I took this photo of my planet just Sunday. My planet is called Morgandilla (More gan D ya) and I am the supreme ruler and Queen. They call me Our Majestic Wise One.
Now, you may not believe me for a minute, but the genius of the Internet, is that I know that I can surely find one hundred human beings among the nearly seven billion who would agree with me. I know this. I don’t have to convince them, and moreover, no amount of scientific/logic/common sense will persuade them that they are wrong in believing me.
This rule of the Internet was learned by a Republican operative many moons ago (and Morgandilla has seven of them should be care to know). They, of course, need to target a much larger group than my one hundred of course to be successful in gaining and retaining power, but the same principle applies. Except they do it backwards.
The GOP figures out who its target audience is, say. . .just for instance,. . .the religious fundamentalist. They discover what it is these people believe. And then the high muckety-mucks of the GOP sat down and had a conversation a bit like this:
GOPer Operative: “I have discovered the beliefs of the fundies grand viziers of the GOP.”
Super Grand Pupon Vizier: “Do tell, minion.”
GOPer Operative: “They believe in the bible as literal truth, as written. They don’t believe in evolution, climate change, or any scientific principle if it conflicts with their interpretation of the Holy Book. They do not believe government programs for the poor. The think the Constitution was written by Christians for Christians, and the bible should govern all government decisions.
They don’t believe in abortion. They believe that African-Americans (and they don’t like that term–it’s un-American and denotes a black person who is playing the race card) are free enough. They believe that all Muslims are dangerous and are too free in this country. They believe that America is the natural god-given leader of the world, and wars are necessary to preserve that notion.”
Super Grand Pupon Vizier: “But minion, I am a Christian. I haven’t found any basis for most of those beliefs in the bible, and some of them are directly against what I read in scripture.”
GOPer Operative: “I know sir, but that is what they believe.”
Second to the Grand of Grands: “If we wish to court and win these crazy people, we shall have to tell them that we believe in what they believe don’t you think?”
Super Grand Pupon Vizier: “But it’s blatantly not true, and moreover, rational minds can pretty clearly prove it’s not true. The worst thing a politician can do is get caught telling a lie!”
Third in Line to be a Somebody: “But Grand Pupon, that’s the beauty of this. To them, no amount of facts will ever change their mind. If we agree with their lies, they will love us, and hug us and most important: VOTE for us.”
Ass-Kisser of the 4th Magnitude: “And, and AND, once we convince them that we believe their lies, they will believe anything else we tell them, even though logically it makes them our permanent slaves! They are so used to believing what is not logical, that they will literally give us all their money and future, just because they are so happy to find people who agree with them on these crazy things! We can’t lose!”
Super Grand Pupon Vizier: “Thy will be done, high muckety-mucks! Thy will be done!”
And thus ladies and gents, was born the ability to lie bold-faced, with nary a blinking eye, the most outrageous mush-mouthed clap-trap that ever passed as human discourse.
That is why the history of the US of America now contains these claims made by politicians:
- John Quincey Adams was a Founding Father, and worked tirelessly during the revolution as a child to end slavery. ~Michele Backmann
- Paul Revere warned the British they weren’t going to be takin’ away our arms, and he was riding his horse and ringing those bells, and firing his gun. ~ Sarah Palin
- Because the bad folks don’t want to follow the Constitution, let me tell you about that little part in it that refers to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. ~Herman Cain
- American doughboys fought WWII so they could make their own decisions about health care. ~Rick Santorum
- The Constitution was written for only one express purpose: to limit the Federal Government. ~Ron Paul
- President Roosevelt went on TV in 1929 to explain the greed of Wall Street and the Crash. ~ Joe Biden
- The nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it. ~Barack Obama
- It was here in New Hampshire that the short that was heard around the world was sounded, here in Lexington and Concord, New Hampshire. ~Michele Bachmann
- Obama is engaged in a spectacular spending binge, during any peacetime in American history ~Mitt Romney
Oh ain’t it grand, just makin’ it up as ya go along? To suit your own agenda and purpose?
Now we on Morgandilla don’t allow revisionist history. We find it distasteful and unhelpful in staying on the same page. I dictate the true history of our planet while reclining on my Queen couch on my weekly trips there and back.
You may wonder why I bother coming here, since, as you can imagine, everything is pretty darn perfect on Morgandilla. Well, I enjoy the sport of keeping my writing talents finely honed which only correcting the record on this confused planet, allows me to do.
You may petition for a visit to Morgandilla for the small fee, of $4,322 American dollars, food and all amenities included, window seat extra.
Until I have more pearls of wisdom to offer. . . .signing o u t.