12 | October | 2012 | Existential Ennui

Tags

Humor, satire, stupid people and their stupid statements

Don’t worry about not being good young man, worry about not being STOOPID.

Because the dang world is just chock full of STOOPID and it seems like there are more every day.

So listen up, and see how you measure up alongside the STOOPIDEST things I’ve read in the last twenty-four hours.

First up is our very own, self-styled women’s gynecologist, one Todd Akin, dunce who is running to be a Senator mind you from the fairly mindless state of Missouri.

Not having enough to keep him busy worry about lady parts, he’s taken to pondering about the universe and has concluded after about three seconds of actual thought (much of that intertwined with his hot thoughts about said lady parts:

Well, I’ve taken a look at both sides of the thing. And it seems to me that evolution takes a tremendous amount of faith. To have all of a sudden all of the different things that have to be lined up, to create something as sophisticated as life, it takes a lot of faith. I don’t see it as even as a matter of science, because I don’t know if you can prove one or the other.”

Todd it takes a tremendous amount of faith to remember that somewhere in your body is a single strand of DNA that still qualifies you as one step up from an ape. Make that a half-step, evolutionarily speaking.

Things are worse, if that is possible, in Tennessee. There Republican Scott DesJarlais has a problem. He is an avowed pro-life candidate for Congress. It’s been learned that some few years ago, Scotty had an affair with one of his patients (he’s a medical doctor if you can believe that), and she got pregnant. He of course did the Republican thing–he pushed her into getting an abortion. Asked about how he reconciles this with his “pro-life” stance:

“Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago.”

What is desperate about exposing a LIAR I ask? Beware, Scotty lives in Jasper, TN. Avoid, avoid, avoid. It is the center of a black hole.

A fool by the name of Colin Gunn reminds us all why it’s so important to home school your precious children. You see, the state is just like Nazi Germany, determined to ruin those delicate minds with idolatry to the state:

The nature of the public schools is it allows your child to be subject to those philosophies, whether it is gay rights or the progressives or evolution, if you send your child there be aware that he’s open to all of those views which he wouldn’t be if you kept him home or you put him in a private school.

That’s right, keep them at home and teach them to read the Bible as science and make jokes about global warming, right up until the water rises over the doorstep. Stupid progressives, how dare they enlarge the compendium of human knowledge!

Meanwhile our STOOPID nearly award-winning David Barton, wannabe historian and apparent wannabe medical genius, says that if we would only read the bible, we could get rid of lots of diseases and pesky problems.

And I’ll make a speculation on this because I think the Bible is always right on science and science eventually does catch up, we’re going to find out salt is not that bad a deal for you. There’s a reason Jesus made salt a good thing, that we are the salt, we are the light, we’re the preservative. Now anything taken too much is going to be a problem, but I have seen in the last two weeks new studies coming out saying well, it turns out salt is not as bad as we thought it was.

Eat salt by the bucket David, oh please do, and wash it down with a few pounds of sugar. And hey, just shut up will ya?

Rush, oh dear Rush, you devil you. Fact never evolved to a reality-based conclusion to you ever did it? Once again, Rush rushes into the breech and reminds us that the leftist Liberals who actually caught Bin Laden, would have made a deal with him. I guess the deal was to he was to sleep with the fishes instead of being paraded to Rome in chains.

If it were up to you people, we wouldn’t exist as a country today. You would have given in to the Soviets long ago, you would have appeased the Soviet communists. You would appease Iran right now. You probably wouldn’t have cared about the war on terror or the bombing on 9-11. You would have sought out bin Laden and tried to make a deal with him, and this country exists today only because we have been able to prevent you from gaining power to do that kind of thing. We’ve had our run-ins with Neville Chamberlain types, and you’re the modern incarnation.

Oh Rush I do believe the last synapse has fired and the interior of your brain is a vast wasteland of smoking brimstone. Alas poor Rush, we hardly knew ya. Or knew ya too much. Icky dude, you are simply icky.

Sweet dreams readers, aware but once again that you are not STOOPID by comparison. You are brilliant!