Lassie, Lassie, Go Save Timmy!

Tags

Election 2012, Fox News, GOP, Herman Cain, Media, Sarah Palin, teabaggers, Tim Pawlenty, Women's issues

I mean, there can be no sadder soul (besides the ever griftin’ Sarah) than our dear boy Timmy. Or T-Paw to us political junkies.

Never was there a man who was so inept in judging the future. First of all, he puts all his chips into one state, where he could not hope to out-spend  Michele, the wild-eyed Mina-SO-tan.

It doesn’t help that T-Paw has all the charisma of a deer tick at a Deep Woods Off convention.

I mean T-Paw looks in a mirror each morning and wonders why he should bother.

He shouldn’t.

So after prematurely ejaculating his presidential hopes after losing the “straw” counting summer fun in Iowa, T-Paw looked around to see who he might bore next.

Weeks later, good old slipper T, realized his faux pax as one after another of the presidential beggars, soared in the polls.

“I coulda been a contenda'” he moaned.

And lord knows it would have done ever so much for his book sales, which is why most of them (save perennial presidential wannabe Mittens) entered the race in the first place.

So then T-Paw moved inexorably down the fatal path of destruction. As if led by a gaggle of evil spirits, he is unable to grasp the right brass ring, coming up again and again with iron.

He decides to back the front-runner, Mittens. He thought that was a sure thing.

He failed to estimate the degree to which the conservative Gollums of the GOP HATE Mittens.

Now it looks like Mittens may fail in his second bid to be king of the mountain, and with it, T-Paws hopes of a continuing paycheck, as Secretary of something-or-other. Such a sad story.

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Meanwhile, back at the political party at the end of the universe: the GOP.

What is 15: 7?

The number of available girl-pals (wives or otherwise) spread among the seven male candidates. We left Michele out of this, though goodness knows she might have had a dalliance or 27 given Marcus’ swishy ways.

The winner of course is our very own Hermie who now faces allegations of a 13-year affair to go with the claims of harassment by 4 other women. Hermie says, “here we go again”. It’s not clear if he is referring to the continuing female pop-ups, or to if this is his rally cry to women in bed.

For the record Herm says it’s “all a lie”. He says he will not get out of the race “as long as his wife is behind me.” Dude, that is the problem. She needs to be in front of you, and between you and anything with girl parts.

And Herm’s wife sees the lightbulb go on and realizes finally why she has been plagued by vaginal infections for years.

Duh.

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Proof that a little knowledge is no knowledge at all?

Fairleigh Dickenson University did some polling among New Jerseyans and found that the Sunday talk shows do most to inform people. And then there is Fox. Those who watch Fox are less informed than those who watching NOTHING. Asking a broad range of questions about Syria and Egypt, the poll discovered that reading of national newspapers and listening to NPR also pushed up the numbers of those who were “knowledgable”. When it came to OWS, John Stewart watchers knew more, and oddly MSNBC watchers thought the protesters were Republicans!

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Quote of the day:

Half of them think like Michelle Bachmann and the other half are afraid of being primaried by someone who thinks like Michele Bachmann. — Barney Frank, on Congressional Republicans

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Stolen from Hysterical Raisins:

Pretty darn cute huh? Pretty darn accurate.

Oh and don’t miss this:

It comes from the Blaze.

But I have no question about its authenticity.

It is a walking advertisement for the immediate passage of a constitutional amendment barring women from voting, or working in jobs higher than cashier.

These are the women who give women a bad name.

These are our secret shame:

The Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute and Human Events, join forces to present “the most influential conservative women in the US.”  (drum rolls are appropriate, and do add some trumpets)

1. Sarah Palin. Whirlwind mama Wasilla gal. Long time grifter, dreamer of dreams. Role model to no one. She reduces politics and world affairs to nothing more than “gotcha” questions, offered to up-end her apple cart. She thought she had you with lipstick on a pig.
2. Michele Bachmann. Wild-eyed crazy woman, who is ordered around by pseudo-gay husband Marcus. She knows what should go on in your bedroom, your uterus, and in your school room. Hint: it’s got to do with Jesus and Armageddon. History comes straight from David Barton. Founding Father, John Quincey Adams, ya know, the one who fought against slavery.
3. Phyllis Shlafly. Has been fighting against women’s rights for decades, all the while traveling around the country, making money, and not staying home pregnant and cooking as she claims all normal women should want to be. Don’t do what I do, do what I say!
4. Ann Coulter. Keeps writing books that nobody reads. Nobody pays her any mind any more. She has to now fight for even more outlandish things to say in order to be ignored. She thinks she’s attractive, while Michelle Malkin knows she’s not.
5. Michelle Malkin. Just another outrageous pundit from the moon. Michelle never met a Democrat that was worth keeping alive. She lives in a universe when up is down, down, is up, and Michelle has the microphone. She loves being the center of attention, and is pissed  she got beat out again by Ann Coulter.
6. Bay Buchanan. Never heard of her.
7. Marji Ross. Never heard of her. (But Newty praises her, so she must be an idiot.)
8. Cleta Mitchell. Never heard of her.
9. Michelle Easton. Never heard of her (But they favor women named Michelle and this one is head of one of the co-founders of the award, so the fix was in.)
10. Star Parker. I thought this was Star Jones, and I know of her, but not this Parker gal. I think they ran out of women and just made her up.
11. (Honorary) Margaret Thatcher. Oh leave the poor woman alone. She would find all of this group an embarrassment.

Return to your regular programing.