14 | January | 2012 | Existential Ennui

Tags

Election 2012, GOP, Humor, Politics

: NOT ROMNEY

Well, our evangelical leaders are gathered in the great Lone Star (Lone Brain Cell) state of Texas to discuss the impending GOP nomination.

It’s not that they don’t like Romney, they just don’t like Romney, in that fuzzy way you like someone. They didn’t like McCain either, and look what happened there.

So they are gonna put their collective brain atoms (totally about 13) together and see if they can find their way out of this quandary. And it is one for sure, since all of the NOT ROMNEY’ers have proven themselves to be NOT POSSIBLE in one way or another.

Ricky P is just too damn dumb and no amount of ed-jew-ka-sun is gonna make a difference.

Ricky S has that google problem. Can’t allow them foreign digNAtaries to be laughing at our prez.

Newty is a grifter and will always sell out to the highest bidder.

Jon H? Why he’s a Democrat in Brooks’ Brothers.

Hmmm, what to do, what to do.

I could tell ’em. I surely could. But that would be impolite. Seriously.

Newt is all up in Romney’s face these days.

He is finding it a bit hard to figure out just what side of this Bain business he should be on.

He’s quite used to saying today, the opposite of what he said yesterday.

He has that part down pat.

He’s just not sure what will play.

He’d like to fire people, if only he was rich enough. But he’s not.

He might be if he gets to be president. Will you help?

I have to confess.

When I see Ron Paul and his son Rand together, I can’t help but think that I’m witnessing evolution in reverse.

The apple does fall far from the tree. The apples, however, are both rotten.

Is it possible for two types of schizophrenia to exist in the same family?

I feel sorry for Ru Paul. He must get confused with that family a lot.

When some GOP voter says “I’m still undecided,” my first question is:

“How long were you in a coma?” I assume they have been ill.

My second question is: “Have you graduated grade school?”

My third question is: “Do you know who you are?”

I wonder a lot who the Veep candidate will be. If it’s someone who will make the candidate look good, well, boy are we gonna have to dig far down in that barrel.

Where is a good Dan Quayle when you need one.

It’s enough to make the more ardent of Republicans not really “give a crap.”

I know, I know, that was a cheap shot.

Conservatives are humorless people I find.

They are constantly in the back room, erasing all the parts of the history books that don’t conform to their world view.

And underlying all the dirty parts of the bible.

And keeping a straight face when you shake your head no to climate change, evolution, and that Marcus Bachmann is straight.

And let’s face it, most comedians are liberal. The one’s who aren’t, well they aren’t funny. It’s especially hard to laugh at jokes that aren’t really funny. Ask Dubya, he’s had to do it to the face in the mirror for nigh on to 65 years, give or take.

John McCain announced that he’s finally solved the riddle of the Internet.

He’s going full steam, full-bore ahead.

His new website-blog is entitled: “I would have won, and Should have won, if I hadn’t let them talk me into picking that c**t as VEEP”.

Wife Cindy, was not amused. She felt somewhat better when she learned that this time, she was not the c**t he was talking about.

Meanwhile daughter Megan continues to embarrass herself as a R-E-POOR-TR. Can’t any of these people get real jobs any more?

Newt, on the other hand, knows it’s all about pacing yourself.

Being a good steward of the planet, he knows that cleaning his plate will lead to a cleaner America.

And so he does.

It don’t hurt to have a tape of “Girls Gone Wild” to go with the nachos either.

And a Bruski never hurt anyone.

Calista has helmet hair have you noticed? I mean real helmet hair. It sits on a table by itself, until she drops it on her head. Touch it, I dare ya. It won’t move.

Newt is already shopping around for a new model. The girls just can’t resist the Newster. For only a few hundred bucks a night, they assure him it’s true.

I have too much time on my hands.

Entirely too much. So I better go.

See ya.