It doesn’t mean we haven’t been eyeing their tails as a possible soup though.
Actually it’s not quite as bad as all that. Even though we are still in our exile here, we are seeing the “end of the tunnel” or “what a difference a day makes” or ending the “winter of our discontent.” Pick one.
Today we are set to reach a whopping +13 degrees! But we are giddy with joy because tonight it is not going to the minus category at all and tomorrow it’s gonna be 25, and about 34 on Saturday. And maybe, just maybe, forty something by next week. Wasn’t there a show called that? 40-Something? or maybe it was 30-Something. I don’t remember.
The Bronco has a hospital appointment on Tuesday for her transplant. She’s gettin’ a dead Bronco’s alternator. We hope she doesn’t begin to channel anything too weird. So Wednesday, I shall, for the first time in six weeks, see the inside of a place called a grocery store. I am so excited, I just can’t tell ya.
If you get a news flash that some woman fell to her knees and kissed the floor in Wal-Mart–well just know it was me. So do pay attention to the TV on Wednesday.
Actually, I thought I’d give you a quick run down on the news now, before telling you of my new profession.
First of all, Mubarak is leaving! Ain’t that grand? The people have exercised their freedom to depose and well, we shall see what they do next. Good or bad, it’s their country and I do wish them well.
A disgusting idiot is leaving Congress. No, not the latest sex kitten wanna be, but John Kyl from Arizona. That gets rid of one of the idiots there, but there are so many. Kyl is retiring, hopefully to an underground cave somewhere to live with the lizards. The sex kitten texter, Chris Lee, Rethuglian (aren’t they all?) has resigned. The minute we heard the first report, I said, “Oh please let it be a Republican!” And it was. It’s always a safe bet that it will be. Family values out of the yap while the hands are doing the nasty. It’s the Republican way.
I got a serious bone to pick with you guys. (Worked in the title a bit doncha know) Anyway, all you folks who have blogs at blogger? Well, just leave and come over to WordPress please. It’s so much easier to leave comments on fellow WordPressian blogs. Blogger with its newer comment format is soooo hard for me. I cannot even get to it on Lisa’s, That’s Why nor Dusty’s either. Something they run in the sidebars I suspect. When you hit Lisa’s at least mention that I read almost all her posts in my reader. Sigh… So change. It’s a much better platform. I can tell you that from experience.
Oh I just can’t wait any longer. I have a new profession. I realized that I am really good at something and I figure to make some money. So send in your dough, preferably cash now. Be the first to get the benefit of my professional expertise. I am a very good predictor of the future. I’ll give you a couple of examples of things I’ve predicted that did in fact come true, so you’ll be able to trust that your money is well spent:
- I correctly predicted last spring that the swelling of the branch tips of various trees would result in actual leafing. This occurred throughout Iowa and lasted until late in September when I then predicted that the discoloration of said leaves would bring shame upon them and cause them to leave the very trees they have erupted from. This too happened.
- I correctly predicted that water in bottles does not spontaneously turn into wine. I predicted that a box labeled wine, however, would contain wine, and that was true. I noted that water in plastic bottles will magically disappear given enough passage of months if left in a closet, with the door closed “most of the time.” I predicted this.
- I predicted that the desire of six animals to relieve themselves outside is inversely proportional to how tired and snarky I am. I have found this to prove out time and time again. And I correctly predicted that the phrase “time and time again” is a mathematical oxymoron.
- I have predicted that as a man ages, the more he returns to the age of about ten. I have also predicted that all men have arrested development when it comes to leaving the peanut butter jar all gooey, and the cap on askew on the counter. To be fair, a lot of other women report predicting this phenomenon.
- I have predicted that pulling up any weed is a big mistake. The others feel so lonely that they call all their friends and relatives to fill in the void. Look around this summer and tell me it ain’t true.
- I have predicted and so far the results confirm that every task takes longer, is harder, and ends less satisfactorily than I had anticipated. It’s become much easier to not do them.
- Eating less leads to weight loss. I’ve predicted this a hundred times, but I still don’t believe it. I predict I’ll continue to test this hypothesis for a few more years.
- I predict that watching TV rots your brain. I am also living proof that rotted brains seem to functionally work about as well as non-rotted ones. I can still define Glenn Beck as a horse’s ass, and that is proof enough.
- I predict that everyone has one book in them. I predict, therefore, that eating books is not particularly harmful but it may not be the best way to digest the contents. *wink*
- I predict that after reading this, hundreds, nay thousands of you, will be filling envelopes with cash and sending them to me with all your questions. The Greater Carnac is IN: