20 | January | 2012 | Existential Ennui

Tags

Election 2012, GOP, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, right wing wackos

You know what I mean. Say you’re like me.

You really don’t like fennel.

You know tons of people who do.

And it looks like a pretty and quite interesting veggie.

You try it.

You take a bite.

“Oh, no” your mouth says.

You take another to be fair.

“No, no this will never do,” you wince.

But you keep finding all kinds of recipes for fennel, and you see all kinds of others eating it and lauding its virtues.

So, you know, you try a new recipe. And you start to chew, and you tell yourself, “yeah, this is better,” and you chew, and you chew, and then you sigh, swallowing in one wrenching gulp. And you put down your fork. “I just don’t like it.”

Well folks this is Mittens in a nutshell.

After New Hampshire, Mittens seems all but assured.

And so, the strange beast that is a Republican, tried again. To like him, that is. They tried to rally ’round the flag boys.

But in the end, they just wanna spit him out. “I just don’t like it,” they moan.

And we have the first of the season, *RESURGE*.

Meanwhile we continue to learn more about the “average Republican voter.”

Let’s recap:

So far we have learned that Redumblicans don’t like gays (knew that), don’t like immigrants of the undocumented variety (knew that), like the death penalty (knew that), are pretty much okay with people dying in the streets before they will spend a tax dollar on universal health care (knew that), are 100% pro-life unless it has to do with the death penalty, dirty Muslims, or anyone else in the world who won’t give us what we want when we want it. (yeah, pretty much knew that too)

What we learned last night is that they are really in favor of all those “family values” except when it interfere with their desire to go with a candidate that solves their “anybody but Mitt” problem.

After all, “every man wants an open marriage” *har har* and wasn’t he just being a gentleman by asking, after all?

And then there is Newt’s reply which blames the “elitist” media for dredging up his *past*, which wasn’t really true anyway, cuz his friends say it wasn’t true, because they were present when he didn’t ask Marianne about letting Calista climb into their bed for some three-way action.

All of this was just gloriously cheered and clapped upon. And Mittens just stood there and looked sad since three-ways are much forbidden, even in polygamy circles, and Ricky S just plain was sick at heart cuz he has forsworn all his fantasies of three-ways figuring such would never be sanctioned by the AmerOKAY he knew. All in all, it was most enlightening, and led to many many a late night bedside chat in bedrooms across Merika, or at least the south where such things are outwardly frowned upon though practiced with great glee.

I am forced to conclude that there is something Mr. Mittens really really doesn’t want us to know about when it comes to the tax thing. Of course the 2011 returns, (which are still being compiled we are told) will be dressed up as best as can be, to bring Mittens up to at least 15%.

The reason that he doesn’t want to produce others is, because of course, he was way way below 15% regularly.

More interesting, or at least as interesting, will be his explanation of why having his money in “off shore” accounts has zero to do with avoiding taxes and everything to do with letting his money breathe in the nice ocean breezes.

The reason that there is really really something to find there, is his statement this morning to Gretchen Carlson of Fox Noise. Mittens, put foot to mouth once again and said that multiple releases would not be forthcoming because he didn’t want to give the Democrats a “big present” . Which of course means that there are lots of surprises in that box. Good luck with the stonewall there Mittens.

You thought, in your generous mind, that well, to be fair, most Republicans were only slightly crazy. I mean, you couldn’t just tell one by lookin’ at them. They belonged to the PTA, and bought Coke instead of Pepsi, and watched football on Sunday. They just were a little bit shriveled up when it came to compassion. Not a lot, just a little. And their brains were otherwise intact.

But, this is the kind of silly stuff that makes the GOP e-mail circuit. So, you know, they ARE CRAZY AS BATSHIT:

Thanks to Juanita Jean’s for this one.

And if you really want to hear what Denise thinks at Pass the Doucheys, and you really DO want to here, then go here and read her ~~analysis~~ rant about the Newster and his “morals”.

Looking for something a bit tamer but still riotously funny? Helen and Margaret serve up views on the current political climate.

The NYTimes editorial points out the problems that come up when you make “morality” a part of your platform. It almost invariably comes back to bite ya.

Okay, so I make a lot of funnies, but if you really want to learn something, head to Woodgate’s Views. Today he is going to educate you on Clean Energy. So get your notebook ready to take notes. Quiz tomorrow.

What’s on the Stove? Ya have your choice between leftover favorites: Brandy’s Best Ribs and Brokeback Tacos Gringa Style. Leave a tip, the cook appreciates it.