention. And apparently stayed at attention, while his brain went into a coma. We would have known. We could have saved his career, and saved his wife all this unnecessary and awful publicity and public display.

This is not something new.

The Republican party, bastion of “family values” for everyone but themselves, regularly finds one of its members embracing somebody not their wife, sometimes even with pictures to seal the deal. I mean doesn’t it serve all of us to avoid this crap? Do we not have serious things to do in this country without the diversions of personal “oops I donked the wrong woman by mistake”?

Believe me I recognize that men are weak. Women are often able to forgive if not forget their man’s inability to keep it in his pants whenever a biologically identified female comes within one hundred feet, but can’t we at least minimize the damage these snatchers of free-hanging fruit do?

This is akin to a person confronted with heroin and thinking, “nah, I can handle it. I won’t get hooked. I’m smarter than the average duck.” Do all men think they can “get away with it?”

Is there a secret website that men go to wherein they can read stories of how other men “got away with it”? Are they encouraged by some statistics women are unaware of that informs them that 97% of all men who are unfaithful are never caught? Are we women being bamboozled day and night by our supposedly faithful spouses? Does the Contrarian have a squeeze on Aisle 27 at Lowe’s that he stoops a couple of times a month in what must be the definition of a quickie?

I only ask because any MORON with the IQ of over 12 and 1/2 would know that the head of the CIA cannot get it on with some “biographer” who had her own high level clearance, and obviously KNEW a lot of folks in the ARMY, and was on TALK SHOWS and was traveling in HIGH CIRCLES, and sending e-mails to HIM, without it getting out of the bag at SOMETIME, probably sooner rather than later.

I mean how likely was it to remain just their little tryst?

How likely?

About the chances Nate Silver gave Romney to win–9% or so.

I know this is hard to accept gentlemen, but it’s true. If you are at full-mast right now, I’m quite sure you cannot make sense of this, but save it until you are brushing little willie out of your eyes, and read it again. It will make more sense then.

IF YOU DO THE NASTY WITH SOMEONE NOT YOUR WIFE YOU ARE HIGHLY AND MOST LIKELY GOING TO GET CAUGHT.

So, if that doesn’t matter, then by all means have at it, but you probably are in the midst of a divorce in that case anyway. Otherwise–DON’T DO IT.

Got that?

Print this out, fold it up, put it in your wallet, and read it whenever willie starts to stir.

Got that?

Okay.

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