04 | June | 2011 | Existential Ennui

Tags

Election 2012, GOP, GOP Candidates, Humor, Politics, Sarah Palin, The Contrarian

As I watched the Contrarian saunter into the living room, at 9:30 this morning, with a plate of cold Chinese food for his breakfast, I was reminded of the conversation we had in the car yesterday on the way to town.

We were careening down I-380 about 10 am. I was praying, as is my usual practice, that we would arrive in safety and with both doors still attached.

Suddenly my conversation with God was interrupted:

“I nearly woke you up last night,” he muttered.

“So very glad you didn’t,” I replied.

“Well, I’ve remembered what it was I wanted to ask you,” he beamed.

“I rather wish you hadn’t, and do please concentrate on the road, if you don’t mind. I prefer to actually reach retirement age.”

Ignoring all that, he continued:

“Well, you being an attorney and all, I thought you might know,” he intoned slyly.

I remained cautiously quiet.

“If there were a pair of Siamese twins, and they shared three legs, and they were separated, of course one of them would only have one leg,” he announced with the certitude of one who understands basic mathematics.

I remained quiet, though I began to get that tightness in my stomach.

“My question is this: When the one-legged twin became of age, could he sue, claiming that he was deprived of his lawful limb?”

I looked across to the Contrarian in utter wonderment. What manner of human thinks up such things? raced across my synaptic connectors. His eyes remained locked on the road, thankfully, with no trace of amusement or any discernible facial expression.

“Funny you should ask,” I uttered, apparently nonplussed, and then slammed in with dripping sarcasm, “I had a case just exactly like that once in my career.”

He betrayed no emotion at this whatsoever, but went blithely onward. “I was just wondering if he would have a leg to stand on.”

My mouth agape, I dropped my head in defeat. Bested again.

He chuckled softly. I trembled in my inferiority. We arrived at the store. We shopped. We went home.

♦

Meanwhile, Sarah continues on her magic mystery tour through our various historical sites along the eastern coast. It is hard to understand what Ms Palin hopes to accomplish here, other than to keep her face firmly ensconced upon America’s television screen. It also seems apparent that she is sadly not learning much of anything as she travels from one “sacred” site to another.

Even NBC’s Brian Williams was forced to ask if the Palinator was re-writing history with her explanation of Paul Revere’s famous ride:

“He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those w, warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed.”—on Paul Revere, June 3, 2011 [h/t to the Salon]

All I can say, is that she is giving Michele (No-Belle) a run for her money in the “all I know about American history I learned from the bathroom wall in high school” category in the I Am Stupid annual awards.

♦

Speaking of which, it seems to be the considered opinion of nearly everyone that Ms. Mooselini has no intent of running, but she is determined rather to be the king-maker. In other words, cross here, and she will create more O’Donnells and such to gum up the words, both insuring a Obama victory and probably a retake of the House for the Democrats.

Anyone who knows the beast, knows she is highly vindictive. If crossed, she will not rest until she has gained her revenge. The GOP means nothing to her, nor does the country for that matter. Her slavish minions are prepared to do her bidding no matter the cost, because they see in her, the same uneducated, raw anger that they possess.

♦

Weekly memos to:

Anthony Weiner: Anthony. I’m beginning to believe that what they think you did, you really did. You moron. In any case, you have handled it like a 12-year old with no common sense. If you took the picture, say so. If someone hacked it off your files and sent it, say so. Stop beating around the bush! Take that anyway you like. Do you guys never learn anything? Certitude that Sir!

Mitt Romney: Dude, this is never gonna work. You don’t even look serious any more. You can’t pull off hobnobbing with the common folks. You look stupid. Go home, wherever that is and take up booze and cigarettes.

Eric Cantor: Your lack of sensitivity toward the folks of Joplin is noted. I’d suggest you avoid that state in the future. Your safety cannot be guaranteed.

Chris Christie: Uh, if you need to be driven from a helicopter 100 yards to the field of play, you might have a reason why you look like the orange in the Fruit of the Loom commercial. Walking dude might help your rotundness.

Newt Gingrich: where did ya go dude?

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What’s on the stove? hotdogs, baked beans and pasta salad