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Wanna go ride on my yacht?

Well, I do try.

I got to thinking this morning, “Sherry, old girl, just what have you learned this week?” And I said, wow, when you think about it, I learned a real lot.

And it would be simply wrong if you wasted your time searching out all this stuff on your own. We should work together, you know what I mean? So, here, nice and suck-cint, you can get all my know-it-all-ledge fer free.

So, without further ado (whatever ado is–a challenge for you!), let me get right to it.

First of all, I was pissed. I was really p.o.’d to learn that I was wasting all my youthful years counting pills and trying to remember to take one every day, except the seven days I wasn’t supposed to, and screwin’ it up half the time and then worryin’ about whether I was gonna get “that time of the month” or not. ‘

All I had to do, was get some damn aspirin.

I am thinkin’ about suing my gynecologist, if he is still alive.

Second, I learned (I’m slow, what can I say) that the Republican party is pretty much criminally perverted. Those white boys (most of  ’em are you know) have an inordinate interest in my ‘gina. The Virginie (Virgin get it? how freakin’ ironic is that?) Governor, whom some say wants to be Willard’s VEEP, should Willard EEP over Rut-roh Ricky, is poised to sign a bill that REQUIRES any “with child” female to have her lady parts probed by some instrument just to remind her that indeed she is preggers.

Now, besides being a sick invasion of my right to keep my legs together when I want to, it’s all the more evidence that these loonies don’t get any (men call it nookie) at home, or what they do get is of such poor quality that they obsess about it 24/7.

If you didn’t hear, Mr. Issa, (a busybody if there ever was one) had a hearing yesterday about ladies SEX-UAL rights, and the whole discussion was between a bunch of guys (what’s new about that I ask ya), and some of ’em even swear (which is only a promise to do their very best after all) off wimmen all together, but seem to know best what we should or shouldn’t do with our junk, if women’s ladies parts can be called junk, like guys boy parts are now called junk. Or is women’s junk only in the trunk? I get confused.

And I guess that when you swear to be a Republican, you are injected with some stupid ink, because even Scott Brown, the upset Massachewwww-sets Senator, who is trying to stave off that nice Elizabeth Warren, signed on to a  bill that would allow any business owner of ANYTHING the right to deny contraceptive coverage or any other health coverage that “violated his religious beliefs.”  Has he lost his mind?

I mean, there are some freakin’ idiotic religions out there, (and I don’t judge mind ya) but I sure don’t like the idea that some person can decide not to fund cancer care because God punishes people for not trusting in prayer and braying at the moon at 11 pm each night for a fortnight, all the while flipping a cold pancake in a skillet. (Trust me, if you look hard enough you will find such a religion.)

Well, are we only at three? Thirdly I learned that Neil Degrasse Tyson has gotta resign as a astrophysicist. This according to the Daily Show’s, Larry Wilmore. You see, Dr. Tyson is an African-American, and in a field of endeavor that is usually reserved for Asians (Michio Kaku, duh). By entering said field, he has upset the balance of the universe, which is why this kid Jeremy Lin has become this phenom in basketball, the unquestioned domain of the African-American world. So the universe demands a-righting. Certainly this makes sense.

Fourthly, I learned that a ton of folks who come to this blog come looking for themselves. This is proven by the following search terms that continue to lead:

  • Your an idiot
  • evolution jokes
  • I’m stupid
  • Elmer fudd

Now, I’m also, apparently a good place to learn about monkeys. Search terms “funny monkey weed in mouth,” and “monkeys having sex” are big here as well.

I am not sure what is going on with “vineyard bible” but I guess a lot of people find God in by imbibing wine.

I’m similarly confused about what “picture drowning in paper” is all about, but I suppose it relates to the fact that I continue to attract people not quite right in the head. Either that or Salvador Dali is alive and seeking inspiration.

Johnny Depp continues to be the most sought after search term. That just makes me smile. I wonder if he reads this. If so, I love you Mr. Depp, most respectfully of course. Of course.

Fifthly, or thereabouts, Willard said that the trees in Michigan are “just right”, as in height. I didn’t know that Michigan’s trees were different in height than say those in Maine or New Jersey, or even in tight-assed South Carolina. But he said he liked the height of the trees, and then went on to say that he loved the “lakes”. Not just the “great lakes” he assured, but all the other little lakes all over. And the cars, by God he loves the cars. He mentions Mustang a lot. If he can mention ten “facts” about Michigan, it means he’s connected to the state and you should vote for him. I guess that’s what it means.

Willard has an ad of him and his papa lookin’ out over something, except that it is not a scene from Michigan at all, but of some world’s fair, somewhere else. And the car that is featured is a Chrysler, and his dad ran GM which is not the same.

Willard is mixed up–a lot. I learned that real good. And he is trying to hard. It’s embarrassing. Really.

I’m wondering. Does the Mormon church teach that anyone who is President of the US get some special job in heaven? Willard seems so desperate.

Just sayin’.

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