Contrary to popular belief, or at least the belief of some, God does not take Sunday off. No, like many of us, He watches NFL football. This should come as no surprise actually, nor that he keeps a close eye on the movie and music award shows as well. We can tell this by how many times His name is invoked in thanks for whatever has been won by some otherwise quite normal mortal.
Now I have stayed way clear of the Tim Tebow controversy and his propensity to pray in public and give thanks for every win the Denver Broncos has been able to manage this year. Given that Tebow is often called a “less than adequate” quarterback, it is easy to presume that God has lent a helping hand from time to time. Of course, what God giveth, God taketh away too, and Tebow and his team have faced a number of losses in the closing weeks of the season. All the more to strengthen his faith no doubt.
Well, if you were watching yesterday, then no doubt you were not surprised that it looked a bit grim toward the end of the game as the Pittsburg Steelers pulled even and seemed to all to have the bulk of the momentum going into the overtime.
To what to our wondering eyes did appear then, but the miracle of all miracles, as the Tebow threw one of his only passes to connect to a receiver on the fly, and fly indeed he did, down the field and across the line to end the overtime in a new NFL record time, of mere seconds.
I, of course did not realize immediately what had happened.
But I do now.
God did not tell me who was going to be President, as he did old fart Pat Robertson, but he has given me a message.
You see, our Timster here, likes to paint various bible passages under his eyes. He has several, but of course, one of his favorites is the good old John 3:16. You remember:
“For this is how God loved the world: he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.”
Now, that is not so remarkable, except that a man, not known for his passing finesse, managed IN THE LAST PLAY OF THE GAME to pass for EXACTLY enough yardage that his total for the DAY was 316 yards. Yes, you heard me. 3:16.
And so, I now know that the Mayans were wrong. The 316th day of the year is November 11. So that is the day that the world will end. Or it will be March 16. One of the two. Prepare! Send me all your money and deeds to your homes, you won’t need it. I won’t either, but just want to roll in the money for a while until the end. Trust me.
Oh, and Troy Polamalu, just keep looking so cute. See ya in the clouds! Sorry that Samson thing didn’t impress the Boss.
Did ya see the debates? Nothing much to see; it was pretty much a bust I thought. Newty barely got warmed up. But Huntsman may be gaining a bit. New Hampshirites like to play it close to the vest.
This last arrived in my e-mail via Facebook a few days ago. The only author I can discern is “Alan Showers”. But I thought it quite amusing, so I thought you might enjoy it too.
“The infamous “ISM’s” & so many other misconceptions….
SOCIALISM- You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM- You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM- You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM- You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM- You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
CAPITALISM- You have two …cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies.You sell them and invest the proceeds with Bernie Madoff.
SURREALISM- You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
VENTURE CAPITALISM- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
added by Steven Mantz:
GLOBALISM – you have two cows. you send them both to china. when your neighbors complain that they need cows, you say that sending cows overseas and depriving the USA of cows will force Americans to innovate and to come up with alternatives to cows.
LIBERALISM – You have two cows. you milk them. the state asks you to give some milk to your poor neighbors’ children so they can do well in school. you comply. 25 years later, your farm has new roads and electricity, and your neighbors’ children have cows of their own.
NORTHEASTERN CONSERVATISM. you have two cows. you milk them. the state asks you to give some milk to your poor neighbors’ children so they can do well in school. you comply. 25 years later, your farm has new roads and electricity, and your neighbors’ children have cows of their own. you talk to your friends about how to keep all these new people with cows from joining the country club for people whose families have owned cows for generations.
FOX NEWS CONSERVATISM – you have two cows. you milk them. the states asks you to give some milk to some poor neighbors’ children. you run a six-week expose on how the state is asking for milk as a conspiracy to register all citizens. the neighbor’s children protest against the plan to give them milk.
TEA PARTY CONSERVATISM- your neighbor has two cows. he milks them, throws away the milk and goes bankrupt. he asks for $20 billion. the state gives it to him, then asks him to give some milk to poor children. you instantly get all your neighbors to protest against the state’s plan to destroy all personal liberties. eventually, your neighbor keeps all the milk and sends the cows away. you blame the government.
BARACK OBAMA – you have two cows. you’re the President of the United States of America. you get a letter requesting milk for poor children. you milk the cows and carry the pail up the road with your own two hands. meanwhile, your neighbors threaten to block the road and to tear down the wooden drawbridge unless you agree to stop your efforts. you wait until your neighbors recess and leave for the holidays, then you carry that milk inch by inch by gosh to those kids. then you take a vacation in Hawaii. 🙂
This appears old, as I now see, but some of these related links are different I think. Anyway, have fun.