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We been doin’ this all wrong folks. Dumb us! Us wimmin’ been confused once again, showin’ the need for that fine masculine hand to show us the way.

We been going to MEDICAL doctors for health advice. Stupid us, when all the time it’s the CongressMEN of America we should be asking to ‘splain to us what ails us and what’s the cure.

You all remember how Todd Akin informed us that if we were “really” raped, than we would produce some mooby-dooby juice that would kill that durn sperm in their wiggly tracks and leave us pregnancy free. Remember that?

And him? He was a salesman and then a steel executive in the family business. But he didn’t get his medical smarts there–no he got it when he got to Congress. It was right there in the “freshman packet of how to be a Congressman” handed out to him and all the new Congressmen by the House page. Chapter 394, entitled: Your New Medical Degree, explains in only 12 pages all the medical stuff a Congressman needs to know in order to pontificate on women’s naughty parts, which is all the Congress ever investigates or legislates about if you are of the Republican flavor.

Iffin’ you don’t believe me, I give you case in point number two. We just adore Joe Walsh from Illinois. He’s a favorite of ours because he says such silly things. We thought he was such a jerk, but heck, we were wrong. Now that we have found our right binder to live in, we realize that he too “had our back” all the time.

Joe, who dabbled in theatre, and then went on to social work and teaching history (can you just imagine how many people want to erase that thought from their noggins?), went on to Congress and he too got his How to be a Congressman packet and it too contained his Medical Degree.

He explained to us slow learners (women of Merika, that be you!), that we can’t have no abortion for any reason what-so-ever! No, he is not one of those avoidance  types who throws up his hands and says, “let God decide”, cause it would seem to me that iffin’ it’s actually God’s will that I be raped, and then I develop some sort of dangerous condition that threatens to kill me if I carry this fetus to term? If that happens, I guess you could argue that God will decide how it all turns out, much like those folks who don’t allow blood transfusions and just pray, because that is the Godly way of doing it, right?

Well, no. Joe, see he is a medical doctor (and not just posing as one as did Robert Young, who was constantly asked medical advice by the way, which he dutifully deflected with the statement, “I’m not really a doctor, I just play one on TV). Where was I?

Oh, yes, Joe, and his medical advice.

He says, Joe that is, that there is no such thing as a need for abortion to “save the life of the mother,” since his twelve pages of Medical mumbo jumbo included the fact that given the world’s state of technology and science, there ain’t nothing they can’t fix! Nope, nothing at all that they can’t spray, operate on, medicate, x-ray, irradiate, fumigate, cut off, sew-up, or chant over and fix.

Joe says that either that is what he read, or it was about how to change a tire in the Congressional parking garage. One or the other, but heck, it’s close enough.

In either case, us silly wimmin’ are suitably informed now, and we can just stop worrying our pretty little heads about the “dangers” of pregnancy.

Joe believes everyone lives forever of course, since technology and science must have solved all the other diseases too. He says Arlen Specter and all the rest of the folks you think are dead? why they are just hanging out in the Cayman Islands where they work as money counters keeping the tabs on Romney’s millions.

Boy, the things we girls just don’t understand.