Oh to Be Entitled

Tags

Barack Obama, birthers, GOP, right-wing nut cases, social security, teabaggers

That’s me, seventeenth from the left.

I think the sign I’m supposed to wear in public is coming in the mail.

I am officially “sucking on the government tit” or Entittlement as you prefer.

Not quite actually, since my bottle won’t be officially tipped to me until June 3, 2012, but the paperwork is completed.

I’m a taker according to Mr. Paul Ryan. A user and abuser of all the fine citizens who pay taxes and thus pay my way.

I feel so ashamed ya know, having worked for a living and contributing to that fund. But that was for others. I did that out of the largess of my big heart. The hearts of the TeaMob®? Their hearts be hard and cold as stone. They are offended. They insist that the Government should keep it’s hands off their social security and medicare and Medicaid, all the while, they should end mine. Just cuz I guess. Just cuz they are so stupid they can’t reason beyond what it takes to tie their shoes.

Anyway, if you are offended in reading a blog by a woman who is about to bleed you dry with her monthly gov’ment check, then I say adios amigos!

¶

If you have been reading the comments on the humor post on Michigan, you know we gots us a troll. He’s a Yooper. His spellin’ is a bit off, and he’s a mean little fart. He’s one that doesn’t want any of them social programs in “his America”. He’s proudly voting for Dr. Paul, you know the racist who wants to end all government programs because after all, “we are not our brother’s keeper” or our sister’s either. At least the government has no responsibility in its compact with citizens to ensure they get basic needs met. While I applaud, Paul’s take on our war policy to a degree, I’m not especially likin’ his rather draconian social policy, which is “don’t care, keep it out of my yard, not my problem.”

¶

The Michigan primary is over. And The Willard managed to claim a victory. Santorum managed to sound like he won. And the beat goes on. Newt will be claiming he’s the “only real” opposition now. The GOP continues to whimper. Talk about inability to make a decision! At least the Death Star CChristie is not being wheeled forth by a tractor to protest once again that he can’t be enticed to bite the apple. He knows its poison.

¶

John Boehner got in front of some microphones yesterday. He said something. He yelled, all the while nearly unable to keep from grinning. It’s a farce. They don’t bother to even hide it any more.

¶

I bet you can’t wait. For what? I can’t wait for Johnny Depp to call, but that’s something else entirely. No, I mean Sheriff Joe Arpaio. He is coming out tomorrow with his findings on his very thorough, completely unbiased, investigation of the birth of one Barack Hussein Obama. He figures the President will be most appreciative.

Meanwhile, some man whose ass grew out of his shoulders and was  mistaken for a head, has filed suit claiming that the President is not the President, because as we all know, NO NEGRO can ever be a citizen. You can take it from there.  Ms. Douchey has a fine response to that little lawsuit. The wiz kid is  Gordon Warren Epperly. So it’s best not to name your kid Gordon, since it means ASS in all languages. David Barton put in a call, and asked him to teach at his new Internetional College of Dunces. (I can’t verify this last, but statistical analysis says its 77% likely to be true.)

¶

Gota love Olympia Snowe. A rational Republican (a dying breed), has said enough is enough. Threatened, though not seriously in danger, by TeaMob® primary threats, Ms. Snowe retired and stuck a very pointed high heel up the butt of the Republican leadership, making it abundantly clear that the politics of ideology was wearing thin with her. Undoubtedly she has felt a bit guilty at having to bow to the extremist right as of late. She had the grace to bow out and screw the crazies at the same time. The Democrats have a real chance now to win that seat and retain control of the Senate.

¶

 Lots of folks are coming out to discuss the death throes of the GOP. Now I don’t call ’em early, and I’m not predicting a thing. But the GOP is a dead duck, as we know it. It will either purge itself of the infection know as the TeaMob® or it will become a strange 25% party of economic knownothings + haters of anything not white. Watching this play out is utterly fascinating. Maureen Dowd has a nice piece on this “Greek Tragedy.” Jonathan Chait also wrote a piece in the New York Magazine. And so did John Heilemann.

¶

Meanwhile The Willard continues to do the usual GOP things–assume there is no video tape of years past, and that everyone is dumber than he is. After telling us that Ann drives a “couple of Cadillacs” and that he’s not as avid a fan of NASCAR as some, but he has some good friends “who are NASCAR team owners”, he then went on inexplicably to tell us how his daddy was in the 50 year jubilee of the automobile, and he was “around four” and he remembers Woodward Avenue being painted gold and the parade, and the floats. Except that he was still nine months away from being born. Makes you wanna run out and get some of those “lullabies for in utero” don’t it?

Well, you also remember he said that he was not prepared to “light his hair on fire to please the base” (read I’m not prepared to say insane things which you idiots believe). Well then he called Santorum a player of dirty tricks for running robo calls urging Democrats to cross over and vote for him to send Willard a message. Willard said this was foul, dirty, below the belt, evil and all manner of wrong.

Yeah. Except that Jon Stewart found the tape wherein The Willard BRAGGED about crossing over in Massachusetts to vote for the weakest candidate in a Democratic field as a way to enhance the chances of Republicans  winning the general. Yeah, dirty, foul, below the belt, evil, and all manner of wrong there Willard. But ya did it anyway didn’t ya? Because in the end, Willard, winning is what matters. Yeah, we get it.  

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!What the BeJesus is Going on in. . . .MICHIGAN?

Tags

Humor, Michigan

An election you dummy! Doncha watch the news?

The Willard and The Ragin’ Rickster are pitted in the col0sseum, trident versus sword and net, circling, muscles rippling, abs rock hard, sizing up, crowds hushed then roaring, calling for blood, craning necks to see the death-blow.

Okay, actually it’s two buffoons seeing which one can feed more red meat to the TeaMob®.

So, let’s look at the fair state of MICHIGAN, my place of birth, and one of two states shaped as a body part. Hint: Never trust a state shaped as a body part. The mitten will slap ya silly and the penis will leave you deeply unsatisfied.

Okay. Michigan is very Frenchie, which drives the Neo-Cons wild cuz they love to bash the French. Michigan is actually Mishigamaa the Ojibwa word for the land and it means, . . .”large water.” Which has nothing to do with peeing, I assure you.

It has over 64,000 lakes which makes it way more lakey than that land of 10,oo0 puny lakes. In fact, a Michigander (Goose land?) is never more than six nautical miles from dipping his toe into some body of water. Rubber boots are big as you might guess.

It is fairly weird in that it has two pieces to it, and they don’t touch, unless you count an artificial bridge,The Mackinac,  that connects them. The Upper, Yooper land, is really only Michigan’s by default. Wisconsin drew a line in the sand, and told everyone on the north side to stay on their own side, and Michigan, being a generous and compassionate state, took the waif Upper, and let it share the name. It’s true. I read it on a Burma Shave ad somewhere in El Paso.

The Mackinac is not Mack en Ac as you might suspect, but is actually Mack en awe. And you will be in awe crossing that bugger, which I have more times than I would like to remember. It’s freakin’ long, and scary and, yes one or two poor souls a year drive their vehicles clean off it and take an unexpected dive into lake Superior, which is a lake with attitude, as you can tell by the name.

Now before the French came, there were a whole lot of tribes who lived peaceably in the area, which they called the Confederation of Three Fires. Course, the French being the French, they changed all the names of everybody. For instance they changed the Wyandot to the Huron, you know, cause Y N DOT sounds a lot like Hurrrr ON. Anyway, the French got on good with the locals, and the Catholic missionaries were busy convertin’ away.

Finally they, the French that is, started organizing things in the South, which mainly consisted of puttin’ French names to everything, which remain to this day. Which is a whole ‘nother story about how good old “Mericans” can utterly rape the hell out of a language once they get ahold of it. Examples are Livernois which would be “Leveer-nuaw” but is called today Liver-noise”, and “Beau-bi-ah” which is today called “Bo-be-an”.

Well, if you recall there used to be a lot of wars back then, and the French lost one, and Michigan became English. So Michigan, land of forests and Native Americans (who hadn’t yet been told they were Native Americans), went from being French snooty to English snooty. After the Revolutionary War, Michigan, no doubt because of all that snootiness up their noses, couldn’t see where the boundary lines were, and considered themselves part of Canada. This was not all sorted out until 1847, which tells you that, well the folks there are a bit directionally impaired.

Not a lot of people lived there until the Erie Canal opened up and people flocked in to take the great water slide run all the way down the St. Lawrence.

The state is insufferably connected to the Republican party, and would be a big fat Red were it not for the auto industry and unions. Unions = Democrats in case you don’t know. All Michigan school children learn this from the first grade onward. Dick and Jane’s parents were members of the UAW. Spot was an Independent.

While there are lots of universities and colleges, there are only two U of M and the real great one MSU. I went to one of them, but I’m very neutral on which one is best.

Course Michigan is known for cars. Lots of cars. All kinds of cars. Fords, Buicks, Oldsmobiles, Chryslers. Henry Ford developed the “moving assembly line” and created the new mental illness “bored to death” along with it. Ford paid his workers more money than any workers before them, but not because he was kind, he just wanted them to buy his cars.

Tons of people flocked into Michigan to become bored to death in the factories, tightening a bolt all day. This caused some African-Americans to start singing the blues, which became a place called Motown. You can still see the house up on Grand Avenue, which is NOT Grand at all by most standards. You can go in and see the microphone used by Smokey Robinson and The Supremes if you want.

Grand Rapids has long claimed to be the furniture manufacturing hub of the world. No one has ever been bored enough to drive that far to find out if it’s true.

Mildew is the leading cause of death, as you might expect.

In 1846, Michigan became the first state in the Union to abolish the death penalty. I wrote a hundred page paper on that for law school which has never been published, but I will give a private reading if requested.

A whole lot of other things could be said, but hey, they aren’t very interesting to me. It’s too cold in winter, too muggy in the summer, too buggy, and too cloudy.

Oh, and by the way. They never pick the candidate who wins anything nationally. So don’t worry your head whether The Willard or The Ragin’ Rickter wins in Michigan. They chose George Wallace and Jesse Jackson in primaries too.  

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He Came, They Saw, Everybody Vomited

Tags

Authoritarianism, fundamentalism, GOP, Rick Santorum, teabaggers, TeaMob

In case you hadn’t heard, most all of Ragin’ Ricky’s momentum has collapsed. He’s now mired in the muck of fundamentalist/right-wingery wackoism that envelopes his persona. People are not amused.

Rick seems rather blithely unaware of what all the fuss is about. He’s never changed. It’s just that never before have many people listened. Now they are, and folks are puzzled, dumbfounded, and scratchin’ their noggins. What in the world is this man talking about?

Now I’d be the first to admit that I haven’t looked at Rick’s  background that carefully, and frankly I don’t intend to, since he is but another flash in the pan, and I don’t expect him to garner the nomination, though it would be a hoot and three-quarters if he did.

But I know what he is and what he means, as well as I know how the GOP elites operate–and believe me, ALL of these fools are GOP elites, who are quite aware of who they are speaking to and what in reality they are saying, coded up as it is.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m reading Robert Altemeyer’s book The Authoritarians. This is largely about those who follow the demagogic types such as Santorum and Gingrich, and the ever irrelevant Ms. Sarah. Two things that go hand in glove is fundamentalism and being a high Right-Wing Authoritarian. (Remember to be a High RWA means you like authority and place being a good little soldier very high on your list. You tend to identify with your group, stick to your own kind, have a strong identification with authority, feel aggression towards “others” , have poor reasoning abilities, be self-righteous, and a strong tendency to be dogmatic, meaning you don’t care about facts, you are just right.)

Ricky is clearly a RWA. He has publicly stated that President Kennedy’s “faith speech” to Protestant church leaders “made him sick.” He does not believe in a separation of church and state. He claims that this means that only secularists can participate in government. This is clearly not the case, but this is what he would wish his followers to believe. What Kennedy and others meant and mean is that one doesn’t refer to the tenets of their faith in order to decide matters of public interest.

In other words, as a Catholic, I would not ban birth control because my church claims that it is sinful to use it.

Ricky claims he would not either, but here is where it gets sneaky. Ricky wants to do that, but figures he pretty much can’t, but he sure as heck can fund any number of faux studies which set out to prove that contraceptives present some medical and psychological dangers to women. He would do everything he could behind the scenes to drum up the “evidence”  that would allow him eventually to support appropriate legislation that would limit certain types of contraception and certain methods of dissemination. Getting rid of Planned Parenthood is a good example of that beginning.

One thing that is clear from studies done on those who score high on Authoritarian testing: they have difficulty in rational thinking. Let me explain. Let’s use the syllogism:

• All fish live in water
• Sharks live in water
• Sharks are fish

Now, the RWA will tell you, to a much higher degree, that this syllogism is correct. It is not of course, and most people could quite quickly see that. But high RWA’s see that the result is correct, i.e., sharks are fish, and the means of getting there is irrelevant to them.

Knowing this fact makes the life of elite GOP folks ever so much easier. They simply connect what the believe the Tea Mob believes is true: (gas prices are too high) to any referent they wish (Obama is repressing oil production in this country (an utter falsehood, but this doesn’t matter). The TeaMOB® will faithfully repeat it ad nauseam and become increasingly belligerent while doing so.

Now Rick knows that fundamentalists (of which he is one ardently) tend to lose their fervor when they attend college. This is true, and is well documented. Their RWA scores drop a good 10% on average as well. Rick hates this, as do most of the Righty-tighties. And they BLAME the left. And so they BLAME the universities which they claim are chock full of left/radical/socialist/commies who are indoctrinating their children in secularist awfulness.

Thus Rick says that the President is a snob for wanting all kids to have the opportunity to go to college. Fact: kids who go to college aren’t as fundamentalist as when they went in. Referent: Radical leftist university indoctrination. The truth? The kids lose their fundamentalism not so much based on what professors teach them, or books offered them, but more from the bull sessions they engage in at night in the dorm with kids from other countries, other cultures, and other lifestyles. These are the new things they have never been subjected to. They were taught to avoid them, distrust them, and that they were bad. And they find, heck, they’re just regular folks!

Of course there is more than just pure desire on Rick’s part to “save the children”. Saving them means keeping them non-logical thinkers who follow the authority, and accept the false syllogisms. This is the base that the GOP now counts on.

Of course, the problem with this all, is that in order to placate the base, one has to feed them the red meat they desire, and in doing so, the vast middle goes, “wha? THE F**K” is he talking about?

And they sigh, drop their heads, turn, and walk away.

And another PO-10-shall savior of our Republic, bites the dust.

And the winner is:

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He Likes the Streets Too!

Tags

Chris Christie, Election 2012, gay rights, GOP, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum

Willard is just weird. There is no other explanation.

I mean, think back to when you were in high school. Surely you knew a Willard. He was the kid who wore a belt with his pressed and seamed jeans, and a checkered shirt. He wore goo in his hair. The wore a leather-banded watch. He wore black glasses. He brought salads in his perfectly folded lunch bag, and he had napkins.

He wrote legibly in his numerous notebooks, and he always knew the answer. His locker was clean. He wore a windbreaker. He wore tennis shoes, but never never brand names, and they were spotlessly white. And he washed his hands A LOT.

He was a geek even if he wasn’t a science nerd. He probably played cornet in the band, or clarinet.

That’s our Willard. He is socially inept and uncomfortable except among his own kind. To figure out why he wants to be President. . .needs to be president. . .would take the better part of psychoanalyst’s day to explain. Because of his wealth he’s been able to sit in his own office, behind a desk, safe and secure and issue orders. He avoided all the messiness of life. For God’s sake he tied the dog to the roof of his car rather than muss up the interior with dog hair.

You can tell he is not used to being challenged. When Santorum told him “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he visibly moved back, his face went blank and he stared a hole in Santorum. Yes, Willard does like to fire people. Those who dare to challenge his authority. His arrogant “you get to ask the questions, I get to answer the way I want,” remark, now issued twice, is a hallmark of the guy who is used to doing the talking while others dutifully listen.

Yet, for all his supposed business savvy, this guy is clueless. So clueless that he can’t be left to his own devices lest he burst out with, “because I said so!” He is so wildly out of touch that he can’t even listen when told that his behavior is silly, his choice of words, childish and goofy. Instead of learning, he goes out and does it again.

So yesterday, Willard gave his much awaited, gonna knock ’em dead in the aisles, economic speech. And he started out with,

“This feels good being back in Michigan. You know, the trees are the right height, the streets are just right. I like the fact that most of the cars I see are Detroit-made automobiles. I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pickup truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs.”

Forget the fact that the whole thing is already a photogenic disaster. Forget that he is utterly insensitive to the fact that two people have FIVE (he said he also used to have a Ford truck) vehicles between them, and 2 of them are Caddies.

No, the problem here is, “the streets are just right”. WTF? Who is this nut? Man Willard, this ain’t the forest and you aren’t Goldilocks. Or maybe that’s the problem. You think you are. Whatever, it just makes you look a fool. Which I guess you really are.

And dude? I really don’t want a President who gets visibly pissed when somebody challenges him. I don’t think that is the kind of “leader” I want. Come to think of it, I think it explains perfectly why you come off the way you do. You’re “advisers” are scared to dispute anything you say. ‘nuf said.

Well, it’s not like it wasn’t gonna happen.

Ragin’ Ricky was NOT gonna be able to stay on the wagon. The “thou shalt stay on message about the economy stupid” wagon. He tottled off, stumbling and careening until he pitched head long into the deep black hole of his own sexually perverse fantasies.

It will be enough to scare off the Independent of thinking folks in MISH-E_GAN probably, and he probably needs some of them to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as regards The Willard.

Trust me, the land of two parts, has got a large wacko group of NASCARy-HIgh-SkOOlish grad-G-ates to give him still a decent chance. They hates the DAy-Twa (Detroit for you non-locals) element to death (and that means Romney and his hoity-toit Richie Rich ReRichricans) and, and thus, they may beer-belch the Churchy-boy across the finish line first. Just maybe.

And by the by, the upper land of two parts, so-called the UPPER PENINSULA? They are Wisconsians frankly. They HATE anything south of Grand Traverse. They will probably go with Dr. Paul. Or a Yooper Hat, which ever is the last thing they see before making their X on the ballot.

When the issue first came up, they said, “get out of here!”

When courts found one-man-one-woman a violation of the equal protection clause of the US and State Constitutions, they called them “activists” and demanded that the matter be left to the duly elected representatives of the people.

When the duly elected representatives of the people passed marriage equality bills in both chambers, they said, “leave it to the people to decide in a referendum.”

Of course, that’s what the Founding Fathers meant to happen. The rights of minorities should be decided by the majority.

That’s why Christie’s phone is ringing off the hook. David Barton wants him to come help to ‘splain the Constitution to the folks. And Liberty University is on the other line. They want him to teach a course in Constitutional law.

And Christie? He’s sending copies of his veto to all the TeaPeople. He is pretty sure they will “get it.”

We're just guarding the moonshine. We never saw nuthin'.

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Boatloads of Poo Comin’ Down the Pike

Tags

abstinence only, crazy media, Election 2012, GOP, Mitt Romney, psychology, Reproductive Rights, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, The crazy right, Women's issues

Well, another week in the bag, and I feel quite literally buried in poo from the politicos among us. Thankfully, or not, we got about three inches of fluffy white that has covered everything in sight and made it all look rather clean. For the moment.

I note that Willard is giving a speech about economics today. His 59-point plan was pretty much a dud, so it’s time to do something a little more flashy. In order to do this Willard’s thinkers have secured the Ford Field, home of the Detroit Lions. Fearful that they might not be able to fill up that arena, they have toyed with a number of ways of setting it up, finally settling on placing The Willard on the 30-yard line and with some nifty camera angles, figuring it will look like all of humankind has come to listen to the wisdom that will pour forth. *Yawn*

We are told that The Willard has “reassembled” the Bush economic team. Now I feel secure. I remember that as working quite well, don’t you?

¶

The Willard decried that abstinence only wasn’t being taught in our schools enough. It’s something that has been proven to work. Except that it hasn’t. Except that it is provably not working. Except that where it is used, namely the deep South, is where the highest levels of teen pregnancy occur. And the Ragin’ Rick interjects that teen pregnancy is soaring, when it is in fact, declining. And the declining is in those states that teach a full-range sex-education, including contraceptive alternatives.

Just to set the record straight.

¶

Like just about everyone has noticed that Dr. Paul, the “principled” one in the race, is steering clear of ever criticizing The Willard. He has no just problem with criticizing Ragin’ Rick or Neutered Newt. In fact he crucifies them. And everybody is pretty darn sure that Dr. Paul and The Willard have struck some agreement. Does it have to do with the FED? Or is it more personal, like being kind to the weird-o Rand? Only time will tell. Of course both sides are shaking their heads vigorously in DENIAL. That’s convincing–no one.

¶

Said Karen Santorum: “I did always feel in my heart that God had big plans for Rick. Eventually it was there, tugging at my heart. When Obamacare passed, that was it. That put the fire in my belly.”

Awwww, ain’t that cute? And I thought the only thing her belly was good for was growing babies. God works in mysterious ways–I guess.

¶

As I mentioned the other day, you can read a copy of The Authoritarians, by Robert Altemeyber online. I thought I would share a bit here and there as I get along in it. Those who are authoritarian followers are more fearful in general that the rest of us. They were taught to be so by their parents. They see boogeymen around every corner, a crisis in the making at every turn. People are dangerous and out to get them. Now overlay this with the propensity of the GOP leadership and Fox Noise to interject FEAR as a main ingredient in all they say. Getting it now?

¶

Did you miss it? The polls poles flipped once again. I know this because the new mantra of the crazies is that Democrats are anti-science. None other than the tea-drunk Michelle Malkin has jumped on the Ragin’ Rick bandwagon. The White House has a anti-science theology that is destroying Amerika folks. Environmental-Nazis!

I think the real religious menaces are those in the White House, in the Department of Interior, at the National Park Service who pretend that they are on the side of rationality and objectivity while they are politicizing and corrupting Science for their own radical ends.

Yeah, and now can you explain to us what is their purpose in deliberately doing this Michelle with two L’s? Are they working for SATAN???????

¶

Meanwhile, the ever busy Beelzebub, dips his horns in education. Ragin’ Rick, his head usually a swim with sexual perversion, imagined and fantasized, took time to demonize the President’s attempts to help kids get to college. Why nothing but a utopian plot to groom more radical theologians of the Marxian flavor.

“I understand why Barack Obama wants to send every kid to college, because of their indoctrination mills, absolutely … The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.”

Except for Liberty U I bet, huh Ragin’? (H/T to Angry Black Lady Chronicles.)

¶

Are you out of sorts? Are you too pooped to poo? Need a pick-me-up? Well, no Vitametavegimin here folks but some mighty good commentary follows:

Paul Krugman sorts out all of  Willard’s economic lies  in a NYTimes Op Ed.

“If you just cut, if all you’re thinking about doing is cutting spending, as you cut spending you’ll slow down the economy.”

Think Obama said that? Well The Willard did. And they are walkin’ back that one, fast and furiously.

Steve Benen points out all those pesky “friends” who are kinda not sometimes so “helpful” to Willard. And the worst Surrogate Award goes to:

“Santorum connects with people. Unfortunately, my guy has a hard time doing that.” (AR state party chairman and Willard backer)

And the Detroit Free Press endorsed The Willard, while pretty much disagreeing with him on everything, finally admitting that what he stands for is, ummm, kind of hard to figure out? Well, he’s better than the others anyway.

… for the past 12 months, Romney has been refashioning himself as something other than what his record suggests. He has made gestures toward economic and social radicalism, and eschewed the common sense of cooperative governing that made him a success in Massachusetts. Romney was also dead wrong when he opposed government bailouts for the auto industry (Michigan’s most vital economic engine) in late 2008. And he has since adopted a recalcitrant and, at times, revisionist defense of his position in the face of overwhelming evidence that the bailouts he opposed were necessary…. But Romney, unlike the zealous Rick Santorum, the impulsive Newt Gingrich and the backward-thinking Ron Paul, is preferable to the rest of the field. [h/t to the Commentariat for this section of links]

And with that, another day sets on the Feather. Let’s look for some laughs tomorrow shall we?

Debating at the Retirement Home

Tags

debates, Election 2012, Humor

In case you missed it, there was another GOP comedy hour last night. Unfortunately it went on for two hours, which was an hour and fifty minutes too long. Most of the audience had gone to sleep/left to take their meds/wandered off in a Alzheimer’s fantasy, by the time it ended.

I wandered around the hall, and tried to pick up some of the remarks being made by the erudite audience members. As you know, we were in Arizona, where there is a PrepH dispenser at every corner, and the local drugstores regular run wrinkle-cream sale wars.

George: Who is that little scrawny guy at the end?

Lucinda: What? Let me turn up my ear. Oh, at the end? That’s my uncle Herman, isn’t it? No, wait, uncle Herm died back in 1983, summer I think. I remember the roses were especially nice that year. What dear?

George: WHO IS HE?

Lucinda: Well, go up and ask him dear, he looks nice. I’m sure he’ll tell you.

¶

Al: Kate what the hell is this Obamacare and Romneycare? Do you know what they are talking about?

Kate: Well I think that man with the black hair is the Romney one. I don’t who the Obama one is. It’s nice they care don’t you think?

Al: Think about what?

Kate: About? Oh they care. Caring is nice. I’m voting for caring people. That’s all I know.

Al: I’m confused.

Kate: Yes dear, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll make you some pudding when we get home. You always like that.

¶

Henry: Hey, Fred started booing. It’s a wave Alice, let’s join in. BOOOOOOO.

Alice: What are we booing Henry?

Henry: What? Oh, Contraception. At least I think that’s what that sign up there says.

Alice: I never took any of that stuff in my life. I don’t trust nobody messin’ around down there, if you know what I mean.

Henry: Yeah, I know what you mean Alice. You haven’t let me mess around down there in more than twenty-five years.

Alice: Why shut your dirty mouth Henry, or . . .

Henry: Or what Alice, I already sleep in my own room.

Alice: Well, why don’t they talk about something that matters. The girls all talk during our card game every week. I don’t remember anyone ever bringing up THAT subject.  I just want to get my blood thinner pills cheaper. Have they said anything about that yet?

Henry: I think they are coming to it.

¶

Miriam: What’s an earmark, Wilber? They are getting all angry about earmarks. What are they?

Wilber: You know Miriam, the marks on your ears when you have you earrings on too long. You take them off, and there are those marks?

Miriam: What a silly thing to talk about. What did he say?

Wilber: Which one?

Miriam: Either one.

Wilber: Well the one guy says the other guy loved ’em, and he said he would end them. The other guy says you got to be a team player sometimes.

Miriam: He loves them? Is that some sex thing? Sounds nasty to me.  How is the other one gonna end them? I rub my ears– is he gonna do that? I don’t want no stranger rubbing my ears Wilber.

Wilber: Maybe it’s a team?

Miriam: A team rubbing my ears? Now I’m not voting for that. The shuffleboard team is enough for me. Gloria said that Martin might be laid up with that embo-somethingorother, and not be able to play tomorrow. We might need to get a sub. Maybe that fat guy with the white hair on the end would play. Go ask him.

Wilber: I can’t just walk up there and interrupt Miriam. Besides my hip hurts. These chairs aren’t the least bit comfortable you know.

Miriam: I’ll vote for softer chairs.

¶

Liz: Oh, it’s a game. Let’s play!

Mort: What?

Liz: Wake up! It’s a game. You say the first word that comes into your head. The little guy said “consistent” and the next guy said “courage”.  That dark-eyed one? He said “resolute”. What is resolute Mort?

Mort: Resolute, resolute. Let me think. I have heard that word before. I think it was a ship name. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s the name of a ship.

Liz: What an odd word to pick. Why is he talking about a ship.

Mort: (standing up and shouting) PROSTATE!!!!

Liz: Sit Down! Mort Sit down. For God’s sake in heaven what are you doing?

Mort: You said it was a game. That was my word. What’s the matter?

Liz: Oh my God, now I missed the fat little fellow. Did you hear his word?

Mort: No but he looks happy don’t you think?

Liz: I think it’s over. You spoiled it Mort, just like you always do.

Mort: What? What did I do?

¶

Hi, I’m Mitt Romney. I hope you’ll vote for me.

Gertie: How nice. You look like a nice man. What are you running for dear?

Sam: Oh goodness Gertie, he’s running for some government thing. Don’t you watch the news?

Gertie: I would but it conflicts with my Wheel of Fortune, you know that. Have you ever been on that young man?

Sherry Peyton, reporting for A Feather Adrift.

 

Keep Your Head Down, And Your Powder Dry

Tags

2nd Amendment, abortion, debt ceiling, Humor, life in the meadow, Mitt Romney, NRA, Virginia, Women's reproductive rights

It’s never too early to become paranoid.

Just a friendly warning.

For some unknown reason the phrase from Richard III keeps running through my head. No, not “a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”

Rather, “now is the winter of our discontent.”

And that’s odd since this winter has been a wimp. Shhh, forget I said that, don’t want to jinx it now when it’s only a week until Spring, more or less. Paranoia you know.

And I’m not especially discontent either, in case you were wondering. Not particularly content but not discontent, or uncontent. Call me bi-content. No sexual in-u-end-o implied.

We’re going to mini-shop today. That’s not full shopping, no dis-shopping, or bi-shopping, but mini. Mini is a more than picking up a quart of milk and some eggs and less than stocking up for the apocalypse shopping. It’s shopping at the “bad store” which is more properly called a “market” because it certainly is not super. It could be a grocery store back in the 60’s when markets were “mom and pop” operations and grocery stores were things like the A&P. Then came really really large grocery stores, and we started calling them supermarkets. That was wrong, since they are in no way markets and are more properly called supergroceries. 

Got all that? I like things to be orderly and logical. Wal-Mart is not logical. Supermarkets are not logical, because they have a whole lot more in them than super groceries. As you no doubt know, you can bank, get your hair done, get glasses, drink Starbucks, eat a full freakin’ meal, visit the deli, buy clothes, electronics, hardware, books, music, jewelry, drugs, alcohol, toys, carpeting, and sign up for liposuction. Well maybe not the last. But heck, in LA? possibly.

¶

Have I mentioned how much I dearly love hypocrisy?

Which is great, since the GOP delivers it up by the shovelful each and every day for my enjoyment.

Dear Willard has taken to attacking Ragin’ Rick on his voting to raise the debt-ceiling a bunch of times when Bushie was doin’ the asking. Remember Republicans didn’t get offended at this until 2008. Before that, they did it all quite routinely.

Anyways, Willard was on his usual rant, talking about how fiscally bad old Rick was, and don’t ya just know, while he was saying all those things, he is standing right smack next to, on the same podium, having been endorsed by, new BFF, Sen. Robert Portman (R-OH, who had (wait for it . . .) voted for an increase in the debt ceiling right along side Ricky all those Bushy years.

But no, it gets worse! Portman was Bush’s budget director, so he was part of the team ASKING FOR THE DEBT CEILING INCREASES!

Oh, Lord am I loving this campaign season. I feel like I either captured the goose that laid the golden egg or I have awakened in Midas’ treasure room. Oh my gosh, I may have a serious female moment.

¶

Picked this up from the Fifth Column. A picture is, as we know, worth a thousand words.

Every day the GOP focuses on social issues, is another day Obama gains.

I guess ridicule works a bit. The Virgin-ya Governor is having a few second thoughts about the probe-your-girl-stuff-before-your-abortion bill.  It’s been delayed while he “looks for a compromise.”

Meanwhile somewhere in GA, a Democrat has introduced a ban on vasectomies, saying they “deprive millions of unborns their chance at life.” It’s a joke, but of course, that is lost on a segment of the duh Right.

I just can’t reconcile why it is bad for the government to set standards for school lunches but good that they poke around in my uterus. Where is the logic? But that would be asking a bit much from the average TeaNutz® wouldn’t it?

If only the poor Republicans could encase their “candidate” in a vacuum, keeping them pristine. Out in the real world, they begin to rust all too soon, and then crumble through their hands into dust. And then they go in search of another. I’d pick a new steel mill to buy from if I were them. Or is that a tin mill?

The logic of the absurd: Next to hypocrisy, I love circular logic best. Fact: since elected, President Obama has not pushed for one single bill that in any way limits gun ownership or acquiring guns in this country. This of course does not deter the flaming nuts. One such nut, IRA chief-sky-is-falling-buy-a-gun nut, Wayne LaPierre, insists that all this is just camouflage for what is to come.

“Lip service to gun owners is just part of a massive Obama conspiracy to deceive voters and hide his true intentions to destroy the Second Amendment during his second term.

We see the president’s strategy crystal clear: Get re-elected and, with no more elections to worry about, get busy dismantling and destroying our firearms’ freedom, erase the Second Amendment from the Bill of Rights and excise it from the U.S. Constitution. …

When the sun goes down on election day Barack Obama will have America’s gun owners to thank for his defeat.”

Now, those who sniff a bit too much gunpowder, see it this way: Vote for Obama, it’s good for gun and ammo sales!

Well, I’m soon off on the mini-trip to secure some victuals. Wish me luck and safe journey. I am going into the belly of the beast–aka bad store.