She’s Baaaack! *Bouncy, Bouncy* –The Palinator

Tags

Election 2012, GOP, Humor, Sarah Palin, satire

Oh, reason number 742 why there is a God: She may be coming back to us! *bouncy bouncy* Oh I’m giddy I tell ya. I am turning cartwheels in my mind.

There are whisperings amid the moose carcasses on the tundra, there are sly looks among the wrinkled old prunes of Scottsdale Arizona, there are titters aplenty among the liberal blogosphere, while there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth among the GOP zoo.

She just might be a comin’ on back! She’s got that “fire in the belly” she proclaims, and who are we to tell her it’s nothing more than indigestion from some bad mooseburger?

We can hardly wait. Let the palinisms begin, let the mangled sentences and incoherent paragraphs pour forth from lipsticked lips disconnected from anything that remotely resembles grey matter. Oh Lordy, blessings abound!

It’s not a sure thing of course. It’s a bit like reading tea leaves or palms. As Karl Doughboy Rove says, the lady don’t think the rules apply to her. So it’s entirely possible that this is all smoke and mirrors designed to keep us off-balance while her reptilian tail is busily swiping cash off the table somewhere into a brown paper bag. The lady does love the green stuff ya know.

We are all aflutter here in Iowa I can tell ya that. The Awesome babe has chosen us, I-O-WA? to kick off the media sensation “Undefeated“, her mega autobiographical “Meet ME” two-hour extravaganSarah. What is undefeated of course is here narcissistic chutzpah. Nay, that is still going strong. Polls, shmolls, she has met the enemy and it is rational thinking. Her pork-rind eatin’,  Bud-Light swillin’ friends tell her to “run Sarah run” and she may in fact (we pray) do just that.

Even more fun is on the way folksies, since the state of Alaska is just about done stalling about getting out all those thousands of e-mails sent and received by the Gotcha Girl during her abbreviated term as Guvenator. Oh, the late nights up reading all the dirt. Better than any cheap gossip blog could ever be.

Meanwhile, the so-far non-candidate Sarah Winky, is doing a bus tour of our important national places. This in an attempt no doubt, to memorize where they are, so she doesn’t misplace Concord and Lexington as gal-pal Michele Crazy-eyes Bachmann did recently in New Hampshire. No word yet on how old Waterloo-born Bach-etc feels about Sar-rah’s impending decision. Michele NO-Belle, is scheduled to make her announcement next month in good Old I-O-WAy. (We love all the attention)

By-the-by, insiders suggest that MB has been advised NOT to run by the GOPer establishment. Too many nut cases spoil the soup as they said once, somewhere in America.

It seems to me, in my saner moments, that is, that it’s time to unveil my new word to be added to the Oxford Dictionary next update. I propose the following:

 Couriced.  Adverb. As in the following: I was Couriced. Meaning: to be asked a sensible and simple question and to be completely unable to answer it. Example: What do you read? Answer: Everything, all the papers and magazines, followed by a goofy grin. Backup answer: I’ll get back to you on that one.

Mostly a Sarah candidacy seems to help Romney making him look good by comparison. But no everyone agrees, and some suggest she might enhance the bland boy Paws. Too soon to tell.

And then again, it may all be a dream and just something to keep the Mooselini busy while the decorator is doing her thing on the new digs. Ya just have to wait and see.

In the Name of God

Tags

American Exceptionalism, founding fathers, God, Islamophobia, Politics, racism, religion, right wing extremism

The atheists have a powerful argument when they suggest that millions have died in the name of religion. They are right. From the beginning, humans fought over land each claimed was theirs by right, given to them by God.

It’s never ended. Down through all these millenia. We have continued to fight over land and control of populations, all the while upholding our efforts as the “will of God.”

It continues today in a war being waged between Jews, Muslims and Christians. All claim they are doing God’s bidding.

There is always a good argument that mankind would have been better off not listening to the small voice within that urges us to believe that we are destined for more than just a brief sojourn upon this planet only to return to dust.

The truth is, all these wars instituted to protect, promote, or to destroy a religion, are done in the name of religion. There is no objective proof that any of this is called for by God. The deeper you look, the more you see human motivation driving the crusade to install “our” God.

Any fair reading of the Old Testament raises a very obvious question. Isn’t it awfully convenient that God has been on the “side” of the Israelites, thus allowing them to then justify their genocide of whole towns and settlements? How convenient to declare that God has said, “why this land I give to you, so go and subjugate all those who oppose you taking their land.”

Muslims feel utterly justified in controlling the Holy Land, as do Jews, as do Christians. Over time, each has held sway for a time, and been more than willing to kill to retain power. All in the name of God. All in the name of an interpretation, that just might be a bit self-serving.

Religion versus religion, and religion versus secularism erupts in mostly non-violent war in this country today. It has been growing steadily, or resurging I should say. We can be sure that the US expansion into the West and our suppression of indigenous people, either red or brown, was done in some sense in the name of God. We are the City upon the Hill, and as such, God’s new chosen.

This convenient “American Exceptionalism” poisoned with religious righteousness, has justified in the eyes of its perpetrators all kinds of injustice, from genocide to land grabbing, and slavery.

For periods of time, we placed religion in mostly its rightful place–as a facet of each person’s life as they chose or not. Government stayed out of faith, and faith stayed out of government. Religion was a good place to develop ethical, moral, and just responses to issues of the day. It was not the only place however. Government did it’s best to cull the best of the just response and act upon it for the greater good of all, and so that minorities were not walked upon.

I was thinking of Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson, whatever his personal beliefs about God were, certainly believed that it was a personal issue, not one for the public square. Washington was so loathe to be seen as promoting a particular tradition that he didn’t go to church at all as president.

What must they think of the goings on today? One can only imagine. I suspect they would see it for what it is, shameless religiosity to justify what people want to do anyway. A serious segment of the religion right who intone  “marching in lockstep with Israel” do so only because they believe they are promoting their version of the end times. This of course is not lost on the Israelis, but they accept their friends where they can get them.

Herman, Step-‘n-fetch-it, Cain argues that in his uninformed mind, most Muslims are Sharia law followers, and as president he wouldn’t have time to ferret out the few who aren’t, so don’t blame him for not putting any Muslims in his prospective administration.

A segment of the religious right rejects Mitt Romney only because he is “not the right kind of Christian”. Warren Cole Smith, associate editor of the World, a right-wing magazine, argues:

Placing a Mormon in that pulpit would be a source of pride and a shot of adrenaline for the LDS church. It would serve to normalize the false teachings of Mormonism the world over. It would also provide an opening to Mormon missionaries around the world, who could start every conversation: “Let me tell you about the American president.” To elect a Mormon President is to advance the cause of the Mormon Church.

Non-Christians likely don’t care much about this point one way or the other. But for the Christian, this is a vital issue. One of the strongest warnings Jesus issues is to those who “lead little ones astray.” He said it would be better for that person if a millstone were put around his neck and he were cast into the sea. The validation of the false religion of Mormonism would almost certainly have the effect of leading many astray. Evangelical Christians should have no part of that effort.

This is no different from back in 1960 when a goodly sum of Protestants were pretty darn sure that electing a Catholic to the presidency would be tantamount to installing the pope in the White House, and for some, that was Satan himself.

The UCCB, the official spokesman for the American Catholic Church, has written a letter to Speaker John Boehner, basically condemning the Ryan plan and other GOP plans to gut Medicare as unfairly burdening the least able, while gifting the rich with more riches. Arguments go back and forth within the Catholic world as to whether or not voting for this person or that can be justified under definitions of intrinsic evil.

Exactly what Jefferson and the other Founding Fathers feared, has come to fruition. The public forum is now embroiled in an increasingly vitriolic war of words over whose interpretation of sacred scripture is controlling.

And underlying it all is the ugly raw truth. It still comes down to using God to justify why somebody’s vision of the world should be the one everyone else should be forced to live under. And it’s wrong, period.

End of rant.

Road to Prosperity Drives Over the Cliff

Tags

Election 2012, GOP wingnuts, Herman Cain, Paul Ryan, plan for prosperity, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin

If some of you were still wondering why so many of the more rational members of the GOP have opted out of the 2012 race, yesterday’s vote in New York should answer your question.

Touted by most as a referendum on the Ryan fiscal plan for America, the election in New York’s conservative 26th district says it all. The GOP, in case you missed it, was roundly defeated in both its “normal” and teabuggery wings.

One thought only the Democratic party could take a sure thing and destroy it, but the GOP has taken what looked to be a winning mandate and done just that.

It appears that the wilder and crazier wings actually thought that America would buy their “true” colors. Of course, any moron with half a normal IQ would have told them that the hidden ideology of the party would never fly with the average person who was neither ultra rich nor a giant of industry. The outright admission by the GOP that we are out to screw the little guy and give wheelbarrows of more money to the rich is not a message that will fly with Joe the mechanic.

If the GOPer’s continue in the following veins, this next election is going to be a yawner and Obama can be in bed by 9 pm.

Herman Cain, on why he won’t have Muslims in his administration:

I have been upfront, which ruffles some feathers, but remember Bryan, being politically correct is not one of my strong points; I come at it straight from the heart and straight from the way I see it. And the comment that I made the become controversial, and that my staff keeps hoping will die, is that I wouldn’t have Muslims in my administration. And it’s real simple: the Constitution does not have room for sharia law. I want people who are going to believe and enforce the Constitution of the United States of America. And so I don’t have time, as President of the United States, to try and screen people based upon their religious beliefs – I really don’t care what your religious beliefs are, but I do know that most of the people of the Muslim faith, they believe in sharia law. And to introduce that element as part of an administration when we have all of these other issues, I think I have a right to say that I won’t. [to Bryan Fischer)

Or Rick Santorum on why he doesn’t hate his detractors:

RS: He [Thomas More] drew a rather beautiful explanation, as you said, of having one foot in this world and another in the next, looking at ultimately what was going to happen to the people who were his prosecutors. He said, “Well, either they are right, and I am wrong. And if that’s the case, then why should I hate them because they were right and I was wrong. Or if I was right and they were wrong, then one of two things. That they will repent and they will be my brothers in heaven and so why should I think ill of them now just because right now they are doing things that are wrong. Or they will not repent and they will be damned to eternal damnation and what kind of man am I that would hate someone who is to be pitied as such?” And so, that’s sort of the way I look at it. [To Gail Trotter]

Or Sarah Palin questioning why the lamestream media didn’t properly vet the Negro in the White House’s upbringing and associates:

 “What isn’t fair, though, is when it’s only one-sided, when it’s only the conservatives, say, who get hammered away at those things that the press wants to know. You know, the perfect example of the media one- sidedness is Obama’s record not being explored, his associations in the last campaign not being explored, and now revelations of maybe some of his upbringing, some of his background, certainly his associations, how they impact his world view and how that affects his decisions today.”—on criticism from the media, in an interview with Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren, May 19, 2011

I could go on, but you get the picture.

♦

What’s on the stove? stir fry of sausage, onions, sweet peppers and tomatoes over a bed of roasted potatoes.

Be good—at something!~

Related articles

• Liberal Group Ad Shows Paul Ryan Look Alike Throwing Grandma Off a Cliff (VIDEO) (themoderatevoice.com)
• Roger Ailes’ Frankenstein Moment (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
• Palin blames media for GOP dustups — then launches into payback rip of Gingrich (crooksandliars.com)
• GOP litmus test: Sharia opposition (politico.com)
• GOP challenge: Dealing with town hall anger (capitolhillblue.com)

They Are Out to Get Me, They Really Are!

Tags

government bureaucracy, Humor, life in the meadow, Literature

Mark my words. Sooner or later you too will be forced to deal with bureaucracy. It can be local, state or federal, but you will find yourself dancing with the great wall of ineptitude and boredom. And you will never be the same.

Never will you take any joy lightly again. Never will you be tempted to grouse at the minor IQ challenges you face at banks, super markets, and the gas station. No, you my friend have met the enemy, the great behemoth of all insanity–the bureaucrat.

A few brave this affront to humanity and they survive, nay, they conquer the beast, and they retrieve that which they sought. And what is that? It is what they were ever entitled to in the first place. Information that belonged to them and has been cruelly twisted so as to effect great harm on the innocent,that is, the owner.

It starts out like this:

You want to something. It is something legal, and something you take for granted as your right to do.

You begin said process of doing your God-given, constitutionally allowed thing.

A government, of which you have sworn allegiance and paid taxes to, says “whoa there hot shot, not so fast.”

For the common good, for health, for safety, and to make the columns add up right, but mostly for our devilish delight and because after all, it’s Tuesday, the day we love to f**k over the public at large, YOU cannot proceed until you do this!

You reel back in shock, dumbfoundedness, and all-around confusion. Suddenly, a spectre of your long departed past arises with dripping fangs and lunges!

“What has X got to do with Y?” you exclaim.

“Everything and nothing,” is the response.

“Mostly nothing, but hey, we like our paperwork neat and tidy, and this has been in our done but not done file for thirteen bazillion years. Now we demand you dot the final “i”.

Knowing that you have lost before you start, you capitulate immediately. “Just where do I go?” you whimper?

“Call the bureaucracy of doom.”

You shrink in terror. You moan. You have a conniption fit. You literally lay on the floor, kicking and screaming. “There must be another way,” you wail.

The powers grin, with sick delight. “No, no other way. Do it, or be forever barred from doing It.”

So you pray, you meditate, you collect stuff with numbers and letters and dates, and your pen and pencil and adding machine, and paper and coffee strong, and napkins and kleenex. You wipe your perspiring brow. You beat your chest, and “man up,” or “woman up” as the case may be. You steel yourself, take a deep breath and pick up that phone.

One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy. Click. The melodious tones of automation strike your ear. You pen is gripped firmly.

It starts. “If you would like the menu in English, press one.”

You breathe, so far so good. Pressing the one.

“If you know the party or extension you wish, press two.”

You don’t so, proceed.

“If you want. . . ”

As the menu continues, your guts tremble and tighten.

“NONE OF THESE FIT MY PROBLEM!” your mind screams.

Blessedly, at the very end, you hear:

“If you wish to speak to a customer representative, please press O.”

A sigh of relief. Yes, you can speak to a human being (of sorts). You reach for a sip of coffee release your claw-like grip of the pen, and breathe out.

Pressing O.

“Customer service is no longer available. Press one to hear the menu again.”

Tears well in your eyes, and your hemorrhoids begin a steady beating and burning.

Oh please, this cannot be.

Now, nearing defeat, you return to the menu, you finish copying down the website that was read too fast to get completely the first time. You hang up and move confidently to your friendly PC. Now here we are in our element.

You type carefully, deliberately, because you cannot now afford another arrow piercing your heart.

You hit enter. You wait.

“There is no such address. Are you trying to find Homeland Security?” it asks.

You screech!!!! The coffee cup is overturned, and you grab papers. Why is this happening to me!!!!!

Seven hours and 40 cups of coffee later, you reach a human voice.

You relate your story. You offer numbers off papers and identification requirements.

“Are you the person who is the subject of this inquiry?” minor bureaucratic minion asks.

“No, I’m his wife, but I have all the information.” I offer cheerily.

“Unless he has signed a power of disclosure to you, which you would have to present to our office, I can only speak to him,” idiot, and not even savant answers.

“Well he’s here, you can talk to him.”

“Perfect,” IQ wannabe says.

The Contrarian proceeds to give the to-bit excuse for a sentient life form, all the information I have written down.

She of course “intuitively psychically knows” that now she is talking to the subject of inquiry as opposed to the paper boy whom I’ve collared and hauled in to pretend to me my husband.

Said information she explains is in a place called “history” and such information is only extracted via the computer late at night after everyone has departed, lest a human discover the deep secrets contained in the extraction process.

We can call back tomorrow, or more particularly the Contrarian can, when she will tell him the information, and send along a copy for our records. Of course, the envelope will be marked: To Be Opened Only by the Subject of Inquiry.”

I am not claiming either victory or defeat here. Only that I have met the enemy, and I still got all my appendages. I guess that’s something.

I think a Constitutional Convention is in order. I’m not sure I want to continue this governmenty thingie any longer.

We’re Still Here?

Tags

"the hat", Beatrice, environment, global warming, GOP, Humor, Israel, Middle East, Mitch Daniels, Palestine, rapture, religion, Tim Pawlenty, tornadoes, weather

Photo credit: Adam Baron

Well, thankfully, we took lawn chairs. I mean Saturday for the Rapture. We were up on the hill, standing, and then sitting. Checking the watch. We clasped hands at :30 seconds and counting. And then. . . N O T H I N G.

At first, utter terror grabbed my heart. Oh no, was there some bureaucratic snafu? Had our names been left off by some angelic error? I commenced to clacking my ruby-red shoes again and again. To no avail.

We wondered, should we run back to the house and get in the basement? But all was eerily quiet and well, you might even say serene. No shaking, no erupting cacophony of earth-splitting horrors.

Finally, dejectedly, we wandered back to the house, flipped on the TV and found everything pretty much the same.

“Damn it!” the Contrarian exclaimed.

“What?”

“We missed the Preakness. Wonder who won?” he muttered.

“I can top that,” I intoned.

“How’s that?”

“On Monday, I’m back to what is increasingly as boring as paint drying–the GOP field of candidates!” I sighed.

♦

No doubt the poor people of Joplin, MO thought the Rapture might have been just delayed as they saw their town torn apart by a killer tornado yesterday. These monster storms are taking a toll across the country, and one has to go back to pre-1950 times to find these kind of death tolls. That means the storms are more ferocious, since warning systems and structures are certainly much better today. But there ain’t no global warming of course. No that is not possible.

♦

Does anyone care that Mitch Daniels is out and Tim Pawlenty is in? It’s really hard to. Theories abound as to why the “better?” candidates are opting out and the idiots are taking center stage. The most likely scenario is that they figure that Obama is nearly a sure bet. Re-focus on 2016. Maybe. If so, it promises to be a yawner except for the humor factor if Bachmann and Palin, join the other loonies Cain, Santorum, and Gingrich. Even then, it’s hard to get enthused. Or maybe I’m just off my game today. **shrug**

♦

 

Proof that I am sane and the world is crazy? One need go no further than a few weeks ago when I named the hat worn by Princess Beatrice at the William and Kate wedding as the “Bullwinkle Hat.”

Said “hat” sold on Ebay for $130,000 big ones. Need I say more?  

Truly, the more I look, the easier it is to find evidence that I am one of the few remaining sane humans on this planet.

Newt Gingrich. Need I say more?

I can go on like this all day. I deserve some kind of recognition for my ability to retain my mind in good working order when faced with this kind of insanity provoking nuttery. I do.

♦ 

I confess to not understanding all the intricacies of the Middle East peace process. But over the years, my sympathies have shifted more to the Palestinian side of things. I certainly don’t like Hamas’s tactics, but I think the Palestinians have a better claim on the land than do the Israelis. Fair reading of the Bible must leave a person with a certain amount of “well that’s a convenient way to tell the story and justify war and genocide isn’t it” feeling in the end.

Looking back, it was probably a very bad idea to create the state of Israel. And given history, Jerusalem, seems to me, to be fairly an “international” city of three religions. Saying all that, realities are what they are.

I suspect that those who really are in the know, know that Obama’s  speech on the peace process were carefully crafted and struck just the right note. They are entirely in line with European allies conclusions on the matter.

How do you feel about the situation?

♦

What’s on the stove? Liver and Onions, carrots, salad

 

 

Checking My Watch Every Two Minutes

Tags

fiction, Harold Camping, Humor, Johnny Depp, Literature, rapture, short stories

I don’t know about you, but here in the Peyton household, we could barely sleep last night. I mean, we are soooo excited.

First thing we did was take a shower–in the morning no less.

It was hard to decide what to wear. We couldn’t figure out if we should wear our “Sunday best” or just regular clothes. Heck we don’t know if our clothes will be coming with us.

We settled on dressing neatly and cleanly, but without too much fuss. I have been told that glorified bodies are not fat or thin so, heck my clothes might fall off. I clipped in a few safety pins just in case.

We bathed the dogs yesterday. Boy did they NOT like that. And Brandy is none too happy about the collar either, but we figured they should be leashed. I mean it’s likely to be pretty crowded at first, and we don’t want to be separated. The cats  have already been put in carriers. You know how they can tend to “disappear” at the last minute, and we don’t want to lose track of them either.

Pastor Harold Camping was none to informative frankly about the “little things”. I mean, I have no idea what the weather will be like. I assume there will be seasons, but I don’t know for sure. It seems God would not be unkind to all those snowboarders and NEVER let them have snow again. I’m taking a sweater, and hope that will be enough.

I can’t decide whether we should take a bible or not, and really don’t know which translation! I am torn between the New Revised Standard Version or The New Jerusalem. But the Contrarian (I guess I probably won’t be calling him THAT much longer) thinks we should take the good old KJV.

The whole idea of books is quite a problem. I just hate leaving mine behind. I suppose God has quite the library though, and so maybe it won’t be so bad. But I am fussy, and well, I can only borrow.

Which brings up the whole NFL thing. I mean the Contrarian is adamant that we request a mansion with NFL cable, so he can watch the Packer’s games. I keep reminding him of course that there won’t be anymore football to watch on TV. For heaven sakes, it stands to reason that MOST of the NFL players won’t be qualifyin’ and coming up with us. And I figure trying to play football in white robes is gonna be messy. Imagine all those grass stains?

Then of course, he reminded me that the same could be said of most of my favorite actors and such. No more Desperate Housewives! And of course, given what we read in the tabloids, most of them will be “left behind” as they say. (I been praying all day that God spares Johnny Depp for me!)

As I said, we didn’t sleep much last night. Had to umm, errr, well, there isn’t gonna be any more of THAT in heaven, or so I’ve been led to believe. That is a bit of a bummer. But the alternative as they also say, is, well, let’s not go there.

So far, we haven’t heard any news of earthquakes. They are supposed to start worldwide at 6 p.m. I thought that was local time, so I figured by now there would be reports of them from the east and of course seeing people flying up into the clouds. Maybe the unfortunates are too sad to relate that they’ve been left, or too busy dodging brimstone. No doubt we’ll find out everything as soon as we land.

I assume we’ll be loaded on busses and transported to our apartments. Truthfully, I’d rather have a yard. People who bring pets might get yards. That would be nice. Do animals poop in heaven? Now that’s a question isn’t it? I don’t rightly know. Do you?

I just want to make sure I get a really nice kitchen. I so love to cook, and can’t wait to make a nice paella. I sure hope we don’t have to eat a lot of ambrosia. I mean some is okay, but frankly I prefer chocolate chip cookies.

I’m also wondering when we meet all the “loved” ones who have passed ahead of us. I guess maybe our new “mansions” will have phone books and we can just look them up. Of course, it’s gonna be a bit messy, blending these two families. I wonder how the Contrarian’s dad will like mine? And His mom? How do they do that two husbandy thing I wonder? I plan on making a big old bowl of my prize-winning (well if I ever entered it, it would have won) potato salad. I wonder if they have charcoal? Maybe everyone uses gas grills?

Oh, whew, just about forgot to get my very favorite earrings! I This is so stressful! I mean, should we take a carry-on? Or would that now be a carry-up?

I really don’t know what kind of work we will be expected to do there. I mean I guess we’ll all just automatically “know” the bible, so I can hardly do my studies any more. Nurses and doctors and folks like that are no longer needed. What will they do? I guess I could work part-time at Burger King. I prefer Burger King to McDonald’s, in case someone is keeping track.

Do we get wings? Will we have replicators? I mean on the Enterprise, they really couldn’t do without them. I don’t think we should have to either.

Well, it’s getting on to the afternoon. We are watching some movies, just in case we can’t get our favorites at the heavenly Blockbuster.

Hey, after you get settled, (assuming you are saved of course), look us up. That’s Peyton with an E. And if we don’t hear from ya, well, ya know, we will feel bad. Ya probably won’t feel a thing, at first at least. There is that eternity thing unfortunately. Trust that we will feel bad for ya on the anniversary date March 21, 2011!

Take that Mayan wannabes!

Related articles

• I didn’t make the cut 😦 (prphtprstkng.wordpress.com)
• Before there was Harold Camping, there were the Millerites…. (shortformblog.tumblr.com)
• Harold Camping: Third time’s the charm (lunkiandsika.wordpress.com)
• Harold Camping Round-up (scotteriology.wordpress.com)
• Harold has provided himself with an out – an extended Rapture (iflizwerequeen.com)
• The End Of the World (tirelessthoughts.wordpress.com)

Marriage 101

Tags

emotions, growth, inspiration, lifestyle, marriage, psychology, relationships

First, let’s get this straight. I am not a marriage counselor, and I don’t play one on TV. Still, I think I’ve learned a thing or two in 61 years of which nearly twelve have been lived in fair wedded bliss.

We’ve been watching a show most of you probably haven’t heard of. It’s called Addicted to Food. It revolves around a treatment center and the work of around eight men and women who suffer from extreme eating disorders, ranging from compulsive eaters, bulimics, and purgers. I don’t suffer from any of these, but I do flirt with compulsive eating. Eating emotionally. So I figured I might get a tip or two.

As one might suspect,emotional eating usually stems from issues one has from early childhood, or some other traumatic event in youth or young adulthood. One eats to keep from feeling and then dealing with the underlying issues.

Let’s face it. Most of us come from dysfunctional families to one degree or another. That is the key, here, the degree. For the degree and our personal psychological “givens” determine whether we will suppress our pain through addiction (be in food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or anything that we can dream up), or whether we will grow up, take control and responsibility and build healthy lives. 

We bring  our unresolved issues to the marriage, and whether we believe it or not, realize it or not, we expect the other person, this love of our lives, to fill the hole, making everything all better. They cannot of course, for they come with the same hole, caused by something very different, and expect the same of us.

That is the child we are. Most of us are in fact children no matter our age. Some of us, thankfully are adult about parts of our lives, and those parts allow us to function fairly normally most of the time. Some of us are fully adult and they are our models. We are lucky indeed if we have someone who can model adulthood to us.

We are children, mostly because we, most of us, most of the time, are ego driven. We are out for ourselves, out to protect ourselves at every cost. Taken to an extreme, such narcissism causes us a great deal of trouble. But even if we are empathetic and compassionate to a degree, we still look out for number one most of the time.

As babies, we cried and screamed if we were wet, hungry, or uncomfortable. As young children we began to learn boundaries–that the entire world didn’t revolve around us all of the time. As teens and young adults, we perfected and fine tuned the art of manipulation. We learned to “do for others” to get a reward. We learned to bat our eyes, we learned to laugh at the bosses jokes. We learned how to read the emotional needs of others and use them to get what we wanted.

And mostly we never saw ourselves in this way. We saw ourselves as successfully negotiating the social world. Give and take, befriend and be befriended.

Marriage, because it is based first and foremost on emotion, presents a person with a whole new animal. In the first months and perhaps years, we are all directed to the other person in our lives. We put them first, we think of their needs, we do for them, often without any real conscious thought for ourselves.

But passion fades, and one day one wakes up and finds a very ordinary person beside oneself. This person has bad breath, snores, scratches and burps, and well the list goes on. They vomit and have dirty underwear. They have bad habits, they say the “wrong thing” sometimes. They are all too normal.

This is where one’s level of adulthood becomes important.

For if we are still children, still into blaming others for past events, still victims, still looking and expecting someone to fix us and everything, we are headed for a disaster. For now, we will return to the manipulation game we have come to know so well.

Except now we are manipulating the beloved. We are doing things for them, but now we expect reward. We are choosing the right moment–their time of weakness–to get our way on some issue of the moment. We are “keeping score”.

Unless we have some measure of adulthood. If we have come to this marriage, or during it, arrived at the place where we are responsible for ourselves, then we never get to “keeping score.” We do for the beloved because we still wish to, without expectation of repayment. We take delight in the doing of it.

More especially , we don’t look to play upon our beloved vulnerabilities, rather, we approach serious issues when they are in most control, so they have the ability to make good decisions, negotiate fairly, and arrive at a mutual decision that will stand the test of time. We don’t take advantage, we don’t want to.

We don’t use the other person to shore up our own shortcomings. We can know that we are right on issue A and never have to beat a discussion into the ground until our spouse agrees that we are right. We can let them think they have won, because we know that it’s “not worth a fight”.

We don’t care about clothes on the floor, toothpaste squeezed wrongly, or toilet paper placed incorrectly. If there are pliers on the kitchen counter, or the wrappings of a candy bar on the bedroom dresser, we smile, place things where they belong and thank our lucky stars that we have someone who is otherwise so good to wake up next to.

We don’t sweat the small stuff. We work on our own failings and missteps. We know that as we mature, our ability to bring a mature attitude to the partnership of marriage increases. We can ask for help, we can ask for opinion, but in the end, the work is ours. And if we are very lucky, we married someone who pretty much does the same.

If the benefits were only to ourselves, that would be enough. But they redound to the marriage itself, making it stronger, more flexible, more compassionate.

And that is what makes a marriage something to be prized as a most precious possession.

Related articles

• ‘Til Death Do Americans Part: What Makes Marriages Last Longer? (abcnews.go.com)
• Divorce rates falling, report finds (cnn.com)