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It always starts out the same way. The way? I was minding my own business.

As is usual, in the early morning, MSNBC was on. I was busy with house stuff (I spend all the day cleaning and cooking as a good housewife should).

The Contrarian was sitting and watching Chuck Todd. Well, more to the point, he was reading the “crawl”.  Suddenly this:

“My God has California lost its collective mind?” he shouted.

I set down my pail and mop, wiped my weary brow with the back of my hand, dried my hands on my apron, and tucked a loose curl back under my kerchief.

“What has California done now?” I asked in the usual innocence I maintain, hoping against hope that the response will be sane.

“Why, they’ve banned miners from using tanning beds! Can you believe that?” he screeched.

My brain went into overdrive as I tried to fathom what, why and, well, how this impacted my life, and where was the sense in all this.  “Huh?” I managed.

“My God woman, those people spend the vast majority of their existence underground! To prohibit them from getting the vitamin D they need, in a relaxed environment seems draconian at best and downright evil. The TeaBaggers are right, we are turning into a nanny state!”

I hoisted myself up off my knees, shaking my head, and making my way to the living room, where his Highness sat in regal glory with remote control in hand. “What in the world are you talking about? This makes no sense.” I sighed.

“Here it comes again, read the crawl. See?” he smartly pointed.

I looked at the bottom of the screen. Sure enough I saw it. “California bans minors from using tanning beds.”

“You damn fool, it says MINORS, M-I-N-O-R-S, not MINERS! I should have known. Only you could misread it. Now let me get back to dinner. It’s Chateaubriand tonight, you lucky dog.”

Ya gotta laugh. All the GOP candidates pretty much say the same thing. God called them to run for President. They resisted, they were noble in recognizing their own unworthiness. But God persisted, God will have his choices against all odds. Just ask Moses, or David, or any of the other poor Israelites who protested, “Not me Lord, you can’t mean me?”

Herman Cain is but the last to “answer the call.

I said all the candidates. I was wrong. One has never claimed God called him. Mitt, he still just wants it. He wants it so bad that it really makes you feel a little sick to your stomach watching him pander and plead. “Will ya like me now?” he asks as he wanders about the land, changing positions on everything, looking for “clear reception.”

Aww, dang it. Can’t they let our heroes be?

Alexander the Great? Well, yes, he didn’t get the appellation “Great” for being a pizza delivery boy ya know.

Silly historians, always doing stupid things like research and changing what I thought I knew about something and somebody. Geesh.

I mean Alex was tutored by Aristotle for goodness sake.

Anyway, a delightful review of the books recently out on the Macedonian wonder. Or was he?

The Grio jumps in with a good piece on Herman Cain, who is doing the bidding of the GOP, by adopting their racist rhetoric. Cain now claims that there is really no racism in America, sufficient to inhibit anyone of color who works hard.

There is a certain type of black American who actually believes this crap, they need to believe in their “self-made” status. Herm may be one of them, though it’s mighty hard to believe he can believe his own garbage.

Wearerespectablenegroes continues to probe the psyche of Herm. Not a pretty thing no matter what your conclusion.

Slogans are fine things. They are usually easy to remember, and make fine rallying-round points. But when slick, easy to remember slogans are used to address serious and massive problems, like the economy, you can almost be sure they mask a lot of really bad thinking.

Take Herm’s 9-9-9 plan for the economy. Please take it! Oops, sorry, I was channelling Henny Youngman for a moment.  Anyway, Think Progress lays out the real real downside of Herm’s simplistic panacea for our economic woes.

Hint: flat taxes almost always hit the poor the hardest. This one is no exception.

Talk about Occupy Wall Street. We got our own Occupation here in Iowa. That Woman won’t leave! Who? Michele (falling like a rock) Bachmann is desperately trying to remind everyone that SHE won the straw poll a few weeks ago.

In polling today, Crazy-Eyes is coming in a distant four or five. It’s creepy. She won’t leave. I can feel the state dumbing down by the minute. Somebody pry her cold dead hands from a microphone and send her back to Mina-SOTA.