25 | November | 2011 | Existential Ennui

Tags

Beck's Nincompoops, Butterball, Humor, Islam, Islamophobia, satire, The Blaze, turkeys

In the ongoing contest to be the craziest person/group/country, Americans continue to excel.

This week, a tiny minutia of human DNA (slightly below the Neandertal level of intellectual proclivity), rose to the occasion and outdid themselves in proving that, once again, nobody puts the US in a corner when it comes to sheer batfooking insanity.

Case in point.

Somebody, for some reason, called Butterball company and asked them whether the tasty birdies they offer to us each holiday season, were Halal certified. Like Kosher certified, Halal certification simply means that the slaughter occurred in a manner compliant with religious practices.

Butterball’s answer was that indeed all whole bird turkeys are killed in an Islamically acceptable fashion, though no prayers (a part of the actual certification) are done. Similarly, no prayers are done for Kosher certification either (a rabbi must come in to do that). Butterball claims that various ethnic distributors may complete the requirements as they wish.

It should be noted that I have also read at least that the manner of killing Kosher and Halal is exactly the same.

But of course, facts stand in the way of hysteria with our band of nuts across America. They prefer to deal in rumor, innuendo, ad hominem ethnic hatred and vile humor. No less a certifiable wingnut that Pamela Geller is all up in craziness about this. My God, Islam is literally trying to “stuff their religion down our throats.” That’s not a quote by her, but gosh it seemed too good to not use.

The Blaze nincompoops were out in force. One can almost see them flapping their arms and racing up and down sidewalks yelling for everyone to throw out their birds, throw out your birds.

Can you just feel the love?

Doug Corrigan

Hate is a good thing. It helps you defeat your enemies. We need more ‘hate’ in America, and we need a whole lot less Pollyannaish, Goody-Two-Shoes idiocy regarding that putrid cult of murder, invented by a ‘hate’ filled camel-wacker named moohammad — that cult would, of course, be called islam.

Yes Doug, you have more than enough for all of us. Now recite the 1st Amendment again, and explain how it doesn’t apply to anyone you hate.

Taquoshi

Unfortunately, many of our don’t have that option. However, I have every intention of putting my hands on our non-Butterball turkey and praying to Lord Jesus Christ to remove any taint of any kind of ritualic prayer to idols that may have occurred. And you can bet that I’ll be praying over our other meat from now on, too!!

Allah is not an idol Sasquatch. It’s another name for God. But do us all a favor, pray non-stop, don’t even stop long enough to eat.

GetOurCountryBack

Just one more way these b*stards are creeping into our society and trying to get their agenda forced on us. As an American I don’t give a flying flip if they can find food that is okay for them to eat. Better yet, lets put a bill out that forbids this and force them to get the he!! out.

They aren’t creeping GOCB, they are coming right down your esophagus now. As a moron, you aren’t expected to know that we can’t “put a bill out”. I thought you airheads were against regulations against business?

AB5R

For Christians it is not acceptable to eat foods offered to idols. In this case the Islamic prayer to Allah (in the bible he is known as Satan) makes halal food something that has been offered as a sacrifice to an idol, a particularly evil one in this case.

I would agree that if Satan is Allah, he would be a “particularly evil” idol. But he’s not, and you’re stupid. You are exactly the reason why internet access is NOT an acceptable therapy in the Head Hospital. Stick to legos please.

MikeM1969

I don’t eat butterball, and now I never will. One step closer to sharia compliance. I will die before I comply.

Easy to say when you don’t eat it anyway hey Mike? And as to that last part, we can but wish.

Loafer4952

Well I know I won’t be buying anymore turkeys or anything that butterball has to do with it. We usually by several turkeys thru out the year. This is America and we need to be americans. It is ok to believe in your religon but when you come to America you do as Americans do. If you don’t like the way we do something then go back where you came from I am sure they will do it your way.

That’s right, and so we will have no more of that Kosher stuff any more either right? America was not settled by Jews for goodness sakes, but good old Christian Protestants. And the damn Catholics better stop saying prayers over wine and bread too. You are onto something Loafer. Or is it just your brain that loafs?

Nobama201258

We have bigger fish to fry people,how bout those PETA nutjobs wanting us to eat tofu instead of turkey ?

Yeah, I got my shotgun at the ready Nobama. I was thinkin’ of staking out the tofu shelf at Wal-Mart and pickin’ up those stealth buyers and then follow them home and picket their houses. The UNAMERICANness of it!

Zombee

Barack Hussein Obama (aka. The Impostor) doesn’t care whether or not you know if the food you buy is Islam-approved inhumanely Halal slaughtered! But he sure cared about whether his fellow Muslims in his home state of Illinois knew it when he served in the Illinois State Senate and sponsored the ‘Halal Food Act’ in 2001.

Now how did I know that one of your creepin’ crazies would bring the President into this. And congrats Zom, you have one fine hate blog. No advertising here though, keep your hatred at home.

Tri-OX

Catering to terrorists certainly isn’t good for the Butterball brand image.

So, triple OX (you guys self-identify so exquisitely), all Muslims are terrorists? Is that your belief? Well we are in a world of trouble if that is the case. Go to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. You fail basic common sense.

And so we depart. Please don’t scare the zoo animals here. They are precious to us since they remind us that we actually are superbly sane by comparison. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and enjoyed your turkeys. We alas had duck, which was excellent, by the way. And stay away from those malls!

PS: If you see smoke on the horizon, not to worry. It’s just your local trailer park having a turkey burning bonfire. All hail to Ed and the crew at the Daisy Chain Tea Party Club Trailer Park, now at an all-time attendance level of SIX.