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I have to tell you, I’m pretty much stumped here.

Both send shivers down my spine I tell ya.

If you knocked on your neighbor’s door and looked upon either of these alternatives, I think you might start digging that bunker about now.

While I applaud devices that tend to bring families together, I kinda draw the line at footed jammies complete with hoodies and fingerless mittens, all to enjoy the frigid environs of one’s own family room.

Oh, and you can get your name on yours so you never have to be concerned about getting into somebody else’s stinky jammie.

I understand that next year’s fashion mavens are already calling for an embedded microwave and poo bag attachment, all to eliminate those troublesome trots to the pee-room.

On the other hand, nukes in the hands of the spawn of an idiot is not a pleasant thought either.

I hear tell the spawn-apparent, Kim Jong-un has already set off a couple of missiles that fell into the ocean, in celebration of his ascension to the top of the nut-tree.

So, it’s a toss-up in my view.

Meanwhile, back in our own circus tent, Newty seems to have begun to fall already. Paul is now in the lead in Iowa, which proves something, I’m just not sure what. Mostly I think it means that Iowan’s are just bored as hell this time of year. Fallow fields, and a general color of grey-brown, is after all, boring.

But don’t get your hopes up Ricky S., the bell tolls, but not for thee. See, Ricky, we here in Iowa, just dad-gum-it, don’t like you. It’s just that simple. Go home.

Newty, ya barely kept the lead for two weeks! We thought you had better staying power than that. But you just can’t do it can ya? You just can’t keep your mouth in check. Talking about having judges arrested to justify decisions you don’t like, well, good grief Oh Slimy One, that was just not gonna catch on. Not even here in Iowa. And we like to punish judges here as good as the next guy. But REALLY.

You did not think that one through Gangsta Gingrich. You can’t ignore and intimidate judges and then talk about how you’re a constitutionalist. See they have courts in Iran my grifter friend, and they do quality stamp the state’s decision there. And if we do that here, well, it really screws up the argument that we gotta get ready to force  regime change there, cuz of their Mullah-dictatorships.

Getting my drift, NG? Well, it’s probably too late now. So it’s probably best you high tail it down to Callista’s next kiddie book signing, cuz my buddy, that is your future.

We could have had lots more fun, but your mouth got in the way. I guess we always knew it would.

Well, we understand that the President (whom we rather like most all of the time) has agreed to sign a bill that allows for the detention of enemy combatants arrested on American soil, for virtually as long as forever given that a war on a thing, (terrorism) is not likely to ever end.

Now we understand that the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals has agreed with the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals that “undocumented aliens” are not entitled provisions under our Constitution, such as freedom from search and seizure and so forth. Such provisions are, in the Constitution, “reserved to the people.” Both courts now claim that “people” refer to “political community” and that “illegals” are not part of that.

My question, (or comment) is this: If we think these concepts are “human rights” and we are always trying to export them, sometimes with force, around the world, then how do we justify in not applying them to what I would term “inconvenient” subsets of humanity in our own land?

I just don’t get that. Not at all. Maybe this scares me more than hoodie-footies.

If you go grocery shopping this week, don’t expect to find any cayenne powder around. It’s all be sold out. I gigantic order was placed by North Korea, and sprayed liberally over crowds ordered to appear in the streets to show their sorrow at the passing of Kim Jong-il. If you hadn’t noticed, people are crying all over the place there.  And they have the pictures to prove it.

The Contrarian argues that God was too busy weeping over the Packer loss yesterday to pay his customary attention to Tim Tebow’s Denver Broncos. Well, he can’t be everywhere!

Bryan Fischer, all around equal-opportunity hater of huge chunks of humanity, just had to speak up on the death of Christopher Hitchens. In a brilliant tour-de-force of logic, Fischer assures us all that Hitchens is in hell.

Now you might say, well, what would you expect Fischer to say? And I agree, but his logic, now that’s the real sweet spot here. He claims that God sent him there out of His perfect love. Hitchens asks for it, and he got it.

So, God, hey, I would like to move to New Mexico, and find a $5 million dollar house, on a foreclosure sale for only $25,000. It’s what I am really asking for.

Is it just me, or didn’t the GOP jackasses in Congress swear that with their ascendency in the House there would be no more bills with riders that have zero to do with the major portion of the bill? Okay, leaving that aside, once again The House GOP has found itself caught between its own stupidity and the TeaNutz®. Or in other words, it’s caught between itself and itself.

They have, in their infinite dumbness, stopped the implementation of regulations designed to put in place the energy-efficient light bulbs. Now they have done this for a couple of reasons. First, their insane drooling miniscule crazies in the trailer-parks they pander to, think having “light bulbs of choice” is a “freedom” that must be fought to be retained. And second, the word “regulation” makes then salivate and lose their ability to hear.

Well, industry folks, you know, GE, Phillips, Osram Sylvania, you know, the JOB CREATORS WHO MAKE BULBS, are livid. Since they have all retooled and are busy about the business of making the new bulbs, they WANT THE FREAKIN’ RULES TO CHANGE. The  moronic TeaNutz® sit and scratch their nether regions, all the while shrugging and wondering what they did wrong.

Okay. Now get the shovel and start digging that bunker.