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This shitty thing doesn’t happen to everyone I reckon. It probably doesn’t happen much to the shy wall flower, or the thoughtful types who are good listeners.

Naw, this is reserved for the balance of us who talk a lot.

Who, are OPINIONATED.

Who, in a nutshell, (again why a nutshell and not a pumpkin shell, or egg shell?) want to be the center of attention, figure everyone wants to hear what they have to say, and are filled with much self IMPORTANCE.

In other words, people who got a BIG MOUTH!

"Alice, I gotta BIG MOUTH!!!!"

Yes, indeed.

There are now two types of these folks.

One suffers from the malady known as brain/mouth disconnect. They are just as appalled as their listeners at what just came out of their mouth.

Thinking turns to verbiage with no intervening mediator.

Example:

I had a wonderful co-worker and friend who was stricken with prostate cancer. He was in treatment and that summer, he and his wife invited the office over for a casual summer dinner. It was my first time in visiting their home outside Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Finding the house utterly gorgeous and so lovely, I blurted out: “Jim, oh please, when you die, will your home to me!”

He did die. He did not will it to me.

I was mortified though everyone commiserated later when I bemoaned my faux pas. “Happens to everyone, I’m sure he understood what you meant.”

Yeah.

The other is controllable, but since you are a big mouth you will suffer from it a lot, unless of course, you learn to SHUT UP.

It is the uncontrollable urge to be funny, to be witty, and to entertain. So you say funny things. Except, except, they are NOT funny to some people.

Now that in and of itself is no reason to be mute. Everything is not funny to some people. But the Big Mouth never bothers to inquire EVER if his/her humorism might be offensive. They are Larry on Curb Your Enthusiasm, forever asking for forgiveness. “It was a joke! I only meant it as a joke!”

Examples:

I am of a wont to think that little people are amusing. So I have in the past made jokes about why I would not be married to a person of short stature. I was doing so one day when a friend mentioned that I might want to be careful of saying such things in front of “X” court clerk, whose son was a dwarf.

I am allegedly somewhat Polish in ancestry. I used to tell a lot of Polish jokes. Said jokes about why the Polish army collapsed in the face of the Germans in WWII would be inappropriate if one of your listeners had a relative who died in the resistance.

A friend of mine was talking to an assistant prosecutor and working out a problem. My friend made a remark about another AP that was none too nice, but was funny. The person on the other end, quietly said, “ummm, Jim, this is a conference call, and Y is sitting here with me.”

You get the drift here?

Humor can be a shitty thing.

Did you hear the one about. . . .?

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