Crawling out from under the rock where he lives, Iowa’s shame, Rep. Steven King, announced through his
lawn mower man/shrink campaign manager, that Steve would be entering the race within the week. When asked what prompted this late move, Juan Hernandez (who wears his citizenship papers stapled to his cap) indicated that since the Republican voters were willing to support even Newt Gingrich, the time was ripe for a new face.
Word has it that Louis Gohmert (GOP house member from some God-forsaken district in TEX-ass) was also considering the move as well. “The bar is LOW enough now”, Louis was heard to exclaim.
A frantic call was placed to the RNC headquarters by Nancy Reagan, explaining that she had a lock of Ronnie’s hair, and that ought to be good enough to qualify to be NOT MITTENS too.
Reince Preibus, or “rinsed Penis” as he is known to his friends, hurriedly called a press conference trying to stem the flood of new candidates.
“We are a party of sanity. We have a wonderfully intelligent array of top-notch candidates who have shown an amazing ability to engender wide-wide support among the Republican voters in America. The fact is, our party is so kind that it wants no one to feel left out. Rick Santorum, even with his massive Google problem, was scheduled to be next on the list of “leading the pack”. But be assured, we have only one goal, and that is to beat that awful nearly Communistic, foreign sounding, not quite looking like you and me, teleprompter needing, Hussein creature at all costs. And you can be sure that when we do, everything will go back to the good old days when white people ruled everything, and everybody else knew their place. All hail Corporations! Thank you.”
King, screeched. Gohmert drooled, and Nancy smiled kindly at the nice young man who patted her hand, and led her back to her rocker.
Meanwhile, in Gotham. . . .
I mean seriously, did anyone think the Super Committee would agree on something?
WorldNewsDaily has an exclusive! The upcoming year, 2012, could in fact be the end of the world. Yes indeed. Some pseudo-nut-writer-researcher of dead monkeys, has looked at all kinds of pagan religions, and found that some nexus exists between them, and Cortez, and Nimrod from the Bible, and George Washington, and the ides of March, and Habanero peppers. (read major MAJOR conspiracy going back to the beginning of time itself). No really, go read this crap. It will make you feel soooo very sane.
Bob Cesca has a really good post on the “the rise and fall and rise of Newt Gingrich”. Sharpen up those debate points here. He goes through all the flipping and flapping of the megalomaniac known as the Newtster.
I love the GOP. They never met a principle they were unwilling to ignore. We all know their mantra about the BLESSED and SACROSANCT CONSTITUTION. They would tell you that God herself wrote the document, moving the hands of Thomas and Benjamin and Sam.
Except when it gets in their way. Like when they think it needs to be amended to suit their social agenda.
Except when it interferes with their world view.
Now Gingrich knows at least of what he speaks. He has blatantly said in his “I’m smarter than anyone” tone, that he would simply ignore any contrary SCOTUS pronouncements as they relate to matters of “national security”. Never mind that that tent is big enough to include just about anything you need it to.
But at the latest “family values” forum in Iowa, the candidates were all over each other trying to out do, the blubbering confessions of personal struggle all the while trying to out “right” each other.
So the poor hapless Herm got sucked into that dark black hole again. Now remember, Herm had once upon proudly admonished us to “read our Constitution” which he arrogantly waved in front of us. He quoted from it. But it wasn’t the constitution he quoted, but the Declaration of Independence.
Well, you would think he would learn to just “STFU” but no. His ego took the bait, and Herm too suggested that if SCOTUS should agree that the DOMA was unconstitutional, he, the HERMANATOR, would “lead the charge” to overturn that “whether that was new legislation coming out of Congress” or something else, he couldn’t think of.
Except you can’t overturn a SCOTUS ruling on unconstitutionality by “overturning it” you idiot. Herm, go away now.
To be fair, Herm has no idea he would be acting illegally. He doesn’t understand this stuff. Herm, do not take Newt as your new mentor. He’s a dictatorial wannabe. You are just stupid.
Kevin Drum, weighs in on how and what the alternative reality of the far Right is. If you pay any attention at all to the political landscape, then you have often scratched your head, and wondered, “how in the hell could anyone believe that?” Yet they do, and they call us all manner of brain-dead “libtards” who can’t see the obvious.
Drum suggests that when you constantly try to make the right feel guilty about their “beliefs” you get a party that rushes into the breach figuring it can cast a net and make a good harvest of loyal voters. And it’s worked to a degree. It works rather well on the small scare (i.e., the district level), not so well on the state and national level. And with an idiot for a candidate, it hopefully will fail rather miserably in 2012.
But that’s another story.
Are ya gettin’ ready? Is the bird defrosting?
- Poll: Few in Iowa committed to a GOP candidate (gunnyg.wordpress.com)
- GOP ratchets up values pitch to Iowa (politico.com)
- Gingrich Soars Ahead to Lead GOP Field (politicalwire.com)